“So you know something about at least one side of your family.”
“I knew her a little better than my father. He wasn’t around much,” I say. “He was a soldier. He died in Afghanistan.”
“I’m sorry, dear,” she says in a way that indicates she’s not really. “And your mother?”
“She died of cancer a few years ago,” I say.
“You’re an orphan?”
“I guess so.”
“Such a shame,” she says. I know I’ve already failed her test. Like a lot of married women I won’t get along with my mother-in-law.
Mac finally returns with one wheeled black suitcase that’s almost as big as his mother. She must have paid someone to lug that albatross through the airport in Phoenix. “There’s my boy,” she says. She kisses him on the cheek.
“How have you two been getting on?” he asks.
“Swimmingly,” she lies. She pats my shoulder. “Stacey is such an interesting young woman.”
“Thanks,” I say. Then we start towards the parking garage.
***
With Mac’s mom in town, we have to shuffle our sleeping arrangements around. I move back to Tess and Jake’s house, to share my old room with Maddy. Darren and Mac share the master bedroom so Mary Anne can stay in Darren’s room. That lets Mac and Mary Anne’s mom sleep in the guest room. It would be easier for his mom to get a hotel, but Mac insisted she stay with him.
The advantage of me staying with Maddy and Tess is it makes it easier for me to coordinate wedding plans with them. Now that the wedding is about forty hours away, we’ve got most everything ready. The caterers, DJ, photographer, and limo have been hired. The dresses will be ready tomorrow. The cake should be ready the day of the reception.
I sit on my old bed and let out a tired sigh. It would have been far easier to elope to Vegas. With all this fuss, it’s hard to remember why I’m doing this. But very soon, Mac will be my husband. I’ll be his wife. The word still sounds a little weird when applied to me.
“Hey, there you are,” Maddy says. “Not getting cold feet, are you?
“No, of course not,” I say and force myself to smile. “I met his mom today. She hates me.”
“How could she hate you?”
“I’m too young. I’m a singer. I’m an orphan. I’m part Chinese.”
“So you’re saying she’s a bitch?”
“Yeah, pretty much.” I sigh and add, “Kind of makes me glad his father is dead.”
“You’re so bad!” she says. She slaps me lightly on the arm.
“Sorry.”
I shift over so she can sit down next to me. The bed creaks from her weight. Maddy’s lost fifteen pounds thanks to some extreme dieting, but it’s still a far cry from how thin she was just a couple of months ago. She puts an arm around my shoulder. “Don’t worry about her. You and Mac are great together. You’re going to be really happy. And you’ll make some really cute quarter-Chinese babies.”
“I hope so.”
“Just wait until she sees you in that dress. You’re going to look so pretty.”
“I thought you didn’t like the dress?”
“It’s not my style, but you pull it off.”
“Thanks.”
We hug and then Maddy gets off the bed. “Come on, let’s go for a walk. You’ll feel better when you get some fresh air.”
“OK,” I say, glad Maddy has so embraced exercise. Of course it’s easier out here in the suburbs where there are a lot fewer muggings than in the city.
She’s too heavy to jog, so we settle for a brisk walk. There’s a determined set to her face as she chugs along; she huffs and puffs like a steam engine. “It’s so easy to put weight on,” she says. “So much harder to take it off.”
“You’re doing really well,” I say.
“Yeah, I guess.”
“Won’t be much longer until all the pretty girls are throwing themselves at you.”
“I doubt that,” she says. “I’m never going to be skinny again. Not like you.”
“I’m sure there are plenty of girls who like someone with a little meat on her bones.”
“Sure.” From the way Maddy says this, I’m sure the only girl she thinks about yet is Grace. It’ll take a lot more than three weeks for her to forget the woman she dated for nine years.
“I just hope you don’t push yourself too hard,” I say.
“I won’t,” she says, though I know how determined she can be, just like with this wedding. She decides to change the subject. “You guys talk about the honeymoon yet?”
“Not really. I think Mac has a surprise in mind.”
“I always hoped to go to Paris,” Maddy says. “I guess it’s kind of cliché, huh?”
“It is the city for lovers.”
“Guess that wouldn’t do me much good now.”
I’m not sure if it was intentional on her part, but she’s walked us to the church. Minnie the old church gossip is out front to change the letters on the sign. Before we can hustle away, she waves to us. “Well, look at that!” she says. “I was just thinking about you.”
“Hi, Mrs. Jones,” I say. I see that so far she’s spelled out, “Congratulations Stac.” I motion to the sign, “Is that for me and Robert?”
“It sure is. I think it’s just wonderful you two are getting married here,” the old woman says. “I don’t suppose he’s an Episcopalian, is he?”
“No. I’m not sure exactly what he is.”
“Not one of those atheists, is he?”
“Um, no. I’m pretty sure he believes in something.”
“That’s good. Of course it’ll be up to you to teach him the right way.”
“I’ll sure try.”
“You’re probably not that much of a believer either, are you?”
“Um—”
“Stacey’s a Christian. She’s not as holy as you are, of course.” Maddy snaps.
Minnie turns to her; her eyes narrow. “Do I know you?”
“My name’s Madison. I’m her maid of honor.”
“Is that so? Why such a sweet girl would want such an impudent thing as her maid of honor is beyond me.”
“Maybe I’m impudent, but at least I’m not some gossipy old biddy.”
“I never!”
“I’ll bet.” Maddy takes my arm. “Come on, Stace.”
We get about a block away before we both double over with laughter. “If Grandma finds out about that, she’s going to kill you,” I say.
“Yeah, well I never did like that old bitch,” Maddy says.
“Then you’ll love Mac’s mom.”
“I can hardly wait.”
***
We have to go back to the church the next evening at six. We’re lucky Minnie isn’t there. She did at least finish spelling out the sign, or someone else at the church did. Now it says, “Congratulations Stacey & Robert.” I smile a little bit at that. In about eighteen hours I’ll be Mrs. Robert Macintosh.
“Hey, come on,” Maddy says. “Don’t get cold feet now.”
“I wasn’t,” I say. “I was enjoying the moment.”
“Enjoy it too much longer and you’ll miss the whole wedding.” She takes me by the arm, to pull me up the church steps.
The rest of the wedding party is already inside. Mac brought his mother, Mary Anne, Darren, and Jamie in his car. There are a couple of other guys too. They must be Mac’s old college friends who are serving as the groomsmen. Jake and Tess are here too, along with some of Mac’s other friends and family who will be ushers and the flower girl.
Reverend Crane is here too. He’s a tall, gangly guy who married Jake and Tess not long after he got out of seminary. His hair has gone gray now and his face a lot more wrinkled, but his disposition hasn’t improved any. He’s about as phony as a politician when he smiles and says, “There’s our beautiful bride now.”
He shakes my hand firmly and then shakes Maddy’s. “And this must be Madison.”
“That’s right,” Maddy
says. “I’m the maid of honor.”
“And our wedding planner,” I say.
He laughs a little too hard at this joke. “I suppose you’ll want to get started then,” he says.
He takes us through the whole ceremony. I feel a nervous flutter in my stomach to be at the front of the church next to Mac. I look over my shoulder, at the aisle I’ll walk down in about eighteen hours. Reverend Crane looks over at Jake. “I assume you’ll be giving Stacey away?”
“That’s right,” Jake says. “And good riddance too.”
Tess nudges him in the ribs. “Don’t mind him, dear.”
The reverend tells the bridesmaids and groomsmen to stand. Maddy barks like a drill sergeant to get Mary Anne and Jamie lined up exactly with her. “You guys better get this right tomorrow,” she snaps.
“Take it easy,” I tell her. “It’s just rehearsal.”
“Well tomorrow it’s going to be real. We’d better not f—mess it up.”
Maddy is a lot more concerned about the wedding than I am, or at least that’s how it seems at times like this. Maybe she figures this is as close as she’ll get. “Go on, Reverend,” she says.
He runs us through the ceremony. I look Mac in the eye and try to imagine saying my vows tomorrow. “I was thinking of singing a song,” I tell Reverend Crane. “If that’s OK.”
“Of course it’ll be all right,” he says. “What song is it?”
“It’s one I wrote. I have the sheet music in my purse.”
“If you give that to Mrs. Reynolds, I’m sure she’ll be happy to play it for you tomorrow.”
Tess hands the purse to me. I take the papers out and then give them to the old lady who plays the organ. I doubt she’s happy I’ve sprung this on her, but I just finished the melody last night. If they had a piano in here I’d let Darren accompany me; he’s a lot better player and far less senile.
“Robert, will you be singing anything?”
“Oh no,” he says. “Stacey is the singer in this family.”
“So, Stacey sings her song and then I’ll finish the ceremony. The happy couple marches down the aisle. I suppose you’ll want to get some pictures before you leave.”
“Yes,” Maddy says.
“I’ll also need you to sign the license, making it official,” he says.
There will be the honorarium too; Mac’s best man is taking care of that. That’s about it for the ceremony. From there we’ll take the limo over to the Radisson a few miles away. The reception will be in the ballroom there, followed by Mac and I going up to the bridal suite for our first night as man and wife. There are a lot fancier places in the city, but it would take too long to get there. I’m not sure where we’re going after that; Mac still hasn’t told me what he’s got planned for the honeymoon. Something big, I’m sure.
With the rehearsal done, we go to a steakhouse a mile or so from the church. Jake and Tess had their reception here, but I thought that would be too tacky for Mac’s family, especially his mother. As a compromise we agreed to have the rehearsal dinner here. It’s the kind of place where the waiters wear cowboy hats and Western shirts. I’m sure Mac’s mom is aghast, though she doesn’t show it.
We get a group of tables in the back. Mac and I sit together, like we will be at the reception tomorrow. I take his hand and give it a squeeze. He squeezes my hand back. “Everything’s going great so far,” he says.
“Except your mom hates me.”
“She’ll get over it.”
“Let’s hope.”
“Trust me, no one I marry would be good enough for her.”
“I didn’t realize you were such a mama’s boy.”
“I hope you won’t hold it against me.”
“I’ll try not to.” I kiss him on the cheek.
“Come on you two, save it for tomorrow,” Maddy scolds.
“Speech!” one of the groomsmen says. The others and Maddy second this.
I nudge Mac in the ribs. “Go on. Make a speech.”
“Um, thank you all for coming,” he says. “Stacey and I are very grateful for all of your love and support. I’d especially like to thank Madison for her tireless efforts as our wedding planner. This wouldn’t be possible without her.”
I applaud the loudest of all for Maddy, whose face turns red at this attention. “Thanks,” she says, “but I’m just doing what any best friend would do, especially for a friend like Stacey and a guy like Mac. I know you two are going to be really happy.”
Maddy’s started to cry by the end of this. I need to use my napkin to dab at some tears too. I know how much Maddy wishes Grace were here, how much she wishes she were the one getting married. This isn’t easy for her, yet she’s carried on like a trouper, even after she found out I betrayed her.
I raise my glass and say, “No one could ever have a better friend than Madison. Or a better grandma and grandpa than Tess and Jake. I love you guys.” I have to dab at my eyes again. I force myself to smile. “Before we get too weepy, let’s remember this is a party. So let’s have some fun. Not too much, though. We all have to be up bright and early tomorrow.”
As I wind down my speech, Jake’s phone rings. He puts one finger in his ear so he can hear it better. After he listens for a minute, he gets up from the table. I see him go to the back of the place, over by the bathrooms. Must be an emergency.
When Jake gets back, we’ve started to eat our steak—or salad for Maddy and I. His face is ashen and sweaty. Something bad has happened. Very bad for him to look that rattled. He motions furiously to me. I excuse myself from the table.
We go out into the parking lot, where he lights a cigarette. “The shit’s really hit the fan,” he says.
“What are you talking about?”
“Vollmer. He’s gone.”
“You mean dead?”
“No, I mean escaped. Guards checked his bed tonight at lights out and he was gone. Disappeared. No one knows how or when.”
“Jesus,” I say. I figure it must have been Captain Archer on the phone. He probably wants Jake back at the precinct. “Mac should have enough room to take us back to your house.”
“Yeah, sure.” He puts a hand on my shoulder. “I’m sure he doesn’t know who you are, but it would be a good idea to keep an eye out tomorrow. He might decide to go after me.”
“Or Tess. Or Maddy,” I say.
“Right. Though if he’s smart he’s already on a plane to Mexico.”
“You don’t really think that, do you?”
“No. He’ll come back to the city, start up again.”
“Well think of it this way, you can arrest him this time.”
“This isn’t a fucking joke.”
“I’m serious. You can be the hero this time.”
“Yeah, well, you just stay out of the way.” He lets out a sigh. “But keep an eye on Tess and Maddy.”
“I will.”
“Thanks. If she asks, tell her I have to go in for a case. Don’t tell her what. And don’t tell Madison either. I don’t need the press on this yet.”
“I won’t,” I say. Because I’m sure he needs it, I give him a hug. “Go get ‘em, tiger.”
“Thanks, kid.” Then he’s gone.
I go back inside, where the party is under way. Maddy asks me, “What was that about?”
“Nothing important,” I say. “He just has to go to work.”
I sit down with Mac, though it’s hard to relax. I look over at Maddy and Tess and hope no lunatic killer is after them.
Chapter 17
There’s not much of a bachelorette party. Since one bridesmaid has a substance abuse problem and another is a minor, we can’t do much. Especially not since Mary Anne and Jamie have to go back into the city with Mac.
So it’s just Maddy and I who go out for a couple of drinks at a neighborhood bar. It’s warm enough that we walk there from the steakhouse.
This bar isn’t at all like Squiggy’s. For one thing, it’s got too many people in it. It’s supposed to be a roadhou
se with sawdust on the floor and country music on the jukebox. Like the steakhouse, the bartender even has a cowboy hat.
Maddy orders cosmopolitans for us, the kind of thing they probably don’t get too many of around here. She looks around the place and then sighs. “God, I’m going to hate getting back into the club scene again. I mean, I was never really into it the first time.”
“You weren’t?”
“Nah. I was too scared to hang out at the bars. I didn’t really have any friends either, not until I met Grace.” She smiles at me. “I was kind of like you, all sweet and shy.”
“You were never shy,” I say.
“When it came to that stuff at least. I didn’t like going up to other girls and hitting on them. I liked them to come to me. No one’s going to do that now.”
“Hey, don’t start feeling sorry for yourself again.” I give her hand a squeeze. “You’re doing great. And tomorrow I’m going to get married with you right by my side.”
“Goody. Then you’ll be off on your honeymoon and I’ll be sitting around watching soaps with Grandma Tess.”
“You don’t have to be sitting around watching soaps. You can go back to work for the newspaper. Go out and get those scoops.” It probably would be safer for her at home, unless Vollmer shows up there. For the first time I wonder if maybe Mac and I shouldn’t go anywhere for the honeymoon, so I can keep an eye on Maddy and Tess.
“I guess it would be good to get off my fat ass,” she says. The bartender plunks our drinks down in front of us. I take a sip of the cosmopolitan. It tastes too fruity for me. Maddy doesn’t have any trouble with hers.
“Go easy on those,” I say.
“Don’t worry about me,” Maddy says. “I’ve got a good tolerance, especially when I’m fat and full of salad.”
“Just don’t be puking tomorrow during the ceremony.”
“Yes, Mother,” she says and then signals for another. I let her drink mine and then I order a whiskey. “You better be more careful. I bet that’ll go right to your head.”
“Probably,” I say. I really shouldn’t drink if I have to worry about a serial killer coming after us. I doubt Vollmer will. He’d be too exposed out here in the suburbs. Like Jake said, he’ll go into the city and set up shop again. The first bodies will probably turn up in a park or floating in the harbor in a few days. I know it’s callous not to be concerned about it, but like I told Jake before, I’m out of the action hero business.
Chances Are Omnibus (Gender Swap Fiction) Page 72