Gravity: A Salvation Society Novel

by K. L. Jessop

  That’s a good question.

  After Nora’s tears and a good chat about it, she’s now putting on a brave face, accepting the fact that this is life now but knowing she will get through the worst with those around her. Fiona, too, is making provisions for Pete when he returns home along with taking some time off work. Asher, however, is another story altogether, and I’m slowly becoming more concerned for my friend and his troubled mind. After dropping Nora off at the hospital yesterday, (she went in to see her Dad who, at the time was sitting up in bed, looking a lot better than he had with a huge smile on his face) I caught Asher in the family room with a look in his eyes like the world was on his shoulders. Regardless of the fact he’d hardly slept, there was something about the way he looked that I haven’t been able to shake off.

  In other circumstances, I’d say he looked guilty—which is bullshit as he has nothing to be guilty for—but I’ve been trying to work him out for some time now and I’m unsure I’ll ever be able to.

  I lean against the bar. “Good considering. Asher is a little quiet, though. Does he seem okay to you? In general, I mean.”

  “He has his moments, but it’s understandable. A lot of shit went down in Iraq,” he exhales.

  “But that’s just it. What shit went down?”

  “He’s not said anything?”

  “He tells me fuck all these days. I only know that he lost two of his team.”

  Mark holds my stare, a look of concern now in his. “We lost the whole fucking team, Gray. All three. Two from rifles the other by grenade. The guys had it tough out there, and by some miracle, Asher was the only one left standing without a fucking scratch on him.”

  My breath halts. Anger, frustration, confusion, and nausea fill my stomach from his words. Why the fuck don’t I know this? Why hasn’t he told me the whole story? After all the damn fucking years we’ve been friends… I don’t get it.

  “Shit,” I breathe. “Why did he not say anything?”

  “Who knows with that man. He refused the help that was offered after, but Jackson is happy with him and his work hasn’t faltered in any way. And after chatting to him at the office yesterday afternoon, he’s wanting to head off again. Not that I’ve advised him to.”

  I’m about to ask him what he means, but Asher walks in and heads toward us. “Afternoon, pretty girls. What gives?”

  “You’re late,” Mark states in a tone that’s commanding, but Asher just laughs it off.

  “Well, I’m here now. Beer, please, Gray.”

  I nod, hiding the discomfort of the news I’ve just learned and get him a beer, trying to work out why Mark’s comment has made me feel even more uneasy. Last I’d heard, from Asher, was that he was due to fly out to California tomorrow for a few days.

  “Right, fuckface,” Mark says smacking Asher on the shoulder. “Let’s go take a seat and talk business. I need to call Jackson in a bit with your decision.”

  Decision?

  “What’s this, Twilight? You doing official work outside the office now?” I joke, trying to act like I’m not seeking to work out what’s going on. “This isn’t like you.”

  “It’s my day off and the only time I can get Asher here to talk.”

  The guys head on over to a booth and are deep in conversation for some time, all the while Asher seeming to be a little unsettled, bouncing his knee up and down under the table. He rolls the beer bottle between his fingers, or he picks at the label. He stares out of the window, and Mark has to regain his attention.

  Naturally, I’ve been putting all this down to the fact he could be worrying about his dad, but I’m not convinced now. All along, I’ve feared there is more to his behaviors and that he may have PTSD, and now, after hearing what Mark said, I’m certain it’s that.

  “Their conversation seems intense.” Ryan says, joining me at the other end of the bar while I wipe it down. “Asher was practically growling at Mark when I walked past.”

  “Isn’t war always intense?”

  “Guess so.” He hands me a sheet of paper and I see it’s the staff schedules. “I’ve looked at these and reduced the amount of hours Nora will be in this week.”

  I take a look at the paper and nod in agreement. She’d been due to work today, but I told her to be with Pete. “Thanks, man. She just needs to be with her dad.”

  Ryan nods just as Mark shouts at me from the other end of the bar, looking frustrated. “Gray, I’m out. I’ll catch up with you later.”

  I wave him off, noticing Asher is still sitting in the booth with his head down.

  Needing to talk to him, I get Ryan to cover me and I do the one thing that will keep Asher here and hopefully get him talking: I grab us both a beer.

  “Here. You look like you need it after that conversation.”

  “Thanks, man. Twilight can be fucking brutal at times.”

  I slide myself in the seat and take a pull of my drink, letting the cold liquid cool my throat. Silence falls between us, and I can almost hear the turmoil rolling around in his head. I question if I’m this transparent when it comes to me and my demons, or if his are more noticeable because I now know the truth he’s yet to speak.

  Death can do shit to a person, I should know. I know all too well about being locked in a world you don’t wish to be in, and I feel my friend here is lost in his own.

  “Wanna talk about it?”

  He looks up from his old beer bottle that he’s still picking the label from. “What?”

  “Why has Mark gone hard on you? You look like you’ve got a heavy weight on your shoulders.”

  “Tell me it won’t happen again,” he blurts, his shoulders rounded with tension.

  My chest tightens, and my night with Nora flashes before my eyes. I’m not ready for this conversation yet, and I certainly don’t want to have it in my bar with too many eyes on us, but then I question what he’s actually referring to.

  “What won’t?”

  “Dad. Tell me it won’t happen again.”

  It’s the last thing I was expecting, and I let out an exhale. “Ash, you know I can’t tell you that. First, I’m no doctor, and second, you heard Dr. Newman: there’s a high chance it will, and there’s nothing to say it won’t be the last.”

  He nods, his eyes heavy, as he pushes his empty bottle aside and takes the full one, drinking half of it down. “So, I’ll have to go away knowing what I’m leaving behind then,” he exhales, low enough in the hope I don’t hear him, but it’s loud and clear.

  I frown and think back to what Mark said, so I pull him up on it because he’s making no sense. “You’re only going away for a couple days though, right? It’s hardly a lifetime. California is only a few hours away.”

  Silence falls between us, and I feel a sudden shift in his presence. He can’t look at me, and that uneasiness I felt when I saw him in the hospital is back.

  “Ash, What’s going on. You know you can talk to me, right? About anything. I know you’ve not been yourself.”

  “It’s only a few hours, yes, but it’ll be for a while. It’ll be easier going knowing that you’ll be there for Mom, Dad, and Nora should dad be ill again.”

  My back straightens. “What do you mean a while.”

  “After the meeting yesterday… There’s some shit going down. Jackson wants a couple of us to head out for longer."

  I’m confused. “And that caused Mark to be brutal with you?”

  “Yes.”

  “Why?”

  “Because he wants me to stay back here and work with him in the Virginia office.”

  “And it has to be you that goes to Cali?” I question, knowing he’d want to be here for as long as possible with everything that is going on with Pete.

  He shakes his head and his words that follow anger me. “I can’t be here, Gray. I offered to go.”

  “Offered? You mean you could stay here and had quality family time now that Nora is at home, too, but you’d rather be out there?” I can’t believe the words that are leaving my
mouth. In one breath, I’m trying to think of ways to spend time with her and the next I’m trying to make the biggest threat to us stay.

  “It’s my job,” he states.

  “I get that, but what you’re saying is someone else could go in place of you? I thought staying in Virginia would be what you’d want right now.”

  “It’s what I live for, Grayson.”

  If he’s trying to sugar coat this to make it sound like I should be proud of him then he’s doing a shit job. I get what he does. I get why he does it. It’s in his blood. But his father is his blood. He’s just sat there and said he’s offered, so forgive me for not being fucking happy about it.

  He scoffs. “None of you have any idea what I want or need right now.”

  “I think you need professional help.” The words are out before I can control them, and the look in his eyes tells me he’s not best pleased with my statement. But now the bomb has dropped, I can’t not say any more.

  “What the fuck does that mean?”

  “Asher, you’ve not been yourself since that last time you were in Iraq. I know what really went down out there. And trying to drink away those memories, like I believe you are doing, is not going to get you anywhere. Stay here. Get some help.”

  He leans forward, his facial features now making it evident that I’ve hit a nerve as he growls, “There is nothing wrong with me.”

  “I know it was only twenty-four hours ago that you were freaking out about your dad. Now you’re prepared to head back out when you don’t need to.”

  “Which is why I can't stay. My head will be sorted once I’m out there. I can’t be here and do nothing while I wait, wondering and watching, for him to have another seizure.” His eyes are wide, the anger in him rising as I challenge him on this.

  My own frustration is almost at boiling point. I’m baffled by the fact he can’t see the bigger picture here—he can’t see what’s right in front of him—and the fact he’s been given a fucking alternative that he should be taking while he can, but instead he’s choosing to run from.

  "So, you're happy for Nora to witness them alone?"

  "She'll have you."

  "She needs her brother!" I yell, feeling the eyes of others look our way. I don’t turn to apologize because I’m too fucking angry with what I’m hearing right now.

  Irritation rolls off him, and the storm in his eyes is something I don’t like witnessing, but his words that follow really have my blood raging.

  “I can’t just put my career on hold like Nora has for fuck’s sake.”

  Fuck knows how I stop myself from leaning across the table and ripping his fucking head off. “He’s your fucking dad, Asher.”

  “And I need to make him proud!” he yells.

  I suddenly don’t know who is sitting in front of me. I understand his passion and drive for what he does, but it’s Pete, for Christ’s sake. Every man in the entire force knew of Pete and how tragic life has turned out for the Nelsons, and now, with his added seizures there’s a possibility that things could get worse. The support they have had has been incredible, but right now the man sitting before me is paying more attention to his drink and clearly has other priorities. I don’t think it’s even about the commitment to his team. It’s about his damn fucking pride.

  “So, you’re going to jet off, knowing you had the choice to stay here and work whilst you supported your family?”

  That hits a nerve, and his eyes are laced with fury as he seethes, “You have no right to judge me when you’ve hardly been around them of late either.”

  “That’s not fucking fair!” I roar, slamming my fist down on the table as rage runs my veins.

  This time, Ryan steps up beside us, asking if everything is all right, but I don’t answer. It’s a low blow from my friend and one that had the power to hit me where it hurts. Anguish slices through me, gripping my insides like a vice and bringing my mood down even harder.

  Keeping my eyes firmly on Asher, I point my finger in his direction and growl, “My mother has nothing to do with this, and you know it, so don’t you dare fire that shit at me when this is all about you and your choices. My mom is gone, and I’d give anything to spend one more day with her. Meanwhile, you’re throwing your opportunity away like it’s a bag of fucking candy. What the hell is wrong with you!” Not being able to take any more of the way he’s made me feel, I stand, needing space—needing air. How dare he turn this around on me. She was my mother for Christ’s sakes.

  Giving Ryan the nod and telling him I’m out of here, I turn to head out of the bar, but Asher’s words stop me.

  “Just promise me you’ll look out for them while I’m gone.”

  Despite how furious I am with him, I can’t ignore his plea, especially with how things have progressed with Nora. Turning, I grit out my words before I head out of the door, needing this sudden wedge of discomfort and grief that’s crushing my chest to disappear because I can’t breathe.

  “You know I will.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  Nora

  “Shit, Nora. Work has been kicking my ass. I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you when you needed me,” Makenna says as we sit in her back yard and catch up on some girl time. I’ve not had the chance to see her since everything with dad happened.

  “That’s fine. I know you were. Besides, Grayson and Asher were with me.”

  “But he’s okay now, though?”

  “Yeah, he’s doing really well. He’s on a different set of meds, and the seizures haven’t seemed to have set him back with any progress he’s already made, so he’s doing good. We just have to pray that they won’t happen again.”

  “Do you think they will?” she eyes me cautiously, and I smile flatly.

  Dr. Newman had said there was a high possibility of it reoccurring, so instead of telling myself it won’t happen, I’m telling myself that it will—not because I want Dad to go through that, but I’m hoping it will be less of a shock should I witness such a thing again.

  “He’s high risk, so I believe it will.”

  “Jeez,” she sighs, laying herself back down on the grass, readjusting her blonde hair braid over her shoulder to get comfortable. “That’s just crazy.”

  “I know, right?” I turn over to lay on my stomach to face her, picking a blade of grass and twisting it between my fingers. “I just hope I’m not on my own if it happens. I completely froze last time.”

  “So, I take it you’re not feeling confident with the fact that Asher is going away?”

  I sigh, hating that he’s due to leave so soon. “I’m a little nervous, but there’s not a lot I can do about it. But with Grayson being around now, that makes it easier. If it weren’t for him helping me keep it together the first time around, I don’t know what I would have done.”

  “How are things between you two now?”

  “Things between us are great. Really good actually.” After our night together, he’d cooked me breakfast before driving me back to the hospital to visit Dad. Now, it’s going to be hard keeping my hands to myself when he’s around. He makes my body burn in ways I can’t even begin to describe, and I get lost in his touch every time that he is close.

  I get a playful slap on my arm.

  “Nora Nelson, what are you smiling at?” Makenna questions.

  I’ve not spoken of what has developed between myself and Grayson to her yet, and I can only imagine her reaction when I do.

  Looking up from the blade of grass I’m playing with, I give my friend a knowing look. “So, Grayson and me aren’t just talking.”

  “What!” She bolts upright, her eye’s now wide. “Right, start talking, and fast. Does this mean there’s no more cherry to pop? Because that sounds like it’s popped.”

  I laugh. “I love how you’re so forward.”

  “I love how you constantly avoid my questions. Now talk.”

  “We haven’t slept together. But holy damn, he’s good with his tongue.”

  She gasps. “What? When?
How?”

  “You really want details?”

  “Yes!”

  I laugh. “The night Dad was in hospital. Asher and Mom stayed with him. Grayson stayed at mine, he kissed me, and it just happened, and I believe it will continue to happen.”

  She studies me for a moment before a wicked grin spreads across her lips. “You naughty girl. I’m fucking proud of you.”

  “Thanks. But this is between us. I don’t want to rush anything.”

  “You don’t want to rush anything, but he’s already kissed your lady bits? Yeah, I’d take it slow, too,” she jokes, resting back down beside me. “Bet you’re glad I got you that job now, huh?”

  I grin. “It will certainly be interesting to work with him. However, with everything that’s happened with Dad, I’ve asked for my schedules to be reduced this week.”

  “Wow. Shortcake’s bagged herself the older guy. I think I’m jealous.”

  “A very hot older guy.” I grin, thinking about the delicious lines of Grayson’s torso that I’d run my tongue over so many times that morning, teasing him the lower I got before I’d wrapped my hands around his hard length and taken him into my mouth.

  The deep, husky groan that left his throat had me so wet and aching to the point I’d slipped my fingers between my thighs, right before he’d flipped me onto my back and fucked me with his tongue, drawing a scream from me that I didn’t recognize.

  That man can do wicked and dirty things with his mouth, so lord knows what else he can do.

  “True,” she pauses, looking at me with a wicked grin. “Well, if you ever want to experiment more, then I’m your woman.”

  “And how would I want to experiment more?” I already know what is about to come out of her mouth.

  “Nora, everyone needs to try a threesome once in their lifetime.”

  I raise my brow. “Oh, really?”

  “Hell yes. So, you know, if Grayson ever wants his tongue to wander while he’s banging the door to your womb then I’ll be your girl.”

  I burst out laughing. “You are crazy.”