In a Lifetime

by Ariadne Wayne

  My hands on my knees, I raised my face to the rain, letting it cool me, but nothing made me feel any better. I’d taken the biggest risk of my life, and now I had to wait it out and hope she’d come to me.

  It had been three months since we stood in her back yard, and there had been no calls, no texts. She hadn’t posted on Facebook, so it wasn’t only me she hid from. Ella had gone to ground, and I couldn’t blame her. She not only had herself to look after, but the baby. I could weep at what she must be going through.

  Vanessa didn’t let up. Without fail, at least once a day I’d get a text or a Facebook message from her, wanting to have coffee. Maybe it was selfish, but I couldn’t face her. She’d held so much hope that I’d waltz in and pick up all the pieces, but the pieces had to be ready to be picked up.

  Despite her maturing while I was gone, Vanessa didn’t understand how everything she wanted didn’t simply fall into place. Ella had to want it, and I had to be patient while she worked out everything at her own pace.

  Staying away was hard, and even though I still stood in the pouring rain, looking at the sky with the overwhelming urge to run to her place, no matter how far away it was, I couldn’t.

  One thing had benefitted from me trying to find distraction: my career. To fill the gap that now existed in my life, I’d thrown myself into my work, taking on every little project I could find. My manager fretted that I’d burn myself out, but I thrived on the long hours.

  I started running again, heading back to the office to shower and change. It was a little after one o’clock now. Around five I’d head home and spend the evening tapping out code while watching TV and drinking beer. Cooking for one was easy, but after running in the rain I figured a warm night in with pizza sounded good.

  Returning to the building, I headed up in the elevator. As I walked through reception, Carrie, the new receptionist, eyed me.

  “I hope you’re not dripping water everywhere.”

  I shrugged. “The rain stopped on the way back; I dried enough, I think. If not, I’ll bring the towel back out after my shower and clean up after me.” I shot her that flirty grin, making the young blonde blush and look away.

  “Is there anyone you don’t flirt with?” A familiar voice made me turn to the right. Vanessa sat on a couch, her arms and legs crossed, with one eyebrow raised as if she was telling me off.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “You don’t answer my calls, my texts, or my messages. What’s a girl supposed to do?” She gave me that look, the one she shared with Ella, which immediately filled me with guilt. So sad and confused.

  “I’ve been busy. Let me shower and warm up, and I’ll make a coffee if you want one.”

  I’d never seen her look quite so smug. “Sounds good.”

  “Back in a few.” I got to my desk and grabbed my bag. Maybe I should get out of here, now. I’m sure I can slip out the back door. No. Vanessa hadn’t done anything wrong; I just didn’t want to deal with her interrogation. No matter what happened, it’d be good for us to at least stay friends.

  The shower at work was crap, and I’d be lucky to get more than a couple of minutes of hot water before it decided I wanted to freeze. I made the most of it, getting as much time as I could, washing down quickly before drying myself off and pulling on my shirt and pants.

  Dropping my bag back behind the desk, I turned left and headed to the kitchen. Carrie stood at the fridge, a bottle of milk in her hand. It looked like she was after coffee, too.

  “Can you leave that out, please?” I asked.

  She smiled, opening the bottle and tipping some into her cup. “So, that girl out there. Is that your girlfriend?”

  I shook my head, meeting her eye. “Oh. Oh. Oh, no, she … well … it’s a long story.”

  “I’d like to hear it sometime.” She stirred her coffee with the spoon before licking it clean, sucking the metal through her lips.

  This was unexpected. That was what I get for flirting.

  “I’m in love with her sister.”

  Carrie dropped the spoon, twisting her mouth and rolling her eyes. “So, she’s your girlfriend’s sister?”

  I plucked two mugs from the cupboard and, taking a spoon from the drawer, added coffee and sugar to the cups. Picking up the milk bottle, I poured a little into each before adding the water.

  “Not my girlfriend. That’s the ‘long story’ bit.”

  “But you love her?”

  I grinned, couldn’t help it. The thought of Ella still did that to me. “More than anything.”

  Maybe that was a dramatic thing to say, but that was how I felt. She filled my heart with so much love and joy, even when she wasn’t a part of my life.

  “That’s cool. Good for you.” Carrie grinned. “If you ever want to talk, you know where to find me.”

  She turned, walking out as I picked up the cups and followed. I nodded at Vanessa, indicating for her to follow me, and we went out the back and into an office that had been claimed as an unofficial lunchroom.

  It was empty. This place had a fairly casual way of doing business. A lot of the coders worked from home, coming into the office when we had project meetings. I preferred coming into the office most of the time. With those who occupied desks around me not there, it was quiet, and I found it easier to concentrate than I did being at home. Here, there were no distractions.

  I put the drinks on the coffee table, sitting on a couch. Vanessa sat beside me, looking around the bare room.

  “So this is your work?”

  “It is.”

  “Why aren’t you talking to me?” She fixed her hazel eyes on me, and she was hurting. I could see it.

  “I’m sorry. I’m not ignoring you. Not in a mean way. I don’t know what to say to you right now.”

  She frowned. “I want you and Ella to sort things out and be together. I know you both want to.”

  There it was. That glimmer of hope. The one I didn’t need, the one I’d hidden from.

  “Is that really what Ella wants?” There. I’d asked the question.

  Vanessa licked her lips, as if she was thinking about what to say. “She has asked me if I’ve heard from you. She misses you. You should call her.”

  “I told her to call me when she was ready. She knows where I am. I’m not going anywhere.”

  Vanessa nodded. “She’s so sad. I hate seeing her this way. I think she feels like she’s lost both of you.”

  I picked up the coffee and took a sip. After being drenched in the cold rain, this was so good, warming me up, and I closed my eyes as I swallowed.

  “You still love her, right?” Vanessa’s voice was tiny, and I opened my eyes to see her clutching her coffee cup, pleading with her eyes.

  “I can’t stop thinking about her. I haven’t stopped since the day we met.”

  Tears welled in her eyes, and I smiled, reaching over with my thumbs and wiping them away before they rolled down her face.

  “I don’t know what’s going to happen, but you can believe this. I will always be there for Ella in whatever capacity she needs me. And I’ll always be there for you. You’re not too bad, squirt.”

  She grinned, rolling her eyes. “Are you ever going to stop calling me that?”

  I put the coffee cup down, taking hers and placing it beside mine on the table. Wrapping my arms around her shoulders, I hugged her tight.

  “Never.”

  I let go of her. Her eyes looked happier now we’d talked. “You interested in pizza for dinner? I’m going home at five and have some work to do this evening, but I was going to order pizza for dinner and sit in front of the television.”

  She nodded. “Sounds good.”

  “I’m not working on anything urgent. Maybe we can watch a movie or something.”

  Vanessa pulled me closer, hugging me again. “That sounds good, big bro.”

  She kissed me on the cheek, and damn it, I fought back tears as she walked away. She was always so warm and welcoming, just like her older
sister. Vanessa deserved only the very best.

  If I’d ever had a sister of my own, I would have wanted one like Ness.

  25

  ELLA

  Vanessa squeezed Ella’s hand. “I can’t wait to see this baby of yours. Do you think they’ll be able to tell us what the sex is?”

  Ella shrugged. “Hopefully.”

  Her sister leaned over, her face inches from Ella’s bump. “You need to co-operate. Do you hear? Your auntie wants to know what you are.”

  She sat up, a satisfied grin on her face. “That should do it.”

  Ella laughed, rolling her eyes. “You are going to be one bossy aunt.”

  “He or she is going to love me.” Vanessa poked her tongue out. “I don’t care what it is, as long as it’s healthy.”

  “I’m supposed to be the one who says that.”

  “Ella Mason?” A woman in a white coat stood at the entrance to the reception area. Ella smiled, standing, and pulled Vanessa to her feet.

  “This way please.” Ella followed down a corridor that led to a dark room. She took a deep breath as she saw the ultrasound machine. This was it.

  “I’m Lisa,” the woman said. “Shall we have a look at that baby of yours?”

  Ella grinned, her stomach twisting with excitement.

  “If you’d like to get up into the chair, we’ll get started.”

  Ella lay back in the seat, Lisa covering her legs with a sheet. “If you could pull your clothing up so we can get a look? The sheet’s just to cover you up.”

  Ella nodded, raising the sheet to cover her underwear as she pulled up her dress exposing her belly.

  Vanessa sat beside her, grabbing Ella’s hand in hers. Ella would be eternally grateful for the support of her sister through all of this, glad she was living in the same city now.

  “This is going to be a bit cold.” Lisa held the bottle of gel above Ella’s stomach. She gasped as the cold gel hit her skin, laughing as Vanessa squeezed her hand.

  The transducer spread the gel out as the technician slid it across Ella. She grinned, looking up at the screen, when the picture changed, and there was her baby. Breathing, kicking, its little heart beating visible on the screen.

  “Hello,” she whispered.

  “Oh my God, Ella. Your baby looks huge. What is it?” Vanessa asked.

  “Ness, let the lady do her job.”

  With a flurry of clicks and measurements, Lisa labelled pictures of the baby’s organs while Ella watched, entranced. Another few months, and her baby would be there.

  “Ella.” Vanessa nudged her, and she turned to see Vanessa nodding toward Lisa.

  “Did you what to know what you’re having?” Lisa directed the question to Ella.

  “Yes,” Vanessa said.

  Ella laughed. “Yes, I do.”

  In a blur the images changed, and a few screens later, Lisa paused the picture.

  “To me, that looks like you’re having a boy.”

  Ella swallowed, her heart racing. A little boy. She couldn’t wait to hold her son in her arms and love him.

  “He looks pretty good considering he’s half douche.”

  Ella elbowed Vanessa in annoyance, even though her heart sang at the sight of her baby.

  “Must be the cool Ella part shining through.” Vanessa rested her head on Ella’s arm.

  “I’m glad you’re here to see him,” Ella said, blinking back tears.

  “Me too.”

  IN THE EVENING, still excited about her earlier ultrasound, Ella had arranged to meet Sam at his place. Her lawyer had prepared all the paperwork for who would get what. Sam had barely anything but his car and his personal belongings. He’d left Ella with the house and everything else inside.

  Ella bit down on her bottom lip. Now or never.

  Gathering all her courage, she knocked on the door. When Sam opened, all those old feelings came flooding back.

  “Ella. It’s good to see you. You’re looking good.”

  If he noticed she wasn’t wearing her usual tighter-fitting clothing, he didn’t say a word. Ella had deliberately worn a long, flowing dress in case her small eighteen-week bump showed.

  She nodded. “Thank you. So are you.”

  Sam held the door, ushering her in.

  The living room was tiny, and the other woman sat on the couch, clutching at her small belly, meeting Ella’s eye as if meeting a challenge.

  She looked so young that Ella’s heart went out to her, but a pain began in her gut when she remembered this was the girl—no, the woman—who had slept with her husband, knowing he was married.

  “This is Petra.”

  “I know.” Ella nodded, her eyes narrowing as the young woman smiled.

  Sam frowned. “Of course you do.”

  “There are some things we need to talk about,” Ella said, turning back toward Sam.

  “I agree. You have the papers for the asset splitting?”

  She took a deep breath, pulling them from her bag. “I do. Sam, there’s something else …”

  He took the papers, moving toward the couch and sitting beside Petra. Petra snuggled up to him, wrapping her hands around his arms as if claiming him. As if Ella needed any reminder he wasn’t hers.

  Sam cast an eye down the paper. “It looks okay, but I’ll have to sit down and go through it properly.”

  “We will,” Petra said, with a smug smile.

  God. I want to punch her.

  “Sam, I …”

  “I guess you’re with Matt now. Good on you. He always did hang around you like a dog on heat.”

  Take a deep breath. Then give them a surprise.

  “At least he knows what he’s getting. I guess with Petra being pregnant, we know why we never stood a chance.”

  Ella’s heart fell at the words he thought were painful. Screw him. Her bump would stay secret. Sam wasn’t stupid. One day he’d find out and maybe even put the dates together, but Ella no longer wanted him as the father of her child.

  When it came down to it, Ella was alone.

  “Everything is in there; you just need to sign,” Ella whispered.

  He flicked through the papers, as Petra hovered. No doubt she wanted him to sign. She looked up at Ella. “Leave them with us.”

  What the hell does it have to do with you? Ella held it in, glaring at Petra. Sam was completely oblivious to the tension.

  “Give them to your lawyer, Sam. I’m sure he’ll know what to do.”

  She turned to face the door. The sooner she was out of this place, the better. It didn’t even compare to the cosy little house her and Sam had together. Wallpaper peeled off the walls. It felt damp, and not looked after.

  “I’ll walk you out, Ell.”

  She looked back over her shoulder to see Petra staring daggers at her.

  Sam escorted Ella out the door, down the path, and to her car door. “Hey. I’m sorry how things turned out.”

  “So am I,” she said.

  He looked back over his shoulder, toward Petra, standing in the doorway. “You know, maybe it doesn’t have to be the end. We could still see one another from time to time. I mean, when we weren’t trying to make a baby, the sex was pretty good.”

  Ella clamped her lips together, taking deep breaths. “You still want to have sex with me?” She said each word slowly, deliberately, loudly.

  Sam cringed, backing away from the car. She watched as he scuttled back toward Petra, who stood there, her arms crossed. Smiling, Ella opened the door to her car, settled into the driver’s seat, buckled her seatbelt and drove into the night.

  Back to her empty, lonely house. The house that no longer reminded her of him.

  I miss you, Matt.

  The house was dark, and Ella flicked on the living room light as she entered. This was her house, through and through, from the dainty floral wallpaper, to the curtains. There was nothing about this place that reminded her of him, nothing physical. There were memories of happier times, but those were in the past now.
>
  If this house was to be full of love and laughter again, Ella had to do something about it.

  Maybe I should ask Vanessa to move in. Ella smiled at the thought of her sister coming to live with her. Not little miss independence. Vanessa had been itching to leave home since she was seven, when she put her backpack on and headed down the long gravel driveway leading out from the house to the road. Their father had given her a five-minute head start to let her think she was getting away before going after her.

  At sixteen, Ella had rolled her eyes and laughed at her sister’s attempt to attain freedom. Now she understood that need more than anything. She needed to get away.

  She’d saved up her annual leave at work, and she had a little money tucked away her parents had given her. Maybe it was time for a break, time to finally clear her mind before coming back to wait for her baby’s birth and start a new life.

  Maybe Matt would start that life with her.

  26

  MATT

  I spotted Vanessa from across the food court. She was the one with the smile a mile wide, waving frantically at me.

  “Hey, squirt,” I said, bending over to kiss the top of her head before sitting beside her. I swiped a fry from her tray as I placed mine down on the table.

  She looked out from under her eyelashes at me. “I thought we’d agreed you wouldn’t call me that anymore.”

  I grinned. “I didn’t agree to anything.”

  Vanessa rolled her eyes and picked her burger up, taking a big bite out of it. She closed her eyes, moaning, as I shook my head, laughing.

  “So, how are you?” I asked.

  “Good,” she mumbled through a mouthful of food. She chewed and swallowed, taking a big gulp of Coke from the plastic cup in front of her and letting out a loud burp. “But I bet it’s Ella you really want to ask about.”

  “Staying away is so hard, but being there is even harder. It’s been four months,” I said quietly, dipping my head to look at my burger.

  “She asked me about you again.”