Gravity: A Salvation Society Novel

by K. L. Jessop

  “Do I get a kiss, too?”

  Looking down, I connect eyes with Nora as she stares up at us, and as her eyes fill with unshed tears, my heart bursts with relief that my girl is back with us.

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  Nora

  “I want to go to Duck’s,” I announce as I’m carried over the threshold.

  “No.”

  “Please, Grayson.”

  “Nora, it’s your first day home from the hospital. I’m not taking you for donuts.”

  “But I feel fine.”

  “I don’t care. The answer is no.” His strong arms carefully carry me upstairs to the bedroom when I didn’t even want to come up here. There’s no point arguing with him, though. I found that out whilst I was in the hospital. Everything I wanted to do for myself was taken over by him, and he was by my side faster than I could blink. The last thing I want to do now is lie in bed longer than I already have, but the truth is, I am a little tired.

  “Fine. I’ll just go myself.”

  He chuckles, “How. You’ve got one broken leg, a shoulder that’s fractured and stitches you need to be careful of.”

  “Ugh, you’re such a mood killer. I’ve been locked up for over a week. I want to see what life in Virginia is like.”

  “No different to a week ago, darling,” Mom says, carrying in my bags behind Grayson. With the doctors happy with my progress after a second operation on my leg, and an action plan to follow up appointments at a later date, I was discharged first thing this morning. Grayson had already announced before this that I’d be staying with him so he could take care of me. A part of me had wanted to be home with Mom so that she wasn’t on her own, but I’m glad I’m going to be here with him.

  I wince as I’m placed down on the bed, my body still a little tender in places. “There you go, baby.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Can I get you anything?” Grayson asks.

  “Yes. I want to go to Duck’s.”

  He rolls his eyes. “Anything other than that?”

  “No. I’m fine.” I smile, grateful that I now have the comfort of Grayson’s bed, considering I never wanted to come up here.

  “Do you want some water? A juice box?”

  “Grayson, I’m not a child. I’m fine. Stop worrying.”

  He smiles, going to the bottom of the bed to look in my hospital bag before returning with Scuttle. My heart flutters with how thoughtful he is. It’s one of the things I love about him—how he takes care of me without even being asked.

  “Right, well I’ll leave you both to it,” Mom says coming to my side of the bed and kissing me on the head. “I’m right next door if you need me. No matter what time of the day. Okay?”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  “You get some rest. You look tired.”

  She heads downstairs along with Grayson, and I take a moment to register the fact that I’m home. Closing my eyes, the flashbacks of that horrific day play out in my mind. Despite the fact that Asher’s response to my outburst had never cleared the air between us, getting everything off my chest and expressing my unhappiness had lifted a weight off my shoulders. When I woke to find that he had been the one behind the wheel, it felt like my world had ended all over again, and that weight is now back. I’ve not seen him since our argument, nor have I heard from him since the accident as he’s serving a short jail time for the offence.

  At the time I’d wanted nothing to do with him ever again. I’d had so much resentment inside of me toward him because he hadn’t just put my life in danger, but he’d put Makenna’s on the line, too, as well of his own. In my eyes, he is selfish and heartless. Only Mom has spoken to him and has said he’s not doing great. As I resent him so much, having time to think things over has made me realize that I can’t abandon him. He is troubled and needs those who love him to support him. Not only that, I can’t help but miss him. He’s my brother.

  “Your mom is coming back later,” Grayson says, coming into the bedroom. Getting on the bed beside me, he snuggles down, resting on his side so he can face me. “Are you in any discomfort?”

  Only my heart.

  “No. I’m good.”

  “Okay,” he whispers. As he strokes my nose with the tip of his finger, I try to control the tears that are threatening. A few minutes go past before he speaks, and it’s as if he knows my mind is in a whirlwind.

  “What’s on your mind, Shortcake.”

  “I’m confused.”

  “About what?”

  My voice cracks. "What direction do I go in now? How do I know what is right?"

  When he places a kiss on my forehead, my eyes open. The comfort in his gaze soothes my anxiety. "You go in the direction your heart tells you to."

  All my feelings are tangled up, and I can’t breathe. I just want it all to stop. I want everyone to heal after the turmoil we as a family have been through. I want to wake up each morning loving the day and not have to carry so much unhappiness. And with Asher now possibly serving another jail sentence due to the accident once his court date comes through, the urge to make things up with him now has never been greater. “I want to see him, Grayson,” I whisper. “I want to see Asher.”

  He pulls back to look at me, studying me while his own eyes flicker with unanswered questions. “Are you sure?”

  I nod. “I need to. I have so many things I want to say and more questions I want to be answered. I don’t think I’ll be able to move forward if I don’t get them off my chest.”

  “Okay. But you do know you may not get the answers you’re after.”

  “I know. But Mom said he’s not doing great as he’s carrying so much guilt. And as much as he annoys the hell out of me at times, I can’t have him possibly go to jail for years and not make things up with him.”

  He tucks my hair behind my ear. “Baby, it’s his first offence. He may not even serve jail time, and if he does, I highly doubt it will be more than twelve or eighteen months.”

  My head is so messed up, and even though I’m here saying I want to see him; it might be a different story when he’s standing in front of me. When Dad died, I wanted nothing more than for Asher to come home, and when he did, the first thing I did was lash out. “Even so. I can’t lose him, Gray. I need to see him, and I think deep down, you do, too.”

  I know he’s concerned. I know he’s infuriated, but he can’t deny that he doesn’t want to see him. They’ve spent years living in each other’s pockets; I know the distance between them is secretly killing him, regardless of my brother’s behavior.

  “Okay. I’ll sort it. But if for one minute he should do anything to upset you then it stops. I won’t have you upset any more than you already have been. I forbid it, Nora.”

  “Agreed.” I nod. “Thank you.”

  He kisses me on the lips and whispers, “Now get some rest. I’m right here.”

  Closing my eyes, I hold on to him, hoping I can sleep a little better.

  The knock on the door makes me jump, and Grayson looks back at me as he stands from the couch. His shoulders are tense, and he’s been fidgeting around all morning. He’s nervous. And so am I.

  “You sure you want to do this?” he asks, looking over at me as he reaches the door.

  “Yes. Let him in.”

  It’s been two days since I said I wanted to see Asher. Grayson had made me sleep on it a little more as he’d wanted to make sure I was in the right state of mind before we reunited again. And I couldn’t have been more grateful as my mental state has been all over the place.

  Sitting myself up, I release a deep breath as the large figure that is my brother steps into the house. At first, it’s as though he and Grayson have a standoff, like they are about to fight right there in the hall. Asher’s shoulders are sharp with tension as the two men stand face to face, exchanging words with their eyes. It’s torture to watch, and I clear my throat, needing the suspense to be cut.

  “Are you both going to stand there all day?”

  The
second I speak, it’s like I’ve broken the spell between them, and Asher’s eyes find mine.

  The air is ripped from my lungs, and my heart races at the sight of him. He looks… broken. Where I was once enraged with him, I now want to wrap my arms around him and hold on tight, telling him that everything is going to be okay. But I can’t. I can’t because I need to heal my own heart before I can help him heal his. I need answers.

  “Asher?” I whisper.

  “Nora.” He doesn’t move. Everything about this moment is more awkward than I thought it would be. Not that I’d known what to expect.

  I hold my hand out and gesture for him to take a seat. “Come. Sit down.”

  Sitting on the opposite side of the room, he takes a seat, his leg jumping up and down with nerves. Grayson comes to sit at the side of me, taking my hand for support. Asher’s eyes land on our joined hands and his jaw clenches. Where I’m here trying to overcome one battle, it’s only now that I realize Asher is fighting two: his addiction and my relationship with Grayson.

  The silence between us all is as cold as ice. I need one of us to speak, only now I’m unsure if I’m strong enough for this as my body begins to tremble with the anxiety, especially as Asher’s eyes still remain on mine and Grayson’s hands.

  Unsure about what to do for the best, I turn to Grayson. “Can you give us some time?”

  His eyes dart from me to Asher before he squeezes my hand. “You sure?”

  “Yes.”

  He holds my gaze for a moment, and I smile, reassuring him that this is what I need. “Okay. I’ll be outside if you need me.” When he stands to leave, he places a kiss on my head and murmurs. “I love you.”

  “I love you, too.”

  The second the front door closes, the tension is eased a little, and I exhale.

  Wanting to get this over with and the conversation started, my eyes find Asher’s.

  “Nora, I—”

  “You could have killed me.”

  They’re the only words I need to say for him to break. Leaning forward with his face buried in his hands, my big bear of a brother falls apart as I’ve never seen before. My heart collapses, and my tears fall right along with his as his apology spills out over and over.

  How could I have been so blind? How did I not notice he was so damaged?

  Needing to be close, I slowly shift myself off the couch and lean forward to grab hold of the coffee table, using it for support to help me move as I drag my leg. Pain shoots through my shoulder, but I push through it as Asher needs me more.

  “Ash, help me.” I reach out and grip his arm for him to guide me to the couch. As I wrap my arms around him, all the distress and anguish I have felt over time leaves my body as I break down. The times I’ve needed him to support me with Dad’s death… The times I’ve wanted him to be here and he wasn’t... The time I screamed at him when I never wanted to... All of that comes crashing out around us as he holds me tight, making me wince with the soreness in my body but being too afraid to let him go.

  “I’m so sorry, Nora,” he cries. “I’m so sorry.”

  “I know.”

  “I can’t lose you. I just can’t.”

  “Shh. It’s okay. I’m here.” I grip him tighter, my hand rubbing his back, trying to comfort him. We hold each other until our tears subside, until our bodies relax and until the silence falls between us. And it’s a silence that is now killing me.

  “Asher?”

  “Yeah?”

  “I need to know why,” I say, finally asking the question I’ve wanted to ask for a while. “I need to know why you’ve changed. I need to try and understand.”

  His chest tightens under me, and I wait for him to give me excuses—to tell me he can’t do this. Anything that gets him out of opening up. But he doesn’t. Blowing out a heavy breath, he takes hold of my hand.

  “But, Nora, how can you explain something when you’re unsure of what is happening yourself? My head was messed up long before Dad. And the only thing that eased the flashbacks was alcohol. I’ve lost so many men whilst out on the field and even more friends. I couldn’t bare losing anyone else.” He pauses. “When he became sicker, I couldn’t watch. So, I headed out, thinking it would help my state of mind. Only it didn’t.”

  I lean back to look at him, his eyes haunted and dark. “So why not come home when he died?”

  “I couldn’t.” His mouth quivers on a whisper. “The coward in me couldn’t. I’d failed everyone so much already, and the drink in me told me to stay away. I was so lost within myself that it was easier to not return.”

  “You stayed away from all of us when we were broken and grieving, yet you made contact with Lacy.” The anger I have toward that woman races through me. “Do you have any idea how much that hurt us even more?”

  “I know.” His head lowers. “She made contact with me, and for a while, I never picked up, but the more she called, the more I wanted to know why. In some sick and twisted way, it felt better to see her name on my screen than those I loved. Finding out about you and Grayson gave me a perfect reason to come home that didn’t involve me having to face the fact my dad had died. My battle with Grayson was an easy excuse to mask the storm inside I had with myself. I drank more whilst home because I struggled with being back. I couldn’t breathe with Dad not being here, and I loathe myself for failing him—for not being here when he needed me. When you all did. My selfish actions have made me lose so much.”

  “What happened on the day of the accident? Why were you at the bar? Was it just to aggravate Grayson?”

  “No,” he shakes his head and blows out a shaky breath. “The day I hit… The day I hit you, I went to see Dad. I sat there for ages, crying, talking. After that, the only person I wanted to see was Grayson. I don’t know if it was to talk, to argue or to do nothing at all. I just knew I had to see him. Only, when you have a drinking problem and you walk into a bar, your previous intentions disappear, and the temptation becomes too great. The drink became my only priority. Then after that, everything changed.” His voice cracks, and a fresh set of tears hits him when he looks at me. “I swear I didn’t know it was you, Nora. I never meant for any of this to happen. You have to believe me.”

  “I know.”

  Reaching out, he gently cups my jaw and whispers. “I could have killed you.”

  “But you didn’t, and that man behind that wheel, the one who ran from us and the one who never came home when he should have, that wasn’t you. You’re not well, Asher. You need help to get better.”

  “I know. Forgive me, Nora. Please. I can’t do this if I don’t have your forgiveness.”

  Fresh tears of my own fall again as his eyes plead with me. What I’d felt before this day doesn’t matter anymore. Not now that I realize how broken he is. He may have shattered our family with his actions, but how can I walk away from him now when he needs us the most?

  “I forgive you,” I whisper. “I forgive you, Asher. I promise.”

  Wrapping my arms around him, he holds me close, thanking me over and over, the weight I’d had on my shoulders a little lighter now that I’ve got the answers I was wanting.

  Pulling back, he rests his forehead against mine before taking hold of the turtle and anchor necklace that’s around my neck. “This is pretty.”

  “Thank you. Grayson bought it for me. He said that it represents a part of me and a part of Pop.”

  He doesn’t say anything. He just holds onto the necklace as he stares at it between his fingers. We may have made amends, but the man outside has to hear Asher’s words of forgiveness, too. Asher has to make things right with Grayson, but I question if it will be that straight forward.

  “Asher. There’s something else I need you to do.”

  His eyes find mine. “Anything. Tell me.”

  I glance out of the window and hold Grayson’s stare as he looks in on us. Regardless of what has happened with me and Asher today, my future is with Grayson, and if Asher can’t accept us, then I can’t ho
ld any promises about the future with my brother.

  “Accept me and Grayson. I love him, Asher. And you shouldn’t be mad at him for loving me back.”

  He holds my gaze, his jaw muscles moving as I encourage him with my eyes.

  “Does he take care of you?”

  “You know he does. He always has.”

  “And Dad really knew of you two?”

  I smile. “Pop was the one who told him to love me right. He knew before we did.”

  He laughs. “Sounds about right. He always was observant.”

  “I love Grayson, Asher, and if you can’t accept that, then I don’t know where we go from here. I don’t want to choose, but if I have to then I choose him.”

  Silence falls, only this time I’m not anxious. I can see that he’s processing everything. So, I let him have this time. When he finally looks at me, a straight smile tugs at his lips. “I can’t lie and say it’s not going to be weird. Nor can I sit here and say everything between Grayson and myself will be like it was because it won’t. At least not until my head is straight. But if he makes you happy—”

  “He does.”

  “Then I accept it. But, Nora, if he should ever hurt you, I will kick his ass.”

  I screw my face up and try and get him to smile as I joke. “I don’t think you have the right to comment given the fact I’m sitting here minus a spleen and with a broken leg.”

  He holds my stare for a moment, his eyes a little wider with my comment, but soon enough, a low laugh leaves him. “Trust you to make a joke of all of this.”

  “Well, someone had to make you smile.”

  Taking my hands in his, he squeezes them. “Tell me how to make this right, Nora. I need to hear you say the words more than I need them from anyone else.” His words hit me harder than I expected them to, and the genuine look of fear in his eyes is excruciating. I know he’s taken the first steps to stop drinking—Mom has already informed us of that—but he still has a long road ahead.

  “To make it right, get the help you need. I don’t know where my brother is at this time, but I want him back, even his protective side that used to drive me crazy. Accept all the help you’re given, and with each day, you will find your way back to us, Asher.”