She Broke Up, I Didn't: I Just Kissed Someone Else!

by Datta, Durjoy

  ‘I have no idea where you would put what,’ I said. ‘I think you should stop now.’

  ‘Deb, shut up. They all fit in.’

  ‘Fine with me. It is your house. Feel free to ruin it.’

  ‘Let’s go,’ she said.

  ‘Where?’

  ‘Sarojini Nagar. We still have to get cushions, mattresses, bed sheets, curtains and towels. I will make up a list in the auto. I’m sure I’m missing something out.’

  ‘You mean there could be more?’ I sighed. ‘It’s going to be a long day.’

  ‘It’s better than waiting for Nitin to come back home, isn’t it?’

  ‘It sure is.’

  She grabbed my hand and led me to another auto and we headed towards Sarojini Nagar. Sarojini Nagar, a famed flea market, teemed with girls of every age, jostling for space, fighting with shopkeepers for the best deal, cursing them, and then regretting that they had bargained too much and lost out. Everything at Sarojini Nagar is cheap and fake but they did not seem to care. I felt sorry for the guys who accompanied the girls and had huge bags in their hands, but within ten minutes I had three of them in mine.

  She frantically flitted from one shop to another and picked up everything that she could lay her hands on. She drove a hard bargain; I would look away when she would offer only a tenth of any shopkeeper’s first quote.

  Occasionally, she stopped to look for clothes for herself, bangles and the like but other than that, she was pretty focused. We missed lunch and made do with a roadside chaat of fresh fruits, which was filling, and that is the best I can say about it.

  ‘Please tell me if we are done?’ I asked, exhausted.

  ‘Yes. Finally.’ She smiled.

  ‘We are going back now?’

  ‘Sure!’ she said. She still did not look tired at all. Where the hell did she get her energy from? I must have dozed off in the auto because I remember waking up to a screaming Malini. She was shouting on the phone at a furniture dealer who said that their guy would be a few hours late.

  ‘Chill, Malini,’ I croaked.

  ‘Oh … you woke up? Sorry for that.’

  ‘It is okay.’

  ‘Thank you, Deb,’ she said and pulled my cheeks.

  ‘For?’

  ‘For helping me with the shopping … I wouldn’t have been able to do this alone.’

  I looked outside. The sun had set and it was evening already. ‘I did nothing,’ I said groggily.

  ‘You did enough,’ she said. ‘Go back to sleep.’ She put my head on her shoulder and ran her hand over my face. As I dozed off, I heard her whisper to herself, ‘I missed you.’

  We reached her flat and the day wasn’t over yet. We arranged the furniture, hung the new curtains, placed the carpets, dusted the floor and I think we did a pretty good job. Her place suddenly looked warm and inviting. It reminded me of her old hostel room, only a lot bigger and less crazy.

  ‘Are we done for sure? Or is there still something you don’t like? This, by far, is the hardest I have ever worked.’

  ‘Aw! No, it’s done! It looks nice, doesn’t it?’ She smiled. I agreed with her. It looked like a cosy little place, far from the barren empty flat it was that morning, and now it was stuffed with wood and textile, and was a riot of colours.

  ‘You are good.’

  ‘So are you,’ she said and pulled my cheeks.

  ‘But isn’t this house a little too big for just you?’ I asked her. ‘You should look for a roommate. Get a hot guy to move in. That should be fun,’ I remarked.

  ‘What do you want to say?’

  ‘I mean get a roommate. I mean it will be a nice time pass, plus the extra money you can earn through rent,’ I said even though Malini never needed extra money.

  ‘Oh …’

  ‘What happened?’ I asked.

  ‘I thought something else,’ answered Malini. ‘Never mind.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Leave it.’

  ‘Tell me.’

  ‘It is nothing,’ she said as she rearranged the cushions again.

  ‘Tell me.’

  ‘I just thought you were referring to yourself,’ she mumbled.

  ‘Me? I should move in?’

  She just stared.

  Three days later, I moved in. Initially, she was excited and made room for me, but later she advised me against it and said it would not be good for Avantika and me and the relationship. I told her there was nothing left to save in the relationship. I disregarded every plea of hers of not to move in and invited myself to live there. Deep inside, I knew her pleas of asking me to stay away were only half-hearted.

  46

  ‘Did you call her?’ she asked as she entered the flat. She threw her handbag and the keys on the table; her hair was a mess and she was panting.

  ‘Nope,’ I said as I switched the channel.

  ‘Deb? Why didn’t you?’

  ‘I didn’t feel like it,’ I said as I turned up the volume to drown her voice out.

  ‘We need to talk,’ she said and closed the door of her room behind her. It had been a few weeks since we had been staying together and it was fun, much better than Nitin and I living together anyway.

  ‘So?’ Malini said as she came out of her room in a stringy top and hot pants. It didn’t bother me that she pranced around the house practically naked; I had seen her in less clothes in the past two months. She grabbed the remote from me and turned the volume down.

  ‘Hey! Don’t do that!’ I said.

  No matter how much I acted normal, I had still not moved on. The days used to be torturous. The evenings and nights were easier because Malini was around and we always found something fun to do. The last thing I wanted from Malini was to bug me with what used to haunt me every single minute of the day—Avantika.

  ‘Deb, why don’t you do something about it? I cannot see you like this. Why don’t you just talk to her?’ she asked.

  ‘I am not as bad and miserable as you are making me out to be. I am a lot better.’

  ‘Yeah, maybe! But you need to do something fast. I cannot date while I have a male roommate. You know how people talk,’ she said and chuckled.

  ‘Why do you need to date? I am here! Date me.’

  ‘Naah! You are not boyfriend material,’ she said.

  ‘Seriously, is there a problem because I am staying here?’ I asked, trying out a puppy-face expression.

  She snuggled up to me on the couch and said, ‘Yes, a little. I do not want to get used to you. It is already happening and it scares me.’

  ‘What’s the harm if it’s happening?’ I asked. Over the last few months, Malini had become indispensable, which is not the best way to describe someone’s importance but I think it describes it best. Often, she reminded me of Avantika because, before Malini, she was the only person who had cared for me that much. I was a mess when I first shifted in with Malini. I did not wash clothes, threw clothes around, did not know a thing to cook, and yet she put up with all that throughout the weeks we had been together. But lately things were changing and I involved myself in household chores, and it was not because she asked me to do so … but because I wanted to help Malini out. Thank her for what she did for me. Even after a long day in office, she would insist on doing everything for me. Sometimes, it scared even me. She was a little too committed to see me happy.

  Was I falling in love again? No, I was not.

  But I was sure that Malini had feelings for me and that is what scared me the most. After all that she had done for me, I did not want to break her heart. Three weeks after I moved in, we had decided that we would sleep in different rooms. The late-night ‘hug-and-talk’ sessions often used to end in awkward silences and sometimes, and only sometimes, sex. We had made out thrice in that period; we were drunk twice. All three of those nights were followed by awkward mornings.

  We managed to stick to our rule for a week. However, after that we started sleeping on the couch and even talked to each other on the phone from different r
ooms.

  It was hard not to slip … you cannot blame me though. I was attracted to her, and anyone would be. It was miraculous enough that I managed to keep my hands off her for the majority of the time. Moreover, I was single and there was nothing wrong in what I did. Who knew, maybe Avantika was doing the same with Kabir? Maybe they were even living together like Kabir had once suggested to Avantika.

  ‘You don’t love me,’ she said. ‘I will always be a rebound. That’s why it’s scary.’

  ‘Do you love me?’ I asked her.

  ‘I care about you,’ she said and ran her hands over my shirt. ‘I am stopping myself from falling for you. I would have been in love with you. Maybe, I already am. But this can’t be …’

  ‘Why love me? I am a loser,’ I asked.

  ‘I know you are. You’re a chauvinistic, lazy pig. Wish I could answer that. But tomorrow you are calling her up,’ she said.

  ‘Why are you pushing me towards her? Maybe it’s you I want to be with? Maybe this is how it’s meant to be.’

  ‘Didn’t I tell you? I cannot compete with her. I am not that strong. And I know you will be the happiest with her,’ she said. ‘And seriously, I can’t take your crying, Deb. Not only does it look silly, and … stupid, it hurts.’

  ‘What do I tell her? I mean, I don’t think Avantika even thinks about me that much.’

  ‘You know that can’t be. She loves you more than anything. You were the one for her. Girls never get past that.’

  ‘She doesn’t call me, she doesn’t message me any more. It is only I who calls her now. I am sick of it and I am sure she is with that bastard now.’

  ‘Why do you say that?’

  ‘She doesn’t text or call me any more! Why? Either she’s over me, or that bastard Kabir doesn’t let her call me any more.’

  ‘Deb, I don’t blame her,’ she said.

  ‘Why? Because you are a girl and you must have some stupid reason to back her, don’t you?’

  ‘She gave you enough chances, Deb. She begged for more than two months. She put up with everything you said to her … the taunts, the abuses, the angry tone. What else do you want her to take? She just assumed you would never come back,’ she said.

  ‘Never come back? Is that why I call her every five days? To never come back?’

  ‘Have you ever tried to talk to her calmly and not bring up Kabir in your conversations? Have you? Have you tried to understand what she has been going through? Deb, do not fool yourself. I know you stay up nights and read her old messages. Cry. Think. Ponder … Then why this, Deb? Just because she made out with a guy she doesn’t love? Even we have had sex, for heavens’ sake, but you love her … and you love her like crazy. Nothing is going to change that. It will always stay in your heart and it will keep killing you unless you do something about it.’

  ‘But—’

  ‘But what, Deb? Stop this foolishness now. Go to her. It’s Avantika. She is your baby! Look what you have reduced her to! Why did you do this to her, Deb?’

  ‘She is just fine …’

  ‘Call her tomorrow and ask her if she’s fine!’ she said, broke out of my embrace and slammed the door behind her as she entered her room. I sat there reflecting on what she said. There was desperation and love in her voice.

  I got up and walked towards her room and was about to knock when I heard her crying inside. I knocked and entered.

  ‘Are you crying?’ I asked.

  ‘Silly question,’ she said and wiped her tears. I went and sat next to her. She put her hands across me.

  ‘Try this. Don’t blame me if it isn’t good enough,’ I said. I had made pasta for her that evening, but I could not tell her because she picked the Avantika issue so soon. Such a waste of delicious-looking pasta, all creamy and cheesy.

  ‘Not bad. Impressive indeed,’ she said as she ate. ‘A little more salt would have been perfect, but I still think it’s quite nice.’

  ‘I am learning a few things from you!’ I smiled.

  ‘Do you have a sadistic agenda of making all the awesome girls around you cry?’ she said, still crying. ‘You don’t deserve us.’

  ‘I never said you are awesome.’

  ‘I wish I was.’

  ‘Aw! You are the awesomest ever!’ I said and hugged her.

  ‘Deb, I have longed for a guy who would love me like you love her. At times, I wanted to be her. And had I been a complete bitch, I would have stopped you from going back to her.’

  ‘Why don’t you stop me?’

  ‘You belong to her.’

  ‘Umm.’

  There was an awkward silence.

  ‘Call her tomorrow,’ she said.

  ‘Give me a week.’

  ‘A week it is,’ she said and hugged me.

  ‘Deb?’

  ‘Yes?’

  She held me close; I could feel her breath on my lips. She said, ‘I want to say something to you.’

  ‘What?’ I asked.

  ‘Don’t answer to what I am going to say. I just want to say this because if I don’t, I will never be able to forgive myself,’ she said and the tears in her eye reappeared.

  ‘I won’t,’ I said. ‘What is it?’

  She put a finger on my lips. ‘Deb, please don’t go … I want you to stay,’ she whispered in my ears. She closed her eyes and hugged me.

  The last few weeks had been good. They could have been a lot worse. She had saved me. I did not leave her that night. I would never be able to pay back Malini for what she had done for me. She was an angel.

  Malini had been bedridden for the last three days, writhing, moaning and cursing in pain. No matter what I said, she blamed me and the pasta for it.

  ‘Don’t get up. I will get that,’ I said as she tried to reach for the thermometer.

  It had been three days and the fever had started to subside. Just a viral infection, the doctor said. No food poisoning, I told her, but she would not budge. She still blamed the pasta. It was a strange feeling to take care of someone as usually it was the other way round.

  ‘You are very sweet, Deb,’ she said.

  ‘Me? Why?’

  ‘I can never imagine a guy doing what you are doing.’

  ‘Ahh … c’mon … I did not do nothing,’ I said and blushed. ‘And anyone would have done the same.’

  ‘Yes, you didn’t.’ She hugged me. ‘You did nothing …’

  I put her to sleep.

  47

  ‘Mittal called today,’ I said.

  It had been more than a week and I had not yet called Avantika. Malini had recovered from the viral and she gifted me a new watch as a token of thanks for taking care of her. Even though she could do something like that to show the commensurate gratitude, I could not have repaid Malini for what she had done for me. No amount of watches or jewellery could repay that debt. She had done a lot for me.

  ‘How is Mittal doing?’

  ‘Good.’

  ‘First time after college?’

  ‘We have talked about five or six times,’ I said.

  ‘Best friends, huh?’ She winked. ‘What did he say?’

  ‘Nothing much. He is coming to Delhi next week and might stay with us.’

  ‘Deb, can you pass on that jug?’ she said. ‘He will stay with us? That would be nice. How long would he be here?’

  ‘Not very long. A day or two.’

  ‘You don’t seem excited,’ she said as she served breakfast.

  Malini was a great cook. Since she was a health freak, we did not go out and eat junk a lot those days. She was happy whipping up something new for us every weekend. She even tried to take me out jogging, but I couldn’t wake up that early.

  ‘Obviously I am excited,’ I lied. I was looking forward to it, but I wasn’t excited, not really.

  ‘Umm, you know what, Deb?’

  ‘What?’

  ‘Those three days that I was bedridden?’

  ‘What about those?’ I asked.

  ‘Those were the best three da
ys I had spent in the longest time.’

  I blushed rather visibly. ‘Were they?’

  ‘They were so nice. You used to sit by the chair and hold my hand, stay up all night just in case I needed anything. Sweetest thing ever. I loved the way you took care of me, made me go to sleep, made me laugh and tried to make it all better. I should probably pay you and keep you here,’ she said and her voice trailed off.

  ‘Hmm,’ I couldn’t say anything.

  ‘And I would just hate to snatch all this from someone … anyone,’ she said wistfully.

  ‘Are you serious you don’t have a crush on Mittal?’ I joked.

  It had been three hours that morning that she had been working continuously to clean the flat. She had taken a half day from office just to do that. It is strange how quickly time flies. From cleaning up the hostel room, every time a girl was supposed to walk in, to cleaning up a house, time does fly by and we all learn to grow up a little.

  ‘Yes, I do. Remember that date? Mittal and I? Since then,’ she said and winked. ‘He is awesome!’

  ‘Oh, good for you.’

  ‘I wish that my crush on him would have made you jealous.’

  ‘Oh, it sure did,’ I said.

  Malini should not have told me that she had strong feelings for me. At least I would have felt a lot less guilty then, and a lot less confused. Malini had done nothing to drive me away unlike Avantika and she had done a lot for me, selflessly.

  Malini had an elaborate menu ready for this asshole. It almost looked like we were a married couple expecting a guest. There was a bang on the door accompanied by a huge shout. Unmistakably it was Mittal.

  ‘Hey!’ he shouted and hugged me. He had changed. The sedentary office job had made him fat, the abs had gone, and the buttons of his shirt were straining against his girth.

  ‘Are you losing hair?’ Malini said and they hugged.

  ‘You look good together,’ he said. ‘I always thought so.’

  ‘Umm … we are not together,’ she said.

  ‘But you guys are making out, right?’ He laughed.

  ‘This is for you two.’ He handed over a carton of beer bottles. ‘Nice house by the way. A little too big, but yeah, it’s perfect.’

  Malini thanked him for it. ‘Deb helped me put stuff in it.’