“I’ll see you later.” I went to walk away, but Tyler stopped me again.
“Are you sure you don’t want to come out with us tonight? We are only getting something to eat and then catching a movie. No one will even be able to talk to you once the movie starts. We miss you. Logan even promised not to tease you.”
I didn’t think Rocco’s roommates were going when Paige asked me about going out yesterday in class. Why wouldn’t they be going? Is Rocco going too? Somehow, my heart seemed to tear a little more at hearing the news. “It’s better if I don’t. Thank you, though.” I left without saying another word. Since I knew Tyler was right about Leah torturing him, I made sure to text her a few times while I was shopping. There was even an apology for yelling at her mixed in somewhere.
One way or another, I’ve got to get myself over him. My emotions were constantly all over the place. Just a simple thought of Rocco could make my eyes tear up or bring me crashing to my knees. Then there were the times my mind starts to wonder why he would do this to me. The first night Rocco was in my apartment and Jeff showed up, he witnessed how upset I was. Did that make me an easy target for him? Why would he bother with me when other girls were constantly throwing themselves at him?
My thoughts were cut short when my phone started ringing. No one besides my dad ever called. My friends usually just texted. The number on my phone was not one I recognized, especially with a North Jersey area code. Normally, I would have let the call go directly to voicemail, but for some reason I didn’t.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hi, Alyssa. It’s Carla,” the caller announced. I remembered giving her my number at the charity dinner last month and telling her to call if she ever needed any help with the kids.
“Hey. How are you?” It was nice to hear her voice, despite the memories thinking of the night we met would no doubt trigger.
“I’m good. Thank you. I’m sorry to bother you, but by any chance, is Rocco with you? I tried to call his phone, but there was no answer. I thought maybe he would be with you.” The mention of his name froze me right in the middle of the mall. Good thing there wasn’t anyone walking too closely behind me. I couldn’t help but wonder where he was. He always had his phone on him. Was he with a girl?
“Um, no he’s not,” I told her. “I don’t know where he is.”
“Oh. I just thought I’d give it a shot,” she said sounding a little disappointed. “Thank you, anyway.”
“Is everything okay?” I pulled myself together to get the words out.
“Everything’s fine. I was just getting ready to go out with a friend when my babysitter called and canceled on me. When I told the kids I wouldn’t be going out after all, they asked if Rocco could watch them. It’s really not a big deal. I will just reschedule for another time,” she replied.
“I could watch them for you,” I volunteered. “I’m not doing anything tonight.”
She was quiet for a few moments. “Are you sure? I feel terrible taking away your Friday night.”
“I would love to,” I told her honestly. Even though they would probably mention Rocco’s name all night, I would love to see Callie and Collin again. “As long as the kids don’t mind it’s me coming instead of...” I couldn’t even get his name to come out of my mouth.
“Hey guys,” I heard her talking to the kids in the background. “Would you like if Alyssa came over to sit with you for a few hours?” The eruption of cheers and screams made me smile. “I think you were given approval,” she chuckled into the phone.
“How far are you from the mall? I am walking out right now,” I told her looking around for the exit.
“About five minutes,” she said. “Call me back when you are in your car and I’ll get you here. Thank you so much, Alyssa.”
“No problem,” I said feeling a little excited.
Less than ten minutes later, I was pulling into their driveway. The house was a normal two story home with a two car garage in a quiet neighborhood. I was reminded how Carla and her husband probably bought this place thinking they’d spend a lifetime here together. It was definitely the right house because there were these absolutely adorable twins bouncing up and down on the front porch. They had me shaking the sad thoughts away and giggling before I could even get out of my car.
“Alyssa!” They were both calling my name as I walked up the steps toward them. Once I hit the top step, Callie jumped into my arms. I had to almost catch her.
Carla was standing behind her smiling. “Sorry about her. There wasn’t enough time between our phone call and you getting here for her to calm down,” she explained looking over at my car. “Were you at the mall by yourself?”
“I was,” I answered knowing what was coming next.
“Alyssa, are you crazy? I don’t even go there alone, especially on a Friday night. The people who show up there are nuts.” She was ushering us inside.
“It’s not that late, yet. I just needed to get out,” I explained. Carla took my coat and hung it in the hall closet.
“Is everything okay?” she asked concerned after she closed the closet door.
“Everything’s fine,” I lied.
“I may not be your mother, but I’m still a mom and a mother always knows when something is wrong. Spill it. What’s up?” she insisted. I followed her into the kitchen. “Something to drink?” Carla asked opening the refrigerator.
“Sure. Whatever you have is fine,” I said. Maybe coming here was a bad idea.
Collin came running up behind me. “Alyssa, you have to come see our room and our playroom downstairs,” he said excitedly.
“I want you both to run down and pick up those blocks you left on the floor. Alyssa will be there in a second. Mommy needs to talk to her for a minute,” Carla instructed them.
“Okay, Mommy. Hurry up and talk, Alyssa,” Callie told me as they ran over to the basement stairs. I couldn’t help but laugh at the two of them.
“Alyssa,” Carla glared at me.
I took a deep breath before telling her. “Rocco broke up with me a few weeks ago,” I admitted.
“What the hell?” The surprised expression on her face told me she was not expecting to hear that. “Why would he do that?” she asked annoyed. The tears were forming in my eyes again, so I could only shrug my shoulders. Carla walked around the counter to put her arm around me. “Alyssa, I am so sorry. It was obvious at the dinner how in love he was with you. His mom even told me how he was so excited to introduce you to her. I shouldn’t have called you. I am probably making things worse for you. Wait until I get my hands on him. What did he say to you?” She rambled on and on.
Carla handed me a box of tissues from under the counter. I took a few. “Something about an ex-girlfriend,” I started to explain shaking my head. “It doesn’t matter. He isn’t the type to date anyway. I knew that and still put myself out there to be hurt. It was my own fault,” I paused long enough to sniff and wipe my face. “I just wish he would leave me alone and let me get over him the way he’s over me,” I added.
“Sweetheart, I know for a fact Rocco became the dating type as soon as he met you. I’m not sure what happened, but I sincerely doubt he is over you the way you think he is. I’m going to talk to him.” She was trying to be reassuring.
“Carla, it’s very sweet of you to try and make me feel better, but it’s been a month. There really is nothing left to say. All I really want is to be able to move on.” Thankfully someone walked in the front door ending our conversation.
“Hey, anyone home?” a voice called from the front of the house. The kids were already running up the stairs, then headed down the hallway in the direction of the newcomer.
“Tony!” they screamed. Tony? Rocco’s dad’s old partner? I vaguely remembered Rose talking about Tony and Carla.
I glanced over at her and smiled. “Just a friend, huh?” I asked raising my eyebrows.
She smiled back at me. “Be quiet, you,” she said swatting me with the towel she was holding.
The sound of the kids laughing uncontrollably coming into the kitchen distracted the both of us. “Can someone call off the guard dogs, please?” Tony teased carrying the twins. He stopped when he saw me standing next to Carla. “Hey, Alyssa. Good to see you again.”
“Hi, Tony,” I responded.
“Why didn’t you tell me what Rocco did?” Carla drilled him before she even greeted him.
“What did Rocco do, Mommy?” Collin asked.
“Yeah, what did Rocco do, Mommy?” Tony also asked after putting the kids down.
“Come on, Collin and Callie. How about you guys show me your playroom now?” I said wanting to get away before I had to hear his name again.
“Yay!” they shouted running down the stairs again. I started to follow.
“Alyssa, hang on a second,” Carla said. Tony looked confused. “Did you know Rocco broke up with her because of that phone call from Vicki?” I hated the sound of that girl’s name. Everyone knew who she was and it really pissed me off.
“What? Why would he do that?” he asked. I cannot listen to any more of this without falling apart.
“I’m going to go downstairs with the kids. Have a good time and don’t rush home. We’ll be fine,” I said.
“We are getting a quick bite to eat and going to see a movie.” Is everyone doing the same thing tonight? “I won’t be back too late. You have my cell number if you need me for anything. The kids already ate, but please help yourself to anything you want.” Carla had given me the details of her night, but she didn’t have to.
Over the next few hours, the twins kept me very busy and my mind diverted from the issues that have been troubling me. We played with dolls. We played with all different kinds of action figures from super heroes to turtles. We had a tea party that Collin refused to come to. We used their blocks to build a small town to drive the small cars through. They even suckered me into playing a video game, which I’ve never had the smallest interest in trying. Of course, they beat me and enjoyed every minute of it. Eventually, we made our way back upstairs when I could tell they were starting to get sleepy. They both wanted to watch a movie, so they got into their pajamas and we made popcorn. The three of us curled up on the couch. I’m not sure who recited the most lines, them or me. Before long they were both asleep on me. My heart melted watching them sleep like little angels.
All of a sudden, I woke up to find Rocco sitting in front of me. It took me a few minutes to remember where I was and grasp that I wasn’t dreaming. The feel of his hand on my leg brought back all of the memories that were suppressed over the last few hours. What the hell was he doing here? The kids were still sound asleep right where they were when I dozed off. Panic set in when I saw Tony coming into the living room to get Collin. How could I have fallen asleep when I was supposed to be babysitting?
Once we came back downstairs from tucking the kids in, I was so upset. I apologized to Carla for falling asleep. She tried to assure me everything was fine, but I felt terrible. The only thing that cheered me up was when she told me how the twins haven’t fallen asleep without her in years. I was honored they felt comfortable enough with me.
Being in the same room as Rocco was starting to suffocate me. It was getting late and I needed to head back to campus anyway. When I announced that it was time for me to get going, he said he was driving me back. No way could I be stuck in a car with him no matter how close we were to school. Then he told me it was snowing and he purposely came to get me. There would be no chance at getting out of this unless I made a scene in front of Carla. Leah called and I briefly considered taking her up on her offer of sending Tyler and Tommy over to get me. It was ridiculous for them to come out when Rocco was right here. I was just going to have to suck it up.
When Rocco went out to start my car, Carla explained how they ran into him at the movie theater. She said he looked very worried that I would be driving back alone. Tony started to tell me the two of them had a talk with Rocco on the way home and he understood why he acted the way he did about the phone call. I politely thanked him, but asked him not to say anything else about it. Carla told me I was welcomed anytime and we agreed to set up a time I’d come over after Thanksgiving for dinner.
I said nothing to Rocco as I walked by him to get in my car. After he started driving, he asked me about the radio. I didn’t answer him, so for about the millionth time he tried to apologize to me. Who did he think he was with this bullshit? Walking back to campus in the snow and the dark would have been a better idea than getting in the car with him. I defended my decision of letting him drive by explaining how I didn’t want to start a fight in front of Carla and then asked him not to say anything else the rest of the way. What I really wanted him to do was to tell me to shut up and to tell me how much he loved me. I wanted him to tell me he made a horrible mistake and he couldn’t live unless I was in his life. He said none of it. He just drove the rest of the way in silence.
The worst part wasn’t until we got back to school. Rocco followed me through the side door Leah came out to open for us. He stopped in front of our apartment door as I pushed it open. Leah thanked him for bringing me home and came inside behind me. I didn’t even make it into our bedroom before the tears I had been trying desperately to hold in escaped down my face. Feeling myself start to crumble, I ran to my bed, shedding my coat and my wet shoes before I collapsed into it. Leah was by my side before my pillow was wet.
After thinking about Rocco for the rest of the afternoon, I’m sitting in my car trying to talk myself into going into the church for the rehearsal. Jeff is already inside because his pick-up truck is parked a few spots down. A knock on my driver’s side window startles me.
“You’re going to have to come in at some point,” Lori says through the window.
“I was considering turning around and going home,” I admit.
“You wouldn’t do that to me,” she pouts. She’s right. Unwillingly, I gather my purse from the passenger’s seat and get out of the car. Lori wraps her arms around me. “So, where is this new boyfriend of yours? I assumed you’d bring him with you tonight.”
“Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, Lori. He’s going to spend it with his family. He’ll be here Friday for the wedding.” I’m hoping she cannot tell I’m lying. She will be so busy and excited on Friday, I doubt she will notice I don’t have a date.
“I cannot wait to meet him,” she says pulling me towards the church doors. “Before we go in, I do have to mention one small thing.”
I stop walking forward and turn to look at her. “What?”
“Well, I sort of need you to do me a favor.” Something tells me I know what she is going to ask and I don’t like it one bit. “Everyone else in the wedding party is a couple.”
“Damn it, Lori!” I interrupt her. How did I guess? “I told you I would only be in your wedding if you didn’t make me walk with him.”
“I know and I really am sorry. I thought one of them would split up and help me out, but they don’t want to. I promise you though, Dan and I already talked to Jeff and he isn’t going to give you any trouble. My parents already threatened him, too. He will be on his best behavior. Please, please, please do this for me,” she begs.
“If he says one thing to piss me off, I am done. I don’t care when it is or how screwed up it makes your pictures look. Do you understand me?” Why am I agreeing to this? I should be walking away not continuing this conversation with her. How could she do this to me? I start up the steps to the church not waiting for Lori to walk next to me.
“Thank you, Alyssa. This really means a lot to me,” she says.
I stop just before getting to the top and turn to look at her. “Lori, I am so pissed at you right now. How the hell would you feel if you walked in on Dan screwing some stranger and then your friend did this to you?” She has nothing to say. “Exactly, so please let’s get this over with.” I stomp into the church knowing I’ve just upset the bride on what’s supposed to be a fun night for her. When she enter
s behind me, I go over to hug her even though, pregnant or not, I’d really like to slap her. “I’m sorry for snapping at you, but this is really going to suck.”
“I’m sorry, Lyss. I assumed since you had a new boyfriend, this really wouldn’t be a big deal. I should have talked to you before tonight about it,” she explains.
“Let’s go,” I say before I end up telling her the truth. “Everyone is waiting.”
When we meet up with the rest of the wedding party, they all stop talking and turn their attention to me. Maybe I should have been early to avoid this. Lori breaks the silence by announcing to everyone that it’s time to get started. Dan is the first one to come over to me and say hello. The rest of them follow behind him. I haven’t seen this group of friends since the housewarming party Lori and Dan had back at the end of July and I suddenly realize how much I’ve missed them.
Lori’s mom reaches me before I notice she is coming and I can already see she is starting to cry. “I miss you so much, Sweetheart,” she whispers in my ear as she holds me so tight I can barely breathe. “I am so sorry about what he did to you.”
“I miss you, too,” I tell her honestly. She was always very sweet to me.
“Mom, you promised you wouldn’t do this,” Lori reminds her.
“I know, I know,” she says pulling away. “Please don’t be a stranger. Let’s have lunch or something the next time you are home,”
“That sounds nice.” I smile for the first time all night. It doesn’t last long because Jeff is standing behind his mother.
She notices the change on my face and turns to see what I’m looking at. “Not one word, Jeffrey. Not one word,” she warns. He only nods, but the sadness he feels is all over his face. “Come on, Alyssa,” she says bringing me with her.
The rest of rehearsal went fairly well. No one else mentioned Rocco or what happened between me and Jeff. He kept his distance, just like Lori promised, and only walked silently the two times we practiced walking out of church. Originally, I planned on skipping out on dinner, but since things went so well and I was actually having fun with my friends, I changed my mind and went. It was the first time in a long time I felt relaxed and enjoyed myself. Some of them were going out afterwards and asked me to go. I decided not to go knowing my luck wasn’t that great.
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