“But I am not the kind of person who crushes other's dreams so that I can be happy, am I? I can bear little pain separation. What if we split forever if I force her to be with me and leave BHU for me? It doesn't sound logical to me.”
“It sounds to me. This proves how much she cares for you. You let her do what she wants, and she knows that you are weak, you can be manipulated easily and the rest of life is gone. Nothing will matter ever again what you say. Since when you are feared of losing someone? You had nobody with you ever when you needed them, and you will never have.”
“That's not true. I had my family when I needed them. They have their reasons to prove why my childhood was such, but believe me; it was much better than other people. Apart from that, there is nothing to loose from my side by letting her study there. Why should I force her to do something where she has a loss? It was her dream to get in some prestigious college.”
“Are you sure? Because what I remember is that she had the lowest self-esteem when needed. She was ready to go to any college outside Gujarat, even the crappy one. She never told you where do you want to go. She always told you that she is going for this and you just followed her. From this point, you are letting her have the upper hand on you.”
“How are you going to prove your open minded character? You can't even support your love interest in her dream. You sound more jealous, and I don't think that quality ever existed in you. So I am in favor of supporting her.”
“I don't understand why can't you see the big picture here. You are the same guy I have seen in so many movies who gets deteriorated due to this much obsession. There so many memes available for guys like you. You don't even support me here, which eventually means you don't even support yourself.”
“I am supporting me, which is thinking straight here. So I am supporting her and myself both. Your arguments are getting pointless now. I think you ran out of arguments now.”
“Ah! Thank God! my arguments are pointless, soon your life is going to be pointless if you behave like this. You will have no future or direction to move forward, and I don't even want to explain where you will end up with this attitude.”
“I don't care or mind. I am going to support her, no matter what, no matter whether I am doing it right or wrong. It feels right to me at this moment, and I am going to do it. It's better to take a chance and continue what I started instead of doubting. When I decided to be with her, I meant in good and bad times both. I can't just leave her alone or ditch her because things are not going as I wanted. If she is winning doesn't mean I am losing here. I might force her to and end up losing her, but there is a bigger chance that I might lose me as a person in that process. I believe in growing, but by not suppressing others.”
“It's not worth arguing with you. So I won't waste my time anymore on you, but when you get into that situation which I am referring to you, I am sure you will regret your actions.”
After about half an hour, the debate was over with my good and bad parts, and I decided to keep mum about the whole situation and support her. I knew somewhere deep down she wanted to be with me, but love is not everything in life, knowledge, money, reputation, personality, etc. matters too. I wanted her to have her own identity where she can survive on her own. However, deep down, I wanted her to be mine, like every inch of her.
She went to BHU for her study, and I stayed in Gujarat for M.Pharm. To make it work, we promised each other regular calls, messages, video calls when possible, and whatnot. No matter how enthusiastic you are at the beginning, after a few days, everything is a burden. We were passing days, and till now, everything seems fine between us. It was almost a year since she proposed me and fights were minor where things were regular next day morning. It was a normal routine and same boring life where every morning, I woke up to finish the day seeking for the following day. I started focusing on my extra work, which can help me build my future as sitting idle is not my type. She seems quite happy in her hostel as she had a perfect roommate there. I was delighted for her as she was learning new things day by day on her own and gaining lots of experience.
Finally, the date of the graduation ceremony was mailed to us, and one stage of my life was about to get complete. I mean, I already knew that I graduated college, but it not valid till you get a degree in your hands, right? I was the first to graduate in my family, so it was a special occasion for my family. She is too much into the study, so every occasion like results, exams, etc. are special for her. She was waiting for this day since inception. On the other side, I did not react to this event; it was just another day I had to live. She kept on planning what she is going to wear, who is going to come with her when she arrives, and almost everything a girl would do in over-excitement. After seeing her reaction, I decided to make that day more special for her. I decided to propose her officially for marriage so that she can remember it for both events (Actually, I decided this so that I don't have to remember so many different dates. I am terrible at remembering essential things/dates/events). Initially, I decided not to tell her, but I am awful at keeping secrets from her, and on one bad day, I had to tell her.
“Hey, tell me the surprise you are planning on graduation.”
“How come it's surprising when you already know it?”
“Please tell me, I won't tell anyone, so it's still going to be a surprise.”
“It's not surprising for others. It's for you.”
“But I want to know. Please tell me. Pretty please. I will give you chocolates and Ice cream as well. What do you say?”
“Why you always have to ruin my surprises? Why you always do this to me?”
“I am not doing anything. I am just curious, and I want to know it. Can't you do at least that much for me? What kind of boyfriend are you?”
“Okay fine. But you are the one who is ruining my planning. Don't blame me afterwards that I don't do things for you.”
“I won't. Promise.”
“Umm, okay. So I am going to marry you on that day. I will put a ring on your finger, and you will be mine forever and ever.”
Five Minutes of silence and then she replied.......................!!
“Are you kidding me? This is not happening. I am not marrying you without my parents' permission. I want everything to be perfect, and according to the rules.” She started freaking out.
“What? Instead of appraising my plan, you are telling me that this is the worst idea ever? What kind of girl are you? I am trying to be nice here, and you are back-firing on me?”
“What else do you expect? How can you think anything like this? I am not marrying you without asking my parents.”
“O hello! You were the one who proposed to me in the first place. Did you consult your parents back then? I don't think so. This is going to be our moment, and you are ruining it for us now.”
“I am not ruining anything. It is supposed to be my graduation day. Marriage is no child's play. You are talking about random things, and I think you haven't thought through.”
“Think again. This is not going to happen every day. I am talking about marriage. Most girls dream of this day, and you are rejecting the best opportunity you have right now. Don't you want to marry me ever? If you want to, then what is a problem in what I am planning? Am I just a random guy who you are going to ditch when your parents find a better guy for you?”
“No. I chose you for me, but I don't want to marry you on a random day. I am with you, and I do love you, but we can't just marry on a random day. Please don't ruin my day; it's exceptional for me.”
“I am trying to make it more special for you, can't you see that? You claim that I am unromantic, and when I am doing something, planning something for you, you don't value or respect my feelings. This is ungrateful of you.”
“Aditya, there are things which should not be messed. Marriage is one of those. I want it in a proper way, and I request you not to bug me on this matter.”
“Great. Now my romantic gestures are bugging you. You know wha
t, I was a fool that I thought about it, thought about you. I should never have done this. I was good when you only that I am unromantic. At Least I was channeling my energy to things that matter. I wasted my 3 days thinking and planning about this and now you are fighting over silly arguments.”
“Silly arguments? Do you think I should say YES to everything you ask me to do? These might be silly arguments for you, but it matters to me, marriage matters to me. I am not like you who thinks everything is a joke.”
“Well, my planning matter to me as well. I thought of this as a great lovely gesture, and you are just making it miserable for me. I am disappointed for the first time for your decision. You are fighting with me with baseless arguments.”
“See, I know you are not going to get it. It's okay. But I am very clear from my side that I don't want to marry you like that. It's my graduation day, and I want it to remain like that. You want to drag this conversation and make it worse, please do it, but I am not interested in arguments.”
“I feel the same. I don't want to argue with you. It's a loss for you and me both but I will keep this in mind and will take revenge for this in future, where I will make sure your plan don't work well.”
“It's always about revenge, isn't it? You don't agree with me on this so I will take revenge for this thing. I never expected this from you, but I think I learned new things today.”
“I am done for the day. Leave me alone. I don't want to talk to you.”
“Okay fine. Thanks for ruining my day.”
The fight and arguments continued for days. Every morning, we used to fight, and by evening we used to patch up and discuss other things in life. The next morning cycle continued. On one beautiful day, I just wanted to end this cycle, and thus I started the conversation.
“Tell me one thing, what is wrong with my plan? Why you always have to say NO to my plans or suggestions?”
“It's not so. I do agree to your plans, but this one is a way to bizarre to execute.”
“Bizzare? How come marrying someone is bizzare? I am asking for a little happy moment between us. There won't be any time for a honeymoon if you are worried about it. It's just going to be a little ring ceremony, and only we will be there. After that, we will eat some good food, and that is all. We are married.”
“You never said this that it's just going to be this simple. You said you wanted to marry me on that day.”
“What difference does that make? Marriage is the attachment of two souls. The current system is all about showing it to the society, but do you care about that? Don't you think marriage should be my commitment to you and yours to mine?”
“I do, but we live in society, and we have to follow the norms of society. We have to go with the flow as the odd one out usually gets nothing.”
“I don't think so. Sometimes we need to do things for our own pleasure, for our memories. Society won't be there for you in your good or bad times, I will be there. Darling, think about it. We make society, society doesn't make us.”
“Okay. So what are you suggesting here now?”
“Good. I am glad you showed your interest in knowing the whole plan. Just hear me out first before you start judging again. In the morning, I want you to reach the venue for morning practice and photoshoot. After that, we will go somewhere and spend some time together. The ring ceremony will be there; we will eat and spend the rest of the time having fun. In the evening, we will return to the venue and take part in the ceremony and done for the day.”
“Okay. I agree with that. Do you have a ring?”
She asked a damn straight question, and I had no answer. “Well, No. I don't have a ring. I can buy one for you.”
“No need. I will bring one with me. I know you are not going to buy one. You will forget, and I don't want to ruin this anymore.”
“Huh! I don't have dementia, but it's fine. I might forget, so it's better if you bring your own.”
Finally, the day arrived. I invited my parents, and she asked hers. Mine went with my sister as she had admission counseling on the same day in the afternoon. As per planning, we met at parking and went to rehearsal for the evening ceremony. Everything went quite well. She got busy with her friends, and I got busy with mine as we all met after a long time. The photo session was over, and it was about time we had to escape from the crowd. I looked at her and made a sign that let's move out, and she responded positively. She brought her “Scooty,” so it became easy for us to fly. I drove it to the nearest mall. Yes, we planned our marriage in a goddamn mall, that too in the crowdest one so no one can notice how stupid we are. It was Ahmedabad, so outside was hot as hell, and nobody likes to sweat around without any calories getting burnt. We just looked at various shops in the mall, as buying anything from them was just a dream. Correct that sentence, buying from them was a dream for her, I don't give much damn about expensive things. After about 20 minutes of window shopping, we found a quiet place to sit and chill.
She was wearing a red dress with green flowers in it, or I might be wrong. I usually don't notice or remember what girls wear. I was wearing a casual shirt and jeans from my not so fancy collection. We were sitting under a plastic tree with some decorations lights on it. This was the part of the mall where even shops were not sold. It was the slum part of rich India. She seems quite happy as she was continuously smiling mildly, and on the other hand, I was playing poker with her and trying my best not to reveal what I had on my hands. I wanted to start a conversation, she wanted to start the conversation, but we had no words. Not because we saw each other after so long, but because we usually don't have anything to speak face to face. I become nervous in front of a girl, and she had some permanent disability related to starting a conversation and even sometimes maintaining it. Before I could say anything, the cleaning lady threw broom just 2 feet away from us, looked at us, and then walked away. I was going through the most awkward phase of my life. Somehow I managed to concentrate on the plan and asked how is she feeling? She replied that she was feeling good. Case closed. I took out a 2-3 page folded irregularly and attached by a pin and gave it to her. I told her not to open it until she goes back home today. She followed the instructions and gently put it inside her bag.
“So, are you ready for the main event of the day?”
“Umm, I don't know. May be I am.”
“Good. Give me the ring. Let's get married.”
She gave me a ring and gave me her hand. I was confused. Which finger to decorate? As a perfect gentleman, I consulted her for my problem, and she pointed the finger. I gently put the ring on her finger, and we clapped for ourselves. That slow clapping made me realize how pointless and annoying this idea was. I felt like the stupidest person alive on earth, but she had blush on her face, and so it was worth it. Sometimes its good to do something stupid if it makes others happy. I realized why people like to make childish sounds in front of small kids, why the strongest man even likes to cuddle with his love interest. The joy of seeing and making others happy is beyond any explanation and description. To feel it, you need to get involved in those stupid little moments. We pay a high price to become adults. After this happy moment of life suddenly urge to fulfill stomach arisen and like people say you can't fill the stomach with love. Even in my case, the route of her heart goes from her stomach, and I always make sure it's full. So we took lunch at some random joint and ate some casual food which wasn't healthy.
At about 4 in the evening, before anybody realize that we went together, we came back to college and joined the party. About an hour or so later, my parents arrived at the venue, so I went to pick them up from the gate. I showed them around so they can feel comfortable. Her parents came earlier, so I met them, and she introduced me to them once again. She was busy with her parents, so it wasn't possible to introduce her to my parents at that time. The ceremony started, and it continued for about 2-3 hours. People were taking photographs with their parents, their partners in the graduation gowns, and I was observing them. We were handed our
degrees and were forced to listen to the speeches of the guests on the dice. The ceremony ended, and I felt kind of relaxed that finally, I graduated. We had to return our gowns as it was on rent, so after finishing it, we were about to go. All of a sudden, Anamika called my name, so we turned back. It was Anamika and Binal coming towards us. I introduced them to my parents, and my parents greeted them. So indirectly, we introduced each other to our families that day with a promise that we are going to make it happen one day when both families will sit together and arrange our marriage. I reached home at around 2 am that day as it is difficult to find any buses after 7 pm.
The next day she opened the letter and read it. The letter was as follows:
“ Hi, Darling!
I hope you had fun during the marriage. I hope you liked my preparation. It almost required no effort to execute, but still, you owe me some credit for the thinking part. It was a big day for you, and I wanted to make it more memorable by a small gesture, so I planned it. I hope everything went well in that.
As per our traditions, I always give you one letter like this one to express my feelings, and I am going to do the same in this one as well. First of all, I know it's not easy for you to stay away from me, and the same is the case with me. It would have been much better if we were together. We might have done so many awesome things like walking on the street in the evening, going for movies now and then, evening snacks at random food outlets. However, sometimes I wonder if we have already planned the rest of life together, let's bear some separation as well. I always want to write something beautiful and romantic in these letters but end up writing stuff which doesn't even make sense to me when I reread it.
Anyways, today we marked a milestone in our relationship. We got married today. I don't know about you, but it is really special for me. It brought me a step closer to you in every possible sense. From now on, my responsibility, liabilities towards you will change, my love for you will increase many folds. I know, I am awful at showing emotions, but I know you know what I feel and how I feel. We just married for our justification or maybe just for our stupid point, but I am sure one day that moment will come when everybody will be there, my parents and your parents, relatives and I will marry you will all pride. At first, you rejected the idea because you wanted it systematically, but at the end of the day, I will make sure you had the fun you might not have expected. You wanted to marry me in front of your parents and society, and believe me, I wanted the same, but sometimes doing something new in a relationship keeps it active and alive. Why wait till some overpaid psychologist tell us to do something different in our lives? Why can't we be psychos and do stuff that most can't even imagine doing it?
May be! I Love You Page 12