At the top of the stairs she went into their bedroom. The bed was made but there were no suitcases. She opened the wardrobe and drawers. Everything was in its usual place. Yet her heartbeat grew faster. Something had changed. There was a different smell in the air. She carried on along the landing, drawn to what would be the baby’s room. Suddenly, all the things she’d need to do and buy before the baby arrived crowded into her head. The thought of coping as a single parent panicked her. She couldn’t do this alone.
In the baby’s room she took a sharp intake of breath. The walls had been painted with buttercup yellow and white stripes. In the middle of the room stood a white crib. Alongside it was a matching changing table and a chest of drawers.
‘Susie and Harry offered to do everything for us,’ James said, appearing in the doorway. ‘Susie, especially, has been so supportive.’
‘It’s wonderful.’ She hugged him tight. After a second, his body relaxed and he hugged her back, kissing her face all over.
‘I’ve been so worried about you,’ he murmured into her hair, ‘both of you. I thought we might lose the baby.’ He pushed tears from his face and nuzzled into her neck.
‘Me too,’ she said. ‘I’m so sorry for everything.’ She pulled back and traced his worry lines. ‘I’ve wanted to tell you about Frankie for so long.’
He drew her to him again.
‘I’ll understand if you can’t forgive me, if you want me to leave,’ she whispered.
‘Sssh, we’re going to learn how to be parents together,’ he said.
‘But I’ve already failed miserably.’
‘Then I’ve failed too.’
‘What do you mean?’ She drew back so she could see his face.
‘There’s something I need to tell you too.’ He hung his head low for a moment, then looked her in the eye. ‘My little brother Ben had an accident when he was six, except it was partly my fault. My parents left me to look after him, as usual, while they buggered off down the pub. We were mucking about like brothers do and I pushed him a bit too hard. He lost his balance and put his hands out to stop himself falling, but he fell through a glass panel in the back door. There was blood everywhere. I called an ambulance then ran to the pub to get Mum and Dad. They blamed it all on me. I had this awful pain in my stomach for weeks, like I’d been permanently winded by what I’d done. Ben was badly scarred. I felt so guilty, but I was only ten myself. They’ve never forgiven me.’
‘That’s completely unfair. No wonder you don’t want anything to do with them. But what about Ben?’
‘We lost touch when I left home. They poisoned him against me. Because he was so young, they convinced him I did it on purpose. They failed to mention they were in the pub getting pissed as usual.’
‘How could they do that to children in their care?’
‘They never really took to me. Maybe because I was that bit older when they adopted me. I wasn’t easy to deal with. I used to play them up, go missing in the supermarket, scribble on my bedroom wall, wet the bed. Ben was always the cute younger one. They’d deliberately buy him whatever he wanted pretty much, but if I asked for anything, they either ignored or mocked me.’
‘Why didn’t you tell me about any of this?’ She stroked his arms.
‘I suppose I was embarrassed, ashamed. I didn’t want you to know how bad I am at looking after children. It was easier not to say anything.’
‘But you were just a child yourself. They shouldn’t have given you that responsibility. It wasn’t your fault, it was theirs.’
‘I suppose I’ve come to accept that now.’
‘And you thought it would be easier not to have any of your own?’
‘I couldn’t face being responsible for someone else again.’
‘You told Susie though.’ As soon as she said it, she knew she sounded like a jealous teenager.
‘I was young then, angry. She helped me to see it wasn’t my fault.’
‘Is that why you had your baby aborted?’
James tilted his head. ‘Partly, but neither of us was mature enough. We both agreed it would be a disaster because we realised we didn’t love each other.’
She leaned her head on his chest.
‘Have you thought about trying to find Ben, put things right between you?’
‘I tried to tell him my side of the story when I was older, but he wouldn’t listen.’
‘You can try again like I’m going to try with Frankie. It’s going to be all right you know. We’ll muddle through this together. This baby will be loved, is already loved.’ She held his hands to her bump.
‘And I love you,’ he said and kissed her.
Kate kissed him back.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
At work on Wednesday morning, Kate texted Frankie while waiting for her emails to download. She pleaded with her to call, but there was no reply. She clicked through her emails from the past two days. They’d be playing catch-up all week. There was one from the marketing woman at Shapeshifters, Izzy, saying she could meet her at the Emergency Exit Escape Rooms near Luton anytime next week. The guy who owned the business, Rupert, had also emailed to confirm he could give them a full tour and then a taster of their Haunted House Room at 2.30 p.m., next Monday, the seventeenth of December. It would be her last major appointment before Christmas.
The whole team was gathered together for a meeting. ‘Hello, everyone, sorry we’ve been away. I had a little mishap slipping on ice and ended up in hospital. I hope you’re all okay and had a better weekend than we did. I know it’s Wednesday, but I thought we’d have our Monday meeting anyway so we all know where we’re up to.’ She perched on the edge of a desk next to James and gave her usual pep-talk. ‘Business is still going strong for this final quarter and the diary is full for the next eleven days up to Christmas. We’ve already had several new enquiries come in over the weekend via the website for events in the new year.’
A positive murmur circulated the room.
‘So it’s all looking great. But then we’ve got the best team in the business, haven’t we?’ They’d made the shortlist in both categories for the Hemel Business Awards and had been invited to the presentation evening in the new year.
James smiled proudly at her.
‘Here, here!’ Steve shouted and everyone clapped.
‘Thanks, everyone. Steve, if you could update us first on the CSI event, then we’ll go round clockwise.’ She listened closely to all seven members of the team and noted any problems to be actioned. Jane took the minutes. At the end James stood up to speak.
‘And there’s a little announcement we’d like to make.’ He looked round the room then at Kate. She smiled at him.
‘I’m delighted to tell you all that, amazingly, we’re expecting our first baby.’
Everyone shrieked and clapped then came forward to congratulate them.
‘I knew it!’ Sally said. ‘Well, I didn’t, but when you fainted that day, it was the first thing that crossed my mind, but knowing you didn’t plan to have children, I thought I must have got it wrong. I’m so happy for you both.’
‘Thank you.’ Kate hugged her. She was so pleased the news was finally out.
When Kate eventually got back to her office she sat down and James sat on her desk.
‘Any luck with Frankie?’ he asked.
‘No, I must have tried her twenty times.’ She checked her phone again, hoping there weren’t any other messages. Nothing.
‘Maybe leave it a few days.’
‘Do you think Paul could be discouraging her from staying in contact with me?’
‘Possible, I suppose. But I think it’s because she’s still upset.’
‘This came for you while you were away.’ Jane brought in a large package wrapped in black paper. Kate checked the address label. A symbol of hands praying and a cross was in the left-hand corner.
‘What’s that?’ James asked.
‘I’ve not ordered anything.’
‘Open it.’
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br /> Using a pair of scissors, she carefully scored along the line of Sellotape. She opened the box which was filled with black tissue paper. A crisp white envelope sat on top with a cross in the centre. She took out a thick piece of card with a line drawing of a sleeping baby wrapped in angel wings. She glanced at the writing underneath and dropped the card on the desk, covering her mouth.
‘What is it?’ James picked the card up and read it out: ‘“I hope you lose your baby.”’
‘Who is this from?’ he asked Kate as if she could answer. He pulled out the black tissue paper and lifted out a weighty wooden box, like a child’s jewellery box but deeper. He turned it in his hands. The top and sides were decorated with white fluffy clouds on a blue background and teddy bears with angel wings, a single tear on each teddy’s face.
Kate screamed.
‘Fuck, is this what I think it is?’ He let it drop back on the desk with a thud, looking at his hands as though they were covered in blood. His face was screwed up in disgust. She shook her head at him in shared disbelief. A child’s ashes urn and a memorial card. Who could be so sick? The whole team were crowded at the door, shock on their faces. Could it be from one of them, secretly unhappy or jealous of their success? But they were all so close, almost like family. Did it warrant doing this? What did? This was the action of someone who wasn’t in their right mind.
‘I’m calling the police.’ James picked up the phone and dialled.
Before the officer arrived, Kate showed James all the texts and social media messages she’d received. She told him about finding ‘Bitch’ daubed in red lipstick on her car. She wished she’d taken a photo of it.
‘This is some serious weirdo on the loose,’ he said when she showed him the Instagram post of their front door. ‘Jesus wept; how does he know where we live?’
‘It was when we were away as well. He could have broken in. And there was that flower that arrived that I put in the bin. It came with a nasty message about waiting for me to die, so I assumed it was from Paul, but he denies doing any of it. Whoever it is probably sent me the abortion stuff too.’
‘Why haven’t you told me about this? This person is dangerous.’
‘Because you’ve had enough to deal with accepting this baby and then finding out about Frankie. And I didn’t want you to think any of it was true.’
‘Is there anyone you can think of that could have done this, because the police will want to know everything. You can’t hold back.’
‘I haven’t got a clue.’
When the police arrived they took down details of all the evidence and said they would try and trace the phone numbers, but as Kate suspected, they believed they were probably from the same pay-as-you-go mobile using different SIM cards, which would be almost impossible to track down.
Who hated her enough to do this? If it wasn’t Paul or Frankie, who else? An old client with a grudge? No, it had to be someone who knew about her pregnancy, but they’d hardly told anyone until today. There was only Susie and Harry, but that just wasn’t possible, was it? She’d had her differences with Susie, but would she do this? No, it was far too cruel. Had James told Mac? She guessed he knew they were having problems, but he wasn’t the sort of person to interfere let alone do something so vile. Maybe James had confided in someone else, like Jasmine? Did she secretly hate Kate and want to take her place? She hoped not. She was a good worker, a real asset to the team. Whoever it was, it seemed this person would stop at nothing to hurt her. Her life and the life of her unborn baby could be in real danger.
Chapter Thirty-Nine
Kate was pleased to see her mother up and dressed the following morning, a puzzler book in one hand, The Times tucked under her arm.
‘You’re early. I’ve only just finished breakfast.’
‘It’s good to see you looking so well, Mum.’
‘You look a bit peaky yourself. Are you sure you’ve not left hospital too soon?’
‘They gave me the all clear. I need to take it easy, although I’m back at work already.’ Kate moved a chair nearer so her mother could sit down. She was keeping her mobile switched off and only checking it twice a day. So far there had been no new nasty messages for over twenty-four hours. The police had told her to keep a diary of everything that was sent.
Elizabeth picked up her knitting and rearranged the ball of blue speckled wool in her lap. Kate sat on the edge of another chair and scratched a new patch of dry skin on her hand. How was she going to break the news to her mother that she had a grown-up granddaughter?
‘Everything all right?’ Elizabeth cocked her head to one side.
Kate shook her head.
‘What is it?’
‘I found out about the money from Dad’s account. It was going to Paul.’
‘Really? What on earth for?’ Her mother looked up from her needles; the blanket of knitting reached over her knees. ‘All that money going to him? There must be a mistake.’
Kate looked away. She’d made such a mess of her life. Running away as a teenager and then abandoning her baby. How was she going to tell her this? How would her mum ever forgive her for doing the same thing her mother did to her?
‘It was for our daughter.’
The needles stopped moving.
‘Your daughter?’ Her mother’s eyes searched her face. ‘And you didn’t tell us?’
‘I’m so sorry, I should have told you about her before, but I’ve only just got in touch with her myself.’
‘What do you mean? Where were you?’ Her mother’s hands gripped the needles so tightly that her fists trembled.
‘I… I left her with Paul when she was a baby.’
Her mother unfurled her fingers and laid the needles in her lap. She’d aged ten years in as many seconds.
‘When was this?’
‘Twenty-three years ago.’ Kate wanted to be sick. She couldn’t bear the pain she’d caused everyone. Whoever was sending those messages knew full well that she deserved every single malicious word.
Elizabeth slid the needles out of the loops of wool and yanked at the loose end, unravelling row after row of stitches; the length of knitting now a dying bird bobbing about in her lap.
‘Mum! What are you doing?’ Kate stood up, sending the chair crashing backwards.
‘It’s all wrong, everything is wrong.’ Elizabeth pulled and pulled at the wool until there was a muddled nest at her feet.
‘Mum, please stop!’
‘Why did you abandon your baby?’
‘I’m so sorry, if I’d known what had happened to you…’
‘Would it have stopped you?’
‘I don’t know. I had post-natal depression. I was a terrible mother to her.’
‘That doesn’t explain why Paul was demanding money from you.’
‘He was blackmailing Dad, then when he died, he came after me. He told him I hurt Frankie, but I didn’t mean to. She wasn’t harmed. I lost control with her for a few seconds. I didn’t mean to shake her.’ She took a tissue from the bedside table and wiped her tears away.
‘Oh Kate, how could you do that?’
‘I don’t know. I was so ashamed I couldn’t tell anyone. She could have been seriously hurt and I felt so bad I had to get away.’
‘I wish you could have come to us.’
‘I thought about it so much, but I couldn’t face either of you, especially after the way I left.’
‘And James?’
‘He’s okay now, I think. I wasn’t sure he’d forgive me.’
‘But he has?’
‘I think so.’ Kate pressed her hand to her chest.
‘You’ve both got this baby to look forward to now.’
‘I know, and I’m so grateful.’ Kate nodded and smiled. She wanted to give her mother a hug but didn’t know how.
‘So come on, tell me about my granddaughter. What’s her name? I bet she’s a beautiful young lady.’
‘Yes… yes, she is. Her name’s Francesca, Frankie.’
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�Lovely. I like that.’
Kate stared into space.
‘What’s the matter?’
‘She’s upset with me because I hadn’t told James about her, and I didn’t tell her straight away about the baby.’
‘That’s understandable. When will you see her again? When can I meet her?’
‘I don’t know, Mum.’
Elizabeth frowned at what was left of her knitting.
‘She says she doesn’t want to see me.’
Elizabeth rested her hands in her lap, the needles empty now, crossed over in front of her.
‘I’ve really messed things up.’
‘She’ll need time to sort it all out in her head. It’s a lot to take in.’
A nurse rushed past them to a patient at the end of the ward and zipped the curtains round the bed with such force they blew out like sails.
‘Mrs Hubbard,’ Elizabeth whispered, straining to hear what was going on. ‘They’re surprised she’s still alive. Had a terrible night. Kept us all awake.’
Kate gazed at the shuffle of feet below the hemmed curtain. The smell of disinfectant hummed in the stagnant air. Every time she visited, she fought the urge to throw open the huge windows.
‘When are they going to let you go home?’
‘End of the week, they said.’
‘That’s good news.’
‘I honestly didn’t think I’d make it this far.’
‘Well you have.’ Kate sighed. ‘Mum, there’s something else I need to tell you about Frankie.’
‘Oh?’
‘She had an accident a few years ago.’
‘Oh goodness.’
‘She fell off a horse.’
‘Is she all right? I mean, you said yourself she’s grown into a beautiful young woman.’
Kate nodded. ‘But she landed badly and broke her back.’
‘Oh no, that’s dreadful. How is she?’
‘She’s okay, she’s going to be okay.’ Tears welled in Kate’s eyes. Saying it aloud made it more real. She was shocked by her delayed reaction. ‘She couldn’t walk at first, but they’ve operated on her. She’s doing really well.’
Elizabeth reached up and gripped Kate’s wrist.
A Mother Like You Page 22