by D. Love
“No dice,” I say, watching my background image stare back at me. It’s a promotional image from my Blood and Bite series. Two sexy vampires wrapped in a deadly embrace taunting me in the fading light of my new home. With a sigh I click on the internet browser and decide to catch up on my online community of friends and literary families. I haven't been on lately. I’d been too occupied with a certain new project, lately.
First I update my webpage and blogs. Sadly, even with my all my success I am still the only one running everything on my pages. It’s a chore at times, but I really love the connection with my readers.
Quickly, I become aware of a growing fan base centered around the idea of Penny and I working together on a future book. Everything I am seeing is flattering and exciting. It is obvious Penny’s fans really love her, and to my surprise, they were overly ecstatic about us working with one another. Suddenly, I want nothing more than to see her. Those twinkling eyes that dare me to look away. Her sweet smile, that tells me if I have hit a certain nerve with my latest joke. Those lips, so full and inviting…
“Settle down, big guy…” I warn myself. With a scratch of my fingers to the back of head and neck, I continue reading through everyone's comments on a very popular blog interview that Penny had done recently. Embarrassed and humbled by our reader’s words and thoughts, I almost stop reading them when something catches my attention, a rather malicious comment attacking Penny. Normally, I ignore these kinds of things. As a person who offers their heart and soul to the public as us writers does, we have to move past such things. But this time something is different. It’s from a person going by the name of BnB_Addict187, with a profile image of a black background with a red X in the middle of it. This person's comment is hateful and personally attacking Penny, not her work. I would have just skipped over it, but it ended with a far too familiar warning…
“…YOUR NEXT BOOK WILL BE YOUR LAST.”
My mind rushes back to a few days before, and the little piece of paper that was waiting for me at my apartment after my tires were slashed. Heat flashes behind my eyes with anger, and my stomach rolls uneasy. Within seconds I find my fingers typing away, responding to these person’s heinous words. This is something a writer was never supposed to do…never ever. It always made things worse for all involved, but this time, I couldn’t help myself. It was one thing to threaten me, one thing to try and kick me when I was down. But I could not sit by while someone attacked Penny. Even if it’s only through the World Wide Web. Cyber bullies suck, and I am about to scream that from the rooftops of this popular blog.
Suddenly, as if on cue, my Skype alert began to ring, and Penny’s smiling eyes flash over my web browser, taunting me to answer.
“Penny!” I call out. Quickly, I erase my reply in the comment section and close my browser window. Fumbling over the keys of my computer I tap the smooth mouse pad at the front of my laptop and the Skype window opens in a brilliant flash.
“Kain,” Penny says, sweetly.
“Penny…” I say, almost choking on her name. “Are you okay?”
“Yes and no,” she says, with a small smile. She looks as if she is excited to see me, but something serious is on her mind. But before she can add reasoning behind her answer, she notices that I am not in my apartment anymore. “Is that a giant fireplace?” she asks, curiously.
“Umm…yeah.” I turn the laptop camera around the room so she can get a quick glance of my surroundings. “I decided to move back home.”
“Is that the famous Brooks’ cabin? Wow, it’s beautiful. Why the sudden change of scenery?” she asks, settling her uneasiness a little.
“It’s a long story, Penny,” I smile, with nerves building inside.
“Good. Because I think we need to talk.”
“Talk?” I swallow down the word.
“Yes.” She leans into the camera, filling my screen with her stunning face. “You up for an all-nighter, Kain?” she winks, and then waits for my answer. A quiet calm falls over her face, and I settle myself on the old chair closest to the fireplace. The light from the flames paint me in golden hues as I digest her words. All-nighter, huh.
“Well, Kain?” she asks, again. I love the way she says my name. My face overheats, but not from the burning logs within the ancient fireplace. Wayne’s earlier warning echoes through my head again, but I choose to ignore it. I don’t care if I was getting too close to Penny. I don’t care if it’s too soon. All I cared about in this very moment is that Penny is in front of me, and I don’t want her to go away again. Maybe it’s time to tell her how I am feeling. Maybe it’s time to share what I have been going through, what I’ve been dealing with. Maybe it’s time to explain the divorce and all the other bad luck. Maybe it’s time to let her in. Maybe.
“Okay, let’s talk,” I whisper.
Chapter 11
Penny
“Kain, its time I am honest with you.” I watch his smile fade as if I am getting ready to give him bad news. I begin telling him all about my past. Leading up to the fatal day I lost Zack.
“I can tell he was a great man, and you loved him deeply,” he says.
As soon as his words came out, so did my tears. I watch him sit up straighter leaning closer to the screen we are sharing. I reach up wiping my eyes, then look back at him. He is wearing a small smile, and there is sadness in his watery eyes. I am surprised to see he is hurting for me.
“You can’t imagine how hard the last five years have been. Every day is filled with a memory of a love I will never touch or feel again.” I begin weeping through each word.
“Do you have a photo of him?” he asks.
Shock must have filled my face, because he raises his eyebrows questioning me again. I jump up and run to my bedroom, grabbing my photo of Zack, then returning back to the living room with it pressed against my chest. Sitting back down in front of the screen with the photo still pressed to my chest. He asks me if he can see it. I look down only able to see the back of the frame, and then back at Kain. He is sitting there so patiently dealing with my hesitation. I finally move my hand, and slowly turn the frame around so that Zack’s photo is now the only thing I can see on the screen.
“Is that the only photo you have of him? Don’t you have any photos of you two together?”
“Together?”
“You two never took pictures together?”
“Of course we did.”
“Well?”
“Sure,” I say, and hustle back to my bedroom. I open my closet, standing on my tippy toes reaching for a box that Tina placed here years ago. Pulling the box down, I take a deep breath and open it up. Reaching inside the box with a shaky hand I pull out a blue shirt. Placing it to my face, I smell it. It still carries a faint scent of Zack’s cologne. Feeling my heart start to break all over again and pounding fiercely, I sit down on the floor of my closet. I lay the shirt down beside me, reaching in, searching for more photos. I find the scrap book I started the first day we met. I flip it open, seeing the contents, deciding this is the one. I close it back, standing up and heading back to my living room. Taking a seat back in front of the screen, I see Kain sipping on something. My brow rises with question, and he answers, “Coffee.” A giggle comes out of me before I am able to stop it. I can feel my heart starting to ease from beating so hard with my laughter. I tell him to hold on, so I can grab a hot tea. When I am in the kitchen making my tea, I hear him asking me what kind of tea I am making. I holler back at him, “Spearmint”. After the microwave beeps I pull out my tea, adding two sugars, and returning to my spot on the sofa. Blowing on my tea, I try to sip on it but it’s too hot. I sit it down on the table by my laptop. I watch him tense up, and tell me to be careful not to spill it on him, which makes me laugh again.
“So? You gonna show me some pictures?”
I give him a nod and pick up the scrap book opening the first page. Turning the book towards the screen so he can see it, I start flipping through the pages. Each page he finds a photo and asks me what
is the story behind it. I find it so easy to tell him anything and everything.
“Tell me about that one on the left, Penny.”
“This one?” I hold it up, and he nods his head.
“It started snowing and Zack was so excited he wanted us to go outside and take a picture together. Once we got the picture we went to go back in because we were freezing, being in only our robes. But we forgot to unlatch the lock and we got locked out. So Zack had to climb through the window. That’s why I have a shot of him hanging out of the window.” I was laughing so hard remembering the wonderful time.
“What about that one at the bottom.”
“That one?” I hold up another one and he nods at me again. I laugh before I start telling him how we used to always go to the party store and spend hours trying on hats, and taking pictures with cardboard cutouts of famous people.
I hear Kain laughing with me, and then he says, “Penny, you have some beautiful memories. Most people will never have the memories or love that you and him had. When someone you love becomes a memory, the memory becomes a treasure. And I can tell he will always be your treasure.”
I watch as he uses his fingertip to do something on his screen. It looks like he is drawing from my view. So I ask him, “Are you drawing a mustache on me?”
“No Penny, I am pretending I am able to feel your face.”
My breath hitches, and butterflies start fluttering in my stomach. I feel more tears fall, as I go to wipe my cheek I hear him say he wishes he could wipe them for me.
“I wish I could hold you and let you cry as much as you need too.”
“Kain,” I whisper his name.
“Penny, it’s important to me that you know, I would never ask you to forget Zack. But I would like to be a part of your life. I want to help you heal.” he says.
That’s when I realize by asking me to show him the photos he is trying to help me heal. He was helping me to remember the good times which grief has stolen from me. I am lost in my own thoughts when I hear Kain clear his throat.
“You never told me, did you enjoy the concert?”
“Oh Kain, of course I did. Would it make sense if I told you it broke me, but then put me back together?”
“Yes it would,” he replies, with a small smile.
“During the song that you told me to listen for, I felt my heart breaking. It brought memories back, I thought I had hidden. The first week after Zack’s accident, I didn't feel like he was gone. Still letting my heart beat with excitement when I would hear a car come down the road, thinking it would be him coming home. With each new day, brings new heartache all over again. Because I have to relive his accident over and over. Sitting at night time with such a crushing hurt, thinking about those words, “I’m sorry we couldn't save him.” Remembering him lying in that hospital bed all mangled and ripped apart, eventually I became the same way on the inside, the only difference between him and I, was he died, releasing him of all his pain. I lived and still to this day, I carry pain.” I dropped my head, my shoulders shaking and tears streaming down. I hear Kain take a deep breath, and asking me to look up at him. So, I did.
“Penny, you understand Zack would want you to live, right?”
“I believe so. After the concert, I had Tina take me to the graveyard, to speak to him. I asked him to give me sign, Kain. To give me a sign that it would be okay to live,” I say.
“And did you get your sign?” Kain questions.
“Yes, or at least I think I did.” I explain how when we got ready to pull away, there were lightning bugs surrounding his gravestone. I look at him wondering how crazy he thinks I am, when I notice he is just staring at me. By the movement of his eyes, I can tell he is thinking about something.
“You think I am crazy?” I ask.
“Anything but! I think you’re incredible. I am sitting here wishing I was there beside you, Penny.”
I am feeling the same way. I wish he was here with me as well, I am not even feeling guilty. I wish he would wrap me in his arms and not let go, in fact.
“Penny, are you okay?”
“Huh? Oh yes, I am. I can’t believe how easy it is to talk to you. But enough about me, it’s your turn, Kain. I want to hear about you.”
Chapter 12
Kain
“Let it go,” Penny says, absolutely.
Three little words. So simple, so true. Penny could read me like a book. We have spent the last four hours talking about everything. Her fears, her likes, her loves. My hopes, my mistakes, my regrets. After the soul searching discussions of my youthful trials, my triumphs, she patiently watches me from my computer screen. After sharing the highs and lows of my early writing successes, her smile taunts me. And even after all the horror stories of my divorce and ex-wife, Penny knows what to say. Let it go.
“I’m trying,” I sigh, fighting back a yawn. We were closing in on the end of our all-nighter on Skype, and my weary eyes were showing signs of fatigue.
“Okay, Kain, you’ve told me plenty of reasons why you and your ex didn’t make it. So, tell me the opposite,” Penny smiles.
“The opposite?”
“Yes. Tell me about the first time you saw her. The feelings you had at that moment. Tell me the moment you knew you loved her.”
“Really?” I almost gasp. She wants to hear about the good times with Sydney. I have made her share the best moments of her past with Zack, maybe she is returning the favor. I guess I could try. The only difference is that her heart was taken away from her. My heart was used for the most selfish of reasons, and then thrown back at me when it was all used up. That is a hard truth to talk about. A hard lesson to share with someone.
“It was a crisp winter afternoon. The trees were bare and sullen, but still beautiful in the park where I was walking my new puppy, Max. A six month old chocolate Labrador retriever. He was a chunky little ball of meat at that time. I was adjusting his new puppy collar when Sydney first caught my eye. She was running by with her headphones tightly snug against her ears. Her thick brown hair was pulled back in a loose ponytail that danced behind her as she ran, like a dream. Everything was in slow motion. I had never seen anyone so beautiful in person. My young heart stopped,” I say, slowly, before checking Penny’s eyes for approval to continue. She watches me patiently. With a small breath I continue.
“She asked me out on our first date. I couldn’t believe I was that lucky. I accepted and things progressed quickly. I fell for her completely, love at first sight. My family loved her. My friends agreed. Max, my pup, grew up by her side. Young love races by in a heartbeat, and before you knew it, we were engaged. Both our careers were taking off too. I had just finished the first manuscript in my vampire series and there was a bidding war for the rights to publish it. Sydney’s modeling gigs became more frequent and paid very well. Things were perfect.”
“Perfect?” Penny asks, leaning closer to the screen.
“Or so I thought. As the first few major royalties from my book came rolling in things began to change. Her modeling jobs seemed to be far and between, and when she would leave for an overnight shoot, it would turn into two nights, and then three. I should have seen the signs. It was so obvious that she was cheating on me. I guess I just didn’t want to see it. I couldn’t. It was just too painful. So, I threw myself into my work. Ya know, book sequels, television deals, merchandising rights. Before I knew it I was a slave to my first true love, my writing. Only it wasn’t fun or exciting anymore. It was an escape from my marriage. An escape from her. An escape from my broken heart.” With a giant stretch, I wipe my eyes, embarrassed that I was letting my guard down.
“Do you see what you just did there, Kain?” Penny asks, softly.
“Huh? Did what?” I ask, surprised. Her mesmerizing eyes lock onto me from my computer screen.
“I asked you to share your most cherished memories of Sydney and you quickly turned it into the devastating ones,” she says, point blank.
“Oh,” I mumble. “I didn’t
realize…I’m sorry.”
“Kain, you don’t have to be sorry for your past. Not with me. Not ever.”
“Oh…” I didn’t know what to say. No one’s ever told me that before. Is that what I was doing? Apologizing for my past, for Sydney, for what she had done to me? Was I really this damaged? A tremor slammed into my chest, stealing the wind from my lungs for a moment. In my head Penny’s words humbled me.
“Let it go…” I barely whisper.
“Exactly,” Penny says.
Suddenly, I could see Sydney’s face again on that life changing December afternoon. It was beautiful. It was perfect. It was the first time I knew I was capable of such feelings. I had spent that last few years referring to that memory as the beginning of my end, my heartbreak. ‘I could still remember, the pain of December’, is how I used to refer to it. But not now. Not after Penny’s earth shattering words. Now, all I could hear was the lovely music that rolled through my head on that day. All I could see was her sweet smile, her inviting lips, her sensual blowing hair, and her wondrous and heart piercing eyes. But now, they were no longer brown…they were a deep and spinning green. Her hair fell to her shoulders revealing golden strawberry strands instead of the chocolate brown I had dared to touch that day. Then her smile shined even brighter than before. I held my breath and rubbed my eyes. She was the most beautiful angel I had ever seen, but she was no longer Sydney, my first love…