Contrition (The Perception Trilogy)

by Strauss, Lee

  The peaks gradually grew smaller until they disappeared. Another chapter of our lives as fugitives and runaways, over. The knot in my stomach grew harder. How long could we keep this up? Running, hiding, and running again?

  A new plan sprouted in the back of my mind. I pushed back at it, stomped on it, tried to crush it to the ground. It stubbornly refused to be snuffed out. I was terrified to share it with Zoe. She’d kill me.

  Chapter 24

  ZOE

  The darkness seeped from the core of my being, deep in my soul, and spread throughout every fiber like an oil spill on water.

  My secret was out.

  Besides Noah, his friend Anthony in L.A. who’d unlocked the sealed medical files on my chip, my parents, and my grandfather, no one else knew about my cloning. Now Taylor knew, and as much as I thought I trusted him, I wasn’t really sure if I did. Not with something this big.

  He was trying to help me, or at least he claimed he would, by creating meds. It was a blind shot at strengthening my heart, but it was a shot.

  Shock numbed my mind. I’d never had to deal with a weak body before, or the prospect of having one. Not for another hundred and fifty years. At my age, I’d felt immortal.

  Not anymore. The only true GAP in our group was Taylor. I would grow old with Noah after all. An upside to all of this, I supposed, if I didn’t die of a heart attack first.

  I let out a long sigh, and Noah squeezed my shoulder. At least now he couldn’t use my GAP status as a point against our relationship. In a twisted way, I felt more secure about him. That he wouldn’t change his mind about me again.

  An hour into our bumpy travels, we stopped for water and a bathroom break. An hour and a half after that, Sly pulled to a stop. I searched the landscape of dusty soil dotted with cacti and rolling sage brush, but with the dim headlights turned off, I couldn’t see anything in the black desert night.

  “Why’d we stop?” I asked.

  Noah hopped out. “I think we’re here.” He hurried to my side and helped me out.

  It was a gentlemanly thing for him to do, but the sad fact was I needed his help. My legs were shaky, and fatigue flooded my whole being.

  It felt like this illness had come on overnight, but now that I had time to reflect on it, the signs had been there for a while. All the times I’d fainted. The nausea I’d attributed to stress. The fatigue I’d blamed on poor diet and uncomfortable sleeping arrangements.

  My cloned self had a shelf life, and the best-before date was soon to expire.

  Sly pointed the headlights toward a mound of sand, and that was when I noticed a dark square hole at the base.

  We waited for the borgs who followed us on foot. In less than thirty minutes, Lebron, Buck and Jason arrived, barely puffing.

  “We’ll investigate and report back,” Sly said to us non-borgs. Noah stiffened, and I figured that he didn’t like how Sly was seemingly in charge now. I wasn’t sure I liked it either. Sly, Lebron, and Buck turned on borg flashlights and slipped inside. Jason remained at the entrance, studiously staring at the data being processed on the holographic screen that hovered above his arm.

  Jabez approached Hannah, who stood by the ATV with a hand bracing her belly. Mary and Taylor hovered by Jason. Taylor wasn’t trying to hide the fact that he wanted to read the screen. Rebecca remained seated in the backseat of the ATV with her arms folded in front of her.

  I wondered, again, why the commune group was with us. Taylor was close fisted with his secrets, and neither he nor the girls had revealed their reasons yet.

  Sly and Buck climbed out of the hole. “All clear,” Sly stated. He and Buck started unloading their gear. Jason jumped in the hole and received the items as Buck and Sly handed them over.

  The rest of us waited, looking to Noah for direction.

  “It’s their discovery,” he said with a shrug. “We’ll wait until they’re done, and then take a look.” He opened a water jug, took a drink, and passed it to me. The moon poked out from under a cloud mass, and my eyes focused on our surroundings. Still desert, just minus the mountain.

  Jabez shimmied over. “Are you sure we can trust ‘em?”

  Noah shook his head. “Nope. But I don’t see that we have a choice right now.”

  I could see the dilemma on his face. His brow furrowed over his moody, dark eyes. Strands of hair escaped his ponytail, and he pushed them behind his ears. I had the urge to stroke his face, run my fingers through his beard, lay my hand over his heart and comfort him, but I held back since we weren’t alone.

  When the ATV was emptied and the borgs’ heads stop popping up like groundhogs, we ventured over. Taylor hopped in first, helping the girls down, then Jabez and Mary and finally Noah and me.

  The main room was dark, with only the light from the opening to brighten it. It was enough to see the dust and cobwebs and small creatures scurrying away. Borg voices floated to us from further on. Noah flicked on his flashlight, and we followed him.

  The shafts were supported by wood frames. Some beams had eroded and fallen away, and even though Sly said it was safe, I didn’t feel safe.

  We came to a fork. It was obvious the borgs had claimed whatever lay to the right. Their voices were clear, and artificial light blasted out.

  We followed the left route which quickly opened up to a chamber that had once been used for storage if you could go by the stack of abandoned wooden boxes.

  “This is good enough,” Noah said. “Room to sleep and away from the elements and cyber spies.”

  I didn’t want to go deeper if we didn’t have to, and since no one challenged Noah’s decision, they must’ve agreed.

  “What about the tech?” Taylor asked.

  “Can you set up by the entrance?” Noah answered. “You’ll want access to the outside, right?”

  “It’s tight, but I’ll make it work.” Taylor needed room for his computers and the printer system. I couldn’t picture how he’d manage and still leave space for everyone to get in and out.

  We unloaded the buggy, but I wasn’t much help. Noah told me to rest on my mat, and I didn’t have the energy to argue. After a while, Noah came to check on me.

  “The borgs started a fire. They have some space food they’re willing to share.”

  We settled in a circle around the flames, the borgs on one side and the rest of us on the other.

  Sly handed us each a small tetra pack. “I’m not sure what’s in each one. You get what you get.”

  Noah put ours on the fire for a few minutes and then pushed them out with a stick. The packaging expanded in the heat, but cooled quickly, leaving the food inside warm. Noah got some kind of beef casserole, and I enjoyed a tomato-based pasta.

  I called across the fire pit to the borgs, “Thanks for sharing,”

  “No problem,” Sly said. “I’m sure you’ll be returning the favor at some point.”

  It wasn’t a lot of food, and none of us were truly satisfied, but it was better than the nothing we would’ve had otherwise.

  “When’s Fred coming back?” Jabez asked Taylor.

  “If all goes well, tomorrow night.”

  “I’m nervous about this fire,” Mary said. “We’ll get spotted.”

  I shared her concern. We always kept the fire in the cave at the peaks.

  “It’s this or freeze and starve or get bitten by scorpions,” Sly said. “Pray one small fire in the middle of nowhere won’t get noticed.”

  It was a figure of speech. He didn’t mean literally pray.

  I glanced at Noah. His head was bowed and his eyes closed. I guess he thought it was a good idea anyway.

  Chapter 25

  Sly pulled Noah aside, and they talked animatedly just out of earshot. There was enough moonlight and glow from the fire for me to see their hands gesticulating, and Noah’s stiff stance as Sly leaned in.

  Mary watched them, too. “What’s going on?”

  I lifted a shoulder. “I don’t know.”

  She pinned me down with her
dark eyes. “What’s going on with you?”

  I tensed. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, you’re not exactly a shining example of GAP durability.”

  Wow. Straight cut to the main artery. “I guess I’m a defect,” I said in an effort to blow her off.

  “I don’t mean to be insensitive, but I just don’t understand. I hope you recover… from whatever it is that’s ailing you.”

  I stared hard at her. “Thanks.”

  “I know you and I never hit it off, and the whole thing with Noah and you pretending to be cousins and his mixed messages to me…”

  “Yeah?” I cut in. Why was she bringing this up?

  “I just want you to know, I’m over it. I’m glad you guys are together again. You deserve each other.”

  I couldn’t tell if that was a dig or a compliment. “Thank you?”

  She laughed. “There’s something you should know.”

  I caught my breath. Nothing good ever came with an intro like that. “Yeah, what?”

  “Jabez and I plan to leave soon. We can’t stay together forever, and this group is getting… unwieldy.”

  “You mean with the borgs here now.”

  “Yeah.”

  “What about Hannah?”

  Mary choked out a laugh. “That’s the problem. If it weren’t for her, we’d probably already be gone.”

  Noah rejoined us, and our discussion came to a halt. “What’s going on with them?” I asked him.

  He helped me to my feet. “I’ll tell you inside.”

  I was capable of getting myself ready for bed, careful not to use too much water while brushing my teeth. We hadn’t found a water source here yet. Inside the dank shafts, Noah and I cuddled together under our blanket. It was cool inside, and I was glad for Noah’s body heat.

  “So?” I whispered.

  “Sly wants to up the pressure on Vanderveen’s government,” Noah spoke softly. “He says there are over fifty rogue cyborg clusters, all ready to proceed.”

  “Proceed?”

  “They want to attack the White House.”

  “What?” I forgot to keep my voice down.

  Noah pressed his fingers to my lips. “Shh.”

  “Sorry.”

  “They want to assassinate your grandfather.”

  I was stunned. I supposed Grandpa V was notorious enough to have enemies who’d want to see him dead. I’d just never expected to meet any of them personally. “What did he want with you?”

  “He wants my help.”

  I gulped. “How?”

  “He wants me to start a rumor on my blog. Something that would cause the president to focus on the wrong thing. A distraction.”

  “Sly knows who I am, right? And that you’re connected to me.”

  “Believe me, I pointed that out. He figures we must hate Vanderveen as much as he does if we’re hiding for our lives in the desert.”

  “What exactly does he want to do? I mean, once Grandpa V is distracted?”

  “I don’t know. Sly wouldn’t give me details. He wants to get started on whatever it is tomorrow.”

  “What if you refuse?”

  “They’re going ahead with their plans anyway. I’m sure they could hack into my site and pose as me if they wanted to. I might as well do it so at least I know what’s going on.”

  I wrapped my leg around Noah’s and pulled him closer. I tried to process what he was saying. It wasn’t that I didn’t understand. I did. Noah’s compliance made him an accomplice to an attempt on my grandfather’s life. And if I did nothing to stop it, I’d be just as guilty.

  My head felt like a ball of fire when I awoke the next day. Noah’s dark eyes peered hard at me, concern etched on his face.

  “Zoe?”

  “I’m sick.”

  “I’ll get Mary.”

  Mary appeared with the first-aid kit. Her expression didn’t soften when she saw me. She tapped out two Tylenol into her and handed them over. Noah helped me lift my head to take them. My neck ached at the effort.

  He rested a hand on my forehead. “You’re running a fever. I’ll get you a damp cloth.” He returned moments later, cloth in hand. “Fred will be here tonight. Just hold on.”

  I mumbled, “Thanks.”

  Lebron showed up on our side of the shaft and waved a bulky arm. “Noah, we’re waiting.”

  Noah’s eyes cut back to me with uncertainty.

  “Go,” I said.

  I looked up to see Hannah and her large belly hovering beside me. “I’ll take care of her.” She tossed a pillow to the ground and slowly squatted. She reached for the cloth in Noah’s hand, and he released it.

  “I won’t be gone long,” he said, watching as Hannah applied the cloth to my forehead. I waved him away and closed my eyes, pretending to go back to sleep. I wanted Noah to go. Not like I wanted to kill my grandfather, but I did want to stop him. And we needed information, no matter what it took to get it.

  Hannah winced, and my mind floated from my problems to her. “You okay?”

  I was in no position to deliver a baby. I wasn’t sure who was up to that. Everyone was conspicuously quiet about this impending event. I’d thought at least Taylor would be making plans. Maybe Fred was going to do it. He’d probably have all the medical know-how programmed into him to provide adequate care.

  “My belly just gets really tight sometimes,” Hannah said. “Taylor says they’re called Braxton Hicks. Not real labor pains.”

  “How much longer?”

  “I still have at least three weeks,” she said, like it was a really long time.

  “Are you afraid?” I asked.

  Hannah’s lips pulled down. “A little. Maybe a lot.” She forced a laugh. “Lots of women do it all the time. It can’t be that bad.”

  I tried to imagine giving birth in this mine shaft. “Why are you here? Why don’t you go back to the commune where there are women who could help you? Or even a doctor?”

  She tossed her blond braid over her shoulder. “We can’t go back.”

  I kept my gaze on her worried expression. “Why?”

  She paused to consider me. “What has Taylor told you?”

  “That you were kicked out of the commune because you were pregnant. Is that why you can’t go back?”

  A shadow crossed her face, and she glanced around like she was making sure we were alone. “That’s one reason.”

  “There’s more?”

  “Rebecca.”

  “Did she do something?” I couldn’t imagine her breaking any rules that would get her banished.

  “Rebecca didn’t. Finn did.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Hannah looked away and spoke to the ground, like it pained her to admit what she was about to say out loud. “Finn liked to take… certain liberties.”

  “Like what?” Then I got it. “Sex?”

  Hannah blushed at my free use of the word. “He’d told her it was God’s will and that she must submit to please God. And if she told anyone, she’d go to hell. I found her crying by the well and convinced her to tell me what was wrong. It’d been going on over the years since she was little.”

  I was stunned. Finn was a freak, but I’d never peg him to do something so awful. “I thought he really loved her?”

  “Finn sees it as love. As twisted as it appears, he really does love Rebecca. When I was banished, because of this—” she pointed to her rounded belly, “—I insisted she come with us. At first Taylor said no, until I told him what was going on. Finn begged Rebecca to stay, and she almost did. Despite what he did to her, he’s her father and she loves him. Taylor punched Finn in the face and told Rebecca to get her things.”

  I felt awful. It explained Rebecca’s dark demeanor. I could even forgive her for her self-righteousness and petty judgments. She was screwed up. “What Finn did was wrong. She knows that now, doesn’t she?”

  Her eyes darted to me. “I think so. Noah helped her to see that God’s heart is not like that. He’s a g
ood Father and doesn’t abuse his children.”

  I swallowed hard. “She talked to Noah about this?”

  Hannah nodded. “They’ve had quite a few long discussions.”

  I stared at the mud-and-beam ceiling. When were Noah and Rebecca doing church together? That must be why he disappeared after she headed out for water sometimes. Clearly, he’d helped her navigate her way through some of the pain and the wrong done to her, but it didn’t stop an ugly snake of jealousy from coiling in my belly. Noah and I hardly ever talked about spiritual things, mostly because I’d been reluctant to. There was something intimate about spirituality, and though I hadn’t wanted to share that with Noah before now, I didn’t want him to share it with anyone else.

  At my core, I understood that my feelings were wrong. I had no right to dictate to Noah, who’d always been up front with me about his faith, whom he could and couldn’t share it with.

  Also, I finally realized I did want to share this kind of intimacy with him. I just didn’t know how.

  Hannah’s voice snapped me out of my reverie. “We didn’t’ know where to go. It was Celia’s idea that we find you.”

  “She was aware of the reward.”

  “No, of course not. But she thought you were… connected.”

  “I see. Another source of money.”

  “It wasn’t just that. It pained her when she met you because she realized how much she had missed out on. I think she really wanted to join our families.”

  I grunted.

  She refilled my glass of water and handed it to me, helping as I propped myself up on one elbow to drink it. I felt bad because we had a low water supply, but my mouth felt like I’d been eating chalk. I just took a sip.

  The low murmur of Noah and Sly’s voices reached us from just outside the entrance door.

  “He’s a good guy,” Hannah said, softly. She squeezed my hand. “You’re blessed to have him.”

  I knew that. I didn’t need her to tell me.

  Noah returned and helped Hannah to her feet. “Thanks for watching her. I’ll take over.”

  “How’d it go?” I asked as he lowered himself to sit beside me.