My Husband's Lies

by Caroline England

  ‘Her wrist,’ Seb finishes. ‘No painting; that would really piss her off …’ Dan feels his gaze. ‘Sorry about the mix-up,’ he says. ‘New phone, new number …’

  They fall silent for a while, watching Teddy’s head droop as Dan gently rocks him.

  ‘Bedtime, I think,’ Geri says.

  Seb stands. ‘Yeah, right, I’ll get going. I’ll just call a taxi—’

  She peels Teddy from Dan’s arms. ‘Don’t be daft, Seb, I didn’t mean you. Stay and have a drink. We haven’t seen you for ages.’

  ‘No, it’s fine. It’s late, I didn’t think of the time. I just wanted to thank Dan. I’ll get going.’

  Dan shakes himself back to Geri’s gaze. ‘It’s no problem. Look, you don’t need to get a taxi. I can drive. It only takes twenty minutes at this time of night.’

  ‘I wouldn’t want to put you out, but if it’s no trouble—’

  ‘No!’ The men turn towards Geri. ‘No,’ she says again more quietly. ‘It’s been a long time since we’ve seen you. Stay, have a few drinks. We have several spare bedrooms for heaven’s sake. I’m sure we could dig out a toothbrush.’ She walks to the door, then looks back with a smile. ‘Tell him he’s to stay, Dan. You can drop him at the hospital in the morning, save taxi fares here, there and everywhere. A beer for me, please. Back in a mo.’

  Dan follows, watching her climb the stairs. ‘Beer,’ he says, his feet stuck to the floor. ‘Beers.’ He walks to the kitchen eventually. Opens the fridge and stares, the blast of cold air clearing his head.

  He returns with three lagers and hands one to Seb without really looking. He’s still dazed that he’s here. Relieved and stunned and nervous. Perching on the sofa, he puts the bottle to his lips. He knows Seb is staring, knows he’ll have to lift his head at some point and look back. When he finally does, Seb speaks.

  ‘Look, I’m sorry about my mobile,’ he says, leaning forward. His face is sincere, bashful. ‘I spent so long staring at the screen, willing a text to arrive …’ He shrugs. ‘It seemed easier to chuck it.’ After a moment, he smiles wryly. ‘It wasn’t.’ He looks to the door. ‘Are you all right with this? With me being here, staying tonight?’

  Silent for a moment, Dan pictures Teddy’s chuckle as he explored Seb’s face. It’s a beautiful image, one he knows will stay with him forever.

  He shakes his head and smiles. ‘Sure,’ he says.

  CHAPTER FIFTY-FIVE

  Penny

  Penny yanks open the curtain. It’s sunny, really sunny, a perfect day for a christening.

  ‘Yeah, it is,’ Will replies, hitching up from the bed. He shields his eyes. ‘Still feels early, though. What time is it?’

  Surprised she’d spoken aloud, Penny looks at her watch. ‘Only six, but I’ve so much to do. You go back to sleep.’

  Will doesn’t move. ‘Are you OK about today?’

  She turns back to the window. ‘Course, why wouldn’t I be? I just have lots to do before we leave.’

  ‘I thought that was all done. You finished work two weeks early especially.’

  ‘It is done. I just need to check …’

  Her voice drifting off, she heads for the en suite. She doesn’t want to tell him how full on it has been. Going round the crockery floor of Ikea again and again, trying to make decisions, colours and shapes and textures, expensive or cheap. Eventually deciding on something, then finding herself back at the start of the loop. Coming home empty-handed and having to nap from sheer exhaustion. Finally buying everything online from John Lewis, thank God.

  She steps in the shower. Just a few hours to go, just a few hours to go! Was it odd that Will asked if she was OK? Has Debbie contacted him and spoken about her stay in hospital? Course not, just focus! Those sessions are confidential. Stop and breathe, stop and breathe, everything’s fine.

  Absently turning the tap, she goes back to the long wakeful night of her house-letting worries. ‘Twelve of everything,’ the agent said when she signed up. ‘Four double bedrooms and four extra of everything for guests.’

  Of course she didn’t have twelve. She only had half; six of everything. And anyway, they were all Denby, bought for their wedding. They’ve gone into storage. Everything has gone into storage. Except Will’s guitar.

  ‘You’ve forgotten your guitar, Will,’ she said when the removal van left.

  ‘I’m going to give it to Holly,’ he replied. ‘With the amp.’

  She didn’t want to ask, but found the words popping out. ‘You love that guitar! It cost you a fortune. Why would you do that? Why Holly?’

  Will frowned. ‘Because Holly can play the guitar. Maria and Anna can use it too, of course, but I don’t think they’re very musical.’

  A reasonable reply; it had been a normal reply, hadn’t it? But when she mentioned putting it in the car, he said he’d drop it off at Jen’s when the girls were at school tomorrow, didn’t want it to appear that Holly was his favourite. ‘Is she your favourite?’ she asked. ‘No of course not,’ he replied. ‘I just wouldn’t want Maria and Anna to be put out.’

  It’s fine, absolutely. A sensible thing to do. But she caught his expression, those hidden hooded eyes. He was lying, he was lying. She always knows when he lies. And why did he ask if she was OK about today? Are the two things connected somehow?

  Turning to the warm spray of water, she takes a deep breath and rubs her tummy. Escape very soon. Very, very soon. A tune, a comforting tune to help her relax. That’s all she needs. And if that doesn’t come, it’s not a problem at all. The internet came good and they’re safe in her handbag. She’s already popped two. Ironic name, really, her mother’s little helpers.

  CHAPTER FIFTY-SIX

  Jen

  Happy, Jen thinks. Everyone’s happy. I have to be too.

  The June sunshine streams through her bedroom window. The household has felt joyous all morning, the girls bickering excitedly over who’ll give baby Teddy his christening present first, who will hold him and who’ll feed him.

  Dan turned up unexpectedly with an invitation. ‘You’re getting Teddy baptised?’ she asked with surprise.

  ‘It’s what Geri wants.’

  ‘And the priest has allowed it?’

  ‘It’s the child who’s being invited into God’s family, not the mortally sinning parents, apparently. So that’s OK.’ He smiled wryly, his face lightly colouring.

  She gazed for a moment, not able to read him. ‘Is it what you want too?’

  That seemed to throw him. His dark eyebrows knitted, then he grinned. ‘Sure. Might be pelted with fire and brimstone, of course. Which is why I’m here; will you do us the honour of being a godparent?’

  The pleasure was inordinate, an unexpected fillip to lift her despondency. ‘Me? Really? Oh, that’s lovely. Not Will or Nick?’

  ‘I’d love to ask you all if I could, but I think it’s considered a bit flash to have a football team of godparents.’

  ‘Royalty does it.’

  ‘Well, you’re my royal choice, Jen. Of course, an insurance policy too – you’re the only bloody catholic among us who actually goes to church. When the day of reckoning comes …’

  Jen was pleased to see him joking; she’d popped in to visit him and Geri from time to time over the preceding few weeks, but he’d seemed soulful and tired, emphasised by Geri’s over-chirpiness. But she understood new babies are hard work, especially the first.

  ‘Who else will be godparents?’ she asked. ‘I need to know who my competitors are!’

  ‘Geri’s sister and Seb.’

  ‘Really? Strange combination.’

  ‘Geri’s choice. She really likes Seb. Women eh?’ he joked. ‘There’s me worrying about Teddy’s spiritual well-being and she’s thinking about cash, Seb being the most likely to succeed, as they say. You know, fame, fortune and wealth.’

  ‘Well, she has a point. There doesn’t seem to be a girlfriend on the horizon either. When I asked at Yvette’s, he said he was done with women after Claudia. So, I can
see Geri’s made a good move. A rich and generous godfather like Nick’s Uncle Derek. Possible inheritance in the longer run. Or maybe she’s trying to get her sister off with Seb, keeping it in the family.’

  Dan’s laugh seemed thin. ‘I’m rubbish at working out what goes on in the female mind, but I never thought of that one.’

  Jen now turns in her long bedroom mirror, chuffed with what she sees. She splashed out on a fitted cream suit and it’s a size smaller than the outfit she wore for Nick’s wedding. Like a best man, being a godparent feels special; she’s still flattered to be asked. Dan joked about the religious angle, but she’ll do a proper job. Nick’s creepy godfather gave him £50,000 for his wedding present; £500 might be stretching it, even by the time Teddy gets married. But money isn’t the point; she’s lovingly wrapped a children’s Bible and a prayer book for today, the girls have each chosen a special gift and of course she’s made the cake. It took days to perfect the icing and decorations. It looks professional and bloody brilliant, though she says so herself.

  She leans towards the mirror; the dimples are there, but her cheeks seem much slimmer. Her make-up is neat and she’s pleased with her hair, a shorter style, shaped into an inverted bob. Looking good, she feels, just needing the final touch, one she promised herself for today. She hasn’t seen Will since their final lovemaking. After today she won’t see him again for some time, at least not unless the family go on holiday to Grand Cayman. But will that really happen? Wasn’t she just saying it to help him decide? For him to do the right thing, have a family with Penny, even though her heart longed for him to stay.

  The earrings sparkle from their black silky pillow. She has no idea if the diamonds are real, but the plush box is embellished in gold with the name of a London jewellers. Perhaps she’ll know when she wears them, like The Princess and the Pea.

  She spends several minutes at the mirror, then hears the door open and Maria’s bright voice. ‘Wow, Mum, you look stunning!’ Then Maria comes closer, quickly passing the tissue box. ‘Careful, Mum. Your earlobes are bleeding. You don’t want to stain your lovely jacket.’

  Jen pads her ears, then the corners of her eyes. ‘I can’t get them in, Maria. I wanted to wear them today. I thought they’d look nice with this outfit.’ Taking a deep breath. ‘Oh well, never mind.’ Trying not to show her disappointment and tears.

  ‘Let me try,’ Maria says, holding out her palm. ‘Tell me if I need to stop.’ She spends a few moments gently inserting the studs. ‘There we go. They’re so pretty, Mum. When did you get them?’

  Jen waits a beat, wondering how she’ll answer. Will she ever really say, ‘They were bought by my lover. My lover, my man, my beautiful Will Taylor. I love him, I love him, I’ll never stop loving him. Even when my babies were placed in my arms, he was there in my heart, in my gut, in my soul.’

  But Maria is sweeping a finger over the gold lettering on the box. ‘Very posh. Let me guess. Another gift from Mrs Taylor? Gosh, I do hope neither Will nor Seb have children. Then all those lovely things will be ours!’

  ‘I know you’re joking, love, but that’s not nice,’ Jen replies automatically. But the comment takes her back to the usual visit this week. With her ankle in a boot cast, Yvette Taylor had sat opposite her at the kitchen table. The rays of sunshine through the window had lit up the dust; fine powder on the pine dresser and its assortment of chipped china plates, jugs and cups, on the fridge and the windowsill, on the photographs of her sons and her long-dead grinning husband.

  She seemed in good spirits. ‘I’m glad Sebastian is settled. He seems happy with his flat and his new career plans. And he has a good friend in Daniel, a steady influence, I feel,’ she said with a smile. ‘Of course I didn’t say so to him, but he and Claudia weren’t suited. Beautiful, certainly, but too wrapped up with herself. He’s always been a little needy, not as resilient as his brother. William is more like his father, of course.’ Her eyes clouded then. ‘I’ll miss him when he goes to Grand Cayman, but it’s probably for the best.’

  ‘We’ll all miss him,’ Jen replied.

  She put her hand on Jen’s arm. ‘But you will particularly.’

  The sincerity in her face took Jen’s breath, bringing on that urgent need to sob. She looked away from Yvette’s gaze, towards the thin yellow start of a watercolour resting on the easel, but Yvette waited until she had eye contact again.

  ‘You’ll always be my daughter, Jennifer. Holly’s mum.’ Her piercing eyes shone. ‘Don’t worry, I’ve never said anything, have I? But from the moment you brought her to see me at two or three weeks old, I knew. So, you’ll understand about the jewellery. Not just for her, but her sisters as well. We’re all family.’

  Of course Jen cried then, wept into a nearby tea towel and couldn’t stop. Yvette’s gaze flickered and she took a breath as though to say something. But instead she shook her head almost imperceptibly, stood up and give her a tight hug.

  Jen now sighs at the memory. What was Yvette going to say? She should have asked, she should have spoken. Instead she’s been left with imagined words and the smell of her delicate perfume.

  Jen steps from the people carrier, stands at the wall and studies the neat church lit up by sunshine. Five months since their last celebration, there’s no rain today; the sky is clear blue, the trees decorated with pink and white blossom. Yet there’s still a feeling of déjà vu as she watches the photographer walk discreetly between small clusters of family and friends, taking snaps.

  Cradling Teddy, Geri’s standing to one side with her family, chatting and smiling as she poses for photographs with aunties and uncles. As Jen gazes, she abruptly turns towards the St Mark’s crowd, watching for a few moments with a faraway frown. Then she lifts her hand to wave at Dan with the brightest of smiles.

  ‘Jen, are you coming? You’re miles away today.’

  Jen turns to the sound of Ian’s voice. He’s offering his arm. ‘You OK, love? You seem a little …’

  ‘Watch it,’ she replies. ‘Only compliments allowed. These heels can do damage.’

  Ian kisses her cheek. ‘You look fantastic, by the way. Sylph-like. I’m very proud to be yours.’ He rubs his hair, his face slightly flushed. ‘It seems daft now, but I did wonder a few weeks ago …’

  Jen’s heart almost stops. Oh God, he knows; how will she handle it? ‘Wondered what?’

  ‘Crumpled sheets. Crumbs.’ He shakes his head, the blush deepening. ‘Well, that happened last time. You needing daytime naps, grazing to stop the nausea. Money and space in the house would’ve been tight, but I wouldn’t have minded …’

  The relief surges out as laughter. ‘You thought I was pregnant?’ She prods him playfully. ‘Oh, Ian, you’re a star. Come on, lovely husband.’

  The girls dart ahead as she tiptoes along the grassy path holding onto his arm.

  ‘It’s The Godmother!’ she hears in an Italian accent.

  The hat hinders her view, so she turns. Dan lifts his hand. He’s grown a soft beard and he’s standing next to Seb. The two of them look a picture, both tall, slim and handsome in smart navy suits and colourful ties.

  ‘You two are a loss to the pink pound,’ she quips when she finally reaches them. ‘You look bloody gorgeous. I’d give you both a kiss but I can’t work out how to kiss and wear a hat at the same time.’

  Dan smiles. ‘Then I’ll have to catch one later. You look fabulous too. Jennifer O’Donnell, the honorary boy. Who would’ve thought she’d scrub up so well?’

  Will breaks from his conversation with Nick. ‘Some of us did,’ he says, smiling. He takes Jen’s hands and kisses both cheeks. ‘That’s how you do it. You look knockout,’ he says. The grin slips, he clears his throat. ‘Lovely earrings too.’

  Despite Ian looking on, the rush of emotion is immediately there. Oh God, she’ll miss him; she’ll miss him so much. She looks at her feet, tries for her wry tone. ‘I can’t walk in these bloody shoes though.’

  She feels Dan’s watchful gaze. ‘No taking them
off, now. Killer shoes are compulsory.’

  ‘Even Seb’s wearing them,’ Will says. He puts his arm on his brother’s shoulder. ‘They look like spats, little bro.’

  ‘That’s because they are. High fashion, I’ll have you know. And in keeping with the theme …’

  ‘Yup, The Godfather, I get it. Beats those bloody tattoos …’

  There’s a pleasant smile on Ian’s face, but England are playing and Jen knows he’s itching to look at his mobile to check out the score.

  ‘Go and read it. Discreetly,’ she says. ‘Or you’ll drive me bonkers all afternoon.’

  Nick turns back to Will. ‘So, you were saying about having to slum it in Grand Cayman. Poor you, my heart bleeds. Seriously, though, how did you manage that? I’d have got bloody Margate. You are one jammy sod. When are you leaving?’

  Jen drifts away. ‘Tuesday from Gatwick, so we need to leave Manchester tomorrow,’ she hears. She doesn’t want to listen. Tears have been near the surface for weeks, but today her head feels like a bowl of liquid. If she’s not very careful to keep her balance, the water will splash over the edges and spill, big time.

  She heads to Dan’s parents, as ever thinking what an odd couple they make. Annette, still attractive and bottle blonde, wearing tight clothes a much younger woman might wear, nervously holding onto a white clutch bag with one hand and to her husband with the other. Then Jed, with his curly black hair and his hands in the trouser pockets of a baggy suit which looks as though it’s had twenty years of special outings.

  ‘Here she is,’ he calls. ‘My appreciative audience. I’ve got a couple of jokes for you. Try this one for size …’

  She listens to a joke, toilet humour as always, then another about Teddy never forgiving his dad for putting him in a ‘daft dress’. Annette doesn’t smile, she looks tense and tearful.