Love's Courage

by Mokopi Shale

  “You are incorrigible!” Lesego says as they get into the car. She hopes she will be able to get through dinner without looking for Kenneth all the time. She will have to make an effort to focus her gaze on her sister and not the door.

  * * *

  Kenneth is having his weekly lunch with his father. They always have a hefty steak and some beer, a real men’s meal.

  “Dad, I met this interesting young lady today. She said she’d love to hear the story of how you escaped the apartheid police and ended up in London with Mom. But then I realised that I’d never asked. What exactly happened?”

  “Hêêêê! You know, son . . . Life is a strange thing. Sometimes a man needs to know when he must act, and when not to. And sometimes the choice seems difficult, but understanding what you truly need and what you must do – that is very important. And for that you have to know yourself,” Kenneth’s father says pensively.

  “Amazing,” Kenneth replies, slightly surprised. “My boss said exactly the same thing to me the other day, regarding some problem I’m having with a woman.”

  His father smiles and then continues.

  “I was young, but apartheid wouldn’t allow me to be stupid. I had to make some difficult choices. Choices that I’m glad you never had to face. At twenty-two, having to make a choice between life and death is a little daunting.”

  Kenneth can see the distant look in his father’s eyes as his mind travels back through time.

  “Your mother and I met at a PAC rally where there was talk of starting the armed struggle. She was so committed to making a difference. A passionate young thing, and gorgeous. All the young men were after her, but she seemed not to notice; I guess the Tumaole charm is potent stuff.”

  They both laugh.

  “We faced death every day: harassment and threats. So we had to steal life and live it fully; truly experience it. Our parents were in the magaeng and we were in the urban jungle. For those committed to freedom, there was hardly time to do normal things like propose marriage and provide magadi. But I did write to her parents and mine when I realised how deeply I felt for her, and I promised to do right by her when the time was right and I wasn’t being hunted. Your mother, the loudmouthed firebrand, put on a play at the Market Theatre which mocked the state and so she became a wanted woman. She had to take off into the hills of Lehurutshe to lie low. Next thing I knew, they came after me – it was just after we had bombed one of their shopping malls. On the way to Botswana, I stopped over in Lehurutshe and picked up your mother. We made our home there for a year and a half, until the murder of Onkgopotse Tiro.

  “Because of our profile, we were shipped off overseas. Then I had a choice between becoming an MK commander, or going to London with your mother to raise awareness of what was happening in other ways. She didn’t believe we all had to die; she felt that some of us had the responsibility of spreading the message. Only when I looked at her at the airport, slowly walking away from me, I realised that if I let her go I would always live a half-life, and that speaking out takes as much courage as fighting to the death. I nearly didn’t make it, but when I stepped through those doors in the departure lounge and joined her, your mother’s smile reinforced my suspicion: The love of a good woman is almost always worth the sacrifice, and often the reward you get for loving her far exceeds the reward of personal glory.”

  “Wow, Dad, that’s heavy. It touches a chord deep inside me . . . How do I know when that kind of love has arrived at my doorstep?” Kenneth asks broodingly.

  The father looks at his son and, realising that he is facing the same choice, he says, “She makes you feel things . . . It’s like you are only beginning to discover true emotion, like you’ve never felt anything before.”

  The old gentleman sighs melancholically and cuts into his steak.

  “But what if being with her poses a danger to your ideals and your chosen path?” Kenneth asks.

  “Does the benefit of the reward far outweigh the liability? What do you stand to gain? Often we think what we want is all there is, but it’s only through discovering what we need that we really find out what we require. Perhaps the very thing she threatens is not something that is actually required for you to be happy . . . Anyway, once in the UK, I discovered that I needed to express myself and tell the world what was really happening. I came into my own and realised my true purpose by allowing love to lead my way, instead of letting fear and hate shepherd me down a path where I wouldn’t have experienced such love. It happens to a lot of people who aren’t vigilant and in their moment.”

  Kenneth looks deep into his father’s eyes and nods slowly.

  “Be in your moment, son. Know yourself well enough to be able to tell what you need to do. But sometimes you also have to be brave enough to sacrifice an important ideal to realise a vital one.”

  Father and son get back to their steaks, each of them mulling over what has been said.

  * * *

  Lesego and Tshepiso sit at Ocean Basket, chatting away. Lesego is nervous, but tries very hard to be nonchalant. As she puts up a front for her little sister, she wonders what she should wish for – for Kenneth to show up, or not. What would be worst? Or what would be best? What will she do if he does join them? She hopes she won’t make a fool of herself, and with that thought she realises that she does want him to show up . . . badly.

  “What’s wrong?” Tshepiso asks. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

  “Just wondering why I would choose to like a man I can’t have; a man who isn’t free to be with me.”

  “Who are you talking about? Kenneth?” her sister inquires.

  Lesego nods slowly.

  “But why can’t you have him? Is he married or something?”

  “You know how there’ve been so many scandals with the misappropriation of government funding, and corrupt government employees giving contracts to their friends, lovers and family . . . Kenneth is a good man, damn good at his job, and the country needs him; people like us need him. I could never be the reason that his reputation is destroyed. But my whole being cries out for him.”

  “Have you gone for him?” Tshepiso asks.

  “No, I’ve actually avoided him. But if he comes for me once more, I won’t be able to resist; I just couldn’t . . . My heart would shatter into pieces. I would have to know what it would’ve been like, I would need to get some idea of what we could’ve been, you understand?” Lesego stares deeply into her sister’s eyes, her own heavy with a painful longing.

  “I just feel like I need him in my life. Like he is the answer to my prayers. Like God was listening when I described the man of my dreams and created him just to answer that wish . . . I just . . . I . . .” Lesego ducks her head and takes a sip of her wine to cover the hurt that is beginning to build up at the thought that her love for Kenneth can never be.

  “Well, here he is, so I guess whatever is between you is bigger and stronger than both of you.”

  Lesego turns in delighted surprise to watch Kenneth heading straight for them with determined strides.

  “What’s the worst that could happen, sis?” Tshepiso asks. “He seems willing to risk it for you. So I guess it’s up to you.”

  Their eyes lock and hold as Kenneth makes his way to them. He breaks into a big smile as he reaches their table and stretches out his hand.

  “Hi,” he says to Lesego.

  “Hi,” she says back.

  They stare at each other for what seems like forever, then he pulls up a chair and sits down.

  “And hello to you too, Tshepiso,” Tshepiso says sarcastically, her amused smile taking the bite out of the comment.

  “Sorry . . . hi,” Kenneth says.

  When he turns right back to Lesego, Tshepiso rolls her eyes and motions to the waiter. “Please bring another menu and . . . Kenneth, what beer do you want? Kenneth? Kenneth!” she calls to him.

  He wasn’t listening and jumps when she starts to shout. “Uhm . . . Heineken,” he says distractedly.


  “You two, let’s eat and then I’ll take my sister’s car back to the house, and you can stay here and chat and make moon eyes at each other without me around. Can we agree to that?” Tshepiso asks testily.

  Lesego and Kenneth nod their heads like children who have been reprimanded.

  The three of them have a lovely dinner, filled with laughter and teasing. After dessert Tshepiso takes her leave, and the would-be lovers stay behind.

  “You shouldn’t be doing this, you know,” Lesego says, looking at Kenneth. “I’m ecstatic that you are, but I worry about what the consequences could be for you. And I’m sorry if this sounds callous, but my people need this project and I’m afraid that we’ll jeopardise everything.”

  “Lesego, sometimes you have to be brave enough to sacrifice an important ideal to realise a vital one. I’m not sure where this is going, or where we’ll end up. But I do know that I can’t deny the strength of my feelings any longer, and I need to find out what this all means.”

  She gives him a worried look but he goes on, “I’ll talk to my boss. I’ve already explained to him and he seemed quite understanding. I just have to know . . . Don’t you?”

  Lesego nods without the slightest hesitation.

  They look around and notice that they are one of the few couples left in the restaurant. “I’m not ready to say goodbye. What do you want to do?” Kenneth asks her.

  “Make out,” she says, ducking her head coyly. He lifts her chin and sees that same burning and cheeky look on her face. They feel the urgency to be in each other’s arms starting to build. “We can’t go back to my place; my sister’s there.”

  “My house is about fifteen minutes from here.”

  “We’re leaving very early tomorrow morning, so I have to go back home,” she says. He nods in understanding. “I promise I’ll take you.”

  They finish their coffee and leave.

  The two head for his car . . . Everything seems to take too long. The walk to the parking garage, paying for the ticket, rushing to the car. As soon as they get in, they jump into each other’s arms and devour each other, eager to taste . . . to savour . . . to experience each other again. They break apart when the alarm of the car next to Kenneth’s goes off. Realising that things are getting out of hand, he starts his car and notices that his hands are shaking. He grips the steering wheel tightly and exhales deeply while opening the window and rubbing his head.

  Lesego reaches down into her handbag for her lip gloss, causing her skirt to ride up her thighs. He sees that and shifts as he feels himself getting even harder with desire. He coughs to clear his throat. She realises where he is looking and reaches to pull the skirt down, but he grabs her hand and stops her.

  “You have to focus on the road,” she says gingerly.

  “I’m a good driver; I can handle it.” He pulls out of the parking garage and heads down the main road to his house.

  Kenneth can’t help it; he reaches out and trails his hand over the silky smoothness of her thigh . . . She gasps in desire. He feels goose bumps on her thighs. He feels them clench and imagines those smooth bare thighs clenched around his naked waist . . .

  They arrive at the estate. Kenneth drives to his house, pulls into the garage and presses the remote to close it. He gets out of the car, goes around to Lesego’s side and opens the door. He pulls her close, lifts her right leg and wraps it around his waist, then swoops in to claim her lips. She goes onto her toes to bring herself in closer to him and wraps her arms around his neck. His hand travels up her leg to her G-string . . . He moans but then pulls away.

  “We can’t do this here,” he says, labouring to breathe.

  “You’re the one who started it.” She looks into his face, ravaged with desire. “God, I want you so much,” she says, reaching for him again. They kiss heatedly and then break free.

  Kenneth pulls her into the house, over the redwood floors to the master bedroom with its massive window looking out on manicured lawns with decorative lighting that floods the room. He goes to the dresser, takes out a lighter and proceeds to light scented candles across the room.

  Then he sits down on the bed, whips off his shirt and tosses it on the floor violently, exposing a wonderfully shaped torso with firm pectoral muscles and a six-pack dusted with light dark fur that disappears into his linen pants which have been distended by his arousal. She licks her lips and sucks them into her mouth at the imagined pleasure she is about to receive. Her nipples tighten and rub against the cotton of her halterneck dress as she feels herself swell and begin to throb with desire.

  Lesego walks over to stand right in front of him, kicks off her shoes and slowly pulls up her knee-length dress, exposing her thighs centimetres at a time. Then she opens her thighs and climbs onto his lap to sit snugly, crotch to crotch. She places her hands on either side of his face, lifts his mouth to hers and begins to gently touch, sip, lick and suck his lips, while softly thrusting against him . . . He runs his hands up her thighs to her hips, around to her shapely bottom, and pulls her even closer. He reaches up his right hand to grab her head and stop her teasing, then pulls her head closer so that he can plunder the treasure that is her mouth . . . Their duelling tongues are a portent of what their bodies would rather be doing.

  Kenneth grabs hold of her dress, pulls it roughly over her head and takes his fill of her body . . . Her creamy, smooth caramel skin stretches from neck and shoulders to a full and buxom chest with dark chocolate-tipped, firm and perky breasts that he reaches out to measure. They overflow his large hands and he rubs them gently, causing her to arch her back and throw back her neck, thereby thrusting her hips even closer to his pulsating manhood. They both gasp and flinch with desire at the contact.

  His hands continue their journey down her torso which dips sharply into a tiny waist, a flat and firm stomach with a dusting of dark hair that starts at her belly button and disappears below the edge of her pink silk G-string. He runs his hands down her sides, pulling her closer, arching her back so that he can take her puckered nipples into his mouth . . . He first sucks and then licks. Then he begins to alternate rhythmically while moving her in a circular motion on his lap, causing her to whimper, tremble and gasp. He releases her nipples and travels up her long, graceful neck, all the way up to her mouth. He kisses her so deeply that it becomes unclear to them where he begins and she ends.

  Suddenly Lesego breaks free, steps off his lap and pulls him up to stand. She undoes his belt and pants, then pulls them off his hips. They fall to the floor and he kicks them off. Only now she realises that he doesn’t wear underpants; she moans as desire floods her . . . She studies him as closely as he studied her, running her hands over his beautiful chest, down the fine dusting of coarse hair that covers his breast plate and charts a course to his hefty crotch. She licks her lips at the sight of his tumescent rod, reaches out her hand to take the velvety hardness into her hand and rub and measure it, making him thrust forward involuntarily and groan.

  Not able to stand any more, he pulls her powerfully closer, picks her up, wraps her legs around his waist and pulls her head down to kiss deeply . . . He turns them and lies them down on the bed where he spreads her thighs and climbs in between them, lying down on top of her – chest to chest, crotch to crotch. They taste each other, delving into each other’s mouths, their tongues still duelling each other. He grabs her thigh and lifts her leg high up on his back, opening her even more to his massive, hard, throbbing shaft with its hot, smooth tip right at the entrance to her weeping feminine core. He thrusts forward, pushing her silky panties into her throbbing passage. She involuntarily spreads her thighs wider by lifting her legs still higher up his back, pushing his manhood even deeper into her while whimpering with desire.

  Lesego reaches down to take Kenneth’s organ into her hand and stroke it. She is overcome with the need to take his velvety, hot smoothness into her mouth and feel him pulse with desire, to taste his essence as it seeps out. She pushes at him and when he falls onto his back, she scoots
down his body. He grabs hold of her arm to stop her, almost in a panic.

  “Please, Lesego. I don’t think I could take that,” he mutters desperately.

  “I need to taste you,” she says, licking her lips. “I want to, I need to; please let me,” she whispers urgently.

  “Oooohhh GOD!” he exclaims. “You’re killing me here, Lesego baby . . . I want you so badly that I don’t know if I can handle this.”

  “Just a little taste,” she says, bending her head and taking the large throbbing tip into her mouth and sucking gently, groaning with pleasure. She licks him from base to tip, opens her mouth wide and takes him deeply into her mouth . . . He reaches out and grabs hold of her head, not sure whether to stroke it, pull it away, or push it down. He feels himself break into a cold sweat when she sucks the tip of his penis again, and a shout of pleasure escapes. He knows if she does that one more time, he will come. He sits up urgently, reaches into his side table for a pack of condoms that he rips open. He slips one on, turns to her and starts kissing her urgently.

  “I need to be inside you. Please, Lesego. I want you so bad . . . Please say you’re ready for me,” he pleads urgently between deep, ravaging kisses. His hands reach down into her panties and he finds her hot, wet and sticky with desire. They both groan with pleasure; he grabs the strings, pulls them roughly down her thighs and climbs on top . . .

  “Is this okay? Can I?” he asks her agitatedly. In answer she opens her thighs wide, raises her calves high on his back and pulls his waist into hers. He starts thrusting into her slowly and gently, but she is so wet that he slides in to the hilt, making them both whimper with desire. He fills her perfectly and she feels every wide, long, hardened inch of him.

  He pulls out and slides back in, making them both moan again. He begins a rhythm that slowly builds on their desire, taking them higher and higher. She begins to writhe uncontrollably as the ache fills her whole being and the pressure in her loins builds . . . The pressure builds and builds and then explodes, the muscles in her vagina clenching and releasing, causing her to thrust wildly beneath him, squeezing his manhood, hurtling him over the edge into a powerful climax. Kenneth gives a loud shout. He shudders and spasms through his climax, plunging Lesego into another orgasm that she screams through. He covers her mouth to muffle the sound of her pleasure as he collapses on top of her, spent.