“You don’t wanna…”
“You gonna call me after this, Danny?”
“Hell yes I am…” he grinned playfully, still moving up and down inside her. She put her hands on his shoulders to stop him.
“I’m serious Danny…I don’t want this to just be…not…not with you…”
He moved up and kissed her cheek tenderly. “I’m staying until you boot my bum out the door. You’re not getting rid of me. Ever. Not unless you kick me out your life. Okay?”
She took a moment to protest that, and then grinned again. “Shut up Danny. Kiss me…”
* * * *
2007
“And that was it, I was smitten.” Danny said. “She wore me out, she was completely bonkers, every day was different, I never knew what to expect. We were always…intense. The relationship started out based on attraction and sex, it was very passionate. And then it became something so much more, very fast.”
He sat back in his seat and put his hands on his head, fingers entwined. Kate’s eye was automatically drawn to the muscles flexing in his arms, his tanned skin and the tattoos of the only two women he would probably ever be able to love, alongside his mother of course. She realised she was staring and snapped back to reality to find he didn’t seem to have noticed
(of course he hasn’t, he’s thinking of Natalie, not you…why would he give you a second thought?)
“So, I’m head over heels and aint nothing gonna save me,” he continued, “I was practically on my hands and knees following her around. By the beginning of February she was living with me and we were inseparable. I absolutely worshipped her, Kate. She was the centre of my world, my life, everything, revolved around her. You ever known that kind of love…?”
“No…” Kate said, almost without realising she was going to say it out loud, “no I haven’t but I’ve always wanted to. You mean the kind of love where you hurt each other sometimes, but God help anyone else who hurts them. Where you’d do anything for them…”
He nodded his agreement. “Uh huh…”
“Lay down your life for them…” she hesitated, “Kill for them…”
At that he looked up and smirked, understanding what she was getting at. He set his hands back down on the table.
“You’re doing it again Ms Marshall.”
“Doing what?” she asked, feigning innocence.
Danny closed his eyes, and pinched the bridge of his nose between his thumb and forefinger, shaking his head in frustration.
“Making assumptions.” He laughed a little to himself. “What is it with me and stubborn, infuriating women? My mum, Nat, and now you...all making it your life’s mission to drive me to distraction. Why do I set myself up for it? Why do I allow you to keep coming back every fortnight to wind me up and piss me off?”
Kate risked a smile and shrugged. “Because you like having a mate? Or maybe because you like being challenged again? Maybe because you like just having someone to talk to after all these years. I dunno, you tell me. The real question should be…why do I keep coming back? I mean…you’re rude, moody…you have anger issues. And you keep telling me off like I’m twelve or something. You’ve turned your back on the one person who has stood by you, leaving me to pick up the pieces…and yet each fortnight, here I am.”
He frowned. “Yeah, why is that? Why do you keep coming back if I’m so impossibly annoying?”
(wow you’re being super brave, keep going, don’t stop now)
“Because I can see past the bullshit, past this front of yours. I dunno, maybe you don’t even realise yourself you’re doing it; I mean you’ve been doing it so long you forgot who you really are. But I see past it, I see you. And I don’t see the monster you try to paint.”
“Kate Marshall, you never cease to surprise me. You are…pretty harsh sometimes, aint ya?”
She shrugged with a nonchalance she didn’t feel. “It’s been said before…”
(oh yeah? by who?)
“Hmm…”
“I mean…Natalie was right about one thing, you are an arsehole…”
He raised both eyebrows, stunned. “Beg your pardon?”
“You’re an arsehole, I’m afraid it’s true.”
“But…”
Again she shrugged. “No buts…you’re an arsehole.”
“Feel free to stop saying that any time you like.”
“Thank you for the permission. What with everything revolving around you…”
He frowned, but he was still enjoying this, realising he would always have a thing for bossy, feisty women. “You’re a bitch.” He said, before he could stop himself, and he hoped she wouldn’t be offended, he was playing with her.
She nodded again, just about holding in a smile. They were almost flirting, in a weird sort of way, and she was enjoying it as much as he was.
“That’s been said too. I’m done tip-toing around you Mr Edwards. You can tell me what you like, and I will believe what I like, okay?”
“Then is there any point in me even continuing? If you’re gonna believe what you like?”
“Yes, because I want the truth. But I will think of you what I want to, and you can’t stop that. I think you’re alright.”
“I thought I was an arsehole.”
“You are. Sometimes. Not always though. Like I’m not always a bitch. You don’t think I’m always a bitch do you?”
He opened his mouth to answer and the bell rang for time up. He grinned and stood up. “Goodbye, Kate Marshall. Until next time.”
She rolled her eyes, wondering how he always managed to get the last word in. “Until next time Danny Edwards…”
He walked to the door, never taking his eyes off her, still smiling that amused grin and stopped, thinking for a minute.
“Kate…”
She nodded. “Uh huh..?”
“You’re not a bitch. You’re a lot stronger than I gave you credit for though, a lot tougher. I’ll remember that. I haven’t given you nearly enough credit. I’ll uh…I’ll rectify that…for next time.”
She nodded, unable to hold her proper smile anymore. “See that you do.”
He nodded. “See you in September.”
* * * *
30TH AUGUST 2007
Holly burst into Kate’s room and leapt onto the bed with her usual boundless enthusiasm.
“Mum!”
Kate pulled the covers up over her head and groaned. “Holly!” she replied, feigning the same excitement, sarcasm clear in her tone.
“Mum, we have to talk.”
Kate sighed and rolled over. “About…?”
“Well…you know how I’m in like…the best and most successful band in the whole of east London?”
Kate pulled herself up the bed and rubbed her eyes. “Cut to the chase, Hol.”
“We’ve got a gig, a great gig, they’re gonna pay us – properly, with money, not beer!”
Kate narrowed her eyes, horrified. “You get paid…with beer”
“Yeah…I mean no…” she shook it off, “anyway…this gig…”
“Where is it?”
“Um…Brighton…” Holly said, wincing, expecting fireworks.
“Brighton?” Kate sat up properly, “Brighton?”
“Yeah, tomorrow. Hotel’s all sorted. So…can I go?”
Kate hesitated and frowned suspiciously. “Can I trust you?”
“Course you can, mum. I aint just messing with this, I wanna make a real go of it, and we’re good. It makes me happy. So…?”
After a silence Kate groaned. “You take your mobile and you keep it switched on. I don’t wanna hear the battery was flat or you had no signal. I’m gonna ring you every hour. If you don’t pick up, you’re grounded until the end of time. If you let me down, you’re grounded until the end of time. If you get another tattoo, you are grounded until the end of time. I don’t care if you are nearly eighteen. Do we understand one another?”
“Uh huh…so what, I can go?”
Kate hesitated agai
n and nodded. “Be good, you hear? And have fun. I suppose I’ll just get a takeaway and watch Bridget Jones again.”
Holly looked at her closely, as though trying to work out if she’d heard her right, then leapt off the bed, squealing excitedly.
“Oh…my…God, this is fantastic!”
She kissed her and Kate laughed. “Calm down, it’s no big deal!”
“It is to me.” Holly hesitated and sat down on the edge of the bed. “Mum…can I ask you something?”
“Go ahead.”
“Are you alright? I mean…you’ve been different these past few weeks, quite distant and…weird. Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, course.” Kate sighed. “Hol…you’re nearly an adult. I can’t stop you growing up, can I? And…well…life is short, love. If you wanna do something and you have the ability and the freedom to do it, you should. There’s nothing worse than regrets. I just want you to be happy and live your life to the full. I aint an ogre, not out to spoil your fun. So long as you’re safe that’s all that matters to me, alright?”
Holly smiled a very pretty smile and brushed her hair back into a ponytail. “Alright, thank you – I love ya to bits ya know.”
“I know,” Kate said, feeling the force of those words deep in her heart, warming and comforting, “I love you too darling.”
* * * *
4TH SEPTEMBER 2007
Danny grinned and stood up as she came in. She was smiling from ear to ear and her whole face lit up with it.
“Well, well…someone looks happy! You lost a quid and found a tenner?”
She smiled a little more and shook her head. “No, I’ve just had a good weekend.”
“Yeah, what happened?”
She sat down. “I let Holly go to a gig in Brighton on Friday. Even let her stay overnight in a hotel.”
Danny sat down too. “And…?”
“And…she didn’t let me down. I trusted her and it paid off. She didn’t get arrested, came home on time, in one piece with no new tattoos, no body piercings or purple hair like some of her friends have got. She just went, had a ball and came home.” She saw his confused expression and smiled. ‘It’s a very big deal believe me, for me and for her. Letting her go aint my strong point, and Holly is impulsive so could quite easily have ended up doing all sorts. But I let her go and she came home, okay, it’s a big step for the both of us.” She clapped her hands together as though to signal a subject change. “Anyway…how’s Danny? How’s life for Mr Edwards? Is there anything new to report?”
He scoffed. “Ya kidding aint ya? Last night they locked down five minutes late, that’s as interesting as life behind bars gets I’m afraid. Oh…and when I took a shower this morning, the water was almost warm.”
Kate raised her eyebrows. “Really, wow.” She looked down at his hand and frowned. The knuckles across his left hand were bruised and cut. “What happened to your hand?”
He hesitated, looking past her at the door as though checking for eavesdroppers and sighed, trying to decide what to tell her.
(what is it Ma used to say? Honesty is the best policy? Here goes then…)
“Right, I can tell you but if they’re listening in to this, I’ll be in the shit so I aint mentioning names, right? And try not to judge me.”
“Danny, I have never judged you. But don’t tell me if you don’t want to.”
“It won’t surprise you to know I hit someone.”
“Right,” she said, unable to hide the disapproval in her tone, “did you at least have a good reason?”
He thought about that and shrugged. “I think so, you might not. Because you don’t understand how things work here. Very easy to be moral when you don’t live in the most immoral shithole imaginable.” His eyes flashed knowingly as he said that and he sighed. “I have been left alone for the best part of twenty years. I cause no grief and I get no grief. That doesn’t just…happen. Sometimes it needs reinforcing. You can imagine I’ve seen a lot of inmates come through those doors over almost two decades, but they’ve changed. These days they are so arrogant, unaffected and just vicious. And every now and then you get one that wants to establish control. I’m the longest server on the wing so he tried it on me first. Twenty if he was a day, and in my face trying to scare me.” He scoffed, still as deeply offended at the very idea as he had been in the moment, “I don’t scare easy. I pointed out that I don’t have any control and don’t want any, that I keep myself to myself and want no part of his little plan or the system. I had to emphasise my point but he got it in the end. I’ve had no more grief. That’s not to say I won’t have to watch my back for a bit…”
“You think he might come after you?” she found it impossible to hide the obvious concern in her voice.
He shrugged, “Maybe, I mean I showed him up. So when he builds up a few allies, some back up, he might be back for round two I suppose. But then you always have to watch your back a bit anyway, it’s no big deal.” He smiled, touched by the worry evident on her expression. “It was a little thing, over and done with in a flash. The kid has a nasty black eye, slightly swollen cheek and I have a bruised hand. It doesn’t take much for them to join the dots but he hasn’t said nothing and neither have I, so they can’t act on it. Unless of course they heard all that. It really isn’t a major thing though, I’m cool.”
She frowned again, feeling low compared to how she had felt coming in here. There was just something about the thought of someone hurting him that sat badly inside her. She shrugged it off, aware of time being short.
“Okay, so how about we get back to where we were then, huh? And don’t forget our little conversation last time…”
He grinned and shook his head. “Oh, I haven’t forgot. You telling me off like that? It’s been ingrained in my memory, believe me.”
She blushed and rolled her eyes. “Typical man…so…?”
“Okay, give us a cigarette then, keep your guinea pig in the manner to which he’s become accustomed.” She did and lit it for him and he took a long drag, letting out a satisfied sigh, “Cheers darling.” He rubbed his hands together,
“Right, so like I said…from there on in I was hooked. Totally in love and she moved in real quick. It was…heaven. Waking up with her every morning, at it like rabbits night and day. Brilliant.” He sighed again. “I suppose the problems didn’t start until March. That was when I started getting attacks of the old green-eyed monster, just like she said I would sooner or later. I didn’t wanna be like that, I was just…a young man with a gorgeous girl who everyone wanted, and she loved the attention. Men were all over her and she was all over them. She didn’t mean nothing by it, she was just a very flirty girl, but…it pissed me off, cause I weren’t even seeing other girls anymore, they were invisible to me. I was committed to her, but she was still acting like a single girl.
We argued a lot. Neither of us probably meant half of what we said, but yeah, didn’t stop us saying it all. We would get right up in each other’s faces and sometimes be…so nasty. I regret every single nasty thing I said to her now of course, but it’s too late now. You know sometimes we’d be tearing strips out of each other, shoving each other about the house, chucking plates, smashing stuff up, and then next thing we’d be at it right where we were, having sex like it’s the dawn of the apocalypse. Crazy times, unhealthy I guess. It was almost like we got off on it, you know? The adrenalin of a fight. I guess the trouble was we were just a bit too similar – both free speakers, both with a sharp – and sometimes cruel – tongue. I suppose she was right, strippers don’t exactly make ideal girlfriends, but it was too late, I was in love. And then…and then something happened, that changed everything. It all started then.”
Chapter Five
30TH MARCH 1989
Danny sat watching TV, listening to Natalie in the bedroom, singing to herself as she got ready for yet another night on the town – another night with her best friend Lauren, another ‘girls only’ night he was not invited to.
There wer
e coming to be a lot of these ‘girls only’ nights, and although he pretended not to be bothered, he could already sense another argument looming. He was hot off the heels of another fight, another win, and for someone who wasn’t interested in the money, she sure was doing an exceptional job of spending it. He was black and blue, and he ached all over and was in a foul mood, especially as he thought she might care more, might want to stay home and show him some tender loving care, like a normal girlfriend would.
The bad feeling was only heightened when she came into the room, and he saw what she was wearing.
He looked her up and down and his mouth hung open.
“Jesus Christ, Nat. What are you wearing? Or should that be what aren’t you wearing?”
Natalie rolled her eyes. “Typical Danny reaction. What’s wrong with what I’m wearing?”
“When you brought that belt did you get a skirt with it?”
She frowned. “Ouch, that was a bit nasty. Why do you always have to do this? Is it because I won’t let ya come out with us? Cause if it is, that’s pathetic.”
“Oh, so now I’m pathetic, huh?” he said, instantly on the defensive.
“Yeah, you are.”
He thought for a minute and stood up, folding his arms across his chest matter-of-factly. “Get changed.”
She scoffed, incredulous. “Excuse me?”
Danny stood his ground, despite realising just how ridiculous he sounded. “Get changed, you aint going out like that.”
“Who the hell do you think you are? You can’t tell me what to do and what to wear! You’re my boyfriend, not my father!”
“You go out like that, you’re asking for trouble!”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means you send out all the wrong signals. Blokes see you like that, they think you’re an easy lay, a…a…common tart!”
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