Not Forsaken
Page 1
Table of Contents
Chapter 1: Daddy, Watch Me!
Chapter 2: The Most Important Thing About You
Chapter 3: A God to Call Father
Chapter 4: Reflection versus Perfection
Chapter 5: The Tale of Two Trees
Chapter 6: Reverse the Curse
Chapter 7: Discovering the Perfect Father
Chapter 8: Appreciating the Flawless Father
Chapter 9: Growing Up Like Dad
Chapter 10: Be Imitators of God
Epilogue: Your New Story Has Just Begun
Acknowledgments
Notes
About the Author
Praise for Not |Forsaken
“One of the greatest heartbreaks of my life was watching my dad walk away from our family. And I know I’m not alone. Not Forsaken is one of the most important books of this generation. It will help you reclaim your identity as a fully loved child . . . of God! Louie Giglio shows us how to know God in a brand new, empowering way. I give this book my highest recommendation.”
Lysa TerKeurst ,
#1 New York Times bestselling author,
President of Proverbs 31 Ministries
“Much of our worry stems from the fact that we don’t view God as a loving Father. Not Forsaken will help you realize how much God cares for you and is committed to taking care of the details of your life—you’ll learn to trust God more.”
Pastor Rick Warren ,
Senior Pastor of Saddleback Church,
Author of The Purpose Driven Life and
The Purpose Driven Church
“When I first became a Christian, I had a lot to learn. Truth is, I still do. Thankfully, God has been patient with me through the years and shown me what it’s really like to be His child. But here’s the thing: He wants you to discover that same truth in your own life. And I firmly believe Not Forsaken is a great place to start.”
Dave Ramsey ,
Bestselling author and nationally
syndicated radio show host
“Olympic Gold medals, WNBA titles, and undefeated seasons could easily be described as the most important part of my identity. But it’s not! Knowing that I am a beloved daughter of a perfect Father literally changed my life years ago and it’s what I count on every day as a professional athlete. Louie’s Not Forsaken connects with each one of us as he so clearly points us back to our perfect Father. Open your heart and dive into Not Forsaken . . . you won’t be the same!”
Maya Moore ,
Four-time WNBA Champion,
Two-time Olympic Gold Medalist,
WNBA All-Star and all-time leading scorer
“Some communicators speak to the heart. Others speak to the head. A choice few are able to speak to both. My friend Louie Giglio is one of these. He is both pastor and teacher. He certainly has pastored and taught me. His new book Not Forsaken addresses a deep need. May God use it to heal and help us all.”
Max Lucado ,
Pastor and New York Times bestselling author
“It’s been said that what comes to mind when you think of God is the most important thing about you. In Not Forsaken , my friend, Pastor Louie Giglio brilliantly and beautifully helps us form a freeing, scriptural image of God. Don’t put this important and timely resource down.”
Crowder ,
Grammy-nominated artist, musician, and author
“To know the love of our heavenly Father is both liberating and empowering. The message of this book is both timely and timeless. It will help to heal the wounds and fill the deepest longings of a generation.”
Christine Caine ,
Founder, A21 and Propel
“I believe that God will use Not Forsaken to heal hurts in your heart you didn’t even know you had.”
Levi Lusko ,
Pastor of Fresh Life Church and author
“It’s all too easy to under-recognize, under-celebrate, and under-utilize some of the wonderful blessings we have as Christians. The amazing privilege that we get to call God ‘Father’ is likely toward the top of the list. Louie’s brilliant teaching in Not Forsaken is therefore such an important one—reminding us who we are as children of God, and reorienting us in our relationship with Him. This wonderful book is a celebration of the Father heart of God, and of the life-changing identity we have as His sons and daughters. You’ll love it!”
Matt Redman ,
Global worship leader,
Grammy-winning songwriter, and author
“If you’re looking for freedom from something done to or withheld from you, Not Forsaken will set your eyes on the One who redeems every wrong and stands ready to shower you with every blessing.”
Roma Downey ,
Actress, author, and producer
“Having lost my father when I was younger, I know how powerful it is to know that God will be my perfect Father and that I’ll never live a day without Him. My heavenly Father filled every void and never missed a ball game, graduation, or birthday. I believe this book, Not Forsaken , will bring hope and healing to us all.”
Travis Greene ,
Musician and pastor of Forward City Church
“Not Forsaken is a powerful book that offers a revolutionary promise to us all. Louie beautifully describes a God who is for you and not against you, and he invites us to live as a loved son or daughter of the King.”
Scott Harrison ,
New York Times bestselling author of
Thirst : A Story of Redemption, Compassion,
and a Mission to Bring Clean Water to the World
“Not Forsaken is a powerful book. An important book. My friend Louie is right—what you believe about God is not only the most important thing about you but is absolutely crucial to how you live. Sadly, one of the most misunderstood roles of God is as our Father. I lost my own dad when I was only nine months old and know what it’s like to lack a healthy comprehension of who He is in that respect. But I have also discovered that embracing God as your heavenly Father can transform your life—filling you with the abiding reality that you are loved, wanted, secure, have a significant purpose in this world, and have an unshakable eternal hope. So I am grateful to Louie for writing such a thoughtful and timely book about the fatherhood of God. My prayer is that through Louie’s wise and powerful words, your eyes will be opened to the awesome, sacrificial love God has for you so you can comprehend who you are as His beloved child. Because in this truth is healing, freedom, overflowing hope, and all the eternal blessings God has for you.”
Dr. Charles Stanley ,
Senior Pastor, First Baptist Atlanta,
President, In Touch Ministries
OTHER BOOKS BY
LOUIE GIGLIO
Goliath Must Fall
Indescribable: 100 Devotions About God & Science
The Comeback
Waiting Here For You
Passion: The Bright Light of Glory
I Am Not But I Know I Am
The Air I Breathe
Copyright © 2019 by Louie Giglio
All rights reserved.
Printed in the United States of America
978-1-5359-5695-6
Published by B&H Publishing Group
Nashville, Tennessee
Dewey Decimal Classification: 231.1
Subject Heading: GOD / FATHERHOOD / FATHER-CHILD RELATIONSHIP
Unless otherwise noted, all Scripture is taken from New International Version®, NIV® Copyright ©1973, 1978, 1984, 2011 by Biblica, Inc.® Used by permission. All rights reserved worldwide.
Also used: New American Standard Bible (nasb ), copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation.
Also used: English Standard Version (esv ), ESV® Text Edition: 2016. Copyri
ght © 2001 by Crossway Bibles, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers.
Also used: The Message (msg ), copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002 by Eugene H. Peterson.
Also used: New Living Translation (nlt ), copyright © 1996, 2004, 2015 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.
Cover design is a collaborative work by B&H and Passion. Author photo © Cameron Powell.
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To my dad, Louie Giglio.
In spite of all the obstacles you had to overcome with your father you were a great dad to Gina and me.
To my father-in-law, Milton “Bud” Graves.
A man of honor, wisdom, and strength. I’m so grateful for all I’ve learned by watching you.
To every dad who’s doing all you can to shower your kids with a father’s blessing.
And, “I will be a Father to you, and you will be my sons and daughters, says the Lord Almighty.”
2 Corinthians 6:18
Chapter 1
Daddy, Watch Me!
Remember those lazy summer afternoons at the neighborhood pool when you were a kid? And remember how the atmosphere would change in a heartbeat if Dad showed up?
Mom was like a superhero, shuttling you and your siblings or friends from event to event, game to game. She was always there, like an air-traffic controller making sure all the important affairs in your life stayed in the air and stayed on schedule. No dentist appointment or friend’s birthday party would be missed.
So of course Mom was at the pool. Who else would have carried all the floats and the cooler and the towels and snacks?! (Moms, we love you!) But Mom was often the under-appreciated, stabilizing force in your universe—like gravity or Newton’s law of physics.
But then Dad would make an appearance and we’d lose our minds!
Thoughts like this one take me back to our annual family vacations in Florida when I was growing up. We stayed in the same motel every year, a fairly simple 1960s setup right on the beach comprised of two double-story buildings, their efficiency rooms facing one another across a grassy lawn. The swimming pool was tucked in between the two buildings near the parking lot.
All of us kids (we normally took our vacation with two or three other families) spent most mornings in the pool waiting for our dads to return from their deep-sea fishing outing or their early morning round of golf. When the dads showed up back at the motel, exhausted I’m sure from being out in the sweltering heat, the oh-so-common exclamation arose from the swimming pool.
Daddy’s here! YAAAAAY!
Our excitement soon led to chants of: Dad, Dad . . . come in the pool! Soon followed by the invariable cry shouted by kids the world over:
Daddy—watch me!
Do you remember a moment like this one? As soon as your dad arrived you couldn’t wait to show him what you could do, what you had learned—your best dive, your best splash, your best underwater swim, your best jump. So you called out again, and you called out louder: Daddy! Watch me! Daddy! Daddy! Look what I can do! Watch me float on my back! Watch me jump into the pool! Watch me, Daddy! I’m going to do my running dive! Hey—look at me! Are you watching me, Daddy! Daaa-aaa-aaa-dddy!
What was happening in that moment?
Maybe you wanted so desperately for your dad to look your way. You wanted him to validate your new skills. You wanted him to acknowledge how special you were to him. You wanted him to celebrate you. You wanted him to cheer for you.
Maybe you simply wanted your father to notice you.
You wanted him to look your way and say, I see you.
You wanted him to be there .
For you.
Can you still feel that moment—or a moment just like it? Maybe for you a scene like this one played out on the trampoline in the backyard. Or maybe it unfolded at your basketball game when you noticed your dad walk into the gym during halftime. Or maybe your “dad’s here” moment happened at your piano recital when, after peeking repeatedly around the curtain before your turn to perform, you finally saw the outline of your father’s frame in the doorway.
In each case you weren’t implying Mom’s opinion didn’t matter—that her approval wasn’t important. In fact, I want to say off the bat that this book is not intended to discount the amazing and irreplaceable role Moms play in our lives. Their blessing is essential, and we can’t fully flourish in life without it. It’s just that there was something different—and special—about what your daddy thought about you.
That Primal Craving
This book is for everyone who has a father. And for all those who know what it’s like to long for a father’s blessing—a father’s approval, affection, and attention. It’s for anyone who longs to hear your daddy say, I love you and I’m so proud of you.
Maybe that blessing has been there in your life. But maybe it hasn’t. Or maybe the blessing was there for a time, but then you sensed it slipping away. Or maybe the approval was never there in quite the way you wanted it to be. You always felt it was performance-based, not unconditional.
That’s the raw spot where we want to go to in this book. Because that longing for a father’s affection and approval is innate and universal—and a lot of us didn’t always get what we were desperate for from the man who was responsible for bringing us into this world.
That longing is unquestionably there when we’re growing up. We crave our dad’s attention and approval when we’re little kids, and we want so badly to hear him say:
That was incredible, baby girl.
Wow, Ace (that’s what my dad called me), that was the best game of all time.
I see you, Princess! Do it again!
Way to go, son! You’re getting so much better!
Yet, that longing is still there when we’re older too, even though it may show up in different and more complex ways. Every one of us is desperate for the approval of a father—no matter what our age. A recent study in Psychology Today underscores this need for a father’s approval, even at the stages of life where we have matured and reached levels of success. Dr. Peggy Drexler writes:
In my research into the lives of some 75 high-achieving, clearly independent women, I knew that I would find powerful connection between them and the first men in their lives. What surprised me was how deep (and surprisingly traditional) the bond is, how powerful it remains throughout their lives, and how resilient it can be—even when a father has caused it grievous harm. No matter how successful their careers, how happy their marriages, or how fulfilling their lives, women told me that their happiness passed through a filter of their fathers’ reactions. Many told me that they tried to remove the filter and—much to their surprise—failed. We know that fathers play a key role in the development and choices of their daughters. But even for women whose fathers had been neglectful or abusive, I found a hunger for approval . They wanted a warm relationship with men who did not deserve any relationship at all. 1
Did you catch that key phrase—the “hunger for approval”? The same can be said for sons as well as daughters. According to Dr. Frank Pittman, author of Man Enough , “Life for most boys and for many grown men is a frustrating search for the lost father who has not yet offered protection, provision, nurturing, modeling, or, especially, anointment.” 2 That word anointment refers to being chosen, blessed . . . approved. We are all desperate for our fathers’ approval. But it’s not always there.
the god of heaven is not moving on without you.
Without this approval, we can feel given up on, abandoned, deserted, or disowned. We can feel ignored or isolated or jilted or judged. There’s some kind of thirst we can’t quench on our own, a hole we cannot fill no matter how hard we try. This void, this lack of a father’s presence and approval, can feel like a shadow that is always there, an intangible missing piece we don’t even know how to find. In the words of Dr. Drexler, our happiness or satisfaction or contentment or peace, st
ill passes through “a filter of [our] father’s reactions.”
And when that approval isn’t there, in one word, we feel . . .
forsaken.
That word, forsaken , means to be left behind or to be left in a difficult condition by someone when you really needed that person to stay. But know this—the God of heaven is not moving on without you. He’s not walking out on you or trying to inflict pain on you.
Maybe the word you would have chosen would be angry. Or abandoned. Or misunderstood.
But underneath it all is a sobering sense that your father cared about something more than your best.
I know that even mentioning this need for a father’s approval might be problematic for you, striking a nerve close to the surface or tapping into a hurt you tried to bury eighty feet underground, and you’re thinking, I don’t want to go there . It’s also possible that although you’re just a few pages into this book, you realize the issues with your dad are more real than you’d like to admit. Maybe the walls are already rising around your heart.
On the other hand, some of you had great fathers, and you know what’s it’s like to live in the rays of a father’s blessing, the marvelous light of a father’s love. If that’s the story of your life’s journey that’s something to celebrate and be grateful for, but don’t toss this book aside thinking it’s not for you. I promise there’s a great reward waiting for you in these pages as you discover more of what it means to be a loved son or daughter of the King.
The greatest likelihood is that many of you have never known the blessing—or the full blessing—of your earthly dad. What’s worse, some of you are stuck with the fact that the possibility of ever hearing your dad say, I love you and I’m proud of you , is gone—washed away by death or distance or disinterest. The blessing you long for is mired in a pit of regret, pain, or abandonment. This is your reality, and there’s little or nothing you can do to change it. You feel like it’s too late.