Benjamin

by K R Hall

  Sabrina arrived at the medical clinic quickly. Their compound was spread out, but not too far that walking from each location was difficult. Galena greeted her warmly and they went to her office.

  “How do you know when you are infertile?” Sabrina asked.

  “What makes you think you’re infertile?”

  “Ben and I have been mated over five years now and still no cubs.”

  “That doesn’t necessarily mean you aren’t fertile. There is no single test for infertility. The most effective test is done with an ultrasound,” Galena explained. “Before we do any testing, tell me what’s going on. Your lack of a cub could be for many reasons.”

  “I don’t know where to begin.”

  “There are the women who do all the right things, but months and years pass and the strip in the home pregnancy kit refuses to change color. Let’s start with the basics then. How often do you have sex?”

  “Well, not as much as we used to when we were first mated. I would say, maybe once a month. Ben is under a lot of pressure and stress right now.”

  “Everyone gets stressed once in a while. If you’re at your wit’s end for a few weeks, it likely won’t hurt your baby-making capability. But if your stress continues for a long time or if you’re dealing with a major upheaval like a death in the family, then your ovulation might get thrown out of whack,” Galena said.

  “The everyday things Ben deals with as alpha aren’t causing his stress. It’s the battles and attacks by Pickens and his men. Many days, he comes home, and I can feel the stress pouring off him. He’s so stressed and tired that I am afraid to ask for sex. It’s why we have it so infrequently. Sometimes, we go months with no sex.”

  “It sounds like you both can use some destressing techniques. One easy way is to spend time each night, training your body to go into a state of deep tranquility. Take a few minutes to close your eyes and after taking a few deep breaths, imagine transporting yourself to a remote destination. Experience all the senses of your surroundings, what do you hear and smell. The benefits of the ‘relaxation response’ include a slower heart rate and lower blood pressure. If that doesn’t work, try other meditations and yoga,” Galena said.

  “I can do that. I will do my best to talk Ben into doing these exercises with me.”

  “Good. Now, while I’ve got you, let me take some blood and run a few little tests to see if there is anything else going on with your body. If they come back negative, then I will want to run tests on Benjamin.”

  Galena reached for a specimen cup and the sterile wipes and handed them to Sabrina.

  “Just put it in the box when you are done. Then I will draw some blood.”

  “Okay.”

  Once the samples were taken, Sabrina went back home to prepare dinner. She was nervous but hopeful. If only it were as simple as stress causing infertility. Maybe that was also the reason why their mate bond hadn’t clicked fully into place after all this time. There had been one stressor after another since they had mated.

  As Sabrina arrived home, she noticed that she still had a few hours before Ben would be back. Dinner was in the crockpot, so she thought there was no time like the present to try the deep breathing and meditation that Galena suggested.

  Sabrina sat in the recliner and made herself comfortable. She slowly breathed in through her mouth and out through her nose as she kept her eyes closed. She imagined a path and followed it. As she went along the trail, she started to relax. It led to a familiar-looking lake. Sabrina looked around and realized the route took her to the summer camp she went to when she was nine. It was August and her tenth birthday would be next month. She heard children laughing and splashing in the lake.

  Sabrina took swimming lessons at the lake. She was afraid to jump off the dock. The water was dark and murky. She couldn’t see the bottom. They waited in line as the swim instructor, Monica, got into position in the water to help if someone needed it. The first few girls jumped in, shouting out as they bobbed back out of the water.

  The girl in front of her started to cry. She acted afraid, but Sabrina’s bear could tell the girl was pretending. The swim coach coaxed her in the water. She took her time and was gentle with the girl and her fake fears.

  Sabrina didn’t know how to swim.

  “I’m scared. I never swam before,” Sabrina cried. “P- please, I don’t want to do this.”

  “Nonsense. You’re faking it. Come on and jump in,” Monica said, anger apparent in her voice.

  Sabrina moved closer to the end of the short dock. Her little pink toes curled over the edge. She had the white swim cap on that indicated that she was a beginner swimmer. She wrapped her arms around her stomach, shivering and begging to go back to the shore. Then someone pushed her in.

  Sabrina was shocked. The water was cold. Her eyes refused to open. She heard laughter and thought she was out of the water, so she opened her mouth and breathed in a lungful of water. She opened her eyes at the same time and saw she was still underwater. She began screaming and choking. Her arms flailed about as she went under the surface of the lake again. After only thirty seconds more, she was sinking again, her legs tired and struggled to bring her back toward the sun-speckled surface.

  This is it. This is how I will die. I will never see my brothers or parents again. Why didn’t I say ‘I love you’ when mom dropped me off? Instead, I was angry she made me come, and I slammed the door. I want to be saved. I want a rescuing hand to tow me back to life, to the world I know...

  Why wasn’t her bear helping her? Aren’t bears supposed to be useful in the water? Sabrina reached inside her to call forth her bear, but she couldn’t sense it. With superhuman effort, she broke the surface again, gulping at the summer air and then, with barely a splash, she was under again. This time, she sank faster and the panic had her heart hammering against her ribs.

  Darkness enveloped her as the water closed in around her, filling her with a deep dread. She held her breath as long as she could, too long, in fact. Red and black splotches danced in front of her and she couldn’t remember if her eyes were opened or closed. The coldness she had felt upon entering the water was completely gone. She was numb. Her heart was beating rapidly in panic. Every cell in her body was screaming for oxygen. When she could no longer hold her breath, the cold-water rushed in, all illusions of surviving gone.

  When Monica clasped her wrist, she was unaware, but slowly, she was towed upward to the daylight above...

  “Sabrina!” Benjamin shouted as he shook his mate, trying to wake her from whatever terror held her captive.

  He felt her stress through the mate bond, shifted quickly, and ran home as soon as he could. As he burst through the door, he saw Sabrina on the recliner with her eyes closed but crying out for help. He made his way to her and began gently shaking her shoulder and calling her name softly. She was unresponsive, so he shook her harder and raised his voice, trying to break through Sabrina’s subconscious.

  Sabrina’s eyes fluttered open, but she took a moment longer to get her bearings and to realize that she was no longer drowning. She threw herself into Benjamin’s arms and began sobbing.

  “I remember it all. It was like being there again.”

  “What did you remember, my love?”

  “I— I remember when I was at a summer camp just before I turned ten and I nearly drowned. I couldn’t reach my bear. Why? My bear didn’t try to save me,” Sabrina whispered.

  “Your bear was just as much a cub as you were. She was probably frightened, too.”

  “I haven’t been able to shift since. Sometimes, I can’t sense her.”

  “Maybe your bear feels guilty. She could be afraid that she let you down and wouldn’t be able to save you if she needed to again,” Benjamin guessed.

  “After all these years, why now?”

  “Your mind must think you are ready for the truth. Try reaching for her.”

  Sabrina nodded and stepped away from Benjamin. She closed her eyes and searched for her bear.
Deep into her subconscious, Sabrina felt her. Her bear was frightened. She could see tears welling up in the bear’s eyes.

  I have failed you, her bear said sadly.

  We were young. We shouldn’t have been pushed into the lake. Neither of us had ever had a near-death experience, Sabrina said, trying to soothe her bear.

  The water was so cold. Pure terror filled us. I couldn’t move. What if it happened again? We still don’t know how to swim, her bear whispered.

  You haven’t failed me. We will learn how to swim. Our mate will teach us. That way, we will never have to face that again, Sabrina said.

  Sabrina watched as her bear stood slowly and walked toward her. She sat next to Sabrina’s image in her mind. She bent and gave her bear a huge hug.

  Is that why we haven’t been able to shift?

  Yes.

  I think it’s time to shift and meet our mate.

  Her bear nodded.

  “I assume that your eyes are focused now that you finished talking to your bear,” Benjamin said.

  “Yes. She has been blaming herself for not saving us. She’s been afraid of failing me again. Will you teach me how to swim? Will your bear teach mine?”

  “Of course.”

  “My bear is ready to meet you. Let’s go outside where there is more room to shift,” Sabrina suggested.

  Sabrina and Benjamin went out back to their garden. He waited patiently for Sabrina to shift. The last time she changed was close to twenty years ago. She closed her eyes and reached out for her bear. She shifted, bones cracking, fur sprouting from her skin, claws extending, breathing hard. As she landed on her paws, she retreated into the depths of her subconscious.

  Benjamin and Sabrina’s bear stood looking at each other for a moment, the silence stretching. He felt her courage falter. He knelt beside her and tentatively reached out to hug her. She was a gorgeous, cinnamon-colored bear with white-tipped ears. He bowed his head and inhaled the scent of her. Dirt and fear and something faintly floral; that was Sabrina.

  “You’re beautiful,” Benjamin said.

  The bear stepped back from the hug and shifted back into her human form, fur receding and spine straightening. Sabrina was on her hands and knees looking at him.

  “Please teach us how to swim.”

  “Sure.”

  Benjamin sat, opening his arms to Sabrina, and she sank against his chest, arms tight around her. They sat for a while, then he pushed himself up to his feet, gathering her up along with him, and set her firmly on the ground. His hands stroked down her arms and then he leaned and nipped playfully at her bottom lip. He grinned broadly, admiring her strength to face her fears of the water.

  ●●●

  Bright and early the next morning, they headed out to the pool for Sabrina’s first swimming lesson.

  “The first step in learning how to swim is going underwater. If you’re unable to put your face in the water, then you’re not ready to begin,” Benjamin said.

  “Okay.”

  They eased into the pool until Sabrina was waist-deep in the water. Once she was comfortable, he helped her squat in the water to where her shoulders were covered. After putting each body part in the water, Sabrina stood. They repeated this until she was able to hold her head underwater for thirty seconds.

  Benjamin then placed a life jacket around Sabrina.

  “You need to be familiar with how a life jacket feels in the water. If a swimmer gets stuck on their back or front, they won’t be able to recover and save themselves unless they know how to push the water with their hands and rotate around the center of buoyancy.

  “Take time to move around in the water while you’re standing. Discover how to recover from a face-down position and rotate either to the back or lift your head out of the water. Pushing the water with your hands makes your body move. I will teach you how to propel your body forward, backward, and around using kicks and arm motions of any kind,” Benjamin said.

  “Okay, I’m ready for the next step,” Sabrina said after she felt comfortable with the life jacket on.

  “Put your shoulders in the water. Put your arms out in front of you, then put your face in the water. Push off from the bottom of the pool toward me.”

  Sabrina took a deep breath and following his instructions.

  After practicing that for a while, Benjamin had Sabrina place her hands on his shoulders, keeping her arms straight and attempting to keep her body straight. She put her face in the water as he walked backward to simulate movement. Gradually, Sabrina moved from holding his shoulders to just holding his hands.

  “I think that’s enough for today. I don’t want you wearing yourself out,” Benjamin said.

  He helped her out of the pool and handed her a towel. As they were drying off, she glanced at her cell phone and realized they had been in the pool for two hours. It was the longest she’d ever been in a large body of water. Benjamin made her feel safe and secure in the pool.

  “I’m proud of you. As you practice more, your confidence will grow until one day, you won’t need my help to swim.”

  “I look forward to that day.”

  ●●●

  “My spy in Pickens’ army said that you have a traitor named Edgar. As vampires go, Edgar is weak. That’s why he was sent as a spy,” Corbin said.

  “Edgar arrived a few weeks ago, seeking sanctuary. I didn’t scent vampire on him,” Benjamin replied.

  “Pickens’ scientists developed a scent blocker. As a hunter, Edgar would be able to buy a bear scent to trick you. Remember, Pickens also has a lotion that allows them to walk in the sun. It made it easier for him to blend in.”

  “I will take care of him.”

  Benjamin took the razor-sharp silver sword from the safe in the master bedroom. In the dead of night, Benjamin made his way to Edgar’s cabin and knocked on the door.

  “Hello, Ben, please come in,” Edgar said, answering the door and stepping back to let Benjamin in.

  “Hello, Edgar.”

  “Door Dash delivery will be here in a few. We can share if you like.”

  “No, thanks.”

  Edgar backed up into his cabin and tripped over discarded trash. Benjamin’s heightened sense of smell almost made him gag on the filthy stench of garbage. As he looked around the cabin, it became apparent that Edgar didn’t pick up after himself.

  “I didn’t expect you to come over or I would have cleaned up.”

  Benjamin could smell the lie and faint scents of a vampire. The scent blocker must be wearing off. Benjamin stepped over a pile of clothes as he moved further into the cabin.

  Edgar noticed the sword and made a sudden leap at Benjamin. He used his foot to trip Benjamin as he shoved. Benjamin fell back, clutching tightly to the sword while Edgar tried to pry it from his hand.

  Benjamin turned his free hand into a bear paw and tore at Edgar’s neck with brutal force. Edgar struggled feebly until he fell, lifeless to the floor.

  Benjamin took the silver sword and plunged it into the spy’s heart, the blade hissing and steaming as it sliced through the dead and bloodless muscle. When Benjamin drew back the sword, there was no trace of blood. Then he beheaded the vampire.

  Someone knocked on the door. Benjamin opened the door to the Door Dash delivery driver. He signed the receipt and added a tip and took the box.

  “Thanks,” Benjamin said as he closed the door. He tossed the food on the kitchen table and pulled out his cellphone to call Marek to have his enforcers dispose of the body and clean up the cabin.

  Chapter 7

  “Let’s go for a run and let your bear out,” Benjamin said to Sabrina after they stripped out of their swimsuits and showered to get the pool chemical smell off their skin.

  “Sure, it sounds like fun. I don’t want to go for too long, just long enough to make sure my bear is happy,” Sabrina said.

  “Agreed,” Benjamin replied as they headed out to their back patio to shift.

  The light of the sun heated Sabrina’s body and
her bear begged to come forth, ready to be set free. She got down on all fours, letting her bear wash over her. Her bones broke and reformed, the muscles and tendons tearing then tying together. Her face elongated and fur sprouted over her body. Finally, she stood on four paws by Benjamin’s side. She relished being the bear, feeling free, fearless, and powerful. She trotted off, Benjamin following behind her.

  After about an hour, they shifted back. Benjamin placed the bag that he had been carrying in his mouth on the ground. He spread out a blanket and the food that he had brought with them. After they had eaten their fill, they laid down, snuggled together, and Sabrina let her mind wander.

  Sabrina wasn’t the strongest bear, not by far, but she’d been working on gaining her strength so she could fight with the best of them. That is, if she ever got over that mind-numbing fear. It’s not that she didn’t want to fight— it was just that every time she thought about fighting back, she remembered how her father would belittle her and tell her everything she did wrong. It was hard for her to overcome that trauma and those deep-seated wounds.

  Dylan had been helping her on that, training her with the swords at the arena so she could learn to fight with speed and agility. That’s when he had been attacked and burned. A shiver ran down her back at the memory, she closed her eyes, willing it to go away.

  She didn’t want to be one of those women who thought a man would fix it all, but it would be nice to have someone to lean on when times get rough. She shivered.

  “Are you cold?” Benjamin asked as he moved closer.

  “I don’t know why I can’t warm up,” she answered.

  Benjamin pulled her into his arms. She leaned further into him, inhaling his scent. She could feel his breath on her skin as he ran a hand down her side, warming her in more ways than one.

  “Is this helping?” he asked, his voice gruff.

  “Yes,” she breathed.

  Benjamin tucked a lock of hair behind her ear then framed her face with his hands. Her breath caught in her throat as she looked at him. He leaned in and gave her a gentle kiss.