Box of Frogs

by Helen Harper

  Massaging my poor finger, I continued on my way. The rain had started once again. I was about to pick up my feet and make a run for it before my costume became entirely waterlogged when I spotted the gleaming car on the opposite side of the street. It was at a standstill but its engine was running and the passenger door was wide open. Given that the number plate was J00LZ, it didn’t take a genius to realise who it belonged to.

  I cursed. That bodyguard really was next to useless. Even a child would know that taking such an expensive and showy vehicle out with Julie Whoever’s name emblazoned on it was a stupid move. I stomped over. It had been kind of fun winding him up in the shop but now I was getting irritated.

  I went round the back of the car, ducking my head towards the open door. ‘Seriously,’ I said, ‘you really need to think about…’ I stopped. The car was empty. I frowned and checked the driver’s seat. Nope. Definitely empty. Bodyguard Mark was stupid – but there was no way he was this stupid.

  I craned my neck round. There was no sight of anyone else. There was, however, a dark alleyway up ahead to my right. Ah ha. Twirling once more for effect – although my cape was now too wet to do more than flap uselessly – I sneaked over and peered down it.

  There was a prone body lying on the ground a few metres up the alley. I couldn’t see the face but I was willing to bet my groovy sequined mask that it was Bodyguard Mark. Further up, shrouded in heavy darkness, two figures were scuffling. There was a muffled, high-pitched shriek. I guessed Julie hadn’t hired a bodyguard just for show then; she really did need saving.

  ‘This,’ I murmured under my breath, ‘can only be a job for the Madhatter.’

  Wasting no further time, I raced towards them. Whoever was attacking Julie was making a meal of it. He towered over her with one gloved hand clamped over her mouth and the other holding her in place. She still managed several sharp kicks against his shin and, even though he was wearing a skanky-looking balaclava, his oomphs of pain made it clear that he was struggling.

  ‘I am the Madhatter!’ I yelled, barrelling towards them. ‘You will stop now or suffer the consequences!’

  The attacker slammed his elbow into Julie’s temple and she crumpled. Then, with the casual, practised movements of a pro, he reached into his belt and drew out some kind of Taser.

  Easy peasy: I’d just warp time as I had before and beat him to the ground before he could pull the trigger. Concentrating, I reached for the power. I felt a familiar tightening in my stomach but this time nothing seemed to happen. I tried again. Gasbudlikins. Whatever magic I’d drawn on before wasn’t working. I came to a skidding halt, just as Julie’s attacker smiled and raised the Taser.

  Two small darts shot out and connected with my tummy. There was a brief tingle – and nothing else. I frowned. ‘That tickles.’

  Behind his own mask, the man’s eyes widened. He shook the Taser as if willing it to work. ‘Fucking…’

  I lashed out, punching him in the stomach as hard as I could. Unfortunately, the action seemed to do my hand more damage than it did him. He threw the Taser down and faced me, teeth bared. I shook my hand in the air as if to flick off the pain. ‘Ouchy. Are you wearing a steel corset?’

  He was apparently unwilling to participate in small talk and flung himself towards me once more, fists swinging. I must have been some sort of hand-to-hand combat expert in a previous life because from a mile off I could see he was aiming for the right side of my head. I neatly dodged him, spun round and grinned. ‘You’re the human equivalent of a participation award.’ My quip would have sounded better if my rain-sodden cape hadn’t spun with me and smacked me wetly in the face as I was saying it. Why on earth did superheroes wear shit like this?

  I didn’t have time to ponder on the dress code of noble protectors for long. The man snarled and wasted no time in advancing and reaching out to grab a hank of my hair. This time I wasn’t fast enough and he snagged enough to pull me towards him. It felt like my scalp was being yanked away from my skull and I shrieked. Bloody arsebadger.

  I twisted and turned in a bid to free myself. Fortunately for me, Julie took this moment to join the fray, leaping onto his back with her fingers scrabbling towards his eyes. As she jabbed her thumbs towards his eye sockets, he howled and let go of my hair. I took full advantage of my reprieve and darted forward, scooping up the Taser from the ground. As the man whipped round, throwing Julie onto the hard pavement, I leapt forward and pressed the muzzle into the bare skin just visible at his neckline. I pulled the trigger and, hey presto, this time it worked. He jerked and screamed, his body juddering for a few seconds before going completely limp.

  Throwing the Taser away, I dusted off my palms and smirked. ‘Not such a bright spark now, are you?’

  Julie coughed and rolled on to her side. I nipped over and helped her to her feet. She glanced from the man to me and back again. ‘That was … amazing.’

  I nodded. ‘It was rather.’ I knelt down beside the still-prone man. ‘Let’s see who we’re dealing with, shall we?’ I reached for his balaclava just as flashing blue lights illuminated the street from near where Julie’s car was parked.

  She clutched at my arm. ‘No police.’ Her voice was low and filled with vibrating alarm.

  I looked at her curiously. ‘You should talk to them,’ I advised. ‘This guy wasn’t trying to kill you. He had a stun gun, not a shotgun. He probably wanted to abduct you.’ My tone was matter-of-fact but fear still flared in Julie’s eyes. ‘They can take him in for questioning and find out if there are others.’

  Her panic only increased. ‘No. I can’t let that happen.’ She swallowed. ‘I won’t be that actor on the front page of every tabloid rag because I have a stalker. I value my privacy. If we go to the police then all that disappears.’

  Part of me wanted to point out that if she really thought that much of her privacy perhaps she shouldn’t drive around with a flashy car and a personalised number plate. I was rather taken by her use of the word ‘we’, however. Not to mention that I had my own reasons for avoiding the police; if they connected me to the still unpublicized events at the golf course, I’d have a lot of unpleasant questions to answer. After all, if I’d been going to report what had happened to me, I should have already done so.

  I shrugged. ‘As you wish. Get that useless bodyguard of yours to his feet and I’ll deal with the coppers.’

  I sauntered over as a uniformed policeman emerged from the panda car and began to inspect Julie’s empty vehicle.

  ‘Hey, officer!’ I called out cheerily. ‘How are you this fine evening?’

  ‘Stay where you are,’ came the unimpressed response.

  I stopped in my tracks. ‘Is there a problem?’

  The policeman, together with another uniformed companion who appeared behind him, walked towards me. ‘Whose vehicle is this?’

  ‘Julie’s,’ I said confidently.

  ‘Julie who?’

  Er… ‘Julie who plays Stacey in that soap opera.’ Gasbudlikins. What was it called again? ‘St Tomahawk Close.’

  He peered at me. ‘St Thomas Close?’

  I snapped my fingers. ‘That’s the one!’

  There was a shuffling noise and the lady herself hobbled up with a groaning Bodyguard Mark leaning heavily against her. It was a wonder she didn’t collapse under the big man’s weight. ‘Hello!’ she cooed. ‘Sorry. I know I shouldn’t have parked there but it was an emergency. My friend here wasn’t feeling well and needed to throw up.’

  Both policemen paused and did the sort of double take that I was starting to suspect passed for normal when you were a soap star. ‘You’re Julie Chivers.’

  She attempted a curtsey; unfortunately, with Mark by her side, she ended up merely staggering. The first copper threw himself forward and quickly took Mark from her, hooking the bodyguard’s arm round his shoulder. ‘Here,’ he said. ‘Let me help you.’

  She giggled. ‘Thank you so much. He is soooo heavy. I told him he shouldn’t have had so much to drin
k but…’ She shook her head in dismay. ‘What can you do?’

  As if answering her, Mark groaned and tried to speak. She hushed him. ‘Don’t try to talk, dear. We’re getting you back to the car now with the help of these wonderful police officers.’

  The wonderful police officers immediately took her veiled suggestion and half-dragged, half-lifted Mark into the back seat. He fell forward inside with just his feet sticking out. Trying to be helpful, I scooted up and gently pushed them in. Mark curled up into the foetal position and groaned some more. Honestly, ‘the bigger they are, the harder they fall’ was more of a truism than I’d realised.

  ‘He’s a friend of yours?’ the policeman asked.

  Julie pursed her lips. ‘Friend of a friend.’ She pointed at me. I wasn’t sure I appreciated being dragged into her tale but it was a bit late now to do anything about it. ‘We were at a party.’

  ‘Fancy dress?’

  She smiled. ‘No.’

  I cleared my throat. ‘I thought it was a superhero-themed party but I…’

  ‘She was wrong.’

  I nodded. ‘I was wrong. And embarrassed. Horribly embarrassed. Admittedly not as embarrassed as Mark will be in the morning, but still.’

  Neither policeman was interested in what I had to say. Clearly they only wanted to hear from Julie. ‘Who’s driving?’

  ‘I am.’ She smiled brilliantly. ‘It’s my car. I’ve not had anything to drink, I promise you.’

  She was an actor – she lied for a living. I was sure that both policemen would remain suspicious despite her glib words. Instead, however, they grinned at her. ‘You’re not like Stacey on St Thomas Close then.’

  Julie laughed. ‘No. She is something else.’ She clasped her hands together. ‘Anyway, we should get this poor man home. Unless there’s anything else?’

  I was expecting them to ask her for an autograph but unfortunately they suddenly seemed to remember who they were and what job they were supposed to be doing. One of the coppers craned his neck down the small street. ‘Is there anyone else down there?’

  I held my breath, praying that the balaclava-wearing attacker didn’t take this moment to moan or stand up. When I glanced towards him, though, there was no sign of the man; the lump where his body had lain had vanished. I couldn’t decide whether that was good or not.

  If Julie was as surprised at his disappearance as I was, she didn’t let it show. ‘Not a soul, luckily enough. Not even a dodgy paparazzo.’

  ‘Fair enough. We’ll let you off this time. But you shouldn’t leave your car with the engine running like that – someone might steal it.’

  ‘Or worse,’ added the other policeman with a grim edge.

  Or worse indeed, I thought.

  Julie smiled. ‘Thank you. We’ll take more care in the future.’ She glanced at me. ‘Coming?’

  I couldn’t say no. I plastered on a smile of my own and walked round to the front passenger seat. ‘Let’s go.’

  ‘Thank you again,’ Julie trilled. Then she hopped in, closed the door and we quickly drove off.

  Chapter Six

  The next morning, I lay spread-eagled on the hotel bed and contemplated my next move. Perhaps dressing up in a superhero costume hadn’t been the greatest idea in the world and, given that Julie had dropped me off last night, I’d not retrieved my overcoat from where I’d stashed it under the old car. Instead, I’d dripped through the hotel lobby with both mask and cape still on. The costume had served neither to hide me from the police nor conceal my identity, so caring about it by that point had seemed entirely pointless.

  I was frustrated that I couldn’t remember anything useful about myself and I was desperate to investigate more. And now it wasn’t just the small wound on my finger I had to worry about; my entire hand was starting to throb, pain radiating across all my tendons. The smart move would be to find some of this nux stuff and sort my health out once and for all.

  DD had mentioned a fellow named Rubus who could help me out. I decided I’d start my search for him. If I could find him, not only might I find the antidote I needed but I might also learn who I really was and exactly what I was capable of. That Taser last night hadn’t affected me so, while I knew I wasn’t invincible, there was definitely more to my abilities and strengths than I appreciated.

  I’d only just rolled off the bed, shrugged on a bathrobe and turned on the small kettle when there was a knock at the door. My body tensed. Theoretically, apart from Julie, no one knew I was here but that didn’t mean she hadn’t bandied my details about or that I hadn’t been tracked.

  I darted over to the window and opened it so I could squeeze through in a rush if I needed to, then unplugged the half-boiled kettle. In a pinch, I could throw hot water at an assailant. There was another loud knock and, kettle in hand, I edged over to the door and answered it, leaving on the chain.

  ‘Yes?’

  It wasn’t housekeeping as I’d hoped. Instead the stern, unlined features of a suited man whose face I didn’t recognise looked back at me. He had dark thinning hair and an abnormally large forehead; his skin was completely blemish free. Either he had an excellent dermatologist or he was wearing make up.

  ‘Miss Smith?’ he enquired. ‘Joan Smith?’

  I struggled for a moment to remember if that was the name I’d given when I checked in. ‘Uh, that’s me. Joan. Joany Baby. Joan Smith. Hello. I’m Joan.’ Clearly Joan was also a blathering idiot.

  He didn’t smile. ‘I’m Mike Timmons, the hotel manager. Am I correct in thinking you checked in two nights ago?’

  I wasn’t the only one who was an idiot. This was a hotel chain with well-established computer systems. Mike Timmons didn’t think I checked in two nights ago, he knew. Now even more concerned that this was some sort of set up, despite both his demeanour and clothing screaming hotel manager, I hefted the kettle and tried to smile. ‘That’s correct, yes.’

  ‘You paid cash.’

  ‘Yes, I paid upfront. Why? Is there a problem?’

  ‘No, no problem. We just don’t appear to have any identification for you on record. It’s important for health and safety reasons to keep an official log of all our guests. A credit card will suffice.’ He smiled, displaying even, white teeth. His green eyes flashed.

  Something tugged at me, an errant thought that something wasn’t quite right. My instincts had served me fairly well so far and I wasn’t about to ignore them now. Besides, it wasn’t like I had a credit card to give the man.

  ‘I only just woke up,’ I said pleasantly. ‘Give me half an hour and I’ll pop down to the front desk and sort all this out.’

  Timmons didn’t blink. ‘I’d prefer it if we sorted this out now.’

  Okay. Something was definitely up. Yes, he was well within his rights to demand identification but planting himself at my door and refusing to leave until I did as he asked was not the way to gain yourself a five-star review on Trip Advisor.

  I lifted up my chin and met his eyes. ‘I’ll be at the front desk in half an hour,’ I repeated. ‘I’m not even dressed yet and this is starting to feel like intimidation.’

  Timmons didn’t back down. Instead, he leaned forward, licked his lips and smiled even more brightly. His smile didn’t reach his eyes. ‘I’ll let you off with the ID part,’ he said, lowering his voice to a whisper, ‘if you give me some.’

  I stared at him. Unbelievable. I’d thought he’d looked rather sleazy but this was beyond the pale. ‘No chance. I’m not some prostitute. I’m not going to drop my robe and spread my legs for you. What do you take me for?’

  Something akin to disgust flashed in his eyes. ‘Ew.’ His eyes widened, as if he hadn’t meant to say that aloud. He took a step back and bit his lip. ‘I’m joking.’ He twitched. ‘I really am. Don’t tell Rubus. I just need … some stuff. I don’t want to offend you but you did come to my hotel. I won’t tell anyone you’re here if you just give me some.’

  His abrupt volte-face from stern jobsworth to a grovelling excuse f
or a man would have given me pause if his other words hadn’t had me unhooking the chain and flinging the door wide open so I could confront him. ‘What do you know about Rubus?’

  Timmons paled. ‘What do you mean?’

  ‘Who is he? What does he have to do with me?’

  His eyes darted from side to side. ‘Is this a test?’

  ‘What?’ I gritted my teeth and stepped forward. Somehow I was having a bizarre conversation with an even more bizarre man that seemed to be nothing more than questions fired at each other, with no one giving any answers. ‘Stop beating around the bush,’ I snapped. ‘Answer me.’

  He hissed under his breath, ‘I just want some fucking dust. I don’t want to antagonise Rubus. Give me some and I’ll leave you alone. You can stay here for as long as you want – free of charge – and I won’t ask any more questions.’

  I folded my arms and tilted my head to one side, examining him from head to toe. Those hulking brutes out by the golf course had mentioned dust as well. Somehow I doubted it had anything to do with cleaning. ‘You want some dust,’ I said slowly.

  Timmons threw up his hands. ‘Isn’t that what I said? Not much. Just an ounce or two will do.’

  As he spoke, I realised that there was definitely something not quite right about the man. It was almost as if he weren’t entirely human. Taking a chance, I swallowed and leaned forward. ‘What are you?’

  He gazed back at me stupidly for a second. ‘Huh?’

  I was growing tired of all this prevarication. I put the kettle aside, grabbed him by the lapels, hauled him into my room and slammed the door shut. Then I whirled round to face him, using the base of my hand to hit his chest and knock him backwards.

  ‘You can’t do this,’ he stammered. ‘You can’t hurt me. The truce—’

  ‘What truce?’

  At this, his eyes flared in fear. I sucked a deep breath of air into my lungs. The man obviously thought I was threatening him. Well, if that was what it took to finally get some answers around here, that was what I was going to do.