Darling, There Are Wolves in the Woods

by Lydia Russell

  I scowled up at him, his story whirling around my mind, revealing a few answers I had been seeking, but leaving me with so many more questions. “You said you lock the human queens away, where?”

  “In the Castle of Seelie. We abandoned it long ago, nothing haunts its rooms now save for the mortal Queen we dump there.”

  “Why? Why treat them like that?”

  “Because they are practically useless to us, Teya,” Laphaniel answered, not unkindly. “They’re not fey, they don’t possess the raw power a true queen would hold. We lock them away so we can forget.”

  I swirled the last of my wine around in my glass, spilling it over my fingers. “What kind of queen would Luthien have made?”

  He was quiet for a moment, deep in thought. “She would have set this world alight, burned her enemies with a fleeting thought and rejoiced in the embers she left behind.”

  I swallowed. “And you wanted that?”

  “In the end, I just wanted the war to be over.”

  “I don't know what to do," I breathed, allowing my head to fall against the table. "I need her back. I can't go home without her.”

  “Do you love Niven?” Laphaniel said, suddenly beside me. I looked up and noticed that the wine had stained his lips a deep red.

  “Do you love Luthien?” I countered.

  He reached up to tuck a stray strand of hair behind my ear, the light from the candle flickering across his face and making his eyes shine. When he spoke, I couldn't miss the hint of regret in his voice, the note of sadness that added a haunting melody to his already alluring voice.

  “I did once.”

  He didn't say anymore but walked over to pluck another bottle of wine from a shelf, bringing it back with him as he sat down beside me, turning to gaze out at the stars that nestled against the night sky. With a quick glance to me, he topped up my wine before bringing the bottle to his lips to drink deeply.

  “Are you trying to get me drunk?” I said, drinking from my own glass, enjoying the gentle numbness.

  Laphaniel shook his head. “No, I just don’t enjoy drinking alone. I’m not going to hurt you, Teya.”

  “I wasn’t implying that,” I replied, the thought having never actually crossed my mind. I was oddly saddened that was where his thoughts drifted to.

  I watched him as he watched the stars, noticing how his fingers absently moved up and down the near empty wine bottle. Without thinking, and feeling incredibly lonely, I rested my head against his shoulder. His body tensed for a moment, then relaxed as we sat in comfortable silence and watched as shooting stars raced across the skies.

  I didn't even realise I had fallen asleep until I opened my eyes to find Laphaniel lowering me into his bed, turning to ignite the candle with a twist of his fingers. He made to leave, and with no conscious thought, my hand shot out to stop him, fear rising like a tide inside me at the thought of being alone in the dark.

  “Don't leave,” I pleaded, dropping my hand instantly at how childish I sounded, but Laphaniel just sat down beside me, stretching his legs across the covers.

  “You're afraid of the dark?”

  “Can you blame me?” I replied, somewhat defensively even though there was nothing mocking in the tone of his voice. I stared up at the twisted branches that swept across the room and dripped down the walls. “Imagine if you needed a nightlight just so you could sleep without screaming. The girls at my school found out and made my life miserable because of it. They cornered me one day, a group of them, like a pack of hyenas. Sam Black, Lizzy Taylor, Pippa McKinley and Rebecca Long all dragged me behind the school to where the caretaker kept all his tools and things. It was more of a cupboard really, damp and smelly and windowless, and they locked me in there until...”

  “Until what?” Laphaniel asked, his voice soft in the dark.

  I remembered the utter blackness, how smothering it was, how it enveloped everything. I remembered the feel of bruises on my arms as they shoved me in, pinching at me in a way only girls could.

  I remembered thinking I would suffocate, and although I had scratched at the door until my fingers bled and screamed and screamed and screamed, they didn't let me go.

  “Let's just say when Mrs Harkness found me, we needed to rummage through the lost and found box to find dry clothes.”

  “What happened to the girls?”

  I shifted to face him. “They were suspended, which was a small victory really. If I thought being the girl who was afraid of the dark was bad, being the girl who wet herself was a lot worse.”

  “I sent Lily away.”

  Relief coursed through me. “Thank you.”

  “I thought perhaps I would give you one less reason to worry about the monsters lingering in the shadows.”

  I was oddly touched. “Was she your...friend...or...”

  “Are you asking me if she was my lover, Teya?” Laphaniel replied, humour warming his voice. “She was on occasion, but never anything more.”

  “Did she sleep in here?” I asked, running my hand over the soft furs that covered the bed, feeling them warm and soft against my skin.

  “No. There has only been one woman to lie in that bed, and she's still occupying it.”

  "Oh." I felt a blush creep up over my cheeks, feeling a strange mix of happiness and fear wash over me.

  “What will you do when you don't want me here any longer?”

  Laphaniel chuckled, the sound soft and oddly reassuring. “Why? How long do you plan on staying?”

  “Hopefully not much longer.”

  That was the truth. I didn't want to stay any longer. The more I stayed with him, the more I seemed to like him. I could feel the hate I should have felt for him, ebb away, slowly turning into something else that made the guilt inside me rise up until I could think of nothing else.

  “If you say so,” Laphaniel said softly, leaning back against the pillows.

  “Curses can be broken, you know,” I said.

  He paused before speaking. “They can.”

  “Laphaniel?”

  “Yes, Teya?”

  I shifted on the bed, pulling up a particularly furry throw and wrapping myself in it. “You live in a house made from trees, don’t you get all sorts of wildlife in here? Like stray squirrels and errant deer?”

  “No, I don’t have that problem.”

  “Why do you think that is? What’s stopping them from nesting in here?” I asked, staring into the eaves, but I could see nothing save the odd cobweb in the far corners.

  “It’s likely something to do with the vast forest outside.”

  “Oh,” I murmured, watching as the candlelight flickered over the walls, making the shadows waltz. “Laphaniel?”

  “Hmmm?”

  "I'm not going back home."

  He said nothing, and I figured I had pissed him off again. I steeled myself, but I just wasn’t in the mood for another argument. I turned, and his head lolled against the pillow.

  He had fallen asleep beside me, lips slightly parted as he breathed deeply. Sighing, I reached for one of the furs that covered his bed, pulling it over him, watching him stir slightly as I brushed the hair from his eyes.

  "I was doing just fine not liking you." I whispered. "It would be so much easier if I could hate you, I should be able to hate you." I ran my finger over his cheek, trailing his jawbone and the edge of his mouth. He didn't move, looking utterly exhausted. “I don't know how you make me feel. You frighten me, but then you do this...you make me feel safe and it’s making my head hurt.”

  I closed my eyes as I curled up beside him, smiling to myself as he mumbled something incoherent in his sleep. For the first time in years, I wasn't afraid to go to sleep, I wasn't afraid of the shadows that danced around the room. I even hoped that the nightmares wouldn't find me, and that instead of Niven filling my dreams, it would be him.

  Chapter Thirteen

  I woke sometime during the night, not because of nightmares, but because there was a weight against me, and I couldn't work
out what it was. I shifted slightly, feeling Laphaniel's arm slide against my shoulder, his hand coming to rest against my stomach. He snored softly, his head resting against my neck so I could feel his breath on my skin. It was incredibly disconcerting.

  I snuggled back under the blankets and closed my eyes, enjoying the warmth and absence of nightmares. I nestled against Laphaniel and slept until sunrise. He left as soon as the sun came up, slowly withdrawing his arm and untangling his limbs from mine as I feigned sleep. I heard the latch on the door click as he left, and I reached out and spread my hand over the still warm sheets where he had slept beside me.

  Guilt bubbled up like acid inside me, ruining the feeling of contentment I felt, as I lay there surrounded by blankets that smelled like the forest. A prickly warmth started at the base of my spine, creeping its way up to replace any happiness with shame and disgust.

  It was a nasty feeling, being torn between an increased longing to be with him, and the cold loathing I had for myself for wanting him. Why couldn't I hate him? Deep down I wondered if it was because I thought Niven wasn't worth saving, a thought that left me hot with shame.

  Niven and I had never been close. We had never shared that sisterly bond that others seemed to have, and ever since I could remember, Niven had always frightened me. My mother tried to coax us into being friends, but Niven would stare at me with her periwinkle eyes until I shuddered and looked away. She was an unnerving creature, my sister.

  Things would go missing around her, small items to begin with…a favoured doll, a cherished necklace, only to turn up much later. Damaged. My parents were oblivious to her sly smiles, the way she watched me as I was comforted over the broken remains of my belongings. She hid it so well, wrapping her arms around me as I cried, her fingers pinching where no one would see.

  I stretched and slid out of bed, moving over to the cupboards to find fresh clothes, already missing my jeans and t-shirts. I found a deep blue shirt and another belt, fashioning myself a makeshift dress. I ran my fingers over the fabric, rolling up the sleeves so they didn’t trail over my hands. It was warm, roughly woven and smelled like him.

  Feeling suddenly awkward, I made my way downstairs, finding Laphaniel once again in the kitchen. He smiled at me as he tossed me an apple, taking a stride across the room to take my hand, tugging me towards the door.

  "Come with me, I want to show you something."

  Laphaniel pulled me outside, and I shivered slightly in the early morning breeze. I looked out over the trees, at some of the still sleeping blossom that unfurled against the gentle wind. The rising sun only just touched the edges of the branches, teasing them with kisses so the dew upon them glistened.

  “Show me what?”

  “It's a surprise,” he said, pulling me towards the trees.

  “I don't like surprises, Laphaniel,” I replied, panicked. The last surprise had me sold at market, and I wasn’t likely to forget that in a hurry.

  “Don't you trust me?” he asked, turning to face me, his lovely features shining with innocence.

  I looked at him incredulously. “Are you serious?”

  Laphaniel was silent, revealing nothing as he looked at me. He dropped my hand and began to walk into the forest. I flexed my fingers, missing his warmth.

  “Why on earth would you expect me to trust you?” I demanded.

  “I don't expect you to do anything.”

  “You are infuriating,” I snapped, bristling.

  “Thank you.”

  “Do you know you've told me countless times that you've led people into the woods to watch them die?” I said to his back, as he carried on walking. “You can be charmingly sweet to me one minute, and the next you look as if you're going to rip my heart out. You danced with my sister when I was just a child, taking her into the woods never to be seen again...”

  “Then why are you following me?”

  “How the hell do you do that?” I gasped, looking around. I had no idea where I was. Damn my rebellious feet, I hadn't even realised they were moving.

  Early morning mist circled around my ankles, swallowing my feet in a cloud of damp. I backed away from Laphaniel quickly, but he caught my wrist before I could take two steps. I thought my heart was going to explode through my chest, as I struggled against his hold. He tried to pull me into the shadows which danced and skipped across the forest floor, swirling up from the mist with ghostly fingers.

  “I want to go back,” I pleaded. “Now.”

  “Don’t you want to know where I’m taking you?” he said, lifting his hand up so I was forced to twirl, my feet skidding over the damp grass.

  “No.” I kicked him hard, forcing him to drop my hands as he hissed in pain and I bolted. I ran back the way we had come, stumbling over in my haste to get away, clawing my way back up as I fell.

  “Teya!” Laphaniel shouted, his voice too close for me to slow down, so I continued to trip and heave myself up as I darted through the oaks. “Stop.”

  I felt my foot twist as I snagged it on an exposed root, sending me sprawling into Laphaniel's arms. He clamped his hand over my mouth as I made to scream, but I choked down the noise knowing that no one would come for me.

  “You will get lost,” he snapped. “You're running the wrong way.”

  Laphaniel's hold was unbreakable as he began to drag me towards the shadows, his left hand still clamped firmly over my mouth.

  “Don't scream,” he ordered, as he slowly withdrew his hand from my lips. But panic and blinding fear overruled everything, and I screamed as loud as I could.

  I bit my lip as his hand smacked against my mouth, muffling my cries instantly. The woody scent of his skin mingled with the coppery tang of my blood.

  “You'll scare them away, Teya,” Laphaniel said gently, keeping his hand over my mouth. “Be quiet.”

  With my legs shaking, he pulled me along as I could only imagine what lay in store for me. Finally, he stopped, and my legs buckled as I sank to the floor. Leaning in closer, Laphaniel sank down beside me, almost tenderly taking my face in his hands. I was too terrified to move, too terrified to break my gaze away from his face.

  With an affection that made my confused heart leap, Laphaniel slid his hand down my neck, twisting it gently so I could see the monsters he had waiting for me.

  “Oh...”

  They stood in a small circular clearing, surrounded by trees whose branches entwined in a knot of both ancient and young. A stream trickled nearby, growing into a faster flowing river that poured over the hillside, turning the water white as it crashed over the rocks. All was silent except for the rush of water. The soft sunlight streamed down through the still trees, casting elegant shadows that stretched across the ground.

  “I told you not to scream,” Laphaniel whispered beside me, slipping his hand in mine to help me up. I rested my back against one of the trees, giving me a better view of the clearing, keeping my hand caught up in Laphaniel's fingers. I pulled him with me as I crept closer to get a better look, feeling the warmth of his skin against mine. I couldn't find any words to say to him; though hundreds flooded my mind...none of them would do. A simple thank-you just wouldn't have been enough.

  “Can I touch them?” I finally said, the words breathless against my lips.

  “Yes.”

  I couldn't take my eyes off their gleaming horns, the wild blackness in their gaze as they noticed me, the clouds of breath snorting from flared nostrils as they pawed the ground. Swallowing hard, I stepped forward, praying that it wasn't all just a cruel joke. Laphaniel stayed where he was, and I could feel his gaze on my back as I walked into the clearing. I looked back once, seeing him sitting on the forest floor with his knees drawn up to his chest, his head slightly cocked as he watched me. From where I was standing, I could see the incredible colour of his eyes, shining bright amongst the shadows of the trees and I felt my stomach flip.

  I took a step and then another, watching as they reared their heads as I moved closer, their horns snapping through t
he air in an almost violent movement, cutting through the swirling mist that curled up from the ground. You could compare them to horses as easily as you could a sparrow to a phoenix.

  The sunlight danced over their coats as if drawn to them, barely touching their hides to make them glow. It was the purest of whites, shadowed only by the flecks of silver in their manes as it flowed over their graceful necks. Raising my hand, I reached out to touch the one closest to me, feeling my fingers tremble as they ghosted over the gap between us. It took a step closer, pushing its head into my trembling hand, forcing my fingers through the tuft of hair between its ears.

  I gasped as my hand brushed against the base of its horn, startled by the odd chill that came off it. I entangled my fingers in its mane as it raised its head to rest against my shoulder.

  “You are beautiful,” I whispered, turning my head to breathe in the soft smell coming from its coat, a mix of rain and spice, the smell that comes just before a thunderstorm.

  Shadows fell across me as the others crowded around, curiosity shining in their obsidian eyes. Their horns came shockingly close to my face, grazing softly over my skin as they gently nipped my clothes. I counted eight, each one as stunning as the others, each one nudging the other out of the way to get a better look at me. My face ached with my smile, my head spinning with the impossibility of what was surrounding me. I couldn't see anything but shining white, the shimmer of their horns and the fierce, wild black of their eyes. Their scent swirled around me like the forest mist, clinging to my skin, my hair...my memories. I couldn't remember a time when I had felt so happy…so alive.

  All too soon it was over. A crash of thunder rolled in the distance, and they reared up as one. I narrowly missed being blinded by dropping to the floor with my hands clamped over my head. Before the echo of thunder had died out, they were gone, disappearing into the trees without so much as a whisper.

  I kept my eyes on the empty clearing, watching as the newly broken stems of grass swayed in the breeze. I barely felt Laphaniel's hand on my arm as he gently pulled me back up, his fingers cold and damp where he had been sitting on the ground.