My Other Car is a Spaceship

by Mark Terence Chapman

  A sweat bead dripped off the end of Hal’s nose as he absorbed Adventurer’s status data. “Shields down to seventy-four percent. Damn! One of our quems missed and the others detonated too far from the pirate to weaken its shields enough for the cannon fire to get through. Somehow their pilot managed to slip between the slugs. He’s very, very good.”

  Better than me?

  As a fighter pilot, Hal had always entered battle certain he was the better pilot. But not today.

  The pirate ship rocked under a solid blow. It wasn’t enough to damage the Fer’Yar, but it sent a message.

  “Simmons!” the general growled. “I thought you said the other pilot was not very good. We have been at this for almost an hour. The fight was supposed to be over by now.”

  Simmons licked a drop of blood off her lower lip where she’d bitten it. “She wasn’t very good, but she’s learning. She’s learning fast. It looks like it’ll take a bit longer than I thought. But don’t worry, I can take her.”

  “You had better be right—or else. There is a fortune in slaves on the planet below, but it will do me no good if you let her shoot my ship full of holes.”

  “Don’t worry, sir. I’ll take care of her.” The alternative was not worth contemplating. Simmons knew what became of crewmembers who displeased the general.

  Time to pull out the big guns.

  Come on, Hal, you can do it.

  Kalen clutched the arms of his chair as the ship bucked. He made a conscious effort to release his death grip. After all, he didn’t want to give the impression he didn’t have complete confidence in Hal’s abilities.

  I know you have the raw talent, but not the experience. You have to put it all together somehow, and soon.

  Hal fired another salvo at the pirate and continued to stick-and-move like a prize fighter. I think I’m starting to get the hang of this.

  Take that, you bastard!

  A missile/cannon combo rocked the pirate ship, but did no visible damage. Then a portside blast jarred Adventurer.

  Whoa there, Hal. Don’t get cocky. That pilot can shoot as well as fly.

  Let’s see you dodge this! He fired off a spread of five slugs in an X pattern and immediately flooded the pirate’s shields with jolts from the antiproton cannons. You can’t dodge what you can’t see.

  A massive blast overloaded Adventurer’s shields and knocked out many of the external sensors.

  “Repair crews to starboard side, decks three, four and five, Blue and Red sections! We have multiple hull breaches.” He shook his head. “Damn, he’s good!”

  I didn’t even see those shots coming.

  Kalen spoke firmly. “The battle isn’t over yet, Hal. You’re doing fine so far. Better than I could. Keep doing what you’re doing and that raider’ll lose his appetite for battle eventually.”

  “I wish I was as confident.” He paused to fire off another barrage, twisting and turning all the while. “But I’m certainly not giving up. I—”

  A tremendous hand swatted Adventurer and all went dark.

  CHAPTER FOUR

  “Got ‘er!”

  “Excellent work, Simmons.” The Unity ship’s energy readings dropped to near-zero on the general’s console. “Move in—cautiously, just in case—and let us finish this. You know what to do.”

  “Yes sir. My pleasure.” Simmons smiled to herself at the thought of what she had just accomplished. I can’t believe we took out a Unity ship that big. Damn, I’m good!

  She chuckled. I’ll have to remind the general of that when it comes time to divvy up the spoils of this planet.

  Red emergency lights snapped on all over the bridge.

  “Jesus! What the hell just happened?” Hal checked the panoply of sensors at his disposal. He grimaced. “Most sensors are out. Whatever hit us, hit hard. Weapons are offline, shields are offline—we’re running on emergency power, barely enough for life support, partial gravity and instrumentation. Nothing more.” He swallowed the bitter knowledge of his failure. “We’re defenseless, Captain.”

  Hal took a deep breath and let it out. “I’m sorry folks,” he announced to the crew on the bridge. “I let you down.”

  Kalen shook his head and spoke firmly. “Not at all, Hal. You did superbly under the circumstances. You just didn’t have enough time to really master the interface. It’s my fault. I should have started you on the weapon systems sooner.”

  Hal appreciated the words, but it didn’t change the circumstances. It would be only a matter of seconds before the pirates blew them out of the sky. And with all his skill and knowledge, there wasn’t a damn thing Hal could do about it.

  He watched the pirate on one of the few working sensors on that side of the ship. The enemy vessel slowly, cautiously approached Adventurer.

  Why so wary?

  Of course. They’re making sure we aren’t playing dead. I guess they’re worried we might be about to strike back. He snorted. I wish.

  But why don’t they just get it over with? They could have fired at any time. Are they toying with us?

  He puzzled over the mystery for several long seconds.

  The pirate ship continued to close with Adventurer, now matching speed.

  Hal’s eyes lit up with realization. Stupid!

  “They’re going to board! They’re hoping to capture the ship more or less intact.” He toggled the intercom. “Security! Prepare to repel boarders!”

  He called back to Kalen. “What’s the procedure for defending against boarders?”

  “I— We don’t have such a procedure. As far as I know, it’s never happened to a Unity ship before.”

  “Terrific. Well, we’d better come up with a response in a hurry.”

  “I’ll go help Brute prepare.” Kalen leapt from his seat and sprinted for the doorway, awkwardly in the reduced gravity, to meet with Chief of Security Arouk’Brout’Voul.

  “Good.” Hal spoke into the intercom. “Engineering, how are we coming on restoring power and engines?”

  Senior Engineer Talbot replied. “The engines are a mess. Multiple systems are shorted out. It’ll be hours before we can go anywhere. I can get you some power in a few minutes, but not enough for weapons. Maybe some minimal shielding, but that’s about it.”

  “I’ll take what you can give me, Jerry.”

  “Yes sir.”

  All right. What can I do with limited power? What systems are still working?

  Let’s see. We can have minimal shielding. The magnetic docking grapples are operational. Whoopee. Yeah, those’ll be a big help.

  Life support is online. That’s good.

  No weapons, though. What the hell am I supposed to do without weapons? Open a window and spit at them? He grimaced in frustration.

  All the while, the pirate ship continued to close the gap.

  “How’s the power situation, Jerry?”

  “I can give you six percent power now, maybe twenty percent in another ten to twelve minutes.”

  “We don’t have that long. The pirates will be alongside in six or seven minutes, tops. I’ll need whatever you can manage before that. How about weapons?”

  “There isn’t enough power for the APCs to damage their hull, let alone penetrate their shields. We could launch a missile, but the pirates are too close to us. We might just barely fire a slug, but it wouldn’t have enough kinetic energy to get through their shields. Face it, we’re not going to be able to fight back in the next few minutes.”

  Hal sighed. “Acknowledged. Thanks, Jerry. Do what you can.”

  “Will do.”

  There has to be something we can do! Hal thought furiously, discarding idea after idea as impractical or impossible.

  Two minutes to docking.

  Then Hal had another thought. He checked the archives to see if anyone had ever attempted it before. As far as he could tell, no one had. That’s okay; I’m a test pilot. I’m used to being the first to do something. Then he checked the schematics for various stock ships. Could it work? Maybe�
��if we’re very, very lucky.

  “Jerry?”

  “Yes sir?”

  “I have the glimmer of an idea. It’s going to take split-second timing, and maybe more power than we have. Tell me if you think you can do it.”

  He explained his plan. Kalen, over the intercom, injected several suggestions to fine-tune the procedure.

  Jerry whistled. “I don’t know if it’s doable, but what the hell.”

  “My thoughts exactly. I’ll need all the power you can give me in the next thirty seconds.”

  Jerry spoke now with determination in his voice. “You’ll have it.”

  “Don’t increase the power output until I say so. We don’t want to alert the raider.”

  “Acknowledged.”

  Hal counted down the seconds, brows drawn together in concentration. A trickle of sweat meandered down his left cheek.

  I have to time this just right so we don’t give anything away.

  “Everyone, brace for impact.”

  He watched until the pirate was only sixty meters away. It dropped its shields as it drifted closer and closer to Adventurer.

  Now!

  Hal restored power to the necessary systems. He triggered the forward magnetic docking grapples. The focused magnetic fields latched onto the stern of the bogey and Hal pulled with all the power available to him. The stern of the pirate ship slewed around toward Adventurer’s prow, which likewise swung toward the other’s stern. Within three seconds they were aligned nose to tail, twenty meters apart.

  “Simmons! What’s happening?”

  “I-I don’t know, sir. They’ve latched on with their grapples for some reason.”

  “They’re up to something. Shields up! Get my ship out of here!”

  “Yes sir! Shields activated. Initiating main engines.”

  “Go!”

  “Firing!” Hal shouted.

  The raider belatedly attempted to flee, but it was already too late. The grapples had held firm for the final split second Hal needed. He initialized the mass driver and fired a slug directly into the other ship. Two ten-thousandths of a second after firing, as Hal had specified, the computer activated Adventurer’s fore-shields with full remaining power, shutting down everything else, even sensors and life support. After all, if the shields failed, there wouldn’t be enough left of Adventurer for life support to be an issue.

  The 108-kilo slug of depleted uranium blasted into the rear of the pirate ship at more than 1,600 kilometers per second. At this distance, its shields were irrelevant. Even traveling at less than one percent of the speed of light, the kinetic energy imparted was more than enough to penetrate the ship’s hull and send a hypersonic shockwave through the length of the ship—with devastating effect.

  The vessel literally disintegrated.

  With virtually all of the slug’s energy projecting forward, most of the debris missed Adventurer—most, but not all. Dozens of chunks of metal arrowed backward to smash into Adventurer’s shields. Nine pieces—slowed by the shield—broke through and penetrated Adventurer’s hull. The combined concussion knocked crewmembers from their feet. One chunk blew a hole in the small-arms locker, sucking a Chan’Yi out through the breach to her death. A fist-sized engine component crushed the skull of a Foren. A human and a Sestran suffocated from a puncture to the forward magazine locker.

  Hal shouted, “Repair crews to decks two, five and nine!” He dispatched all functioning repairbots to work on the external hull while the crews worked from the inside.

  Adventurer was hurt, though not fatally so. She would survive to fight another day.

  That was more than the raider could say.

  Hal’s lips lifted in a savage grin. Apparently that uranium enema didn’t agree with him.

  It took more than a week to complete the repairs on Adventurer. Five members of the crew had been killed in the battle, but it could have been so much worse. Had the pirates taken the ship, it was likely the entire crew would have been killed. Still, the funeral held for those lost in the battle was an emotional time for the survivors.

  Hal stood at attention, staring straight ahead as Kalen read off the names of the dead.

  “Lor’Crouf’Mouk, Chan. Jenny Sumizu, Earth. Bjorn Nygren, Thetis. Pethsedar, Foren. SarMestil, Sestra. They gave their lives protecting the innocent.”

  With such a diverse crew possessing varied—or nonextent—spiritual beliefs, it was impossible to hold a religious ceremony that would be pleasing to all in attendance, So Kalen kept it simple. The purpose of the ceremony was as much to offer closure to those who remained as to honor the dead.

  “We commend their essence to the eternal night.”

  One by one, four missile casings containing the mortal remains of the casualties were fired through the port and starboard missile tubes on a trajectory that would intersect with Earth’s sun within hours. The remains of the fifth casualty, Pethsedar, were in deep freeze, in accordance with Foren custom, until such time as Adventurer returned to Foren space.

  Although Hal hadn’t known the victims long, they were members of his crew and deserving of his respect and honor.

  I suspect this won’t be the last one of these ceremonies I’ll have to attend.

  The remaining months of Adventurer’s tour of duty were uneventful. Once the immediate pirate threat was past, Nude convinced Hal to let the doctor repair his damaged hip.

  “You can do that?” Hal had asked, surprised at the idea.

  Nude smiled and swept an arm to take in the entirety of the sick bay. “Look around you. Do you not think the level of Unity medicine is considerably in advance of Earth’s? Have you forgotten your implant?”

  Hal chuckled. “Yeah, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. How long will I be out of commission?”

  Nude frowned for a moment. “It is rather extensive surgery. I estimate you will be unconscious for almost an hour, and will need a day or so off your feet to recuperate. After that, your hip should be as good as new.”

  “Seriously? Damn. I wish I’d thought to ask about that ages ago. Let’s do it!”

  Later, he even returned home twice, to spend time with friends and concoct a story to explain his absence—something vague about hush-hush activities overseas. He didn’t mind if his friends thought he was a spy. It added some spice to their conjectures.

  Hal also had plenty of time to study, practice and think about his situation. Taking advantage of his implant and the same “instructional recordings” the rest of the crew had used, he learned to speak fluent Melphim, Alberian, and the major dialect of Chan’Yi’Cha during those months. He also studied the history of the Merchants’ Unity and some of the galactic civilizations it spanned.

  That’s amazing. Hundreds of populated planets and moons, and we had no idea any of them existed. He shook his head. We really are a backwater world. That’s something we’ll have to change if we’re going to survive and prosper once we step out onto the galactic stage.

  Finally, the relief ship arrived and it was time for Adventurer to return to her base. This meant that Hal had approximately two months left at the helm before he turned her over to the next set of pilots.

  It’s not all fun and games out here, but it sure beats the hell out of passing time mowing the lawn and playing shuffleboard with the geezers down at the community center. An old adrenaline junkie like me could get used to this sort of thing.

  Hal pondered the pros and cons briefly before coming to a decision.

  I guess it’s time to have a chat with Kalen. He toggled the intercom. “Captain Jeffries. Do you have a moment?”

  “Indeed I do, Hal. In fact, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something. Why don’t you meet me in my ready room?”

  “Be right there.” He arrived a minute later, to find Kalen just taking a seat.

  “So what is it you want to talk about, Hal?”

  “Well, I’ve been thinking—”

  “The answer’s yes.”

  “Yes? You don’t even kn
ow what I was going to say.”

  “You were wondering whether I’d be willing to keep you on as pilot of the Adventurer after we return to base.”

  “But how—?” A dark suspicion entered his mind. “That implant—can you read my mind or something?”

  Kalen laughed. “Nothing so melodramatic. It doesn’t take a mind-reader to figure out what you were going to ask. I’ve been watching you the past few days, looking wistfully at the pilot’s couch, running your hands over the instrument consoles. You looked like a lover who never expected to see his lady fair again.”

  Hal chuckled. “I guess I did.” He shrugged. “Well, I’ve never been as intimate with a woman as I have with Adventurer. I know every square inch of this ship in ways I never knew any of the aircraft I flew. I see through her eyes, feel through her senses. She does everything I ask. How could a man not fall in love with her?”

  Kalen nodded knowingly. “That’s not an uncommon reaction among pilots. Many stay with the same ship until they die.”

  “Not too long ago, that would have sounded ominous. Now it has a comforting ring to it.”

  “Welcome aboard, Pilot Nellis.” Kalen stood and extended a hand. “Or should I call you by your call-sign: Mongoose?”

  Hal stood and took it with a smile. “Thank you Captain Jeffries. No, My ‘Mongoose’ days are behind me. I’m just ‘Hal’ now.”

  “Very well, Hal. What do you say we head back to base?”

  “Roger that.”

  Well, I was looking for a second career after I retired. I guess I found one. Say goodbye to Colonel Nellis, U.S. Air Force, Retired, and hello to Hal Nellis, Space Ranger. He chuckled to himself.

  I like the sound of that.

  He mentally consulted the star charts. Without moving a muscle, he pointed Adventurer’s prow in the general direction of Procyon and engaged the hyperflight drive.

  Sweet.