Niki Slobodian 03 - Before the Devil Knows You're Dead

by J. L. Murray

  The men were now rushing toward Michael. They caught him as he fell. Camael turned to me angrily.

  “Since when does a god bleed, Camael?” I said.

  Camael looked back at Michael. The two others were staring at him, at the blood.

  “He's no god,” said Sam. “Explain this to your men. Explain to them that the real Creator does not bleed.”

  Camael was speechless. He just shook his head. He looked at the other two and they looked as dumbstruck as he did. I realized they were Camael's subordinates. Word about this would spread quickly through the ranks. Camael picked up the sword and walked back to where the men stood around Michael, who was struggling to regain his composure . Camael said something to the men, and they helped lift Michael to his feet and support him as they returned to the place they had entered Limbo.

  “They might stop fighting, you know,” I said. “The angels. Word will spread. That he's not God.”

  “No,” said Sam. “It's not over until Michael says it's over. They still look to him to command. They are soldiers.” Sam hesitated over Natalie. “Will you help me?”

  “Yes,” I said. I looked down at Natalie. Her body was tiny, but there was so much blood.

  “Do you want to bury her?” said Sam.

  “Yes, but not here,” I said. “This place is soulless. I won't have her resting here.” I felt cold and empty.

  “It will be safer if we come back for her,” said Sam. “We don't have much time left.”

  “We're taking her back,” I said, more angrily than I meant to. Sam flinched, but nodded after a moment.

  “Okay, Niki. We'll take her back.”

  I took off my own jacket and laid it on the ground. I looked at Natalie's face for a long time. I couldn't cry. I felt filled with heat and cold at the same time. Even Limbo couldn't take the feeling away. And at the same time I felt empty. I lifted Natalie's head onto my jacket. I closed her eyes with my fingers. I bent down over her hair.

  “They're going to pay,” I whispered into her ear. “I don't care what anyone says. You're my sister. And no one messes with a Slobodian.”

  I wrapped her tenderly in the jacket. I put the bundle on top of her tiny, tiny body and gathered her up. She was so light. It was like picking up a doll. I looked at Sam.

  “What are you thinking?” he said.

  “Why?” I said.

  “We must find the Creator at all costs, Niki,” he said. “I understand your grief. But it has to wait.”

  “Wait?” I said. “You don't know the first thing about being human, Sam.”

  “You have a responsibility,” he said harshly. “Your powers are far too great to squander them on a petty vengeance.”

  “Let's go, Sam,” I said.

  “Promise me first,” he said. “Promise you won't go on a murder spree for a mad child that started the war that just may end the world.”

  “I promise,” I said.

  “You're lying,” he said.

  “I thought you trusted me,” I said.

  “I trust you,” he said. “But I don't trust this. This revenge machine that speaks with your voice.”

  “This is me, Sam,” I said. “Like it or not, it's me.”

  “It's not you,” he said. “It's Sasha. He's obviously influenced you with his skewed sense of justice.”

  “If he didn't,” I said, my voice rising, “everyone around me would be dead. Not just Natalie. Bobby was nearly killed by the Blood. Sofi almost died in her sleep. Even goddamn Eli Cooper.”

  Sam frowned and clenched his jaw. “Why do you let it take you over, Niki?” he said.

  “Everyone is going to die, Sam,” I said. “Everyone. Maybe even you. Don't you think that deserves some justice?”

  “It doesn't matter,” he said. “There isn't time to discuss this now. Just promise me you won't do anything rash. The entire world is on our shoulders right now. Just remember that.”

  “I remember, Sam,” I said bitterly. “How the hell could I possibly forget? Everyone keeps reminding me this is my fault.”

  I pulled Natalie close to my chest and reluctantly let Sam stand behind me and carry me through the Unsung. I closed my eyes, but it wasn't to avoid the terrifying shapes in the dark. I closed them and tried to remember everything I liked about the world. Besides the people, I couldn't think of much. The smell of bread. Good whiskey. A really good cheesesteak. Walking along the waterfront on a cold day. But it didn't matter if the world deserved to be saved. It only mattered that it didn't deserve to be destroyed. Humans deserved a chance. Natalie had deserved a chance, too.

  I thought of Michael's smug face. Those stupid wings. He was like a goddamn show dog. I wish I could have killed him. The only consolation in the imminent destruction of the world was knowing that his world would be destroyed, too. But not him. Not the Archangels. They would rebuild his world as he saw fit. We had to find the Creator. I had to believe he could fix this. Even if I had my doubts in the back of my mind, I had to believe. I had to have hope. If I thought about all the things that might not work, that could go wrong, if I thought of all the impossibilities about this plan, all would be lost before we started. I would just curl up in a ball and rock back and forth until the Scourges came to devour me. But that wasn't me.

  I would stop this. Sam might not be able to kill, but I was certain I needed him at my side. Even if he didn't remember the Creator, he might still have some sort of connection. And besides, I liked having Sam by my side. He called me on my bullshit. Even when we argued, I felt close to him. Closer than anyone. Maybe even closer than Sofi.

  We broke through into the Deep Blue Sea. Janis was sitting at the end of the bar, chain-smoking. There was a full ashtray in front of her. When she saw the bundle in my arms, she let out a hoarse sob. She covered her mouth tight, as if to stifle the sound, and started shaking. Sam went to her and put an arm around her.

  “You gave her extra time, Janis,” he said. “Time to be with Niki. She was able to be with her family at the end.”

  Sam held Janis until she had cried herself out. I found a spot in the corner where I gently placed Natalie's body. I knelt beside her. I touched her cold little hand. Janus quieted behind me and I felt Sam crouch down next to me.

  “I wanted to give her a chance,” I said.

  “I know,” he said. “I'm sorry I got upset. Of course you need to grieve.”

  “If she had left with me,” I said. “The first day I met her. I tried to take her with me. I could have given her a chance. She could have had a childhood.”

  “It was too late even then,” Sam said gently. “She needed angelwine to survive.”

  “Anything would have been better than this,” I said. “I would have kept her safe. Taught her how to use her power. She was just a child.”

  “Okay, Niki,” said Sam. He touched my arm. “Do you want to bury her now?”

  “No,” I said quickly. “No, I'll bury her when this is over. Sasha should be here, too. Is he here yet?”

  “Janis says he is assembling his soldiers near the river,” said Sam, nodding toward the front door. “He does, indeed, have an army of demons.”

  “Good,” I said. “Let's find the Creator. It's time to stop that asshole brother of yours.”

  “Couldn't have said it better myself,” said Sam.

  Fifteen

  An army of demons lined the street outside. It was odd seeing them standing there so still, like hundreds of terrible statues. Their eyes flickered towards me as I moved to the middle of the street. A large demon moved among their ranks. I recognized him as one of the uniforms that had been moving through the marketplace in Erebos. The fact that he worked for Sasha showed how much pull my father had managed in the short time he'd been in Hell. Sasha's army had become the local police force down there. The large demon nodded to me, then continued his inspection. He looked hard at each demon as he passed. It was a phenomenal sight. The straight lines of demons of every color stretched as far as I could see along the stre
ets near the river.

  A movement caught my eye. Down the street, Sasha was waving me over. I went to him. He stood on the sidewalk looking at his men, much as I imagined a king would look out over his countryside.

  “How did you do this?” I said. “You haven't been in Erebos that long.”

  He shrugged. “I am Summoner,” he said. “What do you expect?”

  “You used a Summoning spell on all these men?” I said.

  “There are women, too,” he said. “Quite a few, actually. They are even more fierce than the men.”

  “So they're here against their will?” I said.

  “I did not use a spell on them,” Sasha said. “But I have a natural magnetism with demons. They take to me, you see? Want to do as I ask. Has always been this way. Not with all demons, of course, but these,” he motioned to the lines in front of us, “were very eager to join me.”

  “Eli said they left their lords to join you because you didn't beat them,” I said, remembering.

  “Yes,” said Sasha. “There is that. Nikita, why you take so long to come? We wait for very long time.”

  “I'm sorry,” I said. I suddenly realized I needed to tell him. He deserved to know. “We need to talk,” I said. “Can we step into the Deep Blue Sea?”

  “Now?” he said. “We do not have time, Nikita. We go now, yeah?”

  “It's important.” My face must have told him the severity of the situation because after a moment he nodded.

  Sam was behind the bar for once. He was pouring a drink which he placed in front of Janis. He looked surprised when we walked in. Janis's face was still puffy, as if she'd only just stopped crying.

  “What is this?” Sasha said. “What has happened?”

  “You may want to sit down,” I said.

  “Niki,” said Sam, who was suddenly beside me. “Perhaps you should wait to tell him.”

  “He deserves to know,” I said. “It's the right thing to do.”

  “The right thing to do might be to find the Creator with a calm head,” said Sam.

  “Nikita,” said Sasha. “You tell me now. What is it?”

  “Natalie,” I said.

  “Oh,” Sasha said softly. “Oh.” He sat down hard on a nearby chair. He paled as he looked up at me. “She is dead,” he said.

  I nodded. “I was there,” I said. “I held her at the end. In Limbo. Michael had this sword and he...” I trailed off. “I held her at the end,” I said again. “I held her and I stroked her hair. Even after it didn't matter any more. She wasn't alone.”

  He nodded his head. “I am glad you were with her. Can I see her?”

  I'd seen Sasha cry twice in one day now. Hard to believe it had only been a day. It seemed like weeks. He took it well, considering, when I showed him Natalie's small body, her sweet face wrapped in my black jacket. There was a hardness to his eyes, though, that seemed familiar to me. The edge of a memory from childhood. The cold look had been there a lot back then. I wondered how much of that came from what he had to do to my mother. I shied away from the thought. The things Sasha had to do to save my life turned my stomach. It wasn't because I was disgusted with him, but because it hurt all over again.

  Blearily, he made his way to a table and sat down, rubbing his lips, his eyes rimmed in red.

  I looked over at Sam who was watching our exchange with a mixture of interest and worry. “Sam, can you bring Sasha a vodka? Just bring the bottle.”

  “Of course,” said Sam.

  “No,” said Sasha. “I need to stay alert.” Sam looked to me and I shook my head. Sam sat with us.

  “I'm sorry,” I said.

  Sasha looked at me, surprised, his face blotchy. “Why are you sorry?”

  I shook my head. “I couldn't save her.”

  “Natalie was broken,” he said. “Was not her fault. Is not your fault. ” He sniffed and looked at me. He frowned and pursed his lips. “This Michael,” he said. “He is poison. We stop him.”

  “By finding the Creator?” I said.

  “Sure,” he said. “Maybe. Any way we can. But if we do not find God, what then?”

  “We can't get into Briah,” said Sam.

  “You can call Michael here, can't you?” said Sasha. “He is your brother. He would come.”

  “I doubt that,” said Sam. “He doesn't trust me. And he's wounded. It will not take him long to heal, but he may be skittish about facing us again. Or, rather, facing Niki again. He's vulnerable in the world.”

  “Why?” I said.

  “Because he can die here,” Sam said.

  Sasha looked at me with interest. He raised an eyebrow. “He is afraid of you. Why?”

  “I may have put a few bullets into him,” I said.

  “Good girl,” said Sasha.

  “What would it take to kill him?” I asked Sam. “If he does come, I mean.”

  “It is almost impossible to kill an Arch if he does not want to die. Perhaps if he were to lose an excessive amount of blood. But you have to understand, we are extraordinary healers. You would have to wound him and keep wounding him. Other than that, the only being that can end an Arch's life is the Creator. Otherwise, we will go on and on forever.” The last was said with slight bitterness.

  “Is good to know,” said Sasha. “Should the need arise. Where do we start looking for this Creator?”

  “Do you have a map?” I said.

  I could feel Sam walking beside me. “Why don't you let them see you?” I said. “What does it matter if they can all see Death? It seems appropriate. Besides, they can see me and that seems to be about the same thing.”

  Sam was quiet for a moment. “That face isn't me,” he said.

  “And I look normal to you lately?” I said.

  “It's not the right thing to do right now,” he said.

  “Why? Because it's forbidden?” I said. His hesitation was the only answer I needed. “Michael has no authority over you,” I said. “There was an agreement, and now both of you have broken it. It's over. Besides, he's done. No one is going to follow him.”

  “Don't be so sure,” said Sam. “If Michael wasn't in power, I wouldn't look like this.”

  I looked over at him. The others couldn't see him, but I was sure they could feel him. His black robes dragged along the ground. I could see his handsome face, transparent and ghostly over the more glaringly white grinning skull underneath.

  “It is not forbidden,” Sam said finally. “It is more of a question of morale. I don't want to terrify the soldiers any more than necessary. The humans in particular would be very disturbed to see me.”

  “Good point,” I said. I watched as an angel who looked like a teenager came wheeling around the corner. He stopped, frozen when he saw the army of demons marching towards him. The angel turned around and ran fast the way he had come. The war had moved off the main streets, but I could hear the cacophony of killing not far away. Sasha fell into step next to me.

  “We will bury her,” he said without looking at me.

  “Of course,” I said.

  “When this is all over. She will have a real funeral.”

  “Yes,” I said.

  “We find the Creator first. We will find him. My boys, they are smart. And strong. They can do anything.”

  “As long as they don't tear him apart when they do find him,” I said, looking at a particularly fierce demon nearby with blood-colored skin.

  “You don't know them,” spat Sasha. “They are good boys. ”

  “Sasha,” I said. “I had to clean up your mess with Abaddon. Don't expect me to love your demon horde.” A demon on the other side of Sam snorted. “No offense,” I said.

  “Nikita, I want to help you, but you make it difficult,” said Sasha. His voice was weary. “I am sorry about Abaddon. Was my fault. But these boys are not like him.”

  “They're good boys,” I said. “I heard you.”

  “You'll see,” he said. “They'll find your god.”

  “He will be in human form. Make s
ure they don't harm Him,” I said. “Even Erebos would be in trouble. No one knows what the Scourges will do, once free.”

  “Stop,” said Sasha.

  “What?” I said.

  “You have to let go of control sometimes, Nikita. This I have told them already. You do not worry about this thing. We will tell you when we find Him. Yes?”

  I sighed. “I guess so.”

  “You trust me, okay?”

  “Really?” I said. “Trust you? The guy that just today told me he wasn't my father? The guy that might have started this whole damn war by releasing Abaddon from Hell?”

  He was silent, and I saw his jaw clench.

  “I'm sorry,” I said. “You're right. I'm sorry. But you can't blame me for having a hard time with trust.”

  He snorted. “The apple does not fall far, yeah?”

  “Something like that,” I said.

  “Nikita,” he said. “I want to tell you something.” He saw my face, and quickly added, “Is not a bad thing this time,” he said. He looked at me, frowning when his eyes reached mine and looked forward again. “Everything was for you, Nikita.”

  “Sasha, you're not going to die,” I said. “You don't have to say this.”

  “No?” he said. “Maybe not. But you are my confession, yeah? I am not religious. I always mean to be, but look. I lead demons out of Hell to go look for God...”

  We both smiled.

  “But this life, Nikita. Is not what I wanted. I wanted to be a good man. Not at first. At first it was all for the money. The guns, the drugs, the women. But after I meet your mother, something happened. She changed the things I wanted. I do not know if she felt the same way. I will never know. But I loved that woman with all my heart.” Sasha's voice caught. When he had recovered he smiled, a sudden and surprising thing.

  “And then I love you, Nikita,” he said. “I never thought I could love a person as strong as I love your mother. Until you came. And you were perfect and beautiful. You still are. I wanted to protect you. I think I have, though it has not been easy for you, to have Alexei Slobodian as your protector. I am sorry about that. I wanted you to have the life of a princess. But you are a fighter. So strong. Like me. Stronger even than me. I do not regret the things I have done to keep you safe. I am not a good man, not like I wanted to be. But I have done one good thing. One solid thing. You. You have always been my salvation. Even when you hate me. I sleep at night because you are still here.”