by HC MacDonald
“Oh, would you tell her thank you from us all.”
“I sure will.”
“Now how does your shoulder feel?”
“Much better thank you.”
“Did you get stung by the Duggers?”
“No, I somehow managed to avoid them all.”
“You were moving good out there. You know Raina would run along the rafters in the fortress.”
“I did learn from her.”
“You are so lucky. I would love for her to teach me.”
“Maybe I can put in a good word for you.”
“Would you. That would be awesome. There is a group of us that would love to learn some of her moves.”
“I’m sure she would be flattered. Tell you what. She has a few hours this evening, if you want to meet her in the meadow at the South end. I’m sure she can show you a few things.”
“Really. Can I bring my friends?”
“Yes, that would be fine.”
“Are you sure she would be okay with this. I mean, don’t you have to ask?”
“I know her so well, I know she’ll say yes.”
“Thanks Pearl.” He took off down the ladder. A smile in his step. He practically ran to the exit with excitement.
I laid on the platform until I heard Sanna yelling for me from the ground.
“I’m coming” I yelled back.
We walked back to the house. Sanna gave me an update on Leon. They had the talk. Now it was up to him. He could accept the truth and we, that is Raina would talk with him, or he wouldn’t. My nerves were eating at me. I was glad I would have the distraction in a few hours to busy my mind.
Evening came and it was time to head out. I made sure my scars were hidden. I still felt self conscious. I made it to the meadow a bit early. I wasn’t sure what I was going to teach, or what they were looking for, but I would try. I sat in the middle of the meadow. Alone. My eyes closed. I tried to focus on my family back west and my mother. Nothing. I couldn’t see them. I couldn’t find them. My magic was so blocked it frustrated me. I closed my eyes again. This time searching for Leon. Still nothing. I heard a crack from a branch breaking. I turned in my seat to see if they had come. To my surprise, it was Leon.
“I didn’t mean to disturb you.” He said. “It’s just that I come here when I need to think.”
“I know.” I said gently now feeling guilty that I had chosen here to meet my fans. “I was waiting for someone, then we will leave you to your solitude. I’m sorry I intruded.” I stood and began walking to the path the others would come. He walked toward me.
“You don’t have to leave.”
“No, I shouldn’t have suggested here. I know this is your place.”
“How do you know?”
“You told me once a long time ago.”
“Did we know each other well?”
“Not at the time. Our past is very complicated.”
“Sanna told me some things today. I can’t quite believe. She said you altered my memories. Took them away. Why would you do that to me?”
“I was hurt. It wasn’t right. I am truly sorry for doing so. I hope one day you can forgive me.”
“How can I forgive you? You changed my whole perception of life. How do I know what is real and what is not?”
“I can only tell you to trust your instinct. I hope you can take comfort that I only took myself out of your mind. Nothing else. If you are looking for the truth your memories should return.”
“Why not just give them back to me?”
“I can’t. I have lost my powers to do so.”
“I don’t believe that to be true.”
“I would find it hard to believe also, however, it is the truth.”
“Why would I trust you when you admit to what you have done?”
“You can’t. I see that I have upset you. I didn’t want to do that. I just wanted to set things right. I should go.”
“No, you can stay. I will go. I have one more question.” He paused. “What did the contract say?”
“Contract?”
“When you stood in the council before the war, there was a contract presented.”
“Yes, you said you had worked it out, but the one you presented to me asked me to be your slave. Live in solitude in your cells to do the bidding of the council.”
“I wrote that?”
“You told me you did. That’s why I was hurt. I trusted you. I realize I was still wrong to do what I did.”
“I signed this contract.”
“Yes, you all did. Erebos presented it, your signature was at the top. Again, I’m sorry I reacted the way I did.” I could see the denial in his eyes. “I’m sure if you looked you would find the contract. It was bound with magic. Unbreakable.”
“How do you know this?”
“ At the time I could see the magical fingerprint.”
“And now, I guess you can’t!”
“Until the Koboldrone I could. But now, I can’t. I only see things as they are. I can no longer see the illusion of magic.”
“Another convenience on your part.”
“If you feel so. Look I can’t help you with this process. You need to discover the truth for yourself. It is the only way you will know what is real as you put it. If you have any questions about our interactions. I will be here for a few days more.”
“Why are you here?”
“I told you, to set things right.”
“This is how, by getting Sanna to do your dirty work?”
“No, this was Sanna doing her own interrogation. She discovered the truth on her own, asked me to come back. Enlightened me on what may have happened that day. I regret what I did. I had hoped that by being here. By participating you would see me for me, and you would begin to remember and eventually forgive me. I see now, that cannot be. I will take my leave.”
He let me walk away. I could feel the pain of a broken heart all over again. He wasn’t going to forgive me. He absolutely wouldn’t be pleased to find out I was Pearl. It would be just another deception to him. Another reason to not trust me. I made it almost to the fork in the path when I ran into the healer and a small group of his friends.
“We are so excited to meet with you. Thank you again for working with us. It is an honor to learn from you.”
I looked at this wide eyed group, so eager and excited. I needed to push my feelings aside and follow through with my promise.
“My apologies everyone. It appears the meadow is taken. I have no place for us to train.”
“That’s okay. They cleared out the beams and the arena is empty. The labyrinth won’t go up until tomorrow morning.”
“Well then, let’s head over there. Now what would you all like to learn?”
The entire walk there, the crowd told me every story they heard and asked every question they could. How I got around in the fortress? How come I didn’t leave earlier? What the snapper was like? Had I ever fought anything as deadly? My head was spinning by the time we got there.
We entered the arena. The floor was covered in dirt. They wanted to know how to defend themselves. I thought back to the lessons Raoul had given me in the fortress. We began with the basics. Using sticks as weapons, I taught them simple defense moves, like ducking and weaving. Looking for your opponents weak points. Discussing ways to avoid the fight. They were all good students, attentive, patient, and above all, positive. I enjoyed working with them. The night was getting late. I ended the lesson. I had requests for further lessons, but gracefully declined. I was going to head home. It was time for me to leave. My students were disappointed, but understood.
I headed out of the arena back towards Sanna’s. As I approached the house, I could hear Sanna yelling inside. There was a heated argument happening. It didn’t sound like Ethan was on the other end. I didn’t want to intrude. I headed back down the path to give them some privacy. I walked for hours, letting my mind wonder. Not paying attention to where I was, I found myself in the meadow again. I was alon
e. I sat in the field of wild flowers. My head barely higher than the stems. The moon now shinning high in the sky, so I laid down on the soft petals. Soon I was asleep.
I woke to the feel of a touch. I was being lifted up. Panic rang thru my mind. I turned out of the arms and jumped to my feet. My hands posed for action. If only I had my daggers I thought. I let my eyes focus. It was Leon. He had taken a step backwards away from me.
“I’m sorry I scared you.”
“What are you doing?” I snapped back at him.
“You looked so peaceful, I didn’t want to move you, but sometimes we get beasts that come into the field. I didn’t want to see you get hurt.”
“I can take care of myself.”
“I can see that now.”
“I’m sorry, you were trying to be nice. I..I mean, I’m sorry.”
“I’m the one that should be sorry.”
“Thank you for waking me, I need to go.” I turned from him and began running toward the path that would take me to Sanna’s.
“Stop.” He said.
I came to a stop and turned to look at him in the middle of the meadow. I waited for him to talk first.
“When was the first time we met?”
I stayed where I was, afraid he would bolt like a scared rabbit. Keeping my voice soft I recalled to him our first encounter. “You were in the Koboldrone building. I ran into you in one of the rooms.” I held my breath waiting to see if he would respond.
“You were looking for something?”
“Yes, I was looking for my family.”
“You found them I think someone small.”
“Yes, I found them. You helped me carry them out of the building before it exploded and disappeared. They were much younger then.”
“I think I was trying to remember. I had a dream about you and the Koboldrone. It was after you had gone in there again.”
“Maybe that’s what triggered the memory.”
“Maybe? What happened after that?”
“You offered to let us come to Ladow on our way to the North.”
“You were hurt. Your leg?”
“Yes, I had hurt my leg in the Koboldrone. I had internal bleeding and needed to cut my ankle open to let the blood out.”
“I held your foot.”
I chuckled it seemed funny to me that he would remember my foot. He continued talking as he ran his hand thru his hair.
“When I saw your scar at Sanna’s it seemed familiar to me.”
“It was one and the same.”
“You can understand why this is hard for me Raina, can’t you.”
“Yes, I don’t expect you to forgive me.”
“My head hurts.”
Neither of us had moved since he began asking questions. I decided to close the distance between us. “I know a trick if you like.”
He looked at me with skepticism. Afraid to trust or touch me. I kept some distance between us. Scared rabbit, I reminded myself.
“If you pinch the skin between your pointer finger and thumb, then rub in small circles while keeping the pressure, it will release the tension you are feeling.”
With one eye cocked he rubbed his hand gently. “It works!” He was surprised. I chuckled again.
“I know that laugh.”
I sobered fast. “Is there anything else you want to know?”
“Were you at the fortress?”
“Yes.” The thought brought back mixed feelings. I felt a chill run up my spine. I shivered in response.
“Are you cold?”
“No, just a memory.”
“What happened there?”
I sat on the ground. This was not an easy answer. “I don’t really talk about it.”
“How long were you there.”
“Eight months the second time.”
“You were there before?”
“I was, but that can keep for another time.”
“I was there eight months.”
“I didn’t know you were their till the escape.”
“In my dream you were running, trapped in a cage. Is that true?”
Another shiver crawled on my skin. The thought of barely making it out played in my mind. I distracted my thoughts with a blade of grass. Leon came and sat by me. “Is it to much to ask.”
“No, I owe it to you. I had been caught helping your floor escape. That’s when you revealed your identity to me. You had been hiding in a makeshift transformed state.”
“I remember that. I don’t remember you.”
“You were assigned a cell with Kayley. She instructed you on the rules.”
“Yes, how did you know that.”
“I was the one who visited the cells and brought you extra food and blankets.”
“And the cage? What of that?”
“The Raiders liked to torture the prisoners by making them earn their right to live. The Snapper was apart of that. They had just killed a group of prisoners. I was locked in a cage above the arena. You were...”
“I was in a cage with levers watching.”
“Yes, you were the gate keeper. It was part of the plan. When I had a chance, I broke through my cage and ran to the exit. You had to lift the gate.”
“I saw the snapper attack you.”
“Yes.”
“You fought back. You got free somehow. Disappeared into the wall.”
“Yes, than we met up and came back to Ladow.”
“Why not use your magic to protect yourself, or leave the fortress earlier.”
“I didn’t have magic then.”
“Does that have to do with the marks I saw on your arm?”
“Yes, they protect and bind me. When we figured out what they were, Raoul helped me to discover and learn how to use my magic.”
“Raoul?”
“Raoul and I are old friends.”
“You knew him before. You had been here before.”
“Yes, and No. I had met Raoul outside your village. That’s where we became friends. I had only been to Ladow with you.”
“I brought you back here twice?”
“Yes.”
We sat quietly next to each other for what seemed like an eternity. I felt we were making progress. I could tell he was still working things out in his mind.
“I found the contracts.”
I held my breath, waiting. He ran a hand thru his hair. I could tell he was in conflict.
“I spent the afternoon talking with some of the old council members from the war. One of them had saved both contracts.”
“So, it’s true, there was a second one.” Now it was my turn to ask questions. Everything had been speculation up to this point. Now that he confirmed it. My interest was peeked.
“Yes, I drafted the first one, and Erebos drafted the other.”
“And the one I was presented was Erebos’s?”
“I think so. I still don’t remember. I know a contract was presented. Considering Sanna’s words, it sounds like it was Erebos’s.”
“What did yours say?”
“It doesn’t matter now. Things are different. We are different.”
“What of us? Can we move past this?”
“I just don’t know, I don’t know if I even want to remember now. It all feels as if it is more of a dream than anything else.”
“Is it because you love Lace?” I didn’t want to hear the answer. I knew he confessed his love for her. Maybe that was his destiny now, where once, it could have been us.
“Maybe, I don’t know. It’s complicated and confusing. I have responsibilities to the village and my position. Maybe if I weren’t in this process it would be different. I could get to know you, see if my memories return. For now, regardless of my instincts or how I feel, it is best for me to concentrate on what lies ahead. Be best for you to.”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how to react. He had made up his mind. I began going over the options in my mind. Do I leave now? Do I continue in this charade as Pearl and hope for t
he best? Do I fight for him? He said it was complicated, if only he knew how complicated it was. I was fighting my own inner battle when he spoke again.
“I just don’t know what I want anymore.”
“What do you mean?”
“Here sitting with you, I think of Lace and Pearl. When I’m with Lace, I think of you and Pearl. When I’m with Pearl, I think of you. I find it emotionally draining and complicated. I know we can’t have anything. I just don’t know why I am at odds with myself.”
“What reminds you of each of the other women?”
“It’s your scents. They are the same. Sometimes just a hint off, but lately, you all are exactly the same.”
“Anything else?”
“Not with Pearl and Lace. They are completely different in everything, manners, confidence, skills. Actually, I watched you at the arena today teaching for a while, and you and Pearl are very similar. I would almost bet she could mimic you to a tee.”
“Is that so bad that we are so much alike?”
“No, it’s not. Only, she is a possible option if she succeeds. You are not. You're not a participant, and I am bound by tradition.”
“I see, and how does Lace fit into all this.”
“I loved her before we started. Now I don’t know. I only think about her, when I catch your scents.”
“So, if she didn’t smell like me, you wouldn’t be as attracted to her?”
“No, she’s a beautiful woman. My wolf instinct is attracted by scent. Helps you find the one you are bound to for eternity. That’s what I want. I want that kind of bond, love and attraction. So if any of you didn’t smell the way she did, I don’t know. I don’t know if it would make a difference or not.”
“Okay, so smells aside. Inner wolf quiet, who would you want to spend your life with?”
“That’s the complicated part. I can’t separate out the scents from the feelings.”
“I see.”
“Even sitting here with you, I have to control my urges. They are overwhelmingly attracted to you. Your scent drives me crazy.”
I was shocked at his revelation. I took a few scoots sideways to put some distance between us. He watched me and smiled. A soft chuckle left his lips. “That won’t help. I could smell you on the path here. That’s how I found you.”
I smiled back, now blushed with embarrassment. “I can leave. I don’t want to make things worse for you.”