My Other Car is a Spaceship

by Mark Terence Chapman

  She merely trembled.

  “We appear to have a situation here,” Kalen stated. “You control the ship’s authorization codes, but we control the hyper drive. Without both, neither of us can leave this system. Also, we have the only pilot aboard. Yours was just killed attacking the engine room.”

  Tro’s eyes opened wide at this latter piece of news, and then narrowed as his implant calls to Mos went unanswered.

  “So it would seem. We negotiated once. I see no reason we cannot do so again. However, my terms have changed. Now I want full amnesty for myself and these two, against all crimes past and present, and a ride to the planet of my choosing. Those are my terms. Meet them and the authorization codes are yours. Fail to meet them, and none of us leaves this system—ever. If I am to die anyway, I would rather die at the time and place of my own choosing and take you with me.”

  Kalen looked to Mynax, acting head of the Merchants’ Unity.

  Mynax shrugged. “If that’s what it takes to end this.”

  “Very well,” Kalen agreed. “Now, as a show of faith, let us have the girl.”

  Tro snorted. “What, so the twelve of you can shoot the three of us? I think not.”

  Kalen shook his head. “We wouldn’t risk Merry by shooting at you. Besides, as an officer of the Merchants’ Unity, I swear you will not be harmed. Everyone….” He looked around the bridge at all his people. “Lower your weapons.”

  As soon as they did so, Tro released Merry, who ran straight to Kalen.

  Kalen acknowledged his act with a nod. “Thank you, Captain Tro. Now, if you would be so kind as to transfer the command authorization to me, we can conclude this negotiation.”

  “Of course, Captain Jeffries. I—”

  “Traitor!”

  Tro spun on his heel just in time to take a blaster load to the chest, followed by another. He fell back onto the bridge, his chest a smoking ruin. Two more quick shots took care of the pirates standing on either side of him. Another blast whizzed past him and struck Tep Movoo.

  In the span of a tenth of a second, nine blaster bolts tore into the assailant in the corridor, nearly vaporizing him above the waist.

  As quickly as that, it was all over.

  “What—? What happened?” a shaking Mynax asked. Who was that?”

  Hal and Kalen walked to where the corpse lay. Hal used a toe to turn the head, which had but a piece of neck skin still attached to it. A strong face with brown eyes stared sightlessly above a neatly trimmed black beard and blaster-burned cheek.

  “This,” Hal announced with satisfaction, “is—or rather was—Tarl Penrod, king of the pirates. The king is dead. Long live the king.”

  “Okay, great,” Mynax agreed. “The head pirate is dead, the ship’s Captain is dead, the ship’s pilot is dead, and most if not all of the other pirates on this ship are dead. But we’re still screwed. Without the authorization codes, we’re dead in the water—accent on dead.”

  Kalen smiled. “Fortunately not. Captain Tro didn’t die instantly. He lived a few seconds after being shot, and that was enough time to transfer command authorization to me.” Kalen grew serious. “He may have been a pirate and a murderer, but there was still some honor in him. He could have taken satisfaction from knowing that we would die as well, but he kept his end of the bargain.”

  There was a moment of silence, as everyone took in his words.

  Then Merry spoke softly. “Where’s Uncle Nude?”

  Kalen, Hal, and Mynax raced back to the holding pen where they had left Nude and Merry. Hal was first through the doorway.

  “There he is.”

  They rushed to where Nude lay.

  “I can’t tell if he’s breathing under all this fabric. Come to think of it, I don’t even know where to check for a pulse on a Chan’Yi,” Hal admitted.

  Kalen pushed past him. “I do.”

  He slid Nude’s sleeve up past his elbow and felt in the crook.

  “Well?” Hal hovered over Kalen. “Do you feel anything?”

  “Hold your horses. I’m a ship’s Captain, not a doctor. I haven’t had a lot of practice at this.” Kalen moved his fingers slightly. “Wait, I feel something! He’s got a pulse. It’s weak, but he’s still alive.”

  “Thank God! But how? He was shot right in the heart.”

  “He was shot where a human heart is. But a Chan’Yi’s chest cavity is longer than a human’s and the heart is situated lower. The shot hit his middle lung, not his heart. But he’s still in critical condition. We have to get him to sickbay ASAP. Even so, without a doctor on board, I’m not sure what we can do for him.”

  “First things first,” Hal declared. “Let’s get him to sickbay and then check with the rest of the people we rescued. Maybe someone has nurse or medic training.”

  “You’re right,” Kalen agreed. “Give us a hand with him, Spelvin. He’s skinny, but he’s heavy. Chan’Yi have really dense bones, and a lot of ‘em.”

  “You got it.”

  The trip to the nearest planet with modern medical facilities took more than a day. Kalen stayed at Nude’s side almost the entire time. Fortunately, the sickbay in Queen Anne’s Revenge was highly automated. The equipment managed to keep Nude alive for the twenty-nine excruciating hours it took to reach Marpelle—but only just.

  Hal winced when he saw the serious expression on the Thorian doctor’s face as he approached Hal and Kalen in the waiting room.

  This doesn’t bode well. Come on—one break, that’s all I’m asking. Let him be okay.

  “So?” Kalen asked, beating Hal to the draw. “How is he? Is he going to live?”

  The doctor hesitated a moment before answering.

  Oh, God. Don’t say it. Don’t say he’s dying. Please don’t say it.

  “Your friend was gravely injured.”

  Oh no; here it comes. Don’t say it. Please.

  “He was barely alive when he arrived.”

  Here it comes.

  “But we managed to stabilize his condition.”

  Hal winced. That’s it then. I knew— “Huh?”

  “I cannot promise anything at this stage, but I am guardedly optimistic. If he continues to improve over the next few days, I think he will pull through.”

  A huge grin split Hal’s face. He almost danced a jig from relief.

  “I knew it!” Hal crowed. “I knew he’d be okay. He’s too tough to die.”

  “Thank you, doctor,” Kalen said, shaking the Thorian’s hand. “Thanks for taking such good care of our friend.”

  The doctor smiled. “You are most welcome. That is my job, after all.”

  “When can we see him?” Hal asked.

  “Not for several days at least—perhaps a week. He needs to rest for now. I have your implant code. I will call you when he regains consciousness.”

  “Thanks, doc!” Now Hal shook his hand.

  The two men continued in good cheer after the doctor took his leave, and eventually repaired to the nearest bar to celebrate.

  “To Nude!” Hal held his drink up high. His loud and sloppy salute drew a sideways glare from the bartender.

  “To Nude,” Kalen agreed. “The bess ship’s doc in the Une—hic!-Unity.”

  “Hell, thas not saying much,” Hal countered. “Consid-sidering tha’ at the moment he’s the only Unity doc-doctor left serving.”

  “Goo’ point. All righ’ then: to Nude. The bess damn ship’s doc anywhere!”

  “Hear, hear! Thas more like it.”

  The salutes got louder and sloppier until the bartender finally threw the duo out of the bar. Somehow they made it back to their hotel in one piece.

  And somehow they didn’t really mind the screaming hangovers they had the next morning.

  “How are you feeling, buddy?” Kalen asked.

  Nude, stretched out on one of the extra-long hospital beds a nearly-three-meter-long person requires, sketched a weak Chan’Yi version of a smile. “As if I had been shot in the chest.”

  “Yeah, I w
onder why that is?” Hal responded with a grin.

  “The doctor says you should make a full recovery,” Kalen said. “It’ll be a few more weeks before we can get you out of here, but we’ll hang around until then. Won’t we, Hal?”

  “You bet. We’re going to make sure this place gives you the best of care.”

  “Gentlemen, I am a doctor. I believe I know how to ensure the best possible care. It is not necessary to hover over me in the mistaken belief that this will somehow speed the healing process. I will be fine.”

  “Maybe so,” Kalen replied, “but we don’t really have anywhere to be. Without a Merchants’ Unity, and with no pirates to fight for many light years in any direction, we’re sort of on extended liberty—pretty much as long as we want. In case you’re wondering, Spelvin Mynax isn’t around because he took the first ship back to Jorseen to see about trying to get the Merchants’ Unity reformed.”

  Nude’s eyes widened. “Really? Is that likely?”

  Hal shrugged. “Who knows, but we really kicked butt back there. All that was the doing of officers of the Unity. Mynax is hopeful the board will vote to reinstate the Unity and maybe even upgrade the fleet, to keep the pirates from ever getting the upper hand again.”

  “That would indeed be good news, if it comes to pass.”

  “You bet,” Hal replied.

  “So how is everyone?” Nude asked. “Is Merry safe? Sue and the others?”

  Kalen grew somber. “We took some casualties in the fighting on the ship. Merry is fine. But Tep Movoo was killed in the fighting on the bridge. And Sue—” His voice broke.

  Hal picked up the story. “Sue’s team successfully took the engine room. There was little resistance. But later, the ship’s pilot and another pirate went to investigate why the hyper drive was offline and shots were exchanged. Sue…didn’t make it.”

  “Ah,” Nude said softly. “That is indeed distressing.”

  “She died bravely,” Kalen said. “For a civilian—a scientist—she did well. She fought like a seasoned veteran, she was smart and resourceful. We probably wouldn’t be here right now if not for her.”

  Nude smiled sadly. “Naturally. She was Chan’Yi.”

  Both Hal and Kalen smiled back.

  “Naturally,” Kalen replied. “Silly of me.”

  “I shall have to contact the elders of Clan Pestas and let them know how she died. Thank you for telling me.”

  “Of course,” Kalen said, all trace of humor gone.

  Kalen and Hal returned to their hotel suite. Most of the rescued prisoners, along with members of Hal’s strike team, had already left Marpelle to return home. A few remained, and one of them had been taking care of Merry while the two men spent time at the hospital.

  “Thanks, Giffen,” Kalen said as the Blensian took her leave.

  “It was my pleasure, sir. As human children go, she is quite pleasant and intelligent. The psychologist who has been treating her since she arrived says that Merry is remarkably resilient. Most children would have been horribly traumatized by what she has been through. But she has held up well, especially for someone so young.”

  “Yes, she is something special,” Kalen agreed.

  He went to Merry’s bedroom and knocked gently.

  “Come in,” she called. When he entered, she looked up and then ran into his arms.

  “Uncle Kalen!” she squealed. “Where have you been? I haven’t seen you all day.”

  “Oh, Uncle Hal and I were at the hospital visiting Uncle Nude. He’s doing better and he was happy to hear that you’re okay.”

  “That’s good. I was worried about him. Are you going to help me find my mommy and daddy now? You promised.”

  “I sure did, sweetheart. We still have a few things to do around here, but we should be able to leave very soon. We have a spaceship, and we don’t have to be anywhere for a while. So we’ll see if we can find your parents for you.”

  “Oh, goody! I haven’t seen them in forever.”

  Merry’s expression grew serious. “I’ve been saving up hugs and kisses for them. My pockets are almost full. I don’t know how many more I can put in them.”

  Kalen smiled and a tear came to his eye. He hugged her tight. “It shouldn’t be much longer. Then you can give them all those hugs and kisses you’ve saved for them. I’m sure they’ve missed you terribly.”

  “Me, too.”

  Kalen took his leave of her and returned to Hal in the living room.

  “Great kid,” Hal said.

  “Yeah. And she just reminded me of a promise I’d made to her earlier, to find her parents.”

  “Ah, yes.”

  “I made another promise, too.”

  “Oh?”

  Kalen nodded. “I promised Steve Vanderwaal that I’d track down his family and let them know he died a hero. We’ve got some free time. Are you up to it?”

  Hal smiled. “A road trip? Are you kidding? Sweet.”

  EPILOGUE

  At first, the reports that the Merchants’ Unity had been resurrected were greeted with confusion and anger. Wasn’t this the organization that wasted billions in various currencies and let the pirates run roughshod over this sector of space?

  However, attitudes began to change as carefully leaked rumors spread that an elite squad of Unity commandos had stormed and destroyed the pirate fortress, killed the entire leadership, and wiped out many of the pirates in the process. The story continued that the squad was personally led by Unity Commissioner Spelvin Mynax and Senior Fleet Captain Kalen Jeffries. After all, perception was reality. If embellishing the truth helped rally the populace behind a worthy cause, what was the harm?

  True, there were still dozens of pirate ships operating, versus only a handful of Unity ships that hadn’t yet been decommissioned. But the pirates were dispersed and operating individually, without coordination. If the public wasn’t yet ready to embrace the Unity as conquering heroes, at least the institution was no longer being vilified in the media. It would take time, but the public would eventually come around.

  During the rededication ceremony weeks later at Unity headquarters on Jorseen, Mynax spoke to a large gathering of press, visiting dignitaries, and the captains and crews of decommissioned Unity ships who had been recalled while their ships were in the process of being refitted and upgraded.

  After the typical greetings and opening remarks, he got down to business.

  “I’m pleased to announce that most of the former Unity merchant members who had funded and overseen the organization in the past have returned, along with a host of new members and increased funding. The new, restructured, Merchants’ Unity is stronger than ever, and better able to serve the needs of the people of this sector of space. We have a renewed purpose and a new mandate. No longer will the Unity only defend the shipping lanes and embargoed planets. Now we are tasked with hunting down and eradicating pirates wherever they may be, so there can never be a repeat of the death and chaos and wanton destruction we all have had to endure the past few years.

  “I will personally dedicate my life to this purpose, and I will hold everyone else employed by the Unity to the same standard of excellence. We will seek out piracy, and we will destroy it. This I promise you.”

  He paused until the applause died down. “One more thing. Once we learned that BAE Corporation was a front for the pirate operation, we persuaded the governments of several systems to freeze the corporation’s assets. At this very moment, forensic accountants are poring over the corporate finances, seeking to identify the assets seized by the pirates and return them to their rightful owners. Where that is impossible, we will put the assets into a relief fund administered by an independent organization on behalf of the victims of the pirate depredations. As much as possible, we will seek to redress the wrongs done to them. Sadly, we cannot return the loved ones killed by the pirates, but we can and will help with the financial burdens their losses have produced. And we will do our best to find good homes for the children orphaned by th
e pirates. This, too, I promise.”

  Mynax sat to a thunderous ovation.

  Kalen waited on a sofa in the visitor’s lounge at the Displaced Children’s Center on Jorseen. Merry sat beside him, looking small and miserable.

  “I’m sorry, sweetheart,” Kalen said softly. “I’ve spent months looking, but I can’t find any trace of your parents. I don’t know where else to look.”

  Merry was silent for a moment. When she spoke it was without emotion. “They’re dead, aren’t they?”

  “I-I don’t know, sweetheart. There are dozens of planets where they could be. Maybe they don’t have any identification. Maybe they’re hiding, thinking the pirates might come after them. Maybe they’re slaves on a planet where slavery is illegal and the owner is keeping them hidden. There are all sorts of reasons why I might not be able to find them if they’re alive. The galaxy is a big place.

  “I promise I won’t stop looking. But it’s time I got back to work fighting pirates. I can’t keep looking all the time anymore. Do you understand?”

  She nodded slowly and spoke in a tiny voice. “What about me, Uncle Kalen? Who’s going to take care of me?”

  Kalen squirmed in his seat. “Uh, well, the nice people here at the DCC will try to find a wonderful family to adopt you and love you and take care of you.”

  Merry looked up with large, hope-filled, glistening eyes. “What about you? Don’t you love me? Can’t you take care of me? I promise I won’t be any trouble. I’m eight now. I can help with the laundry and clean up at home. I’m brave, too. You said so yourself.”

  That was too much for Kalen; he drew Merry into his arms and held her to his chest for a long moment. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse and his face wet.

  “I-I would love to, sweetheart. I had a little girl once, but the pirates killed her. She would have been almost your age.” He paused to take a ragged breath.