Honeytrap
Page 8
“I heard about the bet he has going with his cousins, and he’s not going to stop until he gets what he wants.”
“There’s not a bet anymore. I made sure of that.”
She sent me a look that went far beyond her years. There was a sadness there, a weighty wisdom that I hadn’t found in myself yet. I sort of hoped I’d never find it, either.
Did Jadyn have someone to keep her spirits up? Because at least I had Evie and Mom. So who did she have, besides the great uncle who’d taken her in when she was in grade school after her parents had been in a fatal car wreck near the fairgrounds?
She sighed, then collected her coffee and bagel, standing. “Shelby,” she said, “you can listen to me or not, but you need to believe that there’s a bet still going with Micah, no matter what he says.”
And before she could get too chummy with her co-pariah, she left, the bell on the door ringing in the empty shop.
***
When I got home with the milk, as well as some Nutella, popcorn, and other Shelby essentials, I saw that the kitchen had been cleaned up, not a crumb or bottle on the counters.
Dammit, I’d wanted to straighten up the kitchen so Mom didn’t have to. That was part of why I’d come back this summer—to help in any way I could. But then I realized that the lack of work was a blessing in disguise.
My meeting with Jadyn hadn’t only made me understand her a little more—it had inspired me to get my butt on the computer to do some digging on Micah. And if I didn’t have any cleanup to do, I could get right to it.
She’d warned me about him, but she hadn’t said anything I didn’t know. Yet was there something else she’d been trying to tell me about the new guy in town? Was he even worse than I thought he was? Most importantly, though, what if Micah did know something about my father and I’d thrown it back in his face?
I fired up the ancient computer in my room, waiting forever for it to boot. I only thanked God that we had a high-speed connection and not dial-up, even though I suspected Mom was considering cutting that out of the budget.
After the screen finally solidified, I got online, going straight to every social media site I could think of: Instagram, Twitter, Tumblr, Facebook, even Flickr, but Micah wasn’t on any of them. Then again, Micah didn’t seem the type to expose himself all over the web.
I also ran his name through a search engine, but nothing much came up there, either, except for a mention or two about Deacon and Darwin’s shop. A couple of girls had been on Yelp, saying how hot the check-in guy was.
Yeah. Anyway, just as I was about to shut down, my phone dinged, and I went to it, discovering an e-mail on one of the social media sites I used. And it was from Rex.
I didn’t go into the ParlorFly app on my phone. I only stared at the screen, daring myself to look at what Rex could possibly have to say to me. Was it about Jadyn and how we’d chatted? Had Mr. Hernandez reported our conversation to him?
Dammit, I was torturing myself with this, but the last thing I was going to do was jump right on his e-mail and respond. I had a shred of dignity left, and I wanted to hold onto it. But the longer I sat there, the more dark curiosity started to creep into me, and I did something I hadn’t done for months.
I went back on the computer, accessing the old account on the ParlorFly site that Rex had used just now. But I didn’t go to his latest contact yet. Instead, my eyes—and my masochism—were inexplicably drawn to the final messages he’d sent me just before our breakup.
March 14, 9:14pm
Subject: Met you in student union
Hey,
Remember me? Dont break my heart by saying no.
Jason
March 14, 9:56pm
Reply re: Met you in student union
Do I know you? Sorry. I don’t remember a “Jason” from the student union . . .
March 14, 10:00pm
Reply re: Met you in student union
Dark hair, dark eyes, big fan of urs?
March 14, 10:04pm
Reply re: Met you in student union
I think you have the wrong account?
March 14, 10:06pm
Reply re: Met you in student union
Nope. Got the right 1. And dont get weird on me but this isnt really Jason. Its Rex. My friend Jason let me borrow his account cuz we need to talk and u havent been answering any messages in the other forums.
March 14, 10:09pm
Reply re: Met you in student union
Actually, we don’t need to talk. You’re a cheater, Rex. I know this firsthand.
But I think I know why you cheat. You’re scared to death that *you’ll* get cheated on, so you make sure it doesn’t happen to you before any of your girlfriends do it. That’s just sad, and that’s why we’re done.
Don’t contact me again. Don’t pretend like everything is okay.
Leave me alone.
March 14, 10:15pm
Reply re: Met you in student union
Cum on, dont be this way. Meet me somewhere for coffee or at my place. Dont b such a bitch about this.
March 14, 10:20pm
Reply re: Met you in student union
R u there?
Dont do this Lana.
March 14, 10:26pm
Subject: Last Message EVER
Oh, Rex. Just so you know, even though this account belongs to Lana Peyton, you are not talking to her. You were never canoodling with “Lana” on the boards, in a private chat, or an e-mail, like you think you’re doing right now. She was always me.
Yes, me, you fucking asshole.
SHELBY
My own name blurred in front of me on the screen as tears choked my throat.
SHELBY.
Also known as Lana Peyton.
7
Nobody needed to tell me how shitty my act with Rex had been. But baiting him with Lana Peyton hadn’t been something I’d done for kicks or because I was feeling impulsive and playful.
I’d been worried he was cheating, and I’d wanted to see if I was wrong.
I wasn’t.
There was a beautiful irony in all this, too: I was more like Rex than I’d ever expected to be in the beginning. I’d always suspected that he cheated on his girlfriends before he could lose them. But me? I had wanted to see if he would cheat on me before I fully believed that he’d changed into a one-woman guy. We were both saboteurs. But there was something even more to my deception than that.
When I’d told Micah last night that being fatherless hadn’t affected me much, maybe that wasn’t so true. Maybe I actually expected everyone to leave me, and Rex had been no exception. Maybe, in my warped world, I had even forced him to leave, sabotaging myself most of all.
I’d become Lana Peyton for the same reason I’d given up my virginity to Rex—because I was so afraid of losing the biggest game I’d ever been a part of.
It was strange to realize that I had been such a together person before dating him—a great student, a trustworthy friend, a shy girl who dreamed of true romance. But that had all started to change after I would see Rex with a girl in the library lobby, him leaning toward her, whispering something in her ear until I would walk up and he would step away. Or I’d find him standing in the midst of sorority girls, touching their arms, tweaking their cheeks with a come-on smile. Little by little, my confidence about being the chosen one for the campus football god had eroded.
Why would he want me more than all the others? I’d think. When would he go back to serial screwing every girl he came across, if he wasn’t doing that already?
So I’d started visiting ParlorFly, a social site I had never belonged to before, although I knew Rex liked to hang out there with his gamer crowd. They talked about role-playing games where they’d shoot up everything, and that just wasn’t my thing. And as I watched him on the public boards, I’d see the pattern there t
hat I’d noticed on campus.
A female. Rex. Flirting.
I paid a lot of attention to these girls, noticing their sexy profiles, marveling at how they so easily fit into a world I wasn’t a part of. But, eventually, I became one of them, using a new e-mail address, keeping my real identity a secret.
I named her Lana, because it sounded sexy. Peyton, because of Rex’s football idol. And on my very first try—bam. Bulls-eye.
Hooking him had been simple, but it’d been puzzling to me, too. Half of me hated Lana for being “the other woman.” The other half . . .
The other half liked being her.
As I sat in my desk chair now, I couldn’t stop myself from clicking off the non-public e-mails in Lana Peyton’s account and going to her equally private chat window, where Rex had gotten in touch with her that first time.
Since I came on here sometimes, just for more of those masochistic slaps in the face, it was all uncomfortably familiar. Too bad the computer was still slow, because my nerves stretched until I was finally able to scroll down to the middle of that first chat room encounter.
The beginning of the end.
Lana Peyton: I came with this last name.
8:30pm
T-Rex Alvarez: Really . . . What else do u come with?
8:31pm
T-Rex Alvarez: . . . ?
8:33pm
T-Rex Alvarez: 2 soon?
8:34pm
Lana Peyton: No. Just my roommate again . . . So tell me . . . What are you suggesting I come with? You?
8:35pm
Lana Peyton: ???
8:36pm
T-Rex Alvarez: Ru 4 real?
8:36pm
Lana Peyton: As real as it gets, QB. And I’m not wearing much, either. Just this cute little silk white tank and matching shorts.
8:37pm
T-Rex Alvarez: What do u look like without them?
8:38pm
Lana Peyton: Well . . .
8:38pm
T-Rex Alvarez: Come on Lana.
8:38pm
Lana Peyton: God. Ok.
8:40pm
T-Rex Alvarez: Nice. What color is ur hair?
8:40pm
Lana Peyton: Light brown, long, streaming over my breasts. The hair tickles them, and I brush it away. The sensation makes me ache, so I touch them . . .
8:41pm
T-Rex Alvarez: Ur killing me Lana.
8:42pm
Lana Peyton: Good.
8:42pm
T-Rex Alvarez: Keep going . . .
8:43pm
And I did keep going because, during that first rendezvous, I’d forgotten I was shy Shelby who didn’t know what to do in bed with Rex. I wasn’t the person who wanted to see how far my own boyfriend would go with a complete stranger online, because I was that stranger, and I suddenly had so much power over him.
It got me off in a way I’d never anticipated, all alone in my room, hoping my roommate wouldn’t come back early from her study group.
So that’s why I’d let it happen with Rex again, and then again. Pretending to be Lana had stopped being about trapping him, because he’d already failed my test. I’d started to enjoy this kind of sex—it felt good, not bad. It felt free.
But, eventually, I realized I was just as trapped as he was, and I began to make excuses for what I was doing, telling myself that this wasn’t real because it was the Internet. And then my bubble had burst altogether when Rex had asked Lana to meet him face-to-face.
That’d been the last straw, a wake-up call, a hideous shakeup, not only about the lengths Rex had been willing to go with another woman, but about me. Who the hell was I? I’d never known there was a Lana in me, and I pushed her away, denying she’d taken me over, even temporarily. And that’s when I’d called out Rex for cheating.
Now, I clicked back to Lana’s e-mails, where Rex had contacted me, pretending to be Jason. With one more click, I could check the message he’d sent tonight. Just one click.
Fear welled up in me. Why was he even using Lana’s message center instead of trying to text me or e-mail my regular addy?
There had to be a reason.
My heart racing, I reached for my phone, seeking a life raft, someone to talk me down from my rising panic. God, I’d left Evie out of so much when it came to Lana, but I couldn’t keep all this to myself now—not if Rex was using Lana to mess with me.
Evie answered right away. “What’s the scoop?”
Her uplifting voice was almost enough to drag me away from the pit of darkness that was my computer. “You asked me why I honeytrapped Rex, and I never told you everything. I’m sorry, Evie.”
“Shit,” she said. “You’re wallowing, aren’t you? Want me to come over?”
“No, it’s okay.” I’d see her tonight, after she trained with Frannie at the café. “Rex just left an e-mail in the Lana Peyton account, and it threw me off balance, that’s all.”
“Oh, man. What did he say? And why did he use that account?”
“Don’t know. I haven’t looked at his post.” Can’t bring myself to look.
“Then let me come over and do it for you. I can be your filter.”
“I don’t know if I’m ready for this.”
“Shel, the curiosity’s going to kill you. You’ll thank me for filtering.”
I didn’t say anything because I felt frozen.
“Okay.” She didn’t push me. She never did, not even after the news had broken that I had honeytrapped Rex online and that I needed to be put in the public stocks—or at least the modern version of them.
I took a breath, let it out. “I kind of miss her.”
Evie paused. I thought I heard splashing in the background and wondered if she was sunning herself by her backyard pool. “Are you talking about Lana?”
“Yeah.”
“All right.” She hesitated again. “I mean, I think I see where you’re going with this. My psychology professor might say that you activated your id with Lana Peyton, and you could be as wild as you wanted to be with her. Or as no-holds-barred in giving Rex the cheater what he deserved. With Lana, you could do things your ego would never do as the nice Shelby Carson. That’s why you miss her.”
So I was Jekyll and Hyde.
I leaned back in my chair, calming down, thanks to Evie’s cool reasoning. Why had I thought it’d be hard to confess all this to her? Paranoia? Shame?
Evie gasped liked she’d just thought of something. “Hey, do you think Rex is contacting Lana because he wants to see if you’re up to being her again? I heard he’s not seeing anyone yet, so . . .”
Something in my stomach twisted, and not in a good way. “He’d be a sick puppy if he crawled back to me and Lana. Besides, he’d never risk the social humiliation if anyone found out. And I made it clear that there’s no future since I wasn’t exactly nice Shelby after he pretended he was ‘Jason.’ When I revealed myself, I was mean Shelby.”
“But we both know how persistent he can be when he wants something.”
That was true. After I told him who I really was, he’d tried to call me over and over again, and I’d picked up once, telling him that I was staying with a friend outside of the dorms so he shouldn’t bother trying to come to my room. But that didn’t stop him—he’d waited outside my biology class the next morning, and we’d had it out there.
I never did make it inside that classroom. We’d argued so loudly in front of the building that an upperclassman had inserted himself between us, telling Rex to back off. In tears, I’d thanked the guy, running away, holing up at my friend’s place until spring break.
I’d fled to Aidan Falls then, discovering that Rex had already told his side
of the story to everyone—and that he’d fallen into the arms of the first compassionate girl he’d seen, cuddling up with Jadyn Dandritch to show that he was over me.
Evie spoke. “What I can’t believe is that you haven’t deleted that damned account, Shel. Do you enjoy sticking it to yourself?”
A smile weighed on my lips. “I keep the account open as a reminder to never go back to Rex. He wanted Lana more than he wanted me, and whenever I forget that, I can come back here.”
“God, stop carrying a torch for him. It’s unhealthy.”
“I . . . don’t carry a torch.”
Evie’s sigh said it all. I was warped.
“You’re pissed at me about this.” I sat back in my chair, deflated. “I can’t blame you. Who wants such a bent friend?”
“Cut it out.” She’d gotten dead serious. “We’ve been as tight as two peas in a pod since grade school and nothing’s going to change that. Sure, you’re worrying me with this Rex stuff, but that’s why I’m here—to get you through it. We’ve always accepted everything about each other. Don’t you get that?”
I nodded, even though she couldn’t see me. It was hard to talk with my throat constricting yet again.
“You know what would make me feel better, though?” she asked.
I held the phone tight. “What?”
She ignored my croak. “If there’s one thing you do this summer besides not be a blob, I want you to leave Rex behind. I’ll help you in any way I can.”
I smiled, swallowing. “Okay.”
“Okay what?”
“Okay, I will definitely leave him behind.”
“Good.” Her voice lightened. “Now get off that computer and get out of the house. Have some me time. Doctor’s orders.”
I promised her, and by the time we hung up, I was feeling better. God bless Evie.
I put down the phone and started to get out of the chair, but the glow of the computer screen felt like an ever-watching eye, Rex’s e-mail subject lines staring out at me.
Just leave him behind, I thought. And the first step in doing that would be to get rid of Lana Peyton’s account.
But when I touched the keyboard to start the process, I couldn’t carry through.