Untamable

by Jamie Schlosser

  I let out a growl and kissed her harder, finally giving in as I pounded hard.

  Deep.

  Fast.

  “Come inside me,” she gasped. “Please. I want to feel it.”

  That was a line we hadn’t crossed yet. Although we hadn’t bothered with condoms since our literal slipup the other day, I always pulled out.

  I had never come inside of a woman bare before. I’d never been in love with anyone.

  Estelle was the owner of so many of my firsts. And I wanted her to have every other first I had left to give.

  I circled her clit, determined to get her off before I did. She was so close that it didn’t take much. Her snug walls gripped my dick as she let out a moan.

  My balls tightened and I buried myself as deep inside her as I could, my cum shooting in hot spurts. I fought the urge to close my eyes because I wanted to watch the ecstasy on Estelle’s face as I filled her up.

  “I can feel it,” she breathed out. “So good.”

  Groaning, I rested my forehead against hers as I tried to slow my racing heart.

  I stayed inside Estelle for a minute while I kissed her and wiped her tears away with my thumbs.

  After I pulled out, I rolled onto my back and wrapped my arms around my girl. Enjoying the feel of her in my arms. Soaking up the time we had left. Wishing tomorrow would never come.

  We’d been lying there for so long, I thought she’d fallen asleep.

  “I love you, too,” Estelle whispered into the darkness, her fingers curling into my chest.

  God, I needed to hear that. Needed it like I needed air. But hearing it only amplified the emotions I already felt. Could she feel my heart thundering under her palm?

  “We can make it work,” I told her confidently.

  She didn’t say anything for a long time. “I don’t want to lie to you.”

  “So don’t.”

  “If I say I think we can make it work, I’d be lying.”

  Ouch. “Think about it?”

  I felt her nod. “Falling in love with each other was never part of the plan.”

  “I know.”

  “I blame you entirely.”

  “That’s fine.”

  “All I wanted was to get help finding homes for the cats. You’ve ruined everything,” she said petulantly, but I felt her lips tilt up against my skin.

  “I could say I was sorry, but I don’t want to lie to you either.”

  She lifted her head. “Why do you have to be so good? Why couldn’t you have been a douche like I originally thought?”

  I didn’t think she expected me to answer those questions, so instead I asked one of my own. “Is it because you don’t trust me? Because I’d never mess around on you. I’m not like that.”

  “No.” Estelle propped herself up on her elbows. “That’s not it at all. I do trust you, Emery.”

  “Well, what is it then?”

  “I’m just so tired of being alone,” she quietly spoke one of her fears.

  The weight of her confession hung in the air like a heavy cloud. Because even if we continued our relationship, she’d be alone most of the time. I wouldn’t be able to give her the physical presence she wanted.

  Still, the thought of letting her go so she could be with someone else made me feel sick.

  “Will you think about it? We can decide at Thanksgiving. See what it’s like to live apart for a few weeks. Please,” I begged, not even trying to hide the desperation.

  I needed her to give us a chance.

  I remembered what my dad said to me at our visit earlier—that I was his greatest something.

  Well, Estelle was mine. She was it for me and I needed her to know it.

  “You’re my greatest something,” I told her, my voice thick with emotion.

  “What?”

  As I idly toyed with her fingers, I told her about my dad and how that was his thing. How he always wanted to know the best parts of my life. How I wanted to say that to my kids someday on their first day of kindergarten, their last day of high school, and all their most important moments.

  “So it doesn’t matter how far apart we are,” I said, squeezing her hand. “Wherever I am, you’ll still be my greatest something.”

  “Emery,” she whispered shakily. I suspected she was crying again and that wasn’t what I wanted.

  “Shh, baby. It’s gonna be okay.”

  “We can try it,” she said, placing her head on my shoulder. “Just for these next few weeks. Let’s see how it goes. It’ll be like we’re on pause.”

  “No, not on pause. Never on pause, okay?”

  “It’s just…” Estelle absentmindedly drew circles on my pecs. “Give me some space for a few days to think.”

  “You mean, you don’t want me to call or anything?” I asked, and I felt her nod. My heart clenched beneath her hand, but I had to respect her wishes. “Okay. If that’s what you want.”

  “Right now, there’s something else I want.” Her tone was a little playful as her fingers slowly drifted down my stomach.

  Now that was something I could give her.

  CHAPTER 30

  EMERY

  The next morning, the dread I felt was like a punch to the gut.

  The RV was being returned today. It wasn’t like I needed it—I’d been staying at Estelle’s for days. After all the rumors, there was no reason to hide our relationship.

  I’d arranged for a mechanic to come pick up Estelle’s Jeep too. They assured me it would be brought back by the end of the day, and I insisted on taking care of the bill, much to Estelle’s dismay.

  The parking lot looked so empty in the early morning sunlight as I hopped into the van. I’d be returning it to the rental place soon, then renting my own car for the trip back. With Peter still recovering, traveling by plane was out of the question. The stress of the car ride was already going to be pushing it, but luckily, I still had some of the catnip drops left to help him stay relaxed.

  I made my rounds to all of the adoptees. Made sure everyone was adjusting—felines and family members—and offered advice to anyone having issues.

  I already knew Cindy was doing great, so I didn’t have to make a trip to Nikki’s house. When I sent her a text to let her know we were pulling out of town early, she went big-sister mode on me, asking a bunch of questions about Estelle and what was happening with us. And I did something out of character for me—I didn’t answer her.

  When I got to Marty Miller’s house, I found him clean-shaven. Greg had chewed away most of his beard, so he was bare-faced for the first time in twenty years and couldn’t have been happier about it.

  Out of all the cats, Marcia and Jan had the easiest time getting acclimated to their new environment. Probably because as long as they were together, they were happy.

  Carol was shredding toilet paper at her new home, and Agatha was thrilled. She’d had to resort to brushing her teeth in the kitchen because Carol had made the bathroom sink her new sleeping spot, but it didn’t bother her in the slightest.

  Mike seemed restless with the screened porch already. I gave his owner a harness and leash so they could take him for walks. The kids thought it was so cool because they could walk their cat like a dog.

  Overall, it seemed like everyone was doing great.

  Everyone except for me.

  On the drive back to Estelle’s I let the fake smile I’d been keeping on my face slip away.

  CHAPTER 31

  ESTELLE

  I never thought I’d be one of those people—the blubbering mess who couldn’t handle saying goodbye.

  But here I was, standing outside my apartment complex with tears running down my face.

  My mascara was shot to shit. Wiping at my cheeks, I cursed myself for not getting the waterproof kind. I knew what I’d be getting from Target next time. I had a feeling there would be a lot of tears shed in the near future.

  Watching Emery drive up in the blue rental car that would take him back to Chicago was surreal.
It all seemed so final.

  The crew had left. Emery, Janice, Joel… they’d all move on to the next exciting project, while I remained here.

  Emery pulled up to the curb in front of me and parked, but didn’t turn off the car. There was no need for him to go back into my apartment because he’d already packed up. He had a long drive ahead of him. I’d already given Peter half a dose of the sedative along with his other meds, so he was sleeping soundly in the carrier.

  As soon as Emery made his way around the vehicle, his arms engulfed me. It only made me cry more.

  “I’m sorry,” I choked out with a sob. “I don’t want to make this harder than it already is.”

  Shaking his head, he gave me a half-smile. “I think I’d be more upset if you weren’t crying. At least I know you’ll miss me.”

  I pressed the side of my face against his chest and listened to his heartbeat. I wanted to remember it forever.

  “I’ll always be thankful for everything you’ve done,” I said softly. “I mean it, Emery. You changed my life, and I don’t just mean with the cats.”

  “Baby, stop,” he rasped, tightening his hold on me. “That sounds way too much like a goodbye, and this isn’t the end. Three weeks,” he reminded me. “Just think about what I said.”

  “I will,” I promised.

  I already regretted my request for us to limit contact for a while, but the time apart would give me the opportunity to experience what missing Emery would be like.

  I wasn’t looking forward to it.

  “I love you, Estelle.” Emery pressed a kiss to my forehead.

  “I love you, too. Now get outta here.” I sniffled and tried to muster up a smile. “I can’t think straight with all your sexy in my face.”

  Hooking his arm around my waist, he drew me in for one last hug. “God, I’m gonna miss your crazy ass.”

  Emery put the box full of Peter’s things in the trunk, then placed the carrier on the passenger seat. After shutting the door, he grabbed me by the waist and kissed me, deep and slow. It reminded me of our first kiss, how hungry and desperate he was that night.

  “Call me when you’re ready,” he whispered against my lips.

  I nodded.

  And just like that, he was gone.

  CHAPTER 32

  ESTELLE

  I tried to take Janice’s advice about being social, but all it did was make me miss Emery more. Every man bun reminded me of him. Every gray T-shirt I caught a glimpse of had me craning my neck to see if it was him.

  It never was.

  I’d been moping around the shop all morning, so when Julia insisted that we go to lunch together, my spirits lifted a little. Maybe a little girl time was just what I needed.

  However, I didn’t realize she was trying to set me up on a date. She played it off like it was just a ‘casual get-together with friends’, but there was way more interest than that from the guy across the table. His hazel eyes—which were undressing me right this very moment—did absolutely nothing for me.

  “So, Ester,” he started, shooting me a grin. “I hear you’re going to be on TV. Should I be asking for your autograph?”

  “It’s Estelle,” I corrected him. I wasn’t even offended that he didn’t know my name because I didn’t have a clue about his either. Jerry? Terry? It didn’t even matter.

  “Brett,” Julia hissed. “Don’t be rude.”

  Brett? Oh, hell, I wasn’t even close.

  Nervously glancing around the downtown café, I adjusted the big sunglasses on my face.

  It was a little ridiculous for me to wear them inside, but the paparazzi had been following me around. Apparently, I wasn’t old news yet. It seemed like every time I left the apartment, they’d pop up, asking all kinds of questions about my relationship with Emery.

  I wondered how he was doing. Were they harassing him too?

  It’d been two days since he left. Forty-eight agonizing hours since we’d talked.

  Just then, a bright flash went off from the other side of the restaurant and the photographer called out, “Estelle Winters, is that you?” He almost tripped over a chair in his rush to get closer as he rattled off questions. “Are you on a date? Have you moved on from Emery Matheson?”

  Damn. I guess my half-assed attempt at going incognito failed.

  Emery wasn’t kidding about these guys. They were ruthless. But while the paps were a little annoying, it gave me the perfect excuse to leave.

  Slinging my purse over my shoulder, I stood up. “I’m sorry to cut things short, y’all, but it looks like I’ve been spotted.”

  Julia’s face turned sympathetic. “Are you okay?”

  I tried to give her a smile. “Yeah. I just need to go home.”

  I didn’t go home.

  When I got out onto the road, I just kept driving without any specific destination in mind, taking several random turns to lose the reporters.

  As I held my hands securely positioned at ten and two on the steering wheel, I remembered how patient Emery had been with me during those damn driving lessons. Although I’d acted annoyed at the time, I would’ve given just about anything to have him sitting next to me now.

  I glanced at the speedometer—which worked now, thanks to Emery—and made sure I stayed at the speed limit.

  Okay, maybe I broke the speed limit a little, but I didn’t have much of a choice with paparazzi on my tail.

  When I got close to my apartment, I went straight instead of turning into my parking lot.

  Then I drove by the costume shop. I took a right, heading into the rougher part of town. The graffiti and broken windows got closer as I neared the area where Emery used to live in that crappy studio. Slowing, I looked at the buildings, wondering which one had basically been his prison. He’d never stated it that way, but I knew he felt trapped during that time in his life.

  I kept driving.

  The radio quietly played “Uptown Funk”, but I didn’t even feel like singing along. That was how bad the heartache was—not even Bruno Mars could cheer me up.

  Much to my surprise, I found myself parked outside of Windsor Lakes Retirement Home. For a good five minutes, I watched the fountain while debating whether I should stay or go.

  I decided to go in. Just like the first time I had come here, the floors were gleaming. People were smiling. There was so much life within these walls.

  Approaching the front desk, I nervously twisted my hands. “I’m looking for Robert Matheson.”

  “And you are?” The receptionist smiled up at me.

  “Estelle Winters. I’ve visited him before.”

  “Oh, you did the face painting last weekend!” she exclaimed, then whispered, “You’re Emery’s girlfriend, right?”

  Refusing to confirm or deny my relationship status, I said, “The face painting was a lot of fun.”

  “I was hoping you’d stop back in. The director thinks making it a regular thing would be great for our residents. Of course we would pay you. We have a budget for entertainment and social activities.”

  “I would do it for free,” I said honestly. Handing her my business card, I told her to call me anytime and she let me know Robert was hanging out in the lounge.

  I found him sitting on the couch and I hesitated before taking a seat at the other end. Muttering to himself, he seemed agitated. I hadn’t brought my face painting supplies like last time, so I didn’t have any distractions to offer him.

  “Hi,” I spoke softly, gaining his attention.

  Robert gave me a small smile, but I couldn’t tell if he recognized me.

  “I don’t know why I’m here,” I blurted out awkwardly.

  “Neither do I.” Chuckling, he shrugged, and I laughed at his ability to joke about his condition.

  “It’s really nice out today.” Oh my God. Was I seriously talking about the weather? I was the worst at small talk.

  Squinting at me, Robert asked, “You gonna go on pretending everything’s fine behind those sad eyes, or are you gonna
tell me what’s wrong?”

  Alzheimer’s or not, he was still sharp as a tack. I sighed.

  I wasn’t sure what to say. I didn’t know if I was supposed to avoid talking about his family members. I had a lot to learn when it came to his disease.

  But that didn’t stop me from confessing the best and worst thing that had happened to me in a long time.

  “I’m in love with your son.”

  Reaching over, he patted my hand. “I know, dear. I know.”

  “Yeah? How do you know that?” I asked curiously.

  “Mary told me.”

  Pausing, I took a good three seconds to process what he’d said. “Your wife?”

  He made a sound of confirmation. “Dreamed about her last night. She tells me all sorts of things.” When he glanced my way, he had a sly smile on his face. “Not even death can keep us apart.”

  I gaped at him, speechless. Robert and his wife were separated in the most final way possible, and he wasn’t letting that get in his way.

  And I was letting a thousand miles scare me away from being with Emery?

  To hell with our three-week trial. If I really wanted this thing to work, I needed to make it happen. I needed to show Emery that I was willing to do whatever it took to be committed.

  Even if it meant facing one of my biggest fears.

  A ding sounded through the airplane cabin, followed by the pleasant voice of the flight attendant explaining something about how the seat cushion can be used as a floatation device in the event of an emergency.

  Closing my eyes, I swallowed hard as I tuned her out. If the plane crashed, I was pretty sure I wouldn’t be alive to use the damn thing.

  Nearby, someone sneezed twice and another person coughed. The little fan above my seat was pointed directly at me, causing my hair to repeatedly tickle my nose. My hands white-knuckled my purse. All the while, I tried to convince myself this was a good idea.

  I could get through this flight. For Emery. Besides, it was too late to get off now because we were moving. Takeoff and landing were always the worst parts.

  I braved a peek out the window next to me and immediately shut my eyes again. The plane was speeding down the runway and I felt the wheels leave the ground. My ears popped, my heart pounded.