Box of Frogs

by Helen Harper

  I examined her face. There was no doubt that she was severely pissed off but as far as I could tell, she was genuinely worried about me. ‘We’re friends?’

  Her eyes widened with sudden dread. ‘Oh no, Mads. What have you done?’ she whispered.

  I tutted. ‘It’s not like that. Well, I don’t think so. I’m afraid I don’t know who you are.’

  Her expression altered. ‘What the fuck?’

  ‘I’ve got amnesia. I don’t know who you are but I don’t know who I am, either. Not beyond what other people have told me. I woke up on Friday night in the middle of a golf course with a bunch of ugly guys trying to kill me. Redcaps. Or so I’m told.’

  Her mouth dropped open.

  ‘Perhaps if you told me your name, it might jog my memory,’ I said.

  She continued to stare at me.

  ‘Or not.’ I shrugged. ‘And I’m sorry I ran away from you the other day. I thought you were about to pull out a gun and shoot me. I’ve been having that kind of week.’

  She didn’t twitch. She didn’t even bloody blink.

  ‘Were you planning to kill me?’

  Nothing. I raised a hand and waved it in front of her face.

  ‘Hello?’

  Her tongue darted out and wet her lips. ‘Sorry, Mads,’ she whispered. ‘I’ve got to go.’ She turned round and started to walk away.

  ‘You didn’t tell me your name!’ I yelled after her.

  She didn’t respond. I debated whether to go after her. She obviously knew things that even Morgan couldn’t tell me but if I didn’t get to Julie’s car in the next five minutes, I wasn’t going to make the pick-up in time. The actress might seem harmless but she was still a vampire. It was probably a good idea if I kept my promise and fulfilled the job I’d been hired to do. I grimaced: evil villain or angelic superhero or simply amnesiac numbskull – there was no excuse for tardiness.

  ***

  I made it with about twenty seconds to spare. Unclipping my seatbelt, I turned up the radio full blast and leaned back in the driver’s seat to relax just as Julie waltzed out of the gates and waved. Abandoning my all-too-brief moment of meditation, I clambered out to meet her.

  ‘Hey!’ She sauntered over, flipping a pretty scarf emblazoned with bright colours round her neck. ‘Have you been waiting long?’

  ‘Ages,’ I said. ‘I didn’t want to be late on my first day so I made sure to get here with plenty of time to spare.’

  ‘Sorry to keep you waiting, darling.’

  I waved a hand airily. ‘No problem. It’s what I’m here for.’ I dangled the keys in front of her. ‘Do you want to drive or shall I?’

  ‘I will. I thought we might take a detour on the way home. A friend of mine is having a little soirée. I promised I’d drop in.’

  I frowned at her. ‘You didn’t mention it this morning.’

  ‘I only heard about it at lunch.’ Julie peered at me. ‘Do you mind?’

  ‘No. But if I’d known I could have scoped out the place beforehand.’ I rather liked the idea of marching around someone’s house so I could check out the exits. Maybe I should invest in an earpiece and a pair of sunglasses to look the part.

  Julie just laughed. ‘Honestly, the likelihood of anything happening is next to nothing. We’re talking scones and cups of tea, not vampire hunters with stakes.’

  Hmm. It struck me that if you wanted to bring down a supposedly all-powerful un-dead being, you’d want to do it when she least expected it. Still, I supposed a party would pass the time of day.

  ‘How’s your day been, Madrona? Anything exciting happen?’

  Erm… ‘I’m sure your day was more interesting than mine.’

  Something in my tone of voice must have given me away because Julie shot me a sharp, knowing look. ‘I doubt that. Have you remembered anything yet?’

  I sighed. ‘No. My mind is still drawing a total blank.’

  She patted my hand. ‘Not to worry. You’ll remember something sooner or later. I could always smack you several times on the head and try to beat it out of you.’

  ‘Tempting. Maybe another time.’

  She grinned. ‘Then let’s hit the road.’ She turned to the car, her glance snagging on the back. ‘Did you have an accident?’

  I winced. ‘It’s a long story.’

  She offered me a bemused look. ‘I thought I was the only one who regularly had fender-benders. We have even more in common than I’d realised.’

  Somehow I doubted that.

  ***

  It was no wonder that she often had car accidents; Julie drove even more haphazardly than she had in the morning. There were several occasions when I was sure we were going to collide with other cars. Even the red car arsebadger this morning would have been no match for her.

  Clinging onto any solid surface I could find I cringed, squeaking every time we had a near miss. ‘Julie,’ I said in a strained voice, ‘perhaps you ought to slow down.’

  She swerved round a bus. ‘Why? Life is much more fun in the fast lane!’

  I was beginning to get an inkling as to why Bodyguard Mark had been so humourless: Julie’s driving had probably knocked all of the fun out of him. When she reached into her pocket, pulled out her pill bottle and swallowed a couple of Valium before accelerating even harder, I actually gulped.

  ‘Won’t your fans think less of you if they know you’re a road demon in disguise?’

  ‘They love it! I write blogs about my exploits. It’s one of the things I’m known for.’

  The brake lights on the car ahead flashed red. Julie only just slammed on her own brakes in the nick of time. ‘I’m going to need hazard pay,’ I muttered.

  Another car drew up on our left, also slowing as it met the traffic. As soon as it was level, the person inside honked their horn. The window scrolled down and a head popped out. ‘Stacey! I love you!’

  Julie opened the passenger window using a button on her side. ‘I love you too!’ she shrieked. Then the traffic moved and we pulled away.

  ‘You’re nuts,’ I said, shaking my head like a disapproving schoolteacher.

  ‘The truth is that I drive like this so that any hunters following me are unlikely to keep up.’ She frowned. ‘Although they always manage to find me sooner or later.’

  ‘Your personalised number plate might have something to do with that,’ I grunted. ‘Along with the fact that you don’t hide your identity and people scream at you whenever they spot you.’

  ‘Those people also help keep me safe,’ she reminded me. ‘Even if the hunters catch up to me, they wouldn’t dare hurt me when my fans are around.’

  ‘So you keep saying.’ Judging by the rabid look on the driver’s face when he’d stuck his head out of the window, I wasn’t quite so sure.

  Fortunately, once we pulled off the motorway onto a quiet country lane on the outskirts of the city, Julie did slow down somewhat. We continued for another couple of miles, passing a few fields of sheep, until she veered off into a driveway leading up to a grand old country house.

  ‘Am I supposed to come in with you?’ I enquired when thankfully we parked and I was able to escape the confines of the car. ‘Or should I loiter out here and look dangerous?’

  ‘We’re perfectly safe, darling. You’re free to come inside with me or freeze your tits off out here. It’s your choice.’

  She had a point; now the sun was down, it was rather cold. ‘I’ll come in,’ I murmured.

  Julie beamed. ‘Excellent. I can’t wait to show you off!’ She strolled away, pushing open the door and entering without so much as a knock.

  I followed her indoors, marvelling at the impressive interior. It might have been an old building but it oozed charm. Dried lavender lay artfully in pretty bowls on the sideboard and the rustic oak floorboards gave the place a homely feel. Whoever Julie’s friends were, I liked them already.

  At the end of the hallway, hanging over a small table, was a large painting. The scene it depicted wasn’t anything extraordina
ry: a small waterfall cascading down a rocky hill, with verdant hills in the background. It spoke of little more than a fantastical pastoral imagination. Glancing at it, however, made my chest ache strangely. I rubbed at the spot. It was less painful and more … hollow.

  ‘Mag Mell,’ I whispered. Finally I understood the sense of loss and abject homesickness that I’d been told about. I examined the painting more closely. Had a Fey painted this? Was it the home I couldn’t remember?

  ‘Madrona?’ Julie asked. ‘Is everything alright?’

  I pressed the base of my palms to my temples. ‘I might be remembering something. The painting…’ My voice trailed off as my hungry eyes took in every detail.

  ‘You know this place?’ She looked at the painting.

  ‘I think it’s the atmosphere of the painting rather than the painting itself,’ I murmured.

  She smiled. ‘It makes sense. You’re a creative at heart. Now come on. Let’s party!’

  My brow creased as I dragged my eyes away from the picture. ‘I thought you said this was tea and scones?’

  Her mouth curved into a wicked smile. ‘I did, didn’t I? There might be scones. And Alice knows how to make the best Long Island Iced Tea this side of the Atlantic.’ She turned to her right and opened a door. ‘Cooeeee! It’s me!’

  There was a loud, delighted chorus of welcomes. I walked in, remaining close to Julie’s heels. You never knew when danger was around.

  Ten minutes later, it was clear that the only danger was that I might slit my wrists through boredom. Julie’s friends were nice enough but you can only listen to tales from the frontline of make-up artistry and waxing before your eyes start to glaze over. Spotting a crumpled packet of cigarettes, I begged one from the overly-coiffured man they belonged to and headed outside. The male body I’d glamoured myself into might not have enjoyed his morning cigarette but perhaps this one would be better. It couldn’t be any worse than what was back inside. Yeah, I thought morosely, it looked like I was as much of a bitch as Morgan had suggested I was.

  I lit the cigarette and inhaled. The taste wasn’t any nicer and the same light-headed sensation overtook me but I was determined to finish it, if only to delay having to go inside. The last thing I wanted was to open my big mouth and offend someone. Normally I wouldn’t care but I didn’t want to lumber Julie with fallout from my lack of thoughtfulness.

  I gazed at the trees then, deciding that the view wasn’t providing me with any more entertainment than Julie and her friends, ambled round to the back of her car. Perhaps I could kick the dents out and save a trip to the garage.

  I crouched down, attempting to pull on the bumper and straighten it out. The metal sighed but didn’t look any different. Cursing, I hunkered down further in a bid to curl my fingertips underneath and gain a better purchase. It was that action that allowed me to spot the slim grey box attached to the undercarriage.

  There was nothing in my pathetic brain that suggested I knew much about cars but I was pretty certain that the box did not belong there. Scooting my body underneath, and with my heart in my mouth, I examined it more closely.

  There were no visible wires and no blinking lights or giveaway countdown timers. It was probably too small to be a bomb; when I pulled it gently away from the car, it fitted too neatly into the palm of my hand.

  Pushing myself out, I used my fingernails to dig into the hard plastic edge and open the box. Inside was a small, neat green motherboard. With a sinking sensation, I realised what it was: Julie’s vampire hunters kept on finding her not because of her celebrity status or her flashy car; their methods were far more prosaic – and far more sinister.

  The sensible thing would be to attach the device to one of the other cars parked nearby. It would fool the hunters into tracking someone else. Unfortunately it might also mean that someone else ended up getting hurt. I wasn’t completely heartless.

  The only positive thing right now was that she’d assured me the hunters avoided attacking her in public. There were far too many people inside for them to make a move here, regardless of how isolated the house was. I comforted myself with that thought, but all the same I raised my eyes to the dark horizon and scanned it. Fear trickled uneasily down my spine. Unwilling to ignore my gut instincts, I centred myself and focused. There had to be something useful in these Fey skills to help me out. Concentrate, Madrona.

  I stiffened. There. Over to my left and hiding amongst the trees, someone was watching. I closed my eyes and listened. My hearing sharpened, honing in on the precise area. When I blocked out everything else, it was a wonder that I’d not noticed the watcher before. Even from this distance, I could hear a regular heartbeat, unworried by stress or adrenaline. I could also hear the waiting arsebadger’s breath. Someone was out there. And there were no prizes for guessing what – or rather who – they wanted.

  Chapter Sixteen

  ‘She’s obviously very strange. Bring Mark back. I don’t like the way that girl looks at me.’

  I whirled into the room, ignoring the fact that Julie’s friends had been gossiping about me – and not in a good way – and stalked over to where she was sitting. ‘We’re leaving,’ I growled. ‘Now.’

  Julie blinked. ‘But darling, we’ve barely just arrived.’

  ‘I told you she was strange,’ someone whispered behind my back. ‘Who’d want a bodyguard like her? She could use some more muscles. Or brain cells, at the very least.’

  I half-turned my head. ‘Your gene pool could use some more chlorine,’ I snapped.

  The whisperer jerked. He obviously hadn’t expected me to overhear him. Frankly, that just made it worse; if he were going to insult me, then he damned well better have the balls to do it to my face.

  Julie rose to her feet, her mouth twitching. She was clearly more amused than offended that I’d insulted her friend. ‘Mads, darling. Have a cocktail. Everything’s fine.’

  I met her eyes. ‘It is not fine,’ I told her, trying to convey what was going on through facial expressions .

  Some of my alarm sank in. Her face paled. ‘There are lots of people here.’

  ‘Maybe they’ve changed tactics since the last failed attempt,’ I said.

  Julie swallowed.

  ‘What’s going on?’ Alice, the hostess, also stood up. ‘Julie, is there a problem? Should we call the police?’

  I glanced at her. ‘Julie has some rather … over-eager fans,’ I said. ‘Stalkers, if you will. One of them is outside. The police are aware of his existence but won’t make a move until he has broken the law. I’d prefer it if he never got that chance. It’s safest for Julie – and for the rest of you – if we leave right now.’

  At my words and my grim tone it wasn’t just Julie who looked frightened. At least Alice managed to keep it together. ‘Of course,’ she nodded. ‘Is there anything we can do?’

  ‘Just stay here and don’t go outside until we’re well away from the house. He’ll follow us, not you. As long as you keep out of sight you’ll be okay.’ I took Julie’s arm and propelled her out of the room.

  ‘You’re an excellent liar,’ she murmured in my ear as we marched back out of the house. ‘Is it a hunter who’s waiting outside?’

  ‘In the trees over to the right,’ I answered. ‘But don’t look, and walk normally. We don’t want him to know he’s been rumbled.’ Whoever the hunter was, he’d know I’d found the GPS tracker but he had no reason to worry that I’d rumbled him.

  Julie pasted a smile on her face. ‘No one followed us here,’ she muttered with gritted teeth. ‘No cars were behind us and this evening was organised at the last minute.’

  I faked a grin in return. ‘Your car has a tracking device on it.’

  I heard a sharp intake of breath. ‘Then shouldn’t we take someone else’s car?’

  I shook my head. ‘No. I have a plan.’

  ‘A good plan?’

  I grimaced slightly and didn’t answer, simply opened the passenger door and beckoned her in. ‘Buckle up,’ I instr
ucted. ‘I’m driving.’

  For once, she didn’t argue. It was just as well; somehow I didn’t think that Long Island Iced Tea and a car chase were natural pairings.

  I headed to the driver’s side, started up the engine and withdrew the tracker from where I’d left it. I tossed it into her lap. ‘Hang on to that for now.’

  She stared at it as if it were a snake. ‘Shouldn’t we throw it out of the window?’

  ‘Not yet,’ I cautioned. I glanced at her. ‘I’m not sure if what I’m doing is the right thing, Julie. But you’ve been looking over your shoulder for too long. We need to turn the tables on these hunter bastards so that you’re safe once and for all.’

  ‘How are we going to do that?’

  ‘Right now,’ I said, accelerating away from the house, ‘they don’t seem to think you’re dangerous, regardless of your vampire ethnicity. We need to change that. We need to make them so afraid of you that they won’t dare to come near you again.’

  ‘I’m not sure I like the sound of that, darling.’

  I braked, stopped the car and looked at her. ‘If you want, I can take you back to the safety of your house right now. The hunters won’t be able to enter and you’ll be fine. Until the next time. Or the time after that. Or whenever. You said yourself that it’s only a matter of time before they manage to get hold of you. They got damned close the other night.’ I gazed at her. ‘We can do that, if that’s what you prefer. At the end of the day, you’re the boss.’ I licked my lips. ‘Or we can change things and take control. We can stop them from bothering you ever again.’

  Her eyes widened fractionally. ‘How on earth are you going to manage that?’

  My answer was quiet but determined. ‘By making them so afraid of you, that they’d rather sell their own mothers to the bogeyman than come within a hundred miles of you.’

  ‘But I’m not scary, Madrona. I’m a cuddly vampire, not an evil vampire.’

  I held her gaze and bared my teeth. ‘But I’m not cuddly.’

  Julie shivered. Actually shivered. Then she nodded, albeit with some reluctance.