Zero Control

by Wilde, Lori

  Roxie collapsed against his chest, heard the thunderous pounding of his heart.

  He squeezed her tight, kissed her all over, her eyelids, her nose, her cheeks, her chin. Then finally he found her mouth and kissed her with a joy that forever captured her heart.

  SOMETIME LATER, SHE AWAKENED clutched tight in the circle of Dougal’s arms.

  “You awake?” he asked.

  “Uh-huh.”

  “I’ve been lying here listening to you sleep. I love the way you breathe when you’re sleeping. It’s a soft little purring kind of noise.”

  “Are you saying I snore?” she teased.

  “Not at all. It’s just the nicest sound. Like you’re completely relaxed, totally trusting.”

  “Hmm,” she murmured.

  He reached over and threaded his fingers through hers. “There’s something I want to tell you.”

  “Does it have anything to do with the bullet wound on your thigh?” she asked.

  “Yes,” he said. “It does.”

  “Oh.”

  “I haven’t been with a woman since—” he swallowed audibly “—since I got shot.”

  “How long ago?”

  “Eighteen months.”

  “It’s been a long time for me, as well,” she said. “Much longer than eighteen months.”

  “The last time I felt this way…the way I’m feeling about you. Well…let’s just say my feelings were unreliable.”

  “You’re scared the same thing is happening with me that happened to you with this other woman?”

  He hesitated, shifted. She could tell this wasn’t easy for him. He wasn’t the kind of guy who readily talked about his feelings.

  “I’m listening,” she coaxed.

  A long moment ensued, and finally he ventured, “Before I went to work for Eros, I was a captain in the Air Force, specializing in aviation security.”

  “Uh-huh.” She nodded encouragingly.

  “I was stationed in Germany, and I was in charge of guarding the Air Force fleet.”

  “Sounds like a lot of responsibility.”

  “It was.” He paused again, wiped a hand across his mouth before continuing. She squeezed the hand that still held hers. He gave her a wan smile. “I met a woman there. Her name was Ava, and I fell for her like an avalanche.”

  Jealousy, hot and unexpected, poured over her.

  “By nature I’m not a particularly trusting guy. I tend to see the darker side of people, but with Ava, I was blind. I ignored my gut, which told me she wasn’t all she seemed.”

  Roxie could tell that this was headed in a bad direction. She made a noise of sympathy at the back of her throat.

  You should tell him. Tell him right now. About Langley, about Stacy, about spying for Getaway Airlines. Roxie opened her mouth, but she couldn’t force out the words that she knew would ruin everything.

  “We slept together, and I thought I was in love.” Dougal shook his head. “One day I caught her going through my office. She pretended that she’d come there to set up a romantic scenario, but that was when the first suspicions started to creep in. I didn’t want to believe she was up to something. I ignored my instincts.”

  “She was using you.”

  Dougal nodded. “I had her investigated and I discovered she was working for a terrorist cell. She’d stolen classified information from my locked files. I still don’t know how she managed to get access to them, but I managed to stop her cohorts as they were rigging up a bomb in one of the planes that was due to carry military brass back to the Pentagon. Ava showed up while I was in the middle of arresting them, and she shot me in the thigh.”

  Roxie splayed a palm over her mouth.

  “I felt like such a fool.” Dougal’s voice turned hard. “When my tour of duty was over, I left the Air Force. I couldn’t do my job effectively. Not when I could allow my heart to rule my head. I’m telling you this because it’s been very hard for me to trust a woman ever since then. But I trust you, Roxie, and that’s a huge thing for me to admit.”

  You have to tell him the truth. You have to tell him now!

  His sincere dark eyes sliced right through her. If she told him, though, she’d lose her job and then Stacy would drop out of school.

  “But you, Roxie.” His whisper was husky. “You make me want to try again.”

  His honesty, the vulnerability all over his face clawed at her. She was a horrible person for deceiving him, and he didn’t deserve to be treated this way. “Dougal, there’s some—”

  But before she could work up the courage to tell him her dark secret, his lips were on hers. He slipped his arms around her, lifted her up, kissed her tenderly as if she was the most precious thing on earth.

  Lust swamped her. She had to have him again. Had to have him or she would surely die. She ran her tongue around his lips, and he made a masculine noise of enjoyment.

  She moaned, loving yet hating the sweet torture. She wriggled into him, her breasts pressed flush against his muscled chest.

  Tell him.

  He ran his fingers up and down her shoulders. She threw back her head, and he trailed his kisses to the underside of her neck, nuzzling and nibbling.

  Experimentally he rubbed his thumbs over her nipples and they beaded so tight that they ached.

  “Ah,” he said. “So you like that?”

  “It feels awesome.”

  A hazy hotness draped over her, thick with sexual urgency. She wanted him so badly that her need was a solid, unyielding mass in her throat.

  “What about this?” His tongue laved the underside of her jaw.

  She shuddered against him.

  “And this?” Lightly he tickled the skin on the inside of her upper arm.

  “Wild man.” She gasped.

  “Exactly.” He grinned.

  When his mouth found its way back to hers again, Roxie could hear nothing except for the tyranny of her beating heart. The force of his desire caused her to tremble and sweat. Her knees quivered. Her heart pounded.

  He tunneled his fingers through her hair. She felt his presence in every cell of her body, in every breath she took, in every strum of the blood pumping through her veins.

  This new sensation drove her into a frenzy. Her muscles flexed. Blinding flashes of light. The rushing sound of ocean waves in her head. Uncontrollable spasms rattled her body.

  Her world quaked.

  Madly, frantically, they grappled with each other. His hands were broad and warm. His mouth an instrument of exquisite torture. Time spun, morphed, as elusive as space.

  The entire time he was buried inside of her, he stared deeply into her eyes, as if he was lost in her gaze and could not find his way out. Did not even want to find his way out.

  They were one. Mated. Trembling and clinging to each other.

  His cock filled her up, pushing deep inside of her until he could go no farther.

  Then he pulled back. In and out, he moved in a smooth rhythm that rocked her soul. He rode her and she rode him until they both came in a searing white blinding light.

  And all she could think of was that she could never have him for her own.

  13

  DOUGAL HEARD ROXIE padding quietly against the tile floor before he saw her.

  He stood at the stove whipping up a big breakfast. Eros had fully stocked the kitchenette with everything a romantic chef would need. When he was growing up, his mother had insisted he learn how to cook, so Dougal could flip a mean Denver omelet.

  After last night, he and Roxie needed sustenance. They must have burned a thousand calories. He was going to feed her and then he was going to make love to her all over again. He’d made her come four times the night before—a personal best for him—and he was eager to shoot for number five.

  Cooking for her spurred his urge to nourish Roxie in every way possible.

  Hearing her approach above the noisy sizzle of the bacon and hissing steam from the espresso machine, he knew she was going to wrap her arms around his waist befo
re he even felt her petite palms slide across his belly.

  Dougal set the spatula on the granite countertop and turned into her embrace, pulling her close to him for a kiss. She tasted pepperminty and wore silky pink pajamas without a bra.

  “Good morning,” he murmured against her lips.

  He could feel her nipples bead up against his chest. He cupped Roxie’s butt. No panty lines. She was totally naked underneath that silk.

  Instantly his cock hardened.

  Don’t burn the bacon. They’d been in bed for over twelve hours. They needed to eat so they could hit the sack for another twelve. While he thanked heavens it was Sunday, that meant tomorrow was Monday and they’d be flying home. It was over.

  “Well.” She chuckled and pressed herself tighter against his erection. “Good morning to you, too.”

  “I can’t help it,” he said. “See what you do to me?”

  She blushed prettily, which was amazing since they’d just done some very intimate things together. She really was quite bashful.

  “Breakfast is ready. I hope you’re hungry.”

  “Starved,” she said. “Although it looks like you made enough food to feed the entire tour group.”

  “No way, babe. Today it’s just you and me. Have a seat.”

  She pulled out a chair at the quaint little bistro table in front of the picture window. “Whatever it is you’re cooking, it smells heavenly.”

  “Not as heavenly as you.”

  She lowered her lashes and sent him a coy half smile—sassy but demure, Snow White through and through. Something hitched his chest. An emotion he couldn’t identify. The feeling was at once hot and sweet and uncomfortable.

  He realized he wanted much more than sex from Roxie, and at the same time, he knew that circumstances were such that he could never have it. The sudden loneliness that stabbed through him was as sharp as it was unexpected.

  Dougal set their plates, loaded up with omelets, bacon and biscuits on the table. Roxie angled her head and her dark hair swung fetchingly over her shoulders like a shimmery black curtain. Grinning, she rubbed her palms together. “It’s been ages since anyone has cooked for me. I feel pampered. Thank you.”

  “No problem. I like to cook.”

  “You are an enigma, Dougal Lockhart. A guy’s guy who knows his way around a kitchen. Tell me again why you’re not married?”

  “Never found the right girl.” He produced two forks from the silverware drawer, napkins from the pantry and butter from the fridge. Steam rose from the coffee cups he parked beside the plates. He plunked down across from her, happy to notice she was digging into the omelet with gusto.

  “Mmm.” She made a sexy noise of pure pleasure. “Seriously, if you ever decide to give up the tour-guide business, you could have an amazing career in food service.”

  “Good to know I have options,” he said, feeling pleased that he’d pleased her.

  “I get the impression that you’re skilled at a lot of things.” She cut a pat of butter from the stick and slipped it between the folds of her biscuit. “Are these homemade?”

  He nodded. “My mother’s recipe.”

  She sat looking at him with her intense blue eyes, and he just came unraveled. He reached for her at the same moment she dropped her fork to her plate with a clatter and leaned across the table toward him.

  “Dougal.” She breathed in.

  He exhaled. “Roxie.”

  His brain fogged. The smell of her tangled in his nose and drove him wild. He acted purely on instinct. His dick was as hard as the granite countertop. In fact, he was going to take her on that countertop. Spread her legs and do her right there.

  The next thing he knew they were naked and he was sheathed in a condom, bending her over the counter, and entering her from behind. She was slick and ready for him.

  “You’re so wet.” He groaned and sank in deeper.

  Trembling, he wrapped his arms around her waist, dropped his forehead to her shoulder blade and closed his eyes to savor her tightness. Dougal could hardly think. His mind was obliterated by the feel of her around him. His emotions blistered hot, intense and unexpected.

  Frantically he pumped into her. There was no smooth landing, no easy glide. Dougal was on a jet plane headed straight to the ground, spinning out into the clear blue sky. His whole body shook, and sweat slicked his back. He was helplessly out of control. It scared him while at the same time he felt utterly blissful. What in the hell was happening to him? He’d never ever been this rough, this rushed.

  Then from out of nowhere, he felt her fingertips caress his balls and boom!

  One tickle and he came. Just a simple light scratch from her soft hand and he detonated. He stiffened against her, his hips arching, grinding so hard against her, the fluid poured out of him, his cock so hot and drained he thought he’d disintegrate.

  Blindly he clung to Roxie, squeezing her tightly as if she was the only thing keeping him from falling apart.

  He cursed himself. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” he apologized. “I’ve never gone off like that.”

  “Shh,” she whispered, separating them, turning in his arms to cradle his head between her hands and kiss his lips. “It’s okay.”

  “It’s not. I’m a rude, selfish bastard and I—”

  “I like it that I can make you lose control.” She ran her fingers over his face. “It makes me feel feminine and powerful.”

  Maybe that’s what scared him so much. He’d always been in control with women. He’d never lost it like this. Why was it happening? What did it mean?

  He was still rock hard. He cupped her buttocks and lifted her up on the counter, entered her from the front and rocked against her. Dishes clattered to the floor. Silverware flew under the table. They didn’t notice. She moaned and tossed back her head. She sank her fingers into his hair, directed his head to her breasts.

  “Suck my nipples,” she commanded.

  He did as Roxie asked, taking first one pink, straining nipple into his mouth, then the other, lightly nibbling each one until she moaned again.

  He wouldn’t have thought it possible, but he grew even harder inside of her.

  Her muscles tightened around him. Groaning, he fisted a hand through her hair and pulled her head back, plied his teeth and lips and tongue along the silky column of her long, slender throat.

  Dougal’s nerve endings tingled. His heart thumped. His lungs chuffed. His belly burned with damaging need. Forget control. Trying to gather it was a lost cause. He was a lost cause. He was going to blow again and he still hadn’t made her come.

  No way was he going to let that happen.

  With a supreme effort of will, he eased back and slipped his hand down to where she was stretched tight around him. His fingers tangled in the soft damp hairs at her feminine entrance. He found her clitoris, and she hissed in her breath as he lightly brushed the pad of his index finger over the swollen nub.

  He captured her mouth with his at the same time as he increased the pressure, swallowed up her startled gasp. A hot wire of excitement flashed down his spine straight to his groin. He pushed inside her warm box again, all the while still stroking her twitching hood.

  Pinning her to the counter with his body, his tongue deep in her mouth, he thrust into her hard and fast.

  And felt the rising rumble overtake him at the same time as she let out a thin, strangled sound.

  Lost. They were lost together in this beautiful, splendid world.

  Grinding and aching, clutching and shaking, they shot into orbit together.

  Something inside Dougal broke loose, cracked open, shattered. He was raw, primal, exposed.

  Ah, hell, he thought.

  All the energy left his body in one exhausted release, leaving him spent.

  Roxie was nothing—nothing—like any other woman he’d ever experienced. She was something else entirely.

  Dougal’s eyes misted and his nose burned. He clenched his jaw tight, blinking back the onslaught of emotions
. He pressed his face into her hair, heaved in a shuddering breath, closed his eyes and held her close while his heart rate slowed.

  “Thank you,” Roxie gasped. “That was exactly what I needed. Straight-up wild sex with absolutely no strings attached.”

  No strings.

  She was letting him off the hook, setting him free. That should be great news. He should be happy.

  But he wasn’t.

  “You’re the best I’ve ever had,” she whispered, pressing her mouth against his ear. “Not that I’ve had a lot of experience, but you’re definitely an A plus.”

  Something every man longed to hear, but it sounded so hollow. All he could think was no strings attached.

  He wanted to find the sturdiest ball of twine he could get his hands on and bind her to him forever.

  That’s when Dougal knew he was in serious trouble.

  WHY HAD SHE SAID WHAT she’d said about no strings attached? She wanted strings and lots of them. She wanted a whole yarn barn full of strings.

  But she couldn’t have them. She’d made love to him under false pretenses, hiding the reason she was really on this tour. Spying and betraying Dougal’s confidence to Porter Langley, a man she was rapidly losing respect for.

  Dougal looked at her with eyes so sad she feared he could read her thoughts. Misery moved into her heart, set up house. She dropped her gaze, grabbed up her pajamas and scrambled into them. She was a horrible person, and she should just come clean right now and take her punishment.

  Dougal pulled on his pants, zipped them up. “Roxie?”

  “Yes?” She plunked down in the chair to slip on her socks.

  Dougal took the chair next to her, rested his palm on her forearm. “Look at me.”

  Reluctantly she lifted her head.

  “I’ve got something I need to tell you.” His tone was serious. “I haven’t been completely honest with you.”

  A lump the size of Alaska chunked up in her throat. “You’ve got a girlfriend,” she quipped. Please don’t let him have a girlfriend.

  “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

  “Whew, that’s good. I didn’t want some chick chasing me down to yank my hair out for fooling around with her man.”