by D. Love
“I’m going. Tina insists. We’re both going. I’m sorry, Kain. Thank you for the generous gift,” she says, but her smile is far away now. Something is wrong. I decide not to press the issue. Penny and I have spent the whole night smiling and laughing, I didn’t want to end it on a sour note.
“Good,” I say, barely. Taking a small breath, I change the subject. “So, maybe on our next Skyping adventure we can watch a movie together or something. I have the largest collection of Sci-Fi B-movies on the west side of the United States! Hint, hint…” I wink. She giggles with a roll of her amazing eyes.
“Is that so?” She sighs, still smiling a smidge. “Sounds fun.”
“Perfect!” I say, relaxing again. “It’s a date.” The words just came out of my mouth. I don’t know why I say it. Thinking out loud, I guess. I close my eyes, cringing that I put the title of “date” on our next Skyping session. Penny’s face is flustered again, but she seems to hide it better this time.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to put it that way…just ignore my last comment,” I say, trying to make an excuse…any excuse.
“No, it’s okay, Kain. No worries. No apologies.”
“Penny, I didn’t mean…”
“Kain, don’t worry.” She smiles, filling me with nervous embarrassment. “It’ll be okay,” she finishes. With my mouth agape, my mind races back to my earlier shower when I imagined Penny with me, next to me. She had said the same exact words in my daydream.
“What did you say?” I ask in a whisper. She shakes her head, leaning even closer to the screen.
“It’ll be okay, Kain. I promise.”
And with that, I want to kiss her. With every muscle in my body, every ounce of my excitement, I want to taste Penny’s lips. With a hand through my hair, I let out a restless sigh and slide closer to my computer screen.
“Thanks for the dinner tonight. I really enjoyed your company. Talk to you soon,” my words echo from my computer to hers.
“You too,” she whispers.
“Sleep well, Penny Lane. Have fun tomorrow night,” I say, pulling away from the screen, but then return, slowly. She watches me, speechless. A curious smile curls along her lips.
“And thank you…again,” my words startle her.
“For what?” she asks, her smile full and inviting.
“For your smile.”
Quickly, I end the connection to the video call and fall backwards. My heart winds back down to normal and I make my way to bed.
“Goodnight, Penny.”
Chapter 9
Penny
My heart is literally pounding with a force I haven't felt since Zack. I just had a date with Kain, is the first thought comes to mind. I find myself still frozen in front of my screen, staring in awe. Forcing myself to get up and go to bed, I start taking off my pants deciding to sleep in just my tank top and panties. Snuggling deep into my covers, I lie there thinking of one thing, Kain. The more I think about him, the more I can feel the heat making its way throughout my body. I push off the covers rolling on my side. There was something different about the way he looked at me tonight. Almost like desire was pouring from his eyes. Which made me want to reach out and touch him. The whole time he was talking to me I only wondered how it would feel to have his lips on mine. Lying here thinking about the intensity he had in his eyes, I almost can feel him pressing against my back. That’s when I close my eyes trying to image him run his hand down my bare thigh, whispering in my ear, “Kiss me.”
"Kiss him? Oh. My. Gosh, Penny, what is happening to me?!" I say, out loud. After an hour of tossing and turning, I finally drift off, still dreaming of Kain.
Next Morning...
“Ewe, what is with all the slobber on your pillow and mouth, Penny?” Tina giggles, and asks.
“What the hell are you doing here so early, Tina?”
“Well, it’s a two hour drive to the concert, four hours to force you to get ready, plus I am hungry!” she cheerfully says.
With my eyes still closed I roll over, patting the pillow beside me, hoping someone would be there, but he wasn't. It was only a dream. I grab my blanket pulling it over my head. That’s when I hear Tina fake stomping her way out of my bedroom.
“Alright, I will just go Skype Kain, I bet he’ll be half dressed and ready to talk,” she says, making her way into the living.
“Tina, don't you dare,” I say as I jump out of the bed running after her. She is standing in the kitchen laughing like she is on a sugar high. “Good grief, Penny. Go cover your arse up,” she yells at me with a shocked face. After I throw on some yoga pants, I return to the kitchen to see Tina, whipping breakfast together while dancing around. I laugh as I pour my coffee, thinking she must be so excited about going to this concert. We grab our breakfast and sit down when Tina asks me, “So Penny, how did your Skype date go?” I tell her it was fine, but it wasn't a date. Then she pretends to act like she about choked on her bacon...
“Just fine, Penny? Really? Is that why you woke up half naked this morning?” she says, while twirling her fork around in the air.
I tell her it was nothing like what she is making up in her crazy head. We had a great night just talking. She gives me a wiggle of her eyebrows telling me she is sure it was very innocent. After we are done eating we start cleaning up so she can begin her fashion show. She needs to have the perfect outfit picked out for the concert in a few hours. We spend the whole day trying on stuff, doing our hair, make up, and finding jewelry. I decide to go with a pair of black leggings with knee high boots, with buckles around the base of them and a dark blue sweater dress. Of course Tina doesn't hold back. She steps out of the bathroom with the shortest skirt known to man, thigh high boots and what looks to be a bra. With more than ten bangles hanging off her wrist and a huge necklace draping down her chest.
“Umm Tina, please don't tell me you are going out in that bra, or do you think that necklace is covering it up. Because I ‘will’ burst your bubble, telling you it’s NOT?”
“Penny, puh-leese get with the fashion world, and this is not a bra, it’s a bustier corset. H.E.L.L.O.,” she retorts back, with a snap of her fingers.
After a spraying the perfume bottle Tina is running in circles to catch the aroma, we then walk out the door heading to the concert. I decide to drive, so Tina could enjoy herself with a drink prior to coming. As we turn the corner the block has a line of people waiting. We find a great parking spot in a garage close by the concert. Tina adjusts her skirt when she’s out of the car, asking me again if she looks fabulous. I indulge her with a, “Yes, bra and all,” and shaking my head laughing as we walk. Soon, we approach the line and wait. It seems like we have been waiting in line all night, when we finally get our turn to go in. We show our tickets, and the guy says, “Oh, your special VIP’s, you should have come up to the door, we would have escorted you in right away.” Tina twists around looking at me with the biggest grin on her face. The man calls on his walkie for an escort, and soon walks out another beefy looking guy to take us to our seats. I lock arms with Tina hoping not to get lost in the crowd. Beefy, pushes his way through the clusters of crowds and we finally reach our front and center seats. He informs us that after the concert, he will come and get us so we can go back stage. I quickly say, “Thank you, Beefy,” before I even think. He turns and gives me a wink and walks away, so I assume Beefy must be his name. I hear Tina squeal, and then pulling on my shirt to make sure she has my attention.
“This is so freakin awesome. I want you to marry Kain for sure!” she screams over the noise.
I give her a roll of my eyes, but can't help to smile from her excitement. The room grows dark and a low husky voice announces over the mic, “Virginia let’s give a big welcome to Imagine Dragons.” The crowd starts screaming and clapping, the lead singer starts his first song, “Radioactive.” His voice is amazing. This concert is amazing, I am so happy Kain decided to send us to it. The night continues with great music and fans jumping and screaming every time a
new song would start. Finally, the lights go out again, and these blue lights turn on and the crowd is all waving their hands back and forth in the air slowly, including Tina. The band is quiet when the lead singer starts singing a song called “Demons.” My mind instantly remembers Kain telling me to pay special attention to this song, so I do.
I feel my heart beating hard and my palms sweating. The song is so intense. He is singing it with such raw pain. I know that pain. I have felt that pain every day for years. He continues to sing with a solitude and passion, that’s when I feel as though he wrote this song for me.
The words he sings next, makes everyone and everything in the room disappear. And it’s just me standing alone. Every word stabs me like a knife as it carves something out of my soul.
I feel like I am unable to breath, grabbing my chest, I lose it and start crying uncontrollably. Tina must of have seen my shoulders shaking from my sobbing. She puts her arms around me, asking me if I am okay. I lay my head on her shoulder, still crying and shaking. I feel as though it may be my body trying to release all the tangled webs of pain I have held on to for so many years. When the song comes to an end, it’s almost as if the web that has been woven around my heart, is now unwoven, releasing it to feel again. Tina passes me a tissue, still embraced in her arms we stand up. The stadium lights are now all on shining so brightly that we both shield our eyes till they adjust. Beefy comes walking towards us, motioning for us to take our tour back stage. Tina shakes her head no, but I insist we go. She has been looking so forward to this. After ten pictures and four bend overs so she can show her ass off, Tina is ready.
We finally make it back to the car, and I still have not spoken one word. Tina continues to ask if I am okay and what has happen to me. But I am unable to answer her. She drives this time, and as we are pulling out of the garage, I finally find my words.
“Tina, take me to Zack.”
“Penny, what are you doing to yourself, honey? It’s in the middle of the night, maybe after some rest I can take you tomorrow?”
“I need to go, now,” is all I say. She takes a left turn and we follow the long lonely road where the love of my life lays. Half an hour later we pull up to the gates that protects our loved ones. Tina turns the car off and I get out. As I follow the brick path, I know exactly where he is, so I walk faster. Once I am in front of his headstone, I drop to my knees, using my fingers to trace his engraved name. I lean my cheek against the cold stone, whispering his name, “Zack.”
“Zack, I need you to help me understand how I am supposed to continue to live.” Slapping my palm on the coldness I beg him to tell me how to let go, how to love another. I continue through heart wrenching sobs and hiccups about Kain and the changes that have my heart pounding with uncontrolled pain and confusion. “Help me, Zack, please,” I am begging now. I feel Tina sit down beside me with one arm around me. I watch as she places her hand on his stone on top of mine.
“Penny, I believe Zack would tell you to live, be happy, and most of all, be loved. You and I both know he wouldn't want you suffering like this, right?!” she whispers in my ear.
“I just feel… I just don't want…” I cry harder
“I believe that you don't have to stop loving him, to love another. I also believe that whomever you choose to love, will not want to take his place, nor ask you to stop loving Zack,” she says.
I look up at her and see tears falling from her eyes. Tina has always felt all of my pain, she is a true friend, and I wouldn't even be where I am today without her. She pulls me to my feet after I kiss my fingers and place it on his name. Once we were in the warmth of the car, we are about to pull away when she points and tells me to look. I follow her finger to see tons of lighting bugs shining so brightly in the area where Zack lays. I feel myself gasp at the beautiful sight. Tina says she believes it is Zack, telling me it’s okay to live the life I have been given. With a final look back we drive home in nothing but silence. Pulling up to my house I hear Tina ask me if I want her to stay. I give her a nod and plead with my eyes.
As I come up next to Tina at my door I see her swipe up a piece of paper that is lying at my steps. I ask her what it is, but she only replies, “Trash, now let’s go in and get warm.” Entering the house I head straight for my room and put on some pajamas and crawl in bed, still shaking from all the emotions pouring out of me. Tina walks in, handing me a warm cup of tea. “This will help you sleep,” she says. After taking it from her, I began blowing on it a little to make sure it isn't too hot to drink. The first sip feels so good as it slides down my raw throat. Tina just watches me, finally saying, “Penny, are you going to tell me what has you so emotionally overwhelmed or do I need to guess?” I look up at her concerned eyes and simply say,
“I think I am falling for Kain.”
Chapter 10
Kain
“Day three,” I mumble.
It’s been three days now, and still no word from Penny. No Facebook posts. No messages. No calls…nothing. To say that I am worried is an understatement. We shared such an amazing night together online Skyping, but now, I am sure it was a mistake. Trying to share music with her by gifting her concert tickets must have been too much. I knew she had lost someone in the past, and it was obvious that the pain is still there from it. I have definitely overstepped my bounds with her.
“Where are you?” I ask the bright screen of my laptop with my eyes hovering over the Skype icon. “Just call her. Maybe she’s waiting for you to call…” Maybe she wasn’t. Maybe she had a horrible time at the concert. Standing up I let out a long sigh, too scared to call her. What is wrong with me? I have never been afraid to reach out to someone who made me feel the way Penny does. Suddenly, a weight crashes over me as I realize…
“No one’s ever made me feel this way,” I whisper.
Just then, my front door flew open. “Why are you just standing around? This stuff isn’t going to load itself,” Wayne says, with a grunt. His words were wrapped in a slight laugh, so I try to smile at him. My impatient friend is here helping move the last of my things; furniture, televisions, clothes, books, and exercise equipment. Even though I still have three weeks left on my lease before I will be evicted for late payment on my rent¸ I am moving on. Heading for the Vegas Mountains and my family has a hideaway in Mount Charleston. It is my last resort. It’s my only option now. I hated being broke, but at least I was free of my ex and her hurricane of misery.
“Should I call her?” I ask Wayne, quickly. He shakes his head in surprise.
“Call whom?” he asks, though he knows exactly who I was talking about.
“Penny,” I say.
“Has she messaged you yet?” he asks in a frown.
“Nope.”
“Called?”
“Nope.”
“Skyped?”
“Nothing,” I grumble. He stares at me for a moment before study our surroundings. His eyes slide across the almost empty room, finally coming to rest on my computer screen.
“Did she go to the concert?” Wayne asks.
“I don’t know…I think so…”
“Hmmm…” With a swift hand he scoops up my laptop, closing it with a soft snap. “She’ll call.”
“You really think so?” I ask, desperately. He winces at my pathetic uneasiness.
“Kain, I love ya, man, but you need to focus here. Penny has changed you. She has awakened something I hadn’t seen in you in a long time…your spirit. Believe me, I think that’s amazing, and I hope to one day give her a giant bear hug as a thank you, but let’s be honest, this isn’t the best time to fall for anyone.”
“What are you trying to say, Wayne?” I ask, nervous.
“The ink’s barely dry on your divorce papers. It might be too soon to be worrying about another woman. Even someone as inspiring as Penny.”
“Maybe you’re right…” I sigh.
“Remember, Sydney was the sweetest girl in the world when you first got together. Now, she wants only to hurt you. She w
ants all you have…” Wayne says, looking around the apartment again. “And it looks like she’s accomplished that.”
Staring at my bare walls and boxed up DVD’s, the air falls from my lungs. “I know.”
“Trust me, Kain, I’m here for you, my friend. It’s time for you to take care of yourself. Rewind yourself. If you and Penny are meant to be, it’ll happen. Just don’t rush it,” he says, patting me on the shoulder. With a nod of my head, I scoop up the nearest box and nudge the apartment door open with my elbow.
“Come on, Wayne. I’m waiting on you!” I snap, rushing for the back of the moving truck. “I ain’t got all day.”
“You bastard…” He calls out from behind me in a laugh, trying to catch up. At the truck I place the box onto some other boxes and turn around just in time to snag my laptop from his grasp. Sitting it gently in the front seat of the truck, my mind races back to the last time I had seen Penny’s smiling face. Her image settles my nerves, and I smile again.
“I’ll see you when I see you, Penny,” I say to the wind. Penny obviously needed these last few days to figure something out. Right now, I needed to find the center of my world. With or without Penny. Her silence is deafening, but I have to keep pushing forward, no matter how much I miss her presence.
Six hours later I finally find myself alone in my family’s large mountain cabin. The smell is cold, yet fresh, with the muskiness of wet pine needles, and mountain air. Standing in the extra-large foyer that I grew up playing in every winter, is calming. I could still hear my mother calling to me to be sure I cleaned my boots off before entering the main living room. An oversized fireplace and sunken floor waited for me with all my boxes stacked in chaos, everywhere.
“Home,” I say. Wayne and I have finished my move in half the time I was expecting. After a cold drink and a high five, he was on his way back down the mountain, heading for home. He promised to check in on me tomorrow as he was leaving. The sun is setting and the temperature is starting to grow chilly. Quickly, I gather an armful of chopped wood that is stacked along the side of the cabin, and rush inside. Moments later I have a roaring fire going, and just enough space cleared out in the living room to settle in front of the dancing flames with my laptop. Opening it up, I hope to see a flashing icon telling me of a new message from Penny.