My body would have sagged if the dress let it.
Lightning bolt. Candace!
Candace had better be out! And if not Candace, William’s friend Adam. He was hot. I wouldn’t mind taking him for a spin before I headed to Australia. People could talk all they wanted, I wouldn’t be coming back.
I called Candace but it rang out. I left a message. Then I texted for good measure. I went through my phone to find Adam’s number—he’d snuck it in there as a “lifeline” when we were at Froggy’s that one time.
“Hello?” he said. The lifeline must have been one-sided because it was obvious he had no idea who was calling.
“Adam?”
“Yeah? Who’s this?”
“Oh, hi. It’s Jess. Jessica. Uh...Candace’s fr—”
“Jessica. Yeah, course. How are you? Long time.”
“Um. Yeah.” Oh God, I was nervous! I was in the beginning stages of regretting this decision. I hardly knew the guy! Last time I saw him I very obviously wanted his friend. I wasn’t that girl to go for one guy, get denied then go for his friend! I hated myself a little.
Not to mention I had strange guilt pangs.
“What’re you up to?” he asked with ease, probably hearing my hesitation.
“Oh. Um. Well, I was visiting Gladis—my land lady Gladis—wait, you know Gladis. Anyway, she’s in the hospital. For her hip. Nothing serious. Uh...” My brain was screeching at my finger to hang up the phone to save my person from further embarrassment!
“I heard about that. Is she okay?” Adam said into my stuttering mess of an explanation. He was obviously trying to help me feel legit about this phone call.
“Oh, yeah. Yeah no, she is. She’ll be fine, thanks for asking. Anyway, I was... Well, no one is home here—they are at the hospital. Um, I went, but then...I had to get out of there. And well...” My stuttering was painful even to me! I took a big breath to steady myself before I went on.
Adam filled the gap with, “‘Cause Willie showed up, you mean?”
“Um. N—how did... That wasn’t the reason I left or anything, but... That is beside the point, actually.” I shook my head to clear it. “Look, I was just wandering if maybe you wouldn’t mind getting a drink or something? I don’t really have anyone here to hang out with and it’s Friday night. Big empty houses and all—it’s kind of spooky. So...”
He chuckled. “Yeah, I knew why you was callin’. Candace showed me your text after she heard me say your name. I was just seein’ if you could form the words on your own.” He outright laughed this time.
“Thanks Adam.”
“No problem, Jessie girl. Anyhoo, we’re at McClarin’s.”
“Who’s we?” I asked with trepidation. I hoped William was still with his parents.
“Moose, Ty, Candace, me. You in about twenty.”
I laughed to extinguish my nervousness. “Thanks Adam. I found a cute dress in my closet that I really wanted to wear out.”
“The closet is a good ol’ place to look for lost clothes.” I could actually hear him rolling his eyes. “Candace is dressed nice, too. You’ll be with company.”
“Yay! Okay, see you in a bit!”
“Yup. Bye.”
I hung up and did a halting happy dance, not able to move much in the dress. I hadn’t been out in forever!
I skipped to the bathroom to do hair and make-up. I didn’t mess up once. It was my lucky night.
I found some cute shoes to go with the dress and headed out to the car. I would drive there and get a cab back. I was in a great mood until I heard a certain country song that fit my situation a little too well.
But then, they all did, didn’t they? They were either heart breakers, or had broken hearts. The story of life.
I held it together, refusing to let the melody and word combination into my heart, until I heard, “I see you leanin’, bound to fall, I don’t want to be that mistake.”
At that moment I paired William with all the words, seeing myself trying to fall for him, and him trying to keep me at an arm’s distance. He was a gentleman for Gladis’s sake, so he wouldn’t let me into his bed, but he didn’t want anywhere near my heart.
It finally hit me. The cold hard truth finally beat its way through my hopeful defenses and made me admit to it. He was not unattainable because he was handsome, rich, had manners, confidence, charisma and grace. He was unattainable because he didn’t want me like I wanted him.
I would have completely broken down by the side of the road where I was currently idling, but I didn’t want to destroy my eye make-up. I would have turned around and gone home, but I didn’t want to explain why I was to those waiting for me.
I decided I would not let William ruin this night, as he had ruined so many others. He wouldn’t even be there tonight, and Adam and Moose always treated me well, plus Candace and Ty were there. I would put on a brave face and go. To hell with him!
I parked in the lot, struggled with my dress to get out of the car, and headed to the local watering hole.
A girl walks into a bar…
That was it. I was my own joke.
Moose stood in the back of a half-filled, medium sized bar. Well, if it wasn’t Moose it was another giant man.
It was Moose.
Next to him stood Adam. They watched someone slide from the booth, who I realized was Candace, while talking and laughing together. Adam saw me first, but Moose wasn’t far behind. Neither could help being guys as they looked down at my awesome dress and perfectly sculpted body because of it.
I still got it!
“Hey guys. How are you?” I asked flirtatiously. The best way to hide your inner grief is to look good, act good, and pretend pain doesn’t exist.
“Hey little sister. You look...” Moose was trying desperately not to stare at my br**sts.
Adam gave him a hard nudge and grinned at me, the first of them to come back to earth. I would have to wear this dress more often! I just had to keep going to the gym to fit into it.
“Hi ya, Jess,” Adam said happily as he gave me a big hug. “Missed ya! Where have ya been?”
Moose hugged me, too. But after that he avoided looking at me entirely.
“I guess this dress was a good find,” I said sardonically.
“Moose here just got a girlfriend and she’s...being coy,” Adam explained.
“Oh, she hasn’t given it up yet, you mean. Keep in there Moose, it means she likes you.”
Moose put his hands up in surrender. “Nope. I give. Let me know when she sits down.” He walked off toward the bar.
Candace ran over, squealing the whole way. She hugged me exuberantly then commented on how much she liked my dress.
Ty followed her over and said, “Holy Lord, Jessica. You trying to find love tonight or what?”
“Love? Is that what you call it when two like-minded people spend a night together?”
“Oh sorry. Let me rephrase. You looking for a wild ride tonight or what?”
Candace hit him.
“Men? Hell no! I found this dress in my closet while looking for some sweats, fit into it—miracle!—and decided to take it out for a test spin. How do I look?” I turned around to show off the wares.
“Well let’s see,” Ty said as he analyzed with his hand on his chin, “Adam the saint just checked out your ass, that guy over there checked out your rack, Candace checked out your waist, and every other guy is sizing us up to get in and have their shot. I would say that dress is a success. Candace?”
“Oh I love it!” Candace gushed. “Wish I could fit into it!”
“You want a beer?” Ty asked.
“Yeah, that’d be great, Ty. Thanks!” I leaned against the wall next to Adam. Candace followed Ty to the bar.
“You do look beautiful, Jessie. You aughta come out with us more, you know?” Adam was looking out at the rest of the bar.
I waved the comment away with my stellar linguistics: “Yeah, well.”
“Everythin’ alright with... you? After the...”
/> “Adam, do me a favor?”
“Anything,” he turned his head to me.
“Just know that I’m okay, and will continue to be okay, and you didn’t let me down, okay? I don’t really want you to bring it up anymore.”
He regarded me with his soft brown eyes and striking face. He was less a baby face now that I knew him. It was probably due to his masculine personality. Still pretty more than handsome, more teen model than Gladiator, but I could definitely wake up next to him every morning. Or even for a couple mornings until I got the hell out of here.
Why the hell does that make me feel guilty?
“I’m sorry to pry,” Adam said.
I got a sudden impulse, turned and punched him in the soft spot on the upper arm where the muscles meet. Those in the older brother bizz call that baby a Charlie Horse. No matter how big and strong, if you get hit just right in that sweet spot, it would hurt. Just so happens, I am a pro at the older brother bizz. Don’t know why, as I never had an older brother.
Adam hopped away with something that sounded like, “Yeeee owwww.” He grabbed his arm and looked at me like I committed a cardinal offense.
I bent over, laughing, even though it was actually a little tough to laugh in the dress. It still had to loosen up a bit. Or I needed to lose another pound or two.
No, it had to loosen up.
Adam came shuffling back, fists up, ready for revenge. I laughed and put my hands up, pleading like a fragile girl. In between giggles I put on a pouty face. Adam’s grin got bigger and he laughed harder.
“You wantin’ me to take it easy on ya now, huh? That it?” he asked, chuckling, swaggering up to put an arm around my shoulders in a sideways hug.
I used that as a platform for a titty-twister. I grabbed his nipple quickly, squeezed, turned and pulled. I hopped away again quickly, laughing all the while. His peck was hard and well developed.
His face lit in surprise at the realization I tricked him. He grabbed his chest, shocked I would take advantage of him. He started rubbing his nipple as the pain registered.
“Why, you little...” He came after me this time with no reservations. He couldn’t very well give me a titty-twister, though it had happened before, and I doubt he would punch me, but he was going to do something awful, I could tell.
He grabbed a hold of me and reeled me in, holding me firm against his body so I couldn’t get away. Giggling profusely, I tried to wiggle out of his grasp, but he had me with solid arms. He reached secured me with one solid arm, then pulled the other away. A second later a wet finger entered my ear.
“Eeeewwwwwwww!” I yelled, wiggling harder, laughing uncontrollably.
I was slipping sideways, knowing he wouldn’t let me fall. He used his other hand to right me, and stepped away quickly. I straightened up, made sure I was still in my dress, and looked for him.
He was two paces away and holding up his hands in surrender. I tossed my hair, still laughing. My stomach hurt from laughing so hard.
“Okay, okay. I give,” I said. “You got me.”
Adam’s smile stretched from one ear to the other. He looked like a little boy that just played a trick.
Ty and Candace showed up with beers as Adam put his arm around my shoulders and hugged me to him. I noticed that his body was as hard as William’s. That thought made me excited, but not for Adam. Directly after it made me sad.
“Crazy Californian girls!” Adam said to Ty, who handed me a beer.
They tried to get me to sit down, but my dress was uncomfortable to stand in—I didn’t have much hope for sitting. I also didn’t know if it would stay in one piece; the fabric might split down the side. That would be a titch awkward.
Three beers in and I needed to use the ladies room. In this dress. Oh, this should be fun.
“Wait, Jess, I’ll go, too!” Candace yelled, shimmying out of the booth.
I waited, feeling alive again. Happy. I’d forgotten how much fun these guys were. I forgot how much fun going out with anyone my own age was.
After toilets, Candace and I were at the bar, waiting for our drinks, when she put her hand on my arm.
“Don’t turn around,” she whispered violently.
I stayed stock still, but still looked natural. The classic blunder was to immediately turn and gawk. I knew better.
Candace pressed closer, putting up a female defense.
“What’s going on?” I asked as quietly as I could, still looking at the bartender.
“Hey girls,” Ty said with forced calm as he leaned next to me.
I chanced a look at him. “Ty. Nice to see you. To what do I owe this pleasure?”
“I was going to be helpful and carry some beers. I was also going to order one more.”
“Oh?”
“For Willie,” Candace whispered so low I barely heard.
My belly rolled. It was like in a cartoon when the dog swallows a stick of dy***ite and his stomach goes down really low, then up really high, then explodes. I was that dog.
“Candace,” I said hoarsely, “I have to get out of here.”
“How?” she whispered back.
“You girls don’t have to whisper. He is back with Moose and Adam.”
I turned and grabbed Candace, willing her to give me strength. I was a breath away from continuing my meltdown from the car ride over. I felt Ty’s hand rubbing my back, and realized that somewhere along the way, I had made it obvious I didn’t want to see William again. Everyone knew I had been rejected.
I was unwanted goods, but I didn’t have to act the victim. I could choose how they would remember me after I left. And I wouldn’t choose the coward’s way out. I would not sneak away.
Until I had a damn good excuse to leave, at least.
Chapter Sixteen
Candace and I let Ty walk ahead of us.
“Okay,” she said conspiratorially, “I don’t know what happened between y’all, but you look really good tonight. So, I’ll go in front of you so he can’t see you until the last minute. Then I’ll just step away and he can see you all at once.”
“Candace, just...let’s walk together. Tell me a funny story and keep me entertained so I don’t have to notice him until the last minute, okay?”
“Oh, okay. Got it.” She looked toward the sky, shuffling through the stories in her head. “Did I ever tell you about when Juniper was trying to get the stuck cookie from the vending machine?”
“No.” I was already smiling.
“Well,” we started walking, “she put in for the chocolate chip cookie, right? The thing stuck—I mean, they always do. Everyone knows that! But she got all pissed off—”
“Excuse me, ma’am?”
A man about my age and fairly attractive was trying to get my attention. Perfect timing.
“Yeah?” I asked.
“I just noticed you at the bar, there. You with anyone?”
“Candace, I’ll meet up with you,” I said as I turned toward the almost handsome stranger.
“Okay,” Candace said with a smirk as she walked off.
“I’m Phillip.” He stuck out his hand.
“Hi. Jessica.” I shook his hand. It was soft and thin. He probably worked on computers or something. I hated that that bothered me.
We chatted long enough for me to find out that he was about as interesting as a children’s book about worms. I kept at it for a another few minutes, though, just to keep up appearance. Plus, it felt good, being wanted.
I wrapped up my chat, avoided the number exchange, and headed to our corner with a hop in my step, feeling indestructible.Which was me lying to myself. I hoped it was working for the sake of my facial expression.
As I walked between two guys, both turning to check me out, I saw him. He was wearing the same thing as the hospital. God, he was so beautiful when he smiled like that.
An inexplicable sadness shadowed me. I forgot to be looking elsewhere when I came into view. I couldn’t help but admire his perfect form, his carefree stance, his e
ngaging blue eyes as he noticed me.
His eyes didn’t look over my body like the other guys or even Candace had. He didn’t notice the dress and how good I looked in it. Not even my br**sts, trying to break free, caught his notice. He looked at me with a faltering smile, closing the distance with the intensity of his eyes, before turning back to Adam.
I wilted. I wanted to shrivel where I stood and die. I felt hollow. I felt like I wasn’t enough. Not even looking sensational got me a longer glance. And it was just that. A glance. A skim of the eyes.
Adam looked at me next, his mild eyes taking in my pain without shock. I smiled, trying to hide my misery, trying not to reduce to tears. His face didn’t change, though. Somewhere along the way, Adam learned to recognize my distress.
Not that it was a big mystery where he found the knack.
I got to the table and leant over to tell Candace and Ty I would be leaving. Before I could get the words out, Candace’s gaze switched to over my shoulder. Her supportive gaze turned to a glare.
I straightened up and turned around rigidly.
“Hi Jessica,” William said stoically.
“Hi William,” I mocked, sounding slightly like a robot.
“I wondered...” he started quietly. His expressionless mask cracked a fraction and I thought I could see a glimpse of softness that lay beyond. Or maybe I was hoping again.
He glanced over my shoulder and his face hardened again. “It’s good to see you,” he said, obviously taking the polite route. “It’s been a long time. You look beautiful tonight, by the way. Would you like a drink? They have champagne.”
I nodded confusedly, though my beer was on the table. I had expected harsh words, based on his facial expression. I didn’t expect the gentleness. The soft hush.
I discontentedly slid into the booth, having just stupidly agreed to stay a moment longer.
I looked across the table at Ty and Candace, who were looking back with something akin to pity. This had turned into a shit show. I felt like I was in an animal petting zoo, but without the children to make it seem fun, instead of sad and cramped.
“Jess,” Ty said, “I’m sure things would be different if he didn’t have so much going on.”
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