by Stacy Henrie
Texas? The dizziness in her head increased. Tex had talked about traveling throughout Texas.
“He robbed a train back in April in Utah Territory too. Took off with six thousand dollars before holing up for a few weeks. Then he headed to Casper, Wyoming.”
The amount of money was staggering, making her think of what Tex had in his saddlebags. He’d never said exactly where that money had come from. Perhaps it wasn’t from treasure hunting as she’d suspected but from something nefarious.
“That’s where he got shot more than two months ago,” the man continued. “Some think he died from the wound, but no one found his body.”
Ravena swayed before splaying a hand against the wall, below the poster, to keep herself from falling to her knees. The Texas Titan had been shot, just as Tex had been. There were too many similarities to ignore.
“Hey,” she heard Jacob say from behind her. “Isn’t that Tex—”
His sudden interest snapped Ravena from her fragile, lightheaded state. “Time to go,” she said, latching onto Jacob’s shoulder and turning him away from the incriminating poster. “Boys, come along.”
She felt the stranger’s gaze boring into her back as she embraced Miss Morley and herded the brothers after Jacob. Even when they’d reached the wagon and climbed aboard, she couldn’t shake the man’s words from her mind or those she’d read on the poster. She drove in a daze back toward the center of the city, hardly mindful of what Jacob and the other boys were saying.
A part of her wanted to drive straight back to the farm and demand that Tex tell her the truth about his life the past eight years. Then maybe he would take her into his arms and assure her that the Wanted poster wasn’t real; it was all a horrible mistake. Because he wasn’t an outlaw, running from the law. He was Tex, the man she’d come to love all over again, the man she’d asked to stay, in hopes of making a life together.
But the other part of her, growing more insistent by the moment, already knew what her mind refused to accept. And for that reason, she would stick to her original plan. She and the children would stay in Boise overnight and return to the farm tomorrow. There was no reason to rush home and hear the horrible confirmation all the sooner.
Her mind made up, exhaustion settled into her bones, making her want to crawl in the back of the wagon and sleep for days. When she awoke, maybe this would all be a horrible nightmare.
Otherwise, Ravena realized as she stopped the wagon in front of the hotel, she was in real danger of having her heart and her trust broken once more. And this time she didn’t know if she could weather the damage.
* * *
Tex kept wandering into the parlor in the new house and peering through the pristine glass of the front window to look at the road. It was coming on evening, which meant Ravena, Jacob and the other orphans should be arriving any time. The chores had all been completed early, and he and Ginny had done their best to make a nice supper. Fanny had even insisted Tex help tie her hair up in her best ribbon. Mark and Luke had grown restless, as time stretched on and no wagon had appeared, so he’d sent them out to find flowers for the table.
The new house had seen a flurry of activity the last two days. Tex had procured the glass and fitted it into all of the windows. He’d also traded in his gold coin for cash, in order to hire a man to install the indoor pump in the kitchen. Then he and the children had whitewashed the outside of the house. There were places where it had gone on too thick or too thin, but he suspected Ravena wouldn’t mind. He’d also rallied some of the neighbors to help move the furniture from one house to the other. He’d even gotten a donation of two old bedframes and mattresses that he put in two of the bedrooms for the new boys.
Now everything was ready. He couldn’t wait to see Ravena. She’d only been gone two days, but Tex had missed her, terribly. He missed talking with her, making her laugh or simply watching her. He also wanted to tell her the epiphany he’d had about himself and his father the day before.
“Are they here yet?” Fanny asked, coming into the parlor. She slipped her hand into Tex’s and looked up at him with hopeful eyes.
He gently squeezed her fingers. “Not yet, but they should be here soon.” When she didn’t release his hand, Tex found himself wondering how he could have ever contemplated leaving. Everything good in his life was right here. This is where he wanted to be—permanently.
Movement out the window pulled his attention to the yard. “There they are,” he declared, his heartbeat kicking up with relief and excitement. What would Ravena think of all they’d done?
He led Fanny to the door, calling to Ginny to come outside too. Mark and Luke reappeared, wilted flowers in hand, and raced to the wagon as Ravena stopped it in front of the new house. He was already watching her, drinking in the sight of her as if she’d been gone two weeks instead of two days, so he didn’t miss seeing the furrow in her brow. Something was bothering her. Or perhaps she was simply tired from the long drive.
The four boys in the back of the wagon piled out. Hopping to the ground, Jacob grinned and strode toward Tex. “We barely made it yesterday,” he announced. “The train came early, and we had to go to the station to pick them up.”
Perhaps that was the reason for Ravena’s troubled expression. “It’s a blessing you went when you did then.”
Ravena circled the wagon, her face brightening when Fanny raced forward to give her a hug. “Meet your new brothers.” She introduced the four boys to the other children, then holding Fanny’s hand, she approached Tex.
“Hi there.” He offered her a smile, which she didn’t return. “Long journey?”
She gave a wordless nod.
He kept hoping she’d notice the glass in the windows or the whitewash, but she seemed not only exhausted but distracted too. “We made supper. Ginny and me.”
The older girl beamed.
“Smells good,” Ravena murmured as she ascended the porch steps of the new house.
“That’s not all we did, right?” He winked at Fanny. When Ravena didn’t ask what he meant, he decided to just share the news anyway. “The children helped me whitewash the house. I got all the glass put in the windows, and a pump installed.”
“We moved all the furniture too,” Mark added.
A look of surprise crossed Ravena’s face and her lips turned up into a half smile. “Look at that.” She stepped back to look at the outer walls and the windows. “It’s looks terrific. Thank you, children.” Her gaze flicked to his, an unreadable emotion in her dark brown eyes. “And thank you, Tex. You’ve done far more than I could’ve hoped.”
Why did it sound as if she were saying goodbye? He shrugged it off as part of her weariness and coming so close to losing the chance to take in the four new boys.
“Who’s starved?” he called out. Clamors of agreement filled the air as he led the group inside and into the dining room.
Supper was a noisy affair, now that their numbers had increased by four. But Tex welcomed the cacophony. It filled the strained quiet between him and Ravena. He could tell something was on her mind; he just couldn’t reason what.
Once everyone had eaten and the dishes were washed, Ravena trooped upstairs with the children to show the newcomers their bedrooms. Tex remained below stairs, unsure if she would welcome his help or not. It was one thing to put five orphans to bed, but it was another to settle down nine. When he heard an excessive amount of laughter coming from what he thought was one of the boys’ rooms, he decided to go investigate.
Mark, Luke, Ralphey and Winston were in the middle of a pillow fight. Snagging one of the feathery weapons for himself, Tex got in a few jabs of his own before being overwhelmed by the pack. He was trapped beneath them, laughing, when Ravena appeared at the door. For a moment her expression looked pained as she took in the scene, then she straightened her shoulders and gently told the boys it was time for be
d.
After another reminder from Tex, the new boys headed to their room, while Mark and Luke hopped into their beds. Tex took the lamp in hand and bid them good-night. Hearing them call “Good night” back made him smile and filled him with the same contentment he’d felt earlier while holding Fanny’s little hand.
The other doors were shut by then, so he guessed the rest of the children were in bed for the night too. He went downstairs, but he couldn’t find Ravena in the parlor or the kitchen. Had she gone straight to bed without talking to him? Disappointment wound through him as he blew out the lamp and crossed the yard to the old house.
In the dying light, he caught sight of Ravena rocking back and forth in the old rocker. He grinned, grateful to know she hadn’t avoided him after all. “I meant to bring that over to the new house,” he said as he neared the porch. “I can do it tonight, if you’d like.”
“No, it’s all right.”
Tex settled on the step, against the porch column. “The new boys seem to fit right in.”
“Yes.” He heard her soft sigh. “I’m glad.”
“Something wrong?”
For a long moment, the only sound was the creak of the rocker moving back and forth, back and forth. “I saw a rather interesting bit of literature at the train station.”
“Hmm. What was it?”
The rocker’s creaks came faster. “It was a poster.”
The underlying sharpness in her tone set off a warning bell inside his head, but he still couldn’t reason out what she was referring to. “What sort of poster?”
Silence reverberated through his ears. She’d stopped rocking. “It was a Wanted poster, Tex.”
He couldn’t breathe for a second as his mind grappled to understand the full weight of her words. A single thought penetrated his paralyzed confusion. She knows. Then his chest seemed to cave in on itself and he gulped for breath.
“How long have you been the Texas Titan?”
The question lanced through his heart and he hung his head. “Eight years.”
“I see.” The rocker resumed its frenetic movement. “And where did the money in your saddlebag really come from?”
It pained him to the core to hear the hurt and anger in her voice. He wanted to crawl in a hole somewhere and hide. But he wouldn’t. Now that she knew, he’d face the consequences. He’d told her and himself that he was done running—and he meant it. “It’s from my last robbery in Utah Territory.”
“I thought you took six thousand dollars from that train,” she accused. “There certainly isn’t that much in your bag.”
Had the Wanted posters detailed his last robbery? “It’s only a handful of it, yes. The rest I hid. Like I did with the other money.”
“Have you ever killed anyone?” He could hear the fear beneath her fury.
“No, Ravena. I never killed anyone.” He eyed her, but the shadows obscured her expression. “I’m not a murderer. You know that.”
She stopped rocking again, and when she spoke, the anguish in her words felt like a knife in his side. “I don’t know what I know about you anymore. You’re an outlaw, Tex.” Her voice broke. “An outlaw who was hurt and running from the law when you came to my doorstep. Did you steal that gold coin and map too? Is that really how you came to have those?”
Twisting to face her, he shook his head, even if he wasn’t sure she could see him. “I won those in a poker game, just like I said. It was the only time I ever gambled.”
“No, it’s not.”
Frustration bloomed inside him, despite his efforts to keep it at bay. “I’m telling you the truth, Ravena. I only gambled once.”
“No, Tex.” He thought he saw her lean forward as if too full of hurt to sit up anymore. “Every time you robbed a bank or a train you were gambling. Not with money but with your life.”
The truthfulness of her statement rendered him speechless and renewed the guilt he’d been free of the last few weeks.
“Am I right?” she pressed.
He swallowed hard as all the insecurities of the past roared to life inside him once more. “Yes,” he whispered.
“You could’ve been killed.” There was no mistaking the tears in her voice. “What I can’t understand is why? Why did you do it, Tex? Why did you come back?” The inquiries rose on a wail. “Why have you stayed?”
Everything in him urged him to go to her, to comfort her. But she wouldn’t want that. So he forced himself to stay seated. “I made a choice, Ravena. A really bad choice.” His mind sorted back through the years to the moment he’d stood, gun in hand, waiting for that first bank clerk to fill his sack with cash. “After my fight with Tate over that keepsake, I convinced myself that I was already a thief, so why not continue down that path?”
The only interruption to his story was the sound of her quiet weeping. “After that, it got easier and easier to justify.” He paused, wishing he could stop there, but it was time Ravena knew everything. “I came back here because I was shot and running. But it wasn’t just from the law. The cattle rustler I beat in that poker game wanted his treasure map back. So he tipped off the sheriff in Casper. He was waiting for me when I went to the bank the next morning.”
He studied his shadowed hands, remembering how they’d been covered with blood after being shot. “I was there to exchange that coin for cash to send you.” A soft cry sounded from the direction of the rocker, though he wasn’t sure if it was in indignation or understanding. Was she angry to learn that his other contributions had come from stolen funds? “The sheriff found me and managed to get off a good shot as I was riding away. I figured the only safe place to go, where no one would have heard about the Texas Titan, was here.”
She remained silent, so he forged ahead to answer her final question.
“As for why I’ve stayed,” he repeated. He rested his head back on the porch column and shut his eyes, feeling suddenly more tired than he could ever remember. “I wasn’t planning to. At first I stayed because I truly wanted to help you, whether you believe me or not. Then I stayed to finish the house because I wanted to prove I wasn’t my father. And now...”
Should he tell her what he felt in his heart? Would it even matter? His earlier hopes and satisfaction felt like a distant memory, as did the words and kisses they’d shared yesterday morning.
“And now?” she echoed.
Tex steeled himself for her rejection as he opened his eyes. “I want to stay now because...because I’ve fallen in love with you all over again, Ravena.”
For a moment he wondered if she’d heard him when silence met his declaration. Then she spoke, her voice strangled. “What am I supposed to do after hearing that?” He thought he saw her wave her hand in an arc. “With hearing all of this?”
“I can’t tell you that. You’ve got to decide what you want, for yourself.” He rose to his feet. “I’m sorry for not telling you the day I came. I was afraid you’d throw me out, but it was wrong of me to keep my past from you.” He pulled in a breath, feeling a familiar weight of guilt resting on his chest. However, he felt certain it wouldn’t crush him this time and that was something to be grateful for. “I’m done with outlawing, whether you agree to let me stay now or not. I’m done with deceit and hating my father. I’m done blaming him and Tate for my mess and for my choices. Most of all, I’d like to be done loathing myself.”
He moved toward the door, and Ravena let him go. He hated leaving her out here, grieving, but they each had to do their own sorting of things. It was time he learned for himself if he was really worth saving and loving. And there was only one way, One person, who could help him figure that out.
Chapter Fourteen
Breakfast was a silent affair, at least between him and Ravena. But Tex didn’t think any of the children noticed. Jacob, Ginny, Mark, Luke and Fanny were excited to introduce the new
boys at school. And the four brothers seemed equally happy at the prospect of already knowing friends there. There was also considerable talk about the upcoming Fourth of July celebration in town and how there’d be no school that day.
Ravena announced before they’d finished eating that she would drive the children to school in the wagon, so she could introduce the newcomers to the teacher. Tex couldn’t help wondering if her motive had as much to do with talking to the schoolteacher as it did with avoiding him.
Once everyone had left, he decided to make himself a lunch, that way he wouldn’t need to come back to the house until late afternoon. It would give Ravena the space she clearly desired to think things through. Setting out for the day, he headed to the fields first for a look at the tender crop plants, then he went about fixing a hole he’d discovered in one of the barbed wire fences.
He was more than tired and famished when lunchtime rolled around. Looking around for a spot in the shade, he found himself heading in the direction of the stream. The trees provided a welcome respite from the hot sun as Tex sat to eat. With no one to talk to, his meal was devoured in no time. But he wasn’t ready to head back out into the heat just yet.
Picking up a rock, he lobbed it into the stream, thinking again about Ezra finding him here and how they’d fished. God knows you, Tex. And no matter what happens in your life or where you go, He isn’t going to abandon you.
If that was still true, then he needed to do some praying. “It’s just You and me here, Lord.” The words fell from his mouth, almost without conscious thought. “So I guess I’d better start talking.”
He removed his hat and set it on the ground before bowing his head, his hands clasped loosely around his raised knees. “I’ve made a lot of foolish choices. Choices that have really hurt the people I love.” The pain he’d sensed in Ravena last night washed over him again, bitter and all-consuming. “I’ve run and hid and done bad things, Lord. But I want to change.” His voice cracked with emotion. “I need to change, if for no one else but myself.”