“I won't ever forget that,” I said, reaching up on tiptoes to kiss him on the cheek, joining my hands behind his neck, so I could feel the soft thump of his pulse against my wrist. It quickened under my touch, my own heartbeat speeding up as my lips brushed over his skin.
Laphaniel's head turned down, just as mine turned up, my mouth grazing over his cheek to find his lips. His hands came up around me, entangling in my hair as he pulled me closer, crushing my lips to his with a kiss that forced any coherent thought from my mind. Laphaniel pulled away first, and my skin tingled where he had touched me. I could still taste him against my mouth.
“Sorry,” I mumbled, as heat flooded my face. I noticed that a few of Laphaniel's shirt buttons were undone, and I couldn't remember undoing them. I guessed my hands were just as rebellious as my feet.
“Sorry that you kissed me? Or sorry that I kissed you back?” he asked, his voice a whisper against my neck, rich in the promises of tempting kisses.
“I dunno...” I breathed, rolling my eyes at the pathetic noise that escaped my mouth, wondering desperately where my resolve to hate him had toddled off to.
“You dunno?” he repeated, the slang sounding strange coming from him. There was a smile hinting at his voice, but he dropped his hands from me, and stepped back, giving me space. Feeling suddenly fearless, I closed the gap, tilting my head up to meet his eyes.
“I'd like to find out though.”
Laphaniel's breath caught as I kissed him again, and I could almost taste the surprise in his lips as he kissed me back. I forgot that I wasn't supposed to like him...I made myself forget, because giving in was so much easier than I could have imagined.
I didn't care that the grass was damp beneath us as we sank to the floor, or how the dew soaked into the fabric of my clothes. There was nothing but the sensation of Laphaniel's hands against me, his careful fingers deftly freeing the buttons on my shirt. He moved his hand to my cheek, pushing it gently so that I was looking at him. I blinked and blushed under his burning gaze, returning his wonderful smile with my own shy one.
“We can go back, if you want?” he said, his mouth coming down to plant a soft kiss on my nose.
“I don't want to go back.” I said, as he continued with his kisses. My heart thumped hard against my breast, and I heard his own echo back as he pressed against me.
“Good.”
He kissed me again, his mouth hard against mine, his hands trailing beneath my borrowed shirt to rest against my hip.
“I don't have…” I blushed harder as he stared at me, eyes narrowing. “I don't...you know...I'm not on the Pill or anything...I don't...”
“Oh,” he said, suddenly looking sheepish, and unfolded a small blue square in his hand. “Don't get angry.”
“You stole that from my bag!” I snapped, ignoring his request for me to keep my temper. I jumped up, shoving him off me as fury and humiliation replaced any other feelings I had been enjoying. “Did you just assume you could show me some unicorns and I would sleep with you?”
“You're hardly proving me wrong!” he countered, at least having the good grace to look wounded.
“Is that why you did it?”
“No.”
“Then why?”
Laphaniel sighed, raking a hand through his already messed up hair. “I did it because I wanted to know what you looked like when you truly smile, when you are not weighed down with guilt or fear...I was curious.”
“And?”
“You're breathtaking.”
“Oh...” I blushed again, as a smile tugged at my lips. I returned to his side, his fingers finding mine again. “I'm new at this.”
“At kissing in the grass?”
I laughed, rolling to face him. “And the rest.”
“There doesn't have to be anything else, if you don't want there to be,” he said gently. “I truly didn't bring you here to steal away your innocence.”
“You came prepared though.” I nodded to the foil. “Like a good boy scout.”
His eyes glinted, not a hint of shame on his face as he shrugged. With a lazy hand he drew me close, his hands tangling through my hair as he looked at me. We stared at each other for a moment, our breathing restless, until I leant in and kissed him deeply.
A soft groan escaped his mouth as I nipped his lip, his arms rising above his head as I tugged his shirt off and he freed me of mine. Laphaniel shoved me back against the wet earth, falling over me in a tangle of limbs and breathless whispers, laughing with me as we made the world sing for us.
Chapter Fourteen
Laphaniel held me in his arms as we watched the sky slowly fade from late afternoon into early evening. His fingers entwined with mine, as I watched the sun sink slowly behind the horizon.
“You have two suns here,” I said, gazing up at the twin sunset.
“Yes,” he replied, not looking up. “Our own, and the shadow of yours.”
“Then how come we only see one?”
Laphaniel sat up, pulling me with him so I rested against his shoulder. “Because you don't look hard enough.”
I lay against him as he absently trailed his fingers down my back, watching as the sky darkened. Night crept in slowly; snuffing out the sunset and setting the sky alight with its stars. In the distance, something howled, and I tensed in Laphaniel's arms.
“You're safe here,” he said, cupping my chin so I looked at him and not the shadows. “But I can take you back, if you want.”
I was surrounded by moonlight and stars, the gentle scent of cherry blossom that dangled just above our heads, and lush grass dotted with wildflowers. The nearby stream played out the soundtrack to the night, a personal playlist of music that belonged only to us. It was beautiful...and if it were not for the slow creeping feeling of guilt that had begun to weasel its way back in again, it would have been perfect.
“Can we stay here?” I curled into him closer. “Just for a bit longer?”
“You can stay as long as you like.”
The whisper of his words ghosted over my neck, sending my heart jumping behind my ribs. There was something lingering behind those simple words, dripping in tainted promises and painful hope. I didn't dare cling to them, I couldn't...I wouldn't.
God help me.
I closed my eyes as I lay in his arms, remembering the way his body felt against mine. The way his heart hammered against his chest, as erratic as mine had been, mimicking it in a song that neither of us really understood. There was the press of his hands on my skin, his lips on my neck, my mouth, my breast. A shock of pain, forgotten in an instant. His lips at my ear as he reassured me, whispering words that made my soul sing.
“I still need to find Niven, you know that, right?” My words cut through the quiet. Laphaniel didn't answer straight away, though he continued to run his finger along my arm, his touch igniting my skin.
“I guessed as much.”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
I felt him sigh against my neck, the warmth of his breath mixed with the woody scent I would only ever associate with him. “Does it matter?”
“It matters to me,” I said, surprised at how true that was.
“Nothing is ever going to be enough for you, is it?”
I wasn't expecting that answer, and it stunned me. I blinked once, twice, feeling his hand slide away from my arm.
“Meaning what?”
Laphaniel shifted beside me, pulling his shirt back, leaving the buttons undone so that it hung loose around his body. “You know you are wasting your life and do nothing about it. You need that feeling of guilt so you can use it as an excuse to exclude yourself. Nothing will ever be good enough for you. I wonder if it would be enough if you did manage to save your sister. Tell me, would you allow yourself to be happy if you had Niven back?”
He turned to look at me, his dark hair ruffled and messy from rolling around on the forest floor. A lump formed in my throat as I turned away.
“I need to find her.” I said at last, r
efusing to answer his question. I reached out and pulled the rumpled shirt over my head, hugging my hands around my body. I had been lying on it and there was a tiny bloodstain soaked into one of the corners.
“You keep saying that,” Laphaniel said, his tone kind. “But do you want to?”
I closed my eyes and shook my head, tears trickling down my cheeks as I wished I could just curl back in his arms and forget again.
“You could stay here.”
I felt the subtle push in his voice, the one he used when he tried to force me to go back home. It banished away the thoughts of guilt and shame, leaving behind a lightness I craved. It was intoxicating, tempting, and a part of me was willing to give up, give in and forget. A part of me wanted to spend whatever part of forever he had for me, by his side...just like that, until the day inevitably came when he lost interest in me.
“I can't,” I said at last. “I'm sorry, Laphaniel, but I can't.”
“Why?” His voice took on a haunting lilt that left nothing but a foggy mess in my head.
“I have to...” I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to picture the reason why I couldn't stay. It was like clutching at smoke. “Please...stop...”
The swirl in my head cleared slightly as the heaviness lifted. I took a breath, and let it out again, feeling it shudder as I exhaled.
“I'm here for Niven, okay?” I said more clearly. “Regardless of whether or not I want her, that's my mess to deal with, not yours. She is still my sister, and it's my fault she is here, I want to put that right.”
“Do you really think she would've bothered if it was you?”
“I guess we'll never know.”
“Forget her, Teya. You would be nothing but a memory to her if things had played out differently.”
My head ached; there was a dull throbbing at the back of my skull as I clung on to reason…purpose...anything. Laphaniel moved closer, his hands on my arms as I sunk against his shoulder.
“Please,” I pleaded, unable to push myself away from him. Unable to want to...need to. “I need to find...Niven...”
I had to force the words from my lips, just as Laphaniel bent to brush his lips against my mouth. I tasted the sweetness of his breath against the echo of my sister’s name, and even to my ears it sounded like a question.
“Stay with me.”
There was no force behind his words, and yet it took every scrap of strength I possessed to shake my head, rejecting him.
“Do you want me to let you go?”
Again, there was no force, no gentle nudge, but I couldn't bring myself to move away from him. I opened my mouth to speak, to fight for my sister. I wanted to...no, I wanted to want to, which wasn't the same thing at all.
The word I breathed against his ear was not the one I screamed in my head, and as I sank further into Laphaniel's arms, I could hear the echo of the rebellious word scratch at my lips.
“No.”
Chapter Fifteen
In the long days that followed that night in the woods, Laphaniel showed me everything. I saw the waterfalls beyond the woodland pouring over the rocks below, and felt them crash against my skin as I swam in the lake. I watched thunderstorms tear through the skies, ripping apart the calm spring evenings in a roar of noise and light. Under the warm sun, Laphaniel held out my hands so I could watch as sprites alighted on my outstretched fingers. They were tiny and perfect, with their wings as thin as rice paper, and as delicate as autumn leaves. With Laphaniel's arms always around me, I saw it all.
It didn't take long to lose track of the days, each one perfect and unique, flowing easily into the warm nights before beginning again with the dawn.
One night, he took my hand and led me deeper into the woods behind his house, showing me clearings filled with white wild flowers. Their petals curled upwards as the moonlight touched them, filling the air with rich perfume that I couldn't breathe in deep enough.
Laphaniel's hands never left me, even when he bent low to pick one of the blooms for me, his free hand lingered whisper-soft on my calf, as if he feared I would run from him. I touched his hand as he slid the stem through my hair, and I watched as his lips twitched into a near smile, though his eyes remained dark.
“Thank you,” I said, reaching up to kiss him, but he turned his head, so my lips found his cheek, and not his mouth. “It's beautiful.”
Laphaniel shrugged, a casual lift of his shoulders that was betrayed by the black look in his eyes. I found myself clinging to his hand tighter, the erratic song of my heartbeat pausing as fear mingled with my delight and longing to be with him. I wanted him to kiss me like he had when he made love to me, but he didn't...he wouldn't, and I couldn’t help but wonder if I had somehow disappointed him.
“You're bored of me already.”
Laphaniel sighed, reaching up to tuck the wayward strands of hair behind my ear. He pulled me tight against him, the weight of his hands firm against the small of my back. As I nestled close to him, I could hear his heartbeat and I suddenly felt cold. There was a falling sensation in my body that had nothing to do with the closeness of his. It was like walking upstairs and believing there is one more step than there really is, that terrible sensation of displacement as your foot falls through nothing. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to place the feeling, but I may as well have been grasping at dreams for all the good it did.
“You'll be long dead before I grow bored of you, Teya.”
I knew his words should have triggered something other than delighted hope, but I found myself grinning at him, my heart soaring once again.
In his arms, I watched the stars blink in the pitch as dark clouds drifted over. They were heavy with the promises of rain, rumbling with the threat of another storm. I looked up as the rain began to fall, soaking my hair as it quickly turned into a downpour. It crashed against the trees, forcing the more delicate blossom to be stripped from the branches and crushed to the floor in a flurry of multicoloured mulch. With a sweep of his hand, Laphaniel brushed away the flowers that had landed on my shoulders, his fingers lingering for a moment against my arms.
“Come home with me,” he said, his voice filled with music. “Stay with me.”
I untangled myself from him and he let go reluctantly. I grinned, and his eyes darkened, the silver ring around his pupil the only light behind them. Raindrops dripped from his hair, sliding down his skin to caress his neck, and I envied them.
Laphaniel turned slowly as I moved away, twisting around to face me with his arm outstretched. I held mine out, almost touching his...but as he stepped forwards, I skipped away. I laughed at the look that flashed across his face, turning his beautiful eyes the colour of the storm clouds.
“Are you teasing me?” he asked, amusement warming his voice.
“Yes!” I laughed again, tipping my head back as I swirled with my arms outstretched, catching the raindrops. “Catch me.”
I ran giggling through the trees, closely pursued by Laphaniel as he called out to me, his voice merely another shadow in the woods. There was no fear as I ran as fast as I could through the oaks and twisted vines. I wanted him to catch me.
Cold rain hammered down on me, soaking the bare skin on my arms and legs until they were nearly numb and I began to shiver. My legs were stinging from the brambles I had charged through, little trails of blood trickled down and mixed with the rain and I thought for just a moment...that I should stop...to feel something...to feel what? It made no sense to long for anything but the blind relief when Laphaniel's arms found me at last.
“Don't run from me,” he said. The storm had calmed behind his eyes so instead they shone like amethysts.
“Are you worried I'll get lost?”
“Lost, fall to your death, eaten.”
I smiled shyly. “All of the above?”
“If anyone could achieve all three, I have no doubts it would be you.” He glanced down at my legs and narrowed his eyes. “Your legs are bleeding.”
“It doesn't hurt,” I began, laughing as he
scooped me up into his arms. “You make the pain go away.”
“Is that what you want?”
I closed my eyes, leaning against his shoulder, breathing in the wonderful smell of him. "Yes."
“Then I can make it stop, all that pain and frustration. All that fear. I can make it all stop, so you don't need to be afraid of the dark anymore. I can show you eternity and everything in-between. We can watch the sun rise until the end of forever and you never have to be afraid again.”
I clung to him like someone drowning. “I love you.”
I heard his breath catch, and waited for him to say something, to repeat those three little words that had simply flown past my lips. I had never uttered them to anyone before, and I truly believed I never would to anyone else.
“You are too willing to give your heart to me, Teya.”
“You don't want it?”
Laphaniel sighed, tilting his head so it touched mine, a gentle nuzzle that was as near to a kiss as he would give me.
“I'm afraid of what I might do to it,” he whispered, holding me tighter as he began to move silently through the dark woods.
Chapter Sixteen
Laphaniel's hand was warm against my arm, his fingers tight on my skin, ready to pull me back if I got too close to the edge of the lake. He would only allow me to watch from a distance, forbidding me to touch the beautiful creatures as I did the unicorns. From where I stood, I could see them lazing on the rocks as the sunlight shone down on them. Their wet bodies glistened in the morning light, the droplets of water glimmering like gemstones on their naked bodies. I could smell the water that rippled over them, the seaweed that clung to their knotted hair, and the odd tang that seeped from their skin that beckoned me closer.
They watched me, large black eyes unblinking as they whispered amongst themselves. I could see their mouths curve upwards as they smiled at me; their lips tinged blue as if they had spent too long in cold waters.
“Come with us,” they coaxed, and if it wasn't for the ever-tightening grip Laphaniel had on me, I would have gone readily. “Come with us, swim with us...drown with us.”
Darling, There Are Wolves in the Woods Page 11