EVOLVED

by Jessica Gomez

  Azami giggles, jumping on his bed, relaying the exact same story. James listens intently, as if it’s they’re the greatest stories he’s ever heard. “That’s nice, Az. I think Lil will love it.” He tugs her down next to him, hugging her. “You been up for a while?” he whispers.

  She nods, a small frown adorning her face.

  “You know you can come and sleep with me. I think it’ll help. We can pretend we’re back in the tree.”

  She smiles for a moment before it slips. “Mommy’s not here.”

  “It’s definitely not the same without her, but we can make our own fun, and then tell her all about it when she gets home,” James reassures.

  Color returns to her cheeks. “That’ll be fun! I’d have stories for days!”

  We both laugh at her excitement.

  I’m excited this morning, since I can finally rotate in for work shifts. Light duty is all I can manage, but it’s something. Gets me out of bed, and I’m able to have Azami work with me at the slower pace. The time I lost from her life is precious. I don’t want to miss any more.

  Double layering my socks cushions my feet, helping the skin build up a toughness required for my duties. Today, Quinn and Azami help me pull the vegetables, as Deagon and James turn the dirt behind us. Only a handful of minutes into work and I’m sweating. Not only does my skin require preparation, but so does my body’s stamina. Laying on my ass for the better part of a couple months didn’t do me any favors. When I first started walking, I could go as far as the bathroom and back, long enough to take a piss on my own. Now, I can work a couple hours at once.

  Tossing each vegetable flexes my back and arm muscles. The feel is rejuvenating. I may be tired and sore, but each day is bringing me closer to bringing her back. James having a premonition lights a fire within me. Spring seems years away.

  “Daddy! Look how big this one is!” Azami screeches, holding up a large carrot.

  “Wow, that’s giant!” She giggles and starts searching for the next carrot.

  Mason comes into the main cavern from outside, his skin pink from the cold. We all pause and watch him, waiting for any form of a signal that he’s found her. He makes eye contact with me and shakes his head. He’s found nothing.

  No clues. No signs. Mason has teamed up with Luke, James, Jere, and Deagon, searching a good twenty-mile radius. The snow has obliterated any possible clues left behind. They’re searching blind.

  James comes to stand next to me, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. “Remember, if my dream is accurate, we’ll find her in a couple months.”

  His words flutter and flatten my heart. His dreams are rarely wrong, heightening my excitement for her return. Only, waiting months goes against every nerve ending in my body. I’m fighting a battle each day, forcing myself to stay rooted, knowing only failure waits for me in the snow. My injuries are healing, but nowhere near enough to perform the mammoth search ahead of me.

  ~~~~~

  Days of repetitive motions.

  My stamina is finally on the mend. I’m able to keep up after days of vigorous work. My skin’s toughening, allowing me to wear one pair of socks when I work, instead of the thick layers of protection. I’m still relatively sore when I finish with my workload for the day, but it only reminds me that I’m reaching my goal.

  Leaning over my shovel, I rest my hands on the top of the handle and set my forehead against them, catching my breath. We pulled vegetables from another corner of the garden yesterday. Today, we’re turning and watering the dirt for replanting.

  “Here, Daddy.” I look down at Azami’s smiling face. She’s offering me a cup of water, a chunk of snow melting in the middle.

  “Thanks, Pumpkin. This is just what I need.” I take a big swig from the glass, savoring the coolness.

  “Welcome!” she squeals, running back over to Sarah, who’s having her deliver drinks to all the workers.

  Finishing off my cool liquid, I set the cup on the ground next to me. Thrusting the shovel back into the soil, I strive to complete the day’s task. Once we turn and water the soil, Naveen, Sophie, and the kids go behind us, planting the asparagus they soaked earlier.

  I walk around the other garden beds, making sure there’s nothing else to tend to, before putting my tools away. Sophie and James are straightening our supplies, laughing and talking quietly. A giant smile covers my face when I realize he’s flirting with her. James scans the cave, a smitten expression covering his face, until he sees me. A blush replaces his smile as he glances down. A moment later, he looks up laughing, rubbing the back of his neck. His emotions hit me, causing me to laugh in return. He’s embarrassed.

  “Hey, brother. What’re you doing?” I ask, just to be a dick.

  He chuckles again. “Nothing. Chatting.” His cheeks retain the blush, knowing I’m sensing his inner turmoil.

  “Hi, Ian.” Sophie smiles.

  “Hey, Soph. How are things?” I haven’t spoken to them as much since my rehabilitation.

  “Good. Gage is walking by himself. He’s growing so fast. I can’t believe he’s already one.” She giggles, thinking about her nephew.

  Then her words hit me. “One? When did this happen?” I’ve kept myself so occupied that we missed his birthday.

  “A couple weeks ago. We sang to him when he woke up.”

  “Soph, you should’ve told us. We could’ve had a birthday party for him.” The fact that they didn’t say anything annoys me.

  “We didn’t want to make a fuss.” She waves me off.

  “Soph, it’s not a fuss. A birthday is always celebrated.” I place my arm around her shoulder and pull her into me, squeezing.

  She side-hugs me back, laughing. “He’ll be fine. We’ll make sure to throw him one next year when everyone’s here.” Her last sentence hangs in the air, making Lillie’s absence prevalent. “Sorry,” she whispers.

  James ducks his head, excusing himself from the discussion. Sophie’s eyes follow his retreating form, her expression turning forlorn. “It’s fine,” I say, as she begins shaking her head, protesting. “Really, it’s fine. We really don’t talk about her enough. Everyone’s on eggshells when she’s the topic of conversation.”

  “You say that, but I don’t know if everyone agrees.” She tilts her head toward James.

  “He’s got his moments. Give him time. It’s hard on all of us in different ways.”

  She nods, understanding. They lost a lot of family during the Flash, and Naveen’s husband only last year.

  “I’ve got to check on a few things. You going to be all right?” I ask.

  “Yeah…thanks.” She smiles, walking toward Naveen and the kids.

  Before I head outside, I go find James. He’s off to the side of the cave by himself, kicking a pebble, his emotions in disarray. He looks up, meeting my eyes. I flick my head at him, asking him silently if he’s okay. He holds up his hand and nods, telling me he’s fine, but needs some space. My heart thumps loudly with indecision. In our world, it’s easy to forget that he’s young, but seeing him like this is a harsh reminder.

  I decide to let him be, accepting his answer, and walking out the front entrance of the cave. Mason went out searching again this morning. He’s mapped a grid of our entire surroundings for miles, making me wonder how far they’ve taken her if he hasn’t found any clues yet.

  My skin blazes with electricity, the drive to search her out overpowering. The snow is lower, but still clings to every surface, every tree branch. The needled arms are bowing, practically vertical with the snow’s weight, standing as silent guardians. The sun’s reflecting tiny rainbows in every direction, shining brightly off our pure white surroundings. The cool breeze snares my breath from my lungs as I close my eyes, living in the moment. I push my love for Lillie out to every drop of snow, every tree, rock, and animal, hoping that somehow she’ll feel it, sense it through our unusual gift.

  The emotions are overwhelming, almost suffocating with their weight. I let out a frustrated roar, releasing
some of my pent-up anger, as my fists smash the jaw of an invisible opponent. The sensation is an addiction. My frustrations are pouring out in the cold, wide-open clearing for all to see. My legs weaken and I drop to my knees, exhausted. My lungs are burning from the exertion as I plead with the heavens.

  Bring her back.

  Quickening steps turn my attention back to the tunnel. Expecting James to be the one to come and find me, it surprises me to see Deagon’s worried face instead. There’s something in his expression that has my heart pounding. His words stop my heart altogether.

  “We need to talk. I had dream.”

  Chapter 10

  Lillie

  My fainting spell this morning has prompted Jeff to keep a small pile of snow next to me. Throughout the day, I’ve had him refill it several times since I share it with Asher. Jeff stands and growls deep in his throat as Asher hands the bark plate back to me. He doesn’t care for us sharing, but if we don’t speak while doing so, he tolerates it. Jeff watches us, but I watch him too. Enough to know that he’s learning every day, and that another new world is forming.

  The infected in this small outpost are smarter than any I’ve come across over the years. None of them have names, except Jeff, so I decided to name them myself. Abbey’s infected is always trying to cause trouble with everyone, human or infected, so I named him Big Bully. There’s not a day that goes by that he doesn’t eyeball me or start a tussle with one of the unintelligent at the other end of the cave. I’m determined to stay far away from him. Greg’s infected wears overalls, all the time, so I call him Farmer Joe. The weird thing is, he has several pairs of overalls, because some days they’ll have stripes. I often wonder if he was a real farmer before the Flash, and if some of his residual behaviors are sticking around. Wendy’s infected is nicer to her, rarely taking her outside in the harsher climates, seeming to care for her well-being. He brings her food and water on a regular basis and takes decent care of her, other than keeping her chained to a boulder. He reminds me of a doting mom, so I’ve decided to call him Mr. Mom.

  “Come.” Jeff’s sharp voice startles me out of my thoughts when he orders Asher to come with him. Removing the chain from around his ankle, Jeff tosses him a pair of the shoes next to the exit. Asher moves swiftly to keep up and is standing next to Jeff in seconds. Jeff grunts a couple of times, when Big Bully and Farmer Joe stand, pulling their humans up with them.

  Abbey returned not long ago from scavenging this morning, and she may not have another one in her, which is evident when stumbles with her lethargy. Standing, I move to her side to help her without thinking, reaching out to steady her gait.

  “No!” Big Bully shouts, vibrating the walls with his protest. He jerks Abbey against his chest, ripping her away from my aid, and pushes her toward the exit. She stumbles over to put on a pair of shoes that are two sizes too big.

  My hands shoot up in surrender, not intending to upset our awkward balance. Jeff’s hackles rise, his eyes turning black, moments from attack. His gaze snaps from me to Big Bully, silently assessing the situation. His nostrils flare, annoyed, but lets the outburst go for now. Instead, Jeff turns and shoves Asher out the door. The rest of the unintelligent infected file out behind them, leaving Wendy and Mr. Mom to keep me company.

  Out of the four intelligent infected, Mr. Mom is the calmest. He treats Wendy decent, feeding her at the same time he eats, makes sure she’s warm at night, has water, and warm clothing when they go out. He treats her almost as good as Jeff does me, but she’s still required to venture outside the cave with him, regardless of the weather conditions. At this point, I don’t understand why I’m not in the rotation. Either Jeff doesn’t trust me outside, or he doesn’t want me outside. I’m leaning toward the latte, since I’m still unshackled.

  The thought of walking to the exit and looking around crosses my mind, but is quickly put to rest when Mr. Mom eyes me, as if he can sense my internal struggle to run.

  I don’t test him and return to the fire instead. If I’m going to run, I have to wait for the perfect moment. When the larger group leaves the cave, it’s usually in the evening to collect dinner. More than likely, it’s almost dark, and not much to see out there now anyway. I begin stoking the fire, knowing we’ll need coals to cook the food. Most of the intelligent infected and humans are cooking their food now, all except Big Bully, and he forces Abbey to eat raw right alongside him.

  The fire is blazing by the time they return. Asher leads the group in, carrying an armful of fish. Before he enters the cave completely, he kicks off the shoes next to the door. His black hair is salted with snow. His skin is a deep bluish purple, and he’s shaking beyond control. My eyes move past him and see Gary and Abbey coming in much the same way, except Abbey can barely stand upright.

  Asher is almost next to me when I dash around him and head in Abbey’s direction. He drops the fish and tries to grab at my sleeve, but his fingers are too cold and stiff to gain purchase.

  “Abbey! Are you okay?” My words have her looking to me with a plethora of emotion. Relief, pain, exhaustion, and panic, flash across her face.

  Big Bully lets out a loud roar and thunders toward me, shoving Abbey out of the way, crashing her small body to the cave floor. A small whimper is the only noise to escape before she rolls to her side and gets back on her feet. She charges around Big Bully, slamming both hands into my shoulders, pushing me to the cave floor with surprising force.

  “Stop talking to me!” She stands over me threateningly, fists clenched at her sides. “Stop trying to help, you only make it worse!” She growls the last sentence. Her skin and lips are blue, her expression begging. It’s then that it clicks, he’s hurting her because of me.

  Laying on the floor, I place my hand in front of me, protectively. “I’m sorry,” I whisper. I never wanted to hurt her or cause her harm.

  Big Bully laughs, pulling Abbey by the back of the hair toward their bed. She scrambles behind him, limping, and holding onto her hair. He tosses her down and shackles her before eating his cold fish, a smug look of satisfaction spread across his ugly, mutilated face.

  Frozen fingers touch my face, startling me. “Hey, you okay?” Asher regains my attention, kneeling next to me.

  “I’m fine,” I reply, pulling my shirt down, as I move to sit up.

  Asher’s eyes bulge as he yanks my shirt back up my abdomen.

  “Asher! What are you doing?” I attempt to scramble away from him, but he has me pinned beneath him. He’s never touched me so forcefully, and in such an inappropriate way.

  He’s still hanging onto my shirt, staring at my middle. “Lil…” His voice is small and tortured.

  “What? What’s wrong?” I ask. Maybe I’m infected. The thought has me searching my stomach for any sign of red veins or puss filled blisters. When I see nothing, I look back to Asher. Panic is still haunting his eyes. “Asher!” I yell to get his attention. His eyes finally snap to mine. “What’s wrong with me?”

  His lips move a couple of times with no words, and then he spits out the words I’ll never forget. “You’re pregnant.”

  It takes a minute before my brain registers. “Wha—what?” I say, pulling my shirt higher and out of his hand, searching for the proof. Sure enough, my stomach has a definite baby bump. I stare in shock. How the fuck did I miss this?

  The panic must read on my face because Asher pulls my shirt out of my hand and covers my stomach gently. “Easy, now.” He pulls me into a more comfortable position. “I’m here. We’ll figure—” He’s cut off by a deafening roar.

  “Mine!” Jeff howls, heading in our direction, death in the depths of his eyes. Asher scrambles back from me, but it’s too late, as Jeff brutally knocks him out of the way, then stands over him, baring his teeth, seconds away from attacking.

  “Wait! No!” I scream, climbing to my feet. “Please…I fell. He was only helping me up.” I beg for him not to hurt him again.

  Jeff doesn’t break eye contact with Asher, still growling low and
threatening in the back of his throat. The seconds seem to drag on for hours, until finally he moves away, but his demeanor is tight with tension. “Come,” he instructs me.

  I move slowly and stand in front of him. He leans into me and wraps an arm around my waist, pulling me snuggly against him. My hands transfer to his shoulders to support the fast jerking movement. His head moves back and forth, smelling me, while purring low in his throat. He places his other hand over my shirt and pulls up, revealing my newly found bump. The purring increases as he nuzzles my stomach and scents my belly.

  The purring turns back into a growl as Jeff faces Asher once more, without releasing me. “Mine,” he threatens.

  Blood as cold as the winter outside pumps through my veins and washes over me. Realization slams home. He knows. He’s known this entire time. All the times he’s sniffed and scented me, taken care of me, not allowed me to exit the cave, he knew I was pregnant. Could that be the reason he took me? Questions are running through my head at top speed, until Jeff nudges me toward his pallet.

  I silently turn and walk the handful of steps to the bed, not making a fuss. I sit on the edge as Jeff cleans the fish. When he tries to hand them to me to place in the fire, I don’t move. He grunts his displeasure, but leaves me alone, completing the task on his own. He’s watched me do it enough to know how to cook them himself. Once the fish finish cooking, he rips one in half to aid its cooling and sets it next to me. He senses that I’m upset, softly pushing the fish toward me as an offering, hoping to please me.

  I glance down at it, hunger the last thing on my mind, but then I remember the baby. A warmth fills my body, a small smile tugging at the corners of my lips. The baby is all that matters. Even if I’m not hungry, the baby requires food. Flashes from Azami’s pregnancy bombard me. There wasn’t a time that I could remember being full during her pregnancy. I’m not about to let my pride injure the tiny life inside me.