by Caisey Quinn
So they were back to that. Back to CO and subordinate. Back to ranks and formalities.
“Have a good evening, Private Brooks. Get some rest. See you in class tomorrow.”
Just as he started to leave, she called out his name.
“Chase?”
Swallowing hard and doing his best to ignore the effect his name on her lips had on him, he turned to face her. “Yeah?”
She hesitated for a brief moment, leaning on the door as if she wasn’t yet ready to close it on him. “Why did you stay today? With me—at the med center?”
Because it was my fault you were there in the first place.
Because seeing you passed out on the ground scared the hell out of me and I needed to see that you were okay.
Because I can’t stay away from you no matter how hard I try.
The truth threatened to jump off the tip of his tongue but it would only make things between them more complicated. Shoving his hands in his pockets to keep from touching her was an extreme exercise in self-control.
“Because I’m your CO and I’m responsible for you.” There. That wasn’t a complete lie.
Vivien’s forehead creased as she gazed at him skeptically. “Uh-huh. If it had been Private Allen or Private Lewis that fell out today, would you have stayed with them?”
He was fairly certain seeing either of the male soldiers unconscious on the ground wouldn’t have affected him as much.
“If you’re implying I don’t think you can take care of yourself, you’re wrong,” he clarified. “You were on my team. I left my post and something happened. If a recruit had done that, I would’ve reamed his or her ass out. So in a way, what happened today is on me. And I am sorry for that. I guess the guilt made me want to stick around and make sure you were all right.”
Vivien nodded slowly. “The guilt. Okay. Got it.”
The wounded look in her expression made him wonder if she was looking for a different answer.
Chase took a step closer, aching to relieve the hurt he’d unintentionally caused. “Vivien . . .”
She lifted her chin and her eyes met his. So many questions darkened her stare. So much intrigue and curiosity. But he couldn’t answer her questions. Not without crossing a million lines that they could not and should not cross tonight.
“It wasn’t just the guilt.” He sighed and gave a slight shake of his head. “But I’m pretty sure you know that already.”
Vivien opened her door a little further and stepped close enough that her chest brushed against his when she breathed. “Then why aren’t you coming inside?”
If she said coming one more time, he was a goner.
“Because the doctor said not to overexert yourself. Get inside, Viv. Lock the door. Get some rest.”
With that, Chase retreated. While he still could.
9
Vivien leaned against her closed door and tried to regain her composure. The composure she’d lost and had yet to see again since meeting Chase Fisk.
Way to make a complete ass of yourself, Brooks.
She’d invited him inside, admitted that she had some types of feelings about what was happening between them, and he’d basically told her to keep it to herself.
Dear God, he’d seen her stark-ass naked at the hospital. And he’d still walked away.
She’d known better than to tempt him, than to tempt herself. But after today she’d needed something. Comfort. Distraction. Both things she knew he was capable of providing. But would it be worth what it could cost them? Clearly it wasn’t worth it to him, judging from his reaction.
That night she fell into a restless sleep that was plagued by nightmares. Nightmares in which she was trapped inside the space suit from hell and Chase was walking away, watching her burn.
Watching her suffocate without the air it felt like only he could provide.
***
The following morning, Vivien sat in front of her laptop in her room. For the first time in weeks, she was dreading EOD training. Not only had her entire unit seen her drop like a ton of bricks, she’d made a humiliating pass at Chase and he’d turned her down flat. She’d spent a mostly sleepless night weighing her options.
There were other specialties she could focus on. She’d tested high enough to pick nearly any department she wanted.
There was a need for soldiers in strategical and tactical intelligence.
There was still time to apply for a transfer to the military police department.
There was only one problem.
No matter which field she transferred to, the first requirement on the form was going to be excruciating to obtain: a signature of approval from her current CO.
Her teeth ground together involuntarily while she made the trek to the training field. She could do this. Get through one more session, hang out and wait until everyone was gone, then adios. She could officially start over in a new unit with a new CO. One she hadn’t banged in a back alley behind a bar.
Knowing she should feel relief instead of the heavy weight of regret pressing against her chest, Vivien swallowed her pride and joined the formation on the field as soon as she arrived. She opted for a spot in back this time instead of in the front.
Today’s exercise didn’t involve the suit. Vivien thanked the Powers that Be for that small favor and smiled when she realized today’s activity involved using a PAN disrupter to detonate small explosives. Basically it was target practice. This she could do with her eyes closed.
Corporal Fisk marched up and down the aisles giving instructions. Vivien’s heartbeat sped to a full gallop when he came close to her, but she maintained her poker face. He paired her with Private Allison Lindsey, one of the other female soldiers and Private Devon Lawson, a black guy who looked enough like Shemar Moore to distract every female within a five-mile radius.
The trio finished in record time, with Lawson giving her a loud “Damn, girl” when she nailed the target on her first try. She smiled and fist bumped him, realizing that transferring would mean starting over with a new group when she’d just started to feel at home with this one.
Just when she began to have second thoughts, the main reason her transfer was necessary reared its ugly head.
The suit.
Several soldiers were wearing them to retrieve the remnants of the IEDs.
Vivien’s mouth went instantly dry and swallowing became nearly impossible.
As if he could sense her discomfort, Corporal Fisk made eye contact from across the field. She clenched her jaw and ignored him.
There was no point in second-guessing what she already knew to be true. That damn suit had beaten her. Denying it would only lead to wasting her time specializing in a field she’d never be successful in. Her failure to overcome her weaknesses could put lives in danger.
Once the training session was complete, Vivien took her time lingering toward the edge of the field. Corporal Fisk stood chatting amicably with two other soldiers she didn’t recognize. One of them kind of looked like one of the guys he’d been with at the bar—the biggest one. But the other stood too far away for her to make out. After several moments she began to wonder if he was purposely avoiding her.
Until her phone buzzed.
It was a text from an unknown number.
Go to my office. It’s across from the classroom. Be there as soon as I can.
She glanced over to where he stood, squinting in the bright sunshine. He held his phone but barely even looked at it. She frowned and texted back.
How’d you get my number?
He waited several more minutes before even glancing down at his screen. The other two men seemed oblivious.
I’m your CO. I have access to your file. Go.
So he’d checked it for her number then. She couldn’t help but smirk as she saved him as Corporal Perfect Cock in her contacts list.
&
nbsp; Is that a direct order, Corporal?
His response came quicker.
It is.
Knowing she was transferring out of his unit after today made her bold. She fired off another quick response.
And if I don’t?
She bit her lip, wondering if she was pushing it a little too far.
It’s the military, Private. You know how we feel about punishment.
Don’t do it, Brooks, she chastised herself. She’d already embarrassed herself enough the day before. But what the hell? She might never see him again.
How do you feel about punishment, Corporal Fisk? Personally, I’m for it.
She felt her cheeks flush, but teasing him via text message was the most fun she’d had since their night together.
She didn’t wait around for his response. She just tucked her phone away and headed toward his office.
Once she arrived, she checked and saw that he had, in fact, messaged her back.
Don’t ask questions you can’t handle the answers to.
Oh, she could handle it all right. And now that she was exiting his command, she had every intention of showing him just how much she could handle.
10
Chase was beginning to wonder if Vivien Brooks had suffered much more than a heatstroke.
Perhaps the helmet had cracked her skull when she passed out because she seemed to be out of her mind lately.
Inviting him into her room, waiting for him after field exercises, asking how he felt about punishment. He was a strong man, capable of resisting a great deal of temptation, but she was poking a horny-as-hell bear and the bear was damn near ready to poke back.
As soon as he reached his small office, he saw her standing next to his desk holding a manila envelope.
“Private Brooks,” he greeted her, locking his door behind him because who the hell knew what was about to go down between them. Certainly not him. “How can I help you?”
Oh, there were so many ways he’d like to help her.
She handed him the envelope immediately. “First, you can sign off on my paperwork. Beyond that, I think we should wait to discuss it until after you’ve signed.”
Chase frowned in confusion but he took the papers out of the thin packet.
Bold black words screamed at him from the page.
REQUEST FOR UNIT TRANSFER.
Was she serious? She’d filled out her portion of the form and helpfully highlighted the line where his signature was needed, so perhaps she was.
“Is this a joke of some sort?”
He attempted to hand her the forms back, but she shook her head.
“No joke.” She inhaled deeply. “I’m claustrophobic, Corporal. It’s why I needed to be on top in the back of your truck. It’s also why I never take the elevator in my building. And why I can’t handle wearing the bomb suit—which we both know is a vital requirement to becoming an EOD Specialist.”
Her words came out in a rush but each one hit him like a solid blow to the chest. Chase felt like a jackass for not catching on sooner. He’d been so busy reeling from the shock of being her CO, he’d missed the obvious signs.
He lowered the papers onto his desk. “Did you know you were claustrophobic when you enlisted?”
Vivien nodded. “I did. I’ve been this way since I was a kid. I just thought . . . I don’t know. I guess I thought I could overcome it.”
Chase stared intently at her. She was the most promising student he’d ever seen. “And now you don’t think you can?”
She leveled him with her stare. “Now who’s the one joking around? You saw me. I passed out cold.”
Chase nodded. “I did. But those suits weren’t fully equipped with the cooling systems the newer ones have. It was damn near one hundred degrees yesterday. Even the doctor said the heat was a factor in—”
“Chase,” she interrupted abruptly. “Sorry. I mean Corporal. Please. Don’t make excuses for me. It wasn’t the heat. It was me. I couldn’t fight off the dizzying effects of my claustrophobia. I tried. I failed. It’s time to move on.”
“Bullshit,” Chase bit out, through with the formalities now that she’d called him by his first name. There was no one else around. No more need for the circus act.
“Excuse me?”
He took a step closer to where she stood. “I said, bullshit. Because that’s all this is.” He gestured to the papers on his desk. “You’re good at this. Hell, you intimidate me and I’ve been doing it for years.”
“And during those years, I bet you wore that suit in the middle of the damn desert without flinching.”
Chase shook his head. “You’re wrong. Yeah, I wore it, but I threw up the minute they got me out of it the first time.” He took another step closer to her. “There’s no shame in being human, Viv.”
Her eyes softened when he called her Viv. “What if I can’t do it? What if people get hurt or die because I can’t hack it?”
“What if you can?” he challenged. “What if we work on techniques to help you overcome your issue? Think of how many lives you could save.”
Vivien raised a skeptical eyebrow at him. “Why are you pushing this?”
Chase took a long hard look at the reason behind his refusal to let her transfer. Yes, he enjoyed seeing her, being close to her, and being her CO. And yeah, he wanted to make love to her until she couldn’t walk. But there was more to it than that.
Sucking in a lungful of oxygen and all of his courage, he told her the truth.
“When I was eight, my dad and his buddies took me on one of their fishing trips to the lake.” He closed his eyes, remembering how stupid he’d been to believe his dad actually wanted him to go. Later he’d learned that a babysitter had backed out at the last minute. “I was excited. He didn’t often include me in anything.”
He opened his eyes to see Vivien’s locked on him.
“They were drinking, driving the boat recklessly. Not really paying attention to me at all. By the time the sun set, I was tired, sunburnt, and starving. They were all too busy drinking to notice. At one point, whoever was driving turned the boat too hard and I fell into the water.”
She opened her mouth but he answered her question before she could ask it.
“No, I wasn’t wearing a life jacket. There weren’t any my size on the boat and honestly, my dad probably wouldn’t have bothered even if there were.”
Chase felt his pulse amp up and a surge of anger that his father still got to him rose to the surface.
“He wouldn’t even put a hand out to help me back in the boat. He laughed. Told me to man up and swim. I’d wanted to come out with the big boys so I needed to act like one.”
He turned away so he wouldn’t have to see the pity on her face. Straightening some random papers on his desk that didn’t need it, he wrapped up quickly. “Anyway, it was a good distance and I was small for my age. By the time I was able to get myself onto the boat I was ready to pass out or die. But I didn’t. And it took me ten years to get over my fear of the water. But I enlisted, learned to swim, and got over it and on with my life. Just like you will.”
Vivien moved to where he stood. He flinched as her hand grazed his face.
“Your dad sounds like a grade-A bastard. I’m sorry,” she said quietly.
Chase closed his eyes and allowed himself to bask in the sensation of her touch for just a moment.
“He is,” he confirmed, stepping out of her reach. “But I don’t let that determine what I can and cannot do. So wherever your fear of enclosed spaces comes from, we can work on it. I’ll help you. One hour every day after class we can meet and you can wear the suit for small periods of time until you get a handle on it.”
Vivien bit her lip. “I don’t know. I mean, what if I can’t? What if I pass out every single time?”
Chase looked away from her mouth before he gave in to the r
ush of impulses flooding his brain. “We’ll go slow. If you pass out, I’ll be there. I’ll bring smelling salts.”
She gifted him a glimpse of her gorgeous grin. “You’d do that for me?”
He shrugged. “I’m your CO. It’s my job.”
She nodded but there was reluctance in her posture. “Okay,” she said slowly. “I just don’t want to waste your time.”
Chase frowned. “No matter the outcome, I can guarantee I won’t consider anything we do together a waste of time.”
Vivien held his intense stare, and he suspected she was trying to determine if there was more beneath his words than what he was saying. There was. There always was subtext when she was involved. “It’s worth a try, I suppose.”
“So what else did you want to discuss?” Chase asked, recalling that she’d said “first” when their conversation began and mentioned waiting until he’d signed her request before discussing anything further.
An impish grin snuck across her face and she shook her head. “Nothing, I guess. Not if you’re still going to be my CO after today.”
Hunger churned low in Chase’s stomach—hunger completely unrelated to the fact that it was past lunchtime.
“And if I wasn’t? If I’d signed off and let you go?”
Vivien stepped backward like Little Red Riding Hood retreating from the wolf. Smart girl.
“But you are and you didn’t. So I guess we won’t be having that conversation after all,” she said before walking out and leaving him alone yet again.
He wasn’t sure, but he suspected she was almost as disappointed about that as he was.
11
Vivien stared at the current bane of her existence. She and Chase had worked on overcoming her claustrophobia for the past two days but had made little progress.
It lay on the ground appearing harmless, but in reality, it was a demon come to life to destroy her dreams.
Chase didn’t know where her fear of enclosed spaces came from, but she did.
The night her parents were taken away her mom had put her in a closet in the attic to keep her safe.