Chances Are Omnibus (Gender Swap Fiction)

by P. T. Dilloway

  When two customers do come in, I try to stay out of their way. I wait until they’ve gotten a good look at everything before I ask, “Can I help you find anything?” They buy a couple of T-shirts and then leave.

  By two o’clock I’m hungry enough that the cold, discarded omelet starts to sound good. I could always call for some takeout, but I don’t have any of my own money. I don’t want to take anything from the register, not on what’s essentially my second day.

  I’m still dithering about this when Grace comes downstairs. Her face looks pale and haggard and her eyes are still a bit red, but she smiles at me. “How are things down here?”

  “About the same as always.”

  “That bad, huh?” We both laugh at this. Then she pats my shoulder. “Why don’t you go get us some lunch? I can cover for a few minutes.”

  “If you’re sure—”

  “I’m sure.” She pats her flat stomach. “Some stir-fry would really hit the spot right about now.”

  “Any place in particular?”

  She gives me the address for a Chinese place down the street and twenty bucks for both of our orders. She probably could have called, but maybe she wants to get me out of the shop for a little while. Just as well for me; the fresh air—as fresh as it gets around here—feels good after a morning in Grace’s stuffy shop.

  I order vegetable stir-fry for both of us, after I decide it would be best not to use Grace’s money on meat products. While I wait for the order, I see a payphone against the wall. I don’t know Debbie’s number, but I’m sure I could get it from information. Even if I do, what would I say? Maddy doesn’t want to talk to me and Debbie doesn’t know me.

  I decide to call Tess instead. She’s probably been worried about me and Jake might have passed along something about Maddy. Tess picks up on the second ring and before I can say anything, she says, “Stacey! I’ve been worried sick.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Jake said you spent the night with your new friends.”

  “Yes,” I say and wonder what else Jake has told her.

  “I hope you’re not reverting to your old ways.”

  Apparently Jake hasn’t mentioned I spent most of the night at a bar with Maddy. “No, I’m still taking care of myself. I’m getting lunch right now.”

  Tess clucks her tongue when I tell her what I’m getting. “They probably cook those vegetables and rice in MSG. Do you know how bad that is for you?”

  “I’m only eighteen. I don’t think I’m going to have a heart attack.”

  “It’s important to create good habits.”

  “OK, I’ll stop on the way back and get some milk to balance it out.”

  “That’s a good start.”

  I tell myself Tess frets over my lunch to cope with the disappointment of me not coming home. “I am really sorry about last night.”

  “Do you think you’ll be home tonight?”

  “I’m not sure.”

  “I can have Jacob bring your things there. At least a suitcase to tide you over.”

  I press myself flat against the wall. I can’t bring myself to say anything for a couple of minutes. On one hand I care about Tess and I want her to be happy. On the other I don’t want her constant mothering at the moment. Plus there’s Grace. With Maddy gone, someone should look after her, make sure she doesn’t do anything stupid.

  “A suitcase would be good,” I finally say and hate myself a little for it. I try to cover up with a lie. “Grace is feeling a little under the weather. I thought I’d help take care of her. You know, make some chicken noodle soup and whatnot.”

  “That’s very thoughtful of you, dear,” Tess says, although from the flatness of her tone I know she doesn’t buy it. “I’ll put a few things together for you.”

  “Thanks.” I hear someone call out my number. “I’d better go.”

  I hang up the phone and then go get my food. I feel like the worst person in the world.

  ***

  Grace must see how downcast I look when I walk through the door. “You get mugged or something?” she asks.

  “Huh? No. Just been thinking about things.”

  “That’s always dangerous.” On the surface it seems that Grace is back to her old self, but I can hear something hollow in her voice, as if she’s going through the motions.

  We eat in silence and I notice how Grace bolts her food. Despite my earlier hunger, I pick at the stir fry with a pair of chopsticks; I move it around in the carton more than I eat any of it. A pall hangs over us, a pall with Maddy’s name on it.

  Grace finishes hers before I’ve eaten half of mine. She looks at her watch. “I should get to work on my dissertation,” she says.

  “Sure.”

  “Can you handle all the excitement down here?”

  I flash her a fake smile. “I’ll try.”

  With that I’m alone again. At least until a half hour later when two girls walk in, both of them as fat as my first customer. The reason for that becomes clear once one says, “We’re looking for something hot. Our friend said you could help us out.”

  “I’ll see what I can do,” I say. I set my half-eaten stir-fry aside to help the fat girls find something to wear. When there’s nothing up front, I go into the back to search through the box of recent items.

  As I do, I hear one on her phone say, “I can’t tonight. We’re going out to this club. The Honey Well Club.”

  This piques my interest. I look up from the box, a dress still in my hands. “It’s ladies night,” she says. She snorts at something the other person said and responds, “You’d never get in there. It’s very exclusive.”

  I continue to eavesdrop until I hear one of the others grumble, “Where did that skinny little bitch go? Christ, let’s just get out of here.”

  I grab a few dresses at random and then hurry back to them. “What about these?”

  After I’ve rung up a couple of “hot” dresses for them, I think about what the one said. The Honey Well Club is where the Worm said Bobby Blades likes to hang out. Maybe I should pay it a little visit.

  Then I think of Grace upstairs. Despite that she said she wanted to work on her dissertation, I imagine her still on the couch with a pillow she wishes were Maddy. I shouldn’t leave her alone tonight. She’s my friend. She might need my support.

  But Bobby Blades is one of Lex’s goons who helped put me in this situation. He’s one of the people who took me away from Maddy, which in turn has taken her away from Grace. He’s partially responsible for this mess. Why should he get to drink and grope women while Maddy, Grace, and I mope around heartbroken?

  There’s no decision to be made. The bastard will pay. Tonight.

  Part 5:

  Sweet Revenge

  Chapter 32

  I prepare for my visit to the Honey Well Club the rest of the afternoon. I’ve never been in a nightclub except on raids, but I know I can’t wear a T-shirt and jeans. I need something “hot” to wear. Luckily the fat women haven’t cleaned out Grace’s selection yet.

  I try on a few dresses before I find one I like. It’s black and short almost to the point of indecency. In the dressing room mirror I spend a couple minutes to adjust the bust, to show as much as possible. Maybe I should try to pad my bra or see if Grace has any push-up ones in stock. I remember how much trouble I had with a regular, unpadded bra and decide to skip it and hope for the best.

  The real problem comes with the shoes. I can’t wear sneakers or flats. I need heels. I look through some boxes in the back, until I find a pair of black shoes with three-inch stiletto heels. They look right, but they sure as hell don’t feel right. For one thing my foot feels like it’s perfectly vertical. For another the shoes pinch my toes like someone’s clamped them in a vise. How are you supposed to walk in these?

  I take my first fall three seconds later. I’m lucky I fall into a box of clothes so I don’t scrape my knees or break my stupid neck. After I collect myself, I try again. I remember when I first woke up as a wo
man, how I could hardly walk barefoot. Baby steps, I remind myself.

  So for the rest of the afternoon I shuffle around the shop and kick off the shoes on the couple of rare occasions when a customer comes in. That the salesgirl is barefoot and wears an indecent dress doesn’t come as a shock to anyone, not in the bohemian garment district.

  I’m in the middle of making my way across the floor when Grace comes downstairs. I look at the clock and see it’s time to close up for the night. She raises an eyebrow when she sees me. “What are you doing?”

  “Practicing,” I say. “For Maddy’s father’s funeral. If she wants me there.”

  “Of course she’ll want you there,” Grace says. She puts an arm around me, which also helps to steady me. “You’re our friend.”

  “Thanks.” I look down at my feet and my cheeks turn warm. “Can you help me? I haven’t worn these before.”

  “You’ve never worn heels?”

  “No. The only formal occasions I’ve been to are trials.”

  “Come on, let’s take those off.” Grace holds onto my arm as I kick the shoes off. She goes into the back room and I hear her rummage around for a minute. The shoes she comes back with are shorter, with wider heels. Not as drop-dead sexy as the stilettos, but I might not break my neck in them either. “Let’s start with something easier.”

  These shoes are easier to walk in. For one thing my foot isn’t quite so vertical and for another the shorter, wider heel is more like a normal shoe. I feel good when I take a few steps and don’t fall—until Grace clucks her tongue.

  “You walk like a man,” she says.

  My stomach flutters. Has Grace figured it out? “I do?”

  “I guess it’s not a surprise, not the way you were brought up. Am I right?”

  “Yeah, right,” I say, eager to change the subject. “What am I doing wrong?”

  “Watch my feet.” Grace puts the shoes on and then glides across the floor. “One foot in front of the other. Heel-toe, heel-toe. See?”

  “I think so.”

  “Now you try it.”

  She gives the shoes back to me. I take a deep breath and then swing my left heel so it’s aligned with my right toes. In the process I just about topple myself. Grace reaches out to catch me before I can fall. “You’re still trying to walk like a man. Don’t be so aggressive with your stride. Just glide, nice and easy. Go with the flow.”

  “Sorry.” I’ve never done anything gently. I try to use less torque the next time around. It goes a lot easier. I make it to the front of the shop. It’s a problem to turn; I brace myself against the wall to keep my balance.

  “You’re getting it,” Grace says. She holds out her arms as if I’m a baby taking her first steps. Like a baby I collapse into Grace’s arms. “Now we just need to do something about that dress.”

  ***

  The dress Grace picks out for me is a lot more conservative, the kind better suited for a funeral than a nightclub. I tell her I like it and she promises to get it cleaned before my funeral—Steve Fischer’s funeral. With that settled we go upstairs, where Grace reheats some spaghetti and the omelets I bought for breakfast.

  Through some kind of culinary magic she makes both edible and able to work together. No wonder Maddy’s stayed with her for the last couple of years. A smart, funny woman who can cook like this is quite a catch. And she doesn’t look bad either.

  My cheeks turn warm and I look down at my plate. Do I have a crush on Grace? She notices something’s wrong and asks, “Not hungry?”

  “Oh, no. The food is delicious. I was just thinking of Maddy. Do you think she’ll be all right?”

  “She’ll be better once she vents some of the anger and disappointment.”

  “Is that your psychological analysis?”

  “Mostly. A little personal experience too. When my mom died, I went on a real bender. There’s not much I can remember about those couple of days, just that somehow I wound up behind the Kozee Koffee. That’s how Maddy found me when she went to take out the trash the next morning, curled up on the back step like an orphan, which I guess was appropriate.”

  “And that’s how you met?”

  “Yeah. She took me inside and gave me about a gallon of coffee to sober up.” Grace stops and sighs wistfully. “That was her first day too. She was a lot different back then. She was, well, I guess she was a lot like you.”

  “Like me?”

  “She was sweet and shy. Her hair was still brown in those days too.” We share a laugh about this and then Grace continues, “She was so sweet I didn’t want to get too close to her. I didn’t want to corrupt her. I guess I did anyway, didn’t I?”

  “I don’t think you corrupted her.”

  “Maybe it wasn’t just me. It was this whole neighborhood. The whole city, really. It does that to people. Makes them different.”

  “But Maddy’s still sweet,” I say and think of how Maddy had melted into Grace’s arms after she came out of the bathroom. “Maybe not as shy.”

  “Maybe you’re right,” Grace says, though she doesn’t look any happier. When she reaches out to take my hand, I suck in a sharp breath. “You’re changing too. I can see it. Pretty soon you’ll start dyeing your hair blue and getting holes punched in your nose.”

  I toss my head. “You think blue is my color?”

  “Oh yeah, a nice dark blue to match your eyes.” The next thing I know, Grace leans across the table; her lips brush against mine. The basic mechanics of kissing a woman as a woman are still the same as when I was a man. When I close my eyes, there’s no difference at all, except I’m the one on the receiving end as Grace’s tongue darts into my mouth to make itself at home.

  Just as abruptly as it begins, the kiss ends. I’m left with my mouth open and eyes shut for a moment; I don’t realize Grace is gone. Then I hear her chair scrape. I open my eyes in time to see her disappear into the bedroom she shares with Maddy—my daughter. What have I done?

  ***

  I cry for a good hour before the phone rings. After the fifth ring I decide Grace won’t get it, so I pick up the receiver. “Hello?” I say with a sniffle.

  “Stacey?” Maddy asks.

  “Oh, hi.”

  “Are you crying?”

  “What? Oh, yeah, a little. I was just thinking about you.” About how I’ve betrayed you, I add to myself. About how Grace has betrayed you.

  “I’ve been thinking about you too. I’m sorry I yelled at you in the alley. I was just lashing out, you know?”

  “I know.” I sniffle into the receiver again. Maddy’s voice has brought on a fresh batch of tears. “How are you holding up?”

  “I’m feeling a little better. Mom and I did some talking.” Maddy stops and sighs into the receiver. “It’s the first time we’ve really talked since Daddy left. I think things are going to be OK now.”

  “When are you coming back?”

  “I’m not sure. Not ‘til after the funeral at least.”

  “When’s that?”

  “A couple days. There’s a lot to work out yet.”

  “Oh. I suppose there would be.”

  “I guess I should talk to Grace now. Where is she?”

  “She’s taking a nap,” I lie. “Hang on a minute and I’ll see if I can wake her up.”

  “Sure.” I put the phone on the kitchen counter and then go over to Grace’s door. I rap on it hard enough to make the door shake.

  “Grace? Maddy’s on the phone. She wants to talk to you.”

  The door opens a crack. All I can see is one of Grace’s eyes, red from crying. “I don’t think I can right now.”

  “You have to,” I plead. “If you don’t, she’ll know something’s going on.”

  Grace opens the door all the way and yanks me through the opening before I can say anything. She closes the door and plants herself against it. “What happened at the table was a mistake. I’ve never cheated on Maddy before. I love her.”

  “So do I.”

  “You do?”
/>
  “As a friend,” I add quickly. “I don’t want to hurt her either.”

  “Good.” Grace sighs and then takes my hand. She kneads my hand as she says, “I like you too, Stacey. I think you’re really special. You’re sweet and smart and tough when you need to be. And you’re a great friend, to both of us.”

  “Thanks.”

  “But we’re just friends. That’s all we can be. Understand?”

  “I know,” I say. “I should go home.”

  “I think that’d be a good idea.” I let Grace pull me into a hug that doesn’t go on as long as I’d like it to. “I’ll see you tomorrow, all right?”

  “Sure. Can I use the phone downstairs? I need to call my aunt.”

  “Of course you can.”

  She leaves the bedroom first and takes the phone from off the counter. “Maddy? Oh, good, you’re still there. No, I was just napping. You know what a heavy sleeper I am.” While Grace laughs uneasily, she waves to me. I nod a goodbye and then head downstairs.

  But I don’t use the phone to call Jake and Tess. Instead, I call for a cab. While I wait for it, I empty out the cash register. Grace will probably notice the missing cash when she comes down to lock the door, but by then I’ll be gone.

  It turns out that Jake was right. It was a huge mistake to involve myself in Maddy’s life. Just not in the way I anticipated. She’ll be a lot better off without me in any form.

  Chapter 33

  The cab drops me off a block away from the Honey Well Club. I change behind a Thai restaurant’s dumpster after I make sure no one is around. Not into the dress Grace picked out for me, but the much shorter one I chose. It’ll be far more appropriate for the job.

  On the way here I considered whether I should go through with it. Given what happened in Grace’s apartment, I’m not really prepared for what I need to do now. Then I reminded myself Bobby Blades was one of the bastards who did this to me, who put me in this horrible situation. If I want to get to Lex and make him pay, I can’t shy away now.

  I leave Grace’s old clothes beneath the dumpster, where I’ll either fetch them from later or a rat will use them to make a nest. Then I smooth out the wrinkles from the dress and adjust the bust and skirt to fit as well as they can. I’ve already got the heels on; they aren’t as comfortable as my old sneakers, but I’m getting used to them.