Destroying the Game

by L. Grubb

  I look around, not knowing what to do or what to say. I just about managed to watch Jas cry but, fuck me, two women in one day is just too fucking much.

  Shuffling my feet on the floor, I’m beyond uncomfortable and I have no idea what to say to her.

  “Look,” I say, clearing my throat as I take a tentative step towards her. “I didn’t mean to make you cry.”

  “Fuck off!” she shouts, lifting her face off her pillow and squinting her eyes at me in mirth. “Just go and run off to your little fucking lamb.”

  “Woah.” I hold my hands up, raising my brows at her. “There’s really no fuckin’ need for that.”

  “No?” She snorts and sits up, pulling a tissue out of the box on the floor. “You really don’t fucking get it.” Standing up, she leans her head back and her eyes clash with mine. “I’m sick of all this fucking shit. Dante, you and Jas. Why can’t something just go my way for once, huh?” She wipes furiously at the tears sliding down her face.

  “I-”

  “And yeah…” She rolls her eyes and slams her hands down onto her hips. “I know that I probably went too far with Jas and I would’ve spoke to her about it when she got back.” She looks away and I open my mouth to say something else but she cuts me off again. “But you barging in here like the hulk…” She points at me and jabs her finger into my chest. “That isn’t gonna help anything. You should keep your nose out of my business.”

  Taking a deep breath, I scrub my hands down my face and look over to Jas’ side of the room. All of her things are lined up neatly on her shelves and her books are stacked on her desk. I smile as I remember all of her little quirks; how she would keep all of her things organized in her rucksack.

  I miss her, I miss her so fucking much.

  “You can go now,” Callie sneers, pointing at the door.

  Blowing out a frustrated breath, I shake my head and spin around, walking back to the door. “By the way,” I say, pulling open the door and looking back at her. “Treating your friends like shit? All that’s gonna do is make you lonely as fuck.” Her eyes flare with anger and she opens her mouth to say something but I cut her off. “And Dante hasn’t disappeared. He’s at my apartment.”

  Her face drops and I can see how much just hearing his name affects her. She talks about me and Jas needing to get our shit together, she really needs to take her own advice because those two are playing a dangerous game and it’s getting fucking old.

  I close the door behind me, the soft click sounding louder than if I’d have slammed it.

  I cringe at all the shit I see as I walk down the hallway of the dorm building. Jesus, don’t these girls know how to close a door?

  My heart starts to beat faster when I get outside and spot Jas sat in the passenger seat of my car. I’ve been waiting to have her back by my side for way too fuckin’ long and now that she’s reached out to me, I intend to keep her there.

  “Did you get my things?” she asks when I get back into the car.

  Damn it, I knew there was a reason I was going up there.

  “Ah, no she wasn’t there,” the lie is out of my mouth before I can stop it and I turn the engine on and start to pull away from the curb before she can get out. “I’ll buy you anything that you need.”

  “Ugh, I hate it when you do that.”

  “When I do what?” I ask, turning to face her when I pull up to a stop light.

  She rolls her eyes and looks away. “Your answer to everything is, ‘I’ll buy it’.” She scrunches up her face as she tries to mimic me.

  “So?” I ask, shrugging my shoulders as I pull away from the stop light and flick my eyes to the rear-view mirror. “If I can buy it then I will.”

  It really is as simple as that.

  I hear her answering huff and I focus all of my energy on holding in the chuckle that desperately wants to break free. Hearing her say the same things that she did years ago brings a smile to my face.

  Jas leans forward and clicks on the radio as I get onto the freeway. Bobbing her head to the music that comes through the speakers and keeping her face turned away from me.

  She may have reached out to me but I was starting to realize that it’s not as simple as that. We needed to talk, to clear the air, and the sooner the better.

  “Where are we going?” she asks after a while.

  There’s no way I’m taking her back to my apartment, not with Dante there. I’ll take her to the best hotel in a fifty-mile radius and show her just what I can do with my money.

  I know it’ll make her pissed but I don’t give a fuck. She needs to get used to it.

  “You’ll see,” is all I say.

  My eyes move to the rear-view mirror again and I grit my teeth. This car has been following me since I left the college campus and now it’s getting right on my bumper.

  I press the gas pedal harder and go to change lanes but the car follows me, flashing their lights.

  Squinting, I try to see whose driving but the windows are tinted and I can’t see shit. I move back over to the other lane and try to get them off my tail but they just follow.

  Moving my eyes over to Jas, I make sure she isn’t aware of what’s going on as I get a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach.

  Shit’s starting to catch up with me and it couldn’t have happened at a worse time.

  The only person I thought I needed to protect was Dante, it didn’t even occur to me that Jas needed protecting to.

  Looking down at my speed gage, I grip the steering wheel harder. I’m going way too fast and I know if I was to brake right now that we’d be in a major collision.

  The car pulls up alongside me and rolls down the window, allowing me to see who’s behind the wheel.

  My eyes widen as I watch his lips widen, showing me his toothy grin. My stomach bottoms out as I recognize his face.

  “Jas,” I croak, right before he turns the wheel and slams into the side of my car.

  My arm flies over to Jas, pinning her back against the seat as best as I can as I lose control of the car.

  We roll several times and I feel something else hit us as we go over the lanes. Jas is screaming and I’m trying my best to shield her from the impact but gravity won’t let me. The last thing I see is her panicked face and I hear her terrified scream before I’m knocked out and everything turns black.

  After a hot shower and a face mask, my body has calmed to a point where I can relax. I don’t feel like throwing fumes of spiteful words at people and I’m left alone in my room, playing Lukas Rossi music in the background as I think about my life and how it’s turned to complete shit. Not only did I turn on my best friend but I also pushed Jay into thinking I’m some kind of fucking nut job.

  Then there’s Dante to think about. Why is he practically hiding in Jay’s apartment anyway? I know for a fact he hasn’t attended classes, hit on any chicks around campus and he’s not playing the game like the competitive little shit that he is. Is he handing the reins to me? Have I won our dangerous game? I for one hope it’s just over. It’s not about winning anymore; my heart has gotten too invested in him when I told myself not to. It’s one thing telling your mind to stick to business but your heart has a whole mind of its own.

  I sigh as the words of ‘Hollywood’ resonates around the room, the words strikingly sound like my life. Feeling the prickling of tears and the burn at the back of my throat, I fan my face to stop the tears sliding forth. Okay, bitch-bag, no need to cry, you started this sordid mess, I give myself this pep talk over and over in my head. The tears sink back into the depths of my eyes but the burning lump in my throat remains.

  This is not how I planned out college. Why did I even get myself into such a fucking shit storm? First, this crap with Dante, now this mess with Jas and Jay? I’m doomed to have no friends, I mean, who would want to be friends with this fuck up? If I was in Jasmine’s shoes, I wouldn’t want anything more to do with me either. I’m toxic.

  After washing off the face mask, I climb under my s
heets in a tank and shorts and stare at the photos on Jas’ wall. Photo’s of us goofing around make me melancholy but I can’t seem to tear my eyes away. I miss her. Although I don’t regret all of the words I exchanged with her today, I am sorry about the way it happened and how I worded it and also how it came out in a string angry word vomit. I’m usually in control of my words but everything is getting on top of me. Is that an excuse? Not a good one but it’s all I have going for me right now.

  This time, when the tears come, I let them fall onto my pillow. I’ve never felt so alone, not even back at home when even then it felt like I had no one. I send a silent sorry into the still, quiet, air of the room before sleep claims me, pushing me into a dreamless void.

  I smack my lips together as I open my eyes, my body is disorientated for a second before I realize that I’m spread out on my back on Jay’s couch. My eyes zone in on the TV, the sound of those annoying infomercials that play on a loop early in the morning making me wince.

  Looking around, I try to see what woke me. Shaking my head, I close my eyes and am about to drift back off when my cell rings.

  Pulling it out, I grin, remembering how I found it after Jay had ‘confiscated’ it. I frown at the screen when I don’t recognize the caller ID and press the answer call button, bringing it up to my ear.

  “Hello?” my groggy voice sounds over the line.

  “Hello, is this Dante Frazier?”

  I sit up at the formal tone of the woman’s voice and reply, “Yes, this is he.”

  “I’m calling because we have you down as the contact for one… Jason Frazier.”

  My world starts to spin as she goes on to tell me that he’s been in a serious car accident. I stand up, looking around the apartment, not knowing what to do.

  What the hell happened? He only went to go and get-

  “Was he alone?” I blurt out, running across the room and shoving my feet into my sneakers.

  “I’m not obliged to tell you that, Mr. Frazier.”

  “God dammit! I need to know if there was a girl with him!” Running my hand through my hair, I grip on to it, not being able to get myself under control. I can’t lose him, he’s my only family.

  “Like I said, Mr. Frazier, I can’t tell you the name of the girl who was with him.” I open my mouth, about to argue back with her when I realize that she’s just basically told me that there was a girl in the car with him.

  Fuck!

  “I’ll be right there,” I say down the line and then end the call, grabbing the car keys off the counter then running out of the apartment and down to the underground garage.

  The place is full of high end cars and I have no idea which one is Jay’s. I’ve only ever seen him drive the mustang so I start pressing the key fob, frantic to find his car and get to him.

  Finally, lights flash and a small beep echoes through the place. I make a mad dash for it, jumping in and starting the engine then peeling out of there.

  It isn’t until I’ve been driving for five minutes that I realize where I’m heading. My body automatically wanting… no… needing to go to Callie.

  Jas is her best friend, she’ll want to be with her. At least, that’s what I’m going to keep telling myself; it has nothing to do with how I feel.

  I slam my foot on the brake pedal and come to a stop outside of her dorm building, flinging the door open and pressing the fob to lock the car as I run up the front steps.

  I bang on the door and press the buzzer continuously but I have no luck and then I remember how there’s an entrance that the girls sneak boys in and out of. I run around to the back of the building and pull open the door, saying a silent prayer and then running up the back stairs and straight to Callie’s dorm room.

  I bang my fist on the door, not stopping until I hear her move and listen to a string of curse words as she walks to the door.

  “Who the fuck is banging on my fucking door in the middle of the fucking night! Goddamn cock sucking bastards!”

  She squints her eyes at me when she opens the door and leans against it, crossing her arms over her chest and puffing out a breath.

  “What do you want, Dante?” she huffs.

  I stare at her, knowing that this is it. This is where everything could change. Which way it will change, I don’t know. What I do know is that I’m not sure I can live without her sarcastic potty mouth.

  “Jay,” I manage to choke out and then clear my throat. “Jay and Jas… they’ve… been…”

  I can’t say it; the words won’t physically come out of my mouth.

  She looks up at me, her eyes widening and steps forward.

  “What? They’ve what?”

  I gulp, looking away from her, my eyes landing on Jas’ bed.

  “They’ve been in a car accident.”

  She spins around and rushes back into her room and is out again a couple of seconds later, running down the hallway with me at her back.

  My heart is racing behind my rib cage and tears are blurring my vision as I race down the stairs of the dorm house. What the fuck has happened?

  “Callie! Wait up! Jesus, it’s not like you can go anywhere without me… I’m the one driving.” I hear Dante rushing behind me but my legs won’t slow down, even in their jelly like state. “For fuck sake, Callie!”

  I get outside and realize I have no clue what car Dante is driving and stop suddenly resulting in him ploughing into my back. An oomph leaves him as he grabs my waist to stop me tumbling over. The fizzle of electricity from his fingers on my skin makes me gasp and pull away suddenly, pulling my tank top down to cover the sliver of skin on display. “What car?”

  He points and I rush towards it with him hot on my heels. “Hurry up, Dante!”

  “Calm down, Callie. You’re no good to Jas in this state,” his soothing voice reaches me from a couple of feet behind and I know he’s right. I take a few deeps breaths but don’t reply to him, I just stand at the passenger side door and stare at my disheveled appearance in the tinted windows.

  The click of the door unlocking pulls me from my reverie and I climb onto the sleek, leather seat and pull the seatbelt over me. Now, I know this isn’t Dante’s car because of the sheer opulence of the inside and the smell of the expensive leather. “Brother’s car?”

  “Yeah, I didn’t know where he hid my keys.” He shrugs as the car purrs to life, the low rumble sending shivers slithering over my body. I’ve always loved a good car, the faster and louder the better.

  “Hid your keys?” I turn my head at him to raise a brow at him. “Why would he do that?”

  He sighs. “He has people after him and they’ve threatened me so he practically kidnapped me. I couldn’t leave the apartment or call anyone. I only found my cell this morning.”

  I chew my lip as I consider his words. Could these people who are after Jay have ran them off the road? But why? Nothing really makes sense. I can tell Jay is loaded, but I always assumed he was an accountant… he just looks the type. “What’s his job, Dante? I want the truth. Could we be in danger?” My voice quivers slightly and the reality of what’s happening sinks in.

  Dante places his hand on my knee as he controls the car with the other and gently squeezes. “I don’t know exactly what he does, he won’t tell me. He’s been vague and trust me, it pissed me off.” He huffs out a breath and removes his hand, my knee instantly going cold with the loss. “I shouldn’t have come to you. I could have put you in danger.”

  “What do you care? You’ve never cared about me before, Dante, there’s no point pretending now.” I don’t know why I said that but the anger swirling in my gut at his faux caring attitude has me annoyed and irritated, mainly because of my feelings for him. I can’t really fault him though, he doesn’t know how I feel, we’ve treated each other like shit for a long time now and I’ve never let on about how deep my feelings are for him; the ones rooted in my heart. Knowing I’m falling for him and him not reciprocating those feelings, hurts like a motherfucker but we’ve brought this on
ourselves. We’re toxic.

  “I do care though, Callie, but I don’t want to.” His voice is barely above a whisper but I hear it like he shouted it.

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” I turn my head to face him, a frown crossing my face. “If you care, then you care. You can’t help that and there is nothing wrong with that. I care too, more than you’ll ever realize.” I have no idea why I blurted that out.

  A blush fans across my cheeks and spreads down my chest and I turn to look out the window at the buildings passing in a blur as Dante speeds down the street.

  “I didn’t know, Callie. I would have never played this game if you had just been honest with me,” he growls through gritted teeth.

  “It’s because of the game I developed these… feelings. I don’t regret what we’ve done but I do know I want this game over. I can’t play anymore without getting myself hurt.” I don’t face him when I say this, my face is turned toward the window still. All I can picture in my mind is his face, disgust showing over his features.

  “I don’t want to play either. I want you, Callie.” He sighed, like a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. My heart soars at those words, words I never thought I’d hear from him. A sliver of a smile crosses my face and I close my eyes to savor the moment. Whatever happens next, I know now that we have each other.

  Waiting. I hate waiting. The time always seems to go slower when you’re waiting for something important. Like when you’re waiting to take a test or waiting for the time to tick down to go and pick up your homecoming date.

  I’ve never been good at waiting, I get antsy and jittery and my mind gets battered around by the thoughts running through my head at a hundred miles an hour. My knee bobs up and down, up and down, faster and harder. I stand up, pace the length of the waiting room and then sit back down.

  Callie isn’t any better, I can see how worried she is as she bites the side of her thumb, her eyes frantic.

  We didn’t speak after I told her that I want her and I can’t stop thinking that there is a reason why she didn’t say anything back.