Our Lives Entwined

by Lilliana Anderson

  Cayd moaned, enjoying the way her soft body moved in his arms. His groin ached. He wanted to be inside her. But first, he needed to make sure she was ready.

  Sliding his hand downward, he pulled at the waist of her pyjama bottoms, pushing them down a little before she helped remove them the rest of the way. She knew what was coming and opened her legs for him as he rolled so he was leaning over her, still kissing her passionately as his hand moved between her thighs.

  Mia released small whimpers as his fingers slid between her folds then up over her clit, before driving inside her, repeating the action.

  It was at that point that Mia’s phone started to sing.

  “Ignore it,” Cayd whispered, moving his mouth to kiss her jaw, then her neck, before lifting her shirt and taking one of her nipples into his mouth.

  She gasped, arching her back as he sucked hard while pulsing his fingers inside her, teasing her clit on each outward stroke.

  When Mia’s phone went quiet, Cayd’s started up. “Shit. Answer it. It must be important,” she gasped, hating that they were being interrupted.

  Giving her one last kiss, Cayd rolled toward his nightstand and lifted his phone to see who was calling.

  “It’s Louise. She’s video calling.”

  “Lucky we hadn’t gotten to the part where we took our shirts off.”

  Moving close so they could both see the screen, Cayd answered the video call and waited for Louise’s face to appear.

  “Sorry to call you on a Saturday morning, guys, but this is kind of important,” she said and signed.

  “What is it?” returned Mia.

  “Eric got a letter from Natalie.”

  Just the mention of her twins name caused Mia’s head to ache.

  “What about her?”

  “She sent Eric a suicide note.”

  “Oh my gosh!” Mia exclaimed, as Cayd felt a heaviness in his heart as the loss of his mother flared within his soul as it did every time he heard someone mention that word.

  “Did she…?” he asked, not really wanting to say the word ‘succeed’ as he always found it a reprehensible word in such a helpless situation.

  “No. She’s alive. I contacted the Johnsons in Sydney, and they said that she’s been admitted to hospital. She slit her wrists, Mia. They were lucky they went home early, or she would have died. She’s in a pretty bad shape.”

  “Why didn’t they call me?” Mia wondered.

  “I guess because they didn’t think you’d want to know. You and Natalie aren’t exactly on speaking terms.”

  “Doesn’t mean I want her to kill herself.” Mia thought a moment, feeling despondent over the fact that her twin had tried to end things. “What did the letter say?”

  “Come over. You can read it yourself.”

  Mia nodded and disconnected the call.

  “You ok?” Cayd asked, noticing that Mia’s eyes had turned a little glassy with emotion.

  “I don’t know. I mean, how am I supposed to feel? What am I supposed to do? This isn’t a normal situation.”

  “Well, we’ll go and read the letter. Then we call the Johnsons and see if there’s anything we can do.”

  Pressing her lips together, Mia nodded in response. As much as she disliked Natalie for everything she’d done. She never wanted this. She wouldn’t wish this on her worst enemy.

  Chapter 4

  MIA HAD been getting letters from Natalie as well, although unlike Eric, she’d actually been reading them. Although, she had never once responded.

  In the beginning, the letters spoke about how sorry Natalie was for causing so much trouble. She wanted to find a way to get to know Mia, and to be part of each other’s lives. She explained how finding out she was a twin seemed to be that missing link in her life. There was always a void inside her, and she hoped that if they got to know each other, it could one day be filled.

  Mia found her letters to be quite narcissistic, they rarely spoke of anything other than Natalie and how she viewed life. In a way, they did allow Mia to get to know her twin better. But instead of drawing her closer (like Natalie had hoped they would) they actually drove her further away.

  To Mia, Natalie didn’t seem like the kind of person she could handle dealing with on a regular basis, and the fact that she’d drugged her and ruined her relationship with Eric – well, that was just plain unforgivable. Mia simply didn’t have that much charity in her.

  On the way to the townhouse where Louise now lived with Josh and Eric, Mia asked Cayd to stop off at their post office box. It was common practice for doctors not to have their mail delivered to their homes, and Mia also liked the fact that she was now unlisted in the phone book. The letters that Natalie wrote were addressed to her old flat, and forwarded to the PO box, so Mia felt a little more at ease knowing she wasn’t so easily found.

  “Did you get one too?” Cayd asked, as Mia returned to the car with a pile of mail in her hand.

  “Yeah, I did.”

  She set the rest of the mail to the side and flipped the envelope over and slid her thumb under the seal, tearing at the fold. Sliding the single folded sheet of notepaper she opened it up and held it in front of her.

  “Do you want me to read it out aloud?” she asked.

  “If you’d like,” Cayd responded kindly.

  Holding the letter in her slightly shaking hand, Mia took a deep breath and began to read.

  Mia,

  This will be the last letter you ever receive from me.

  It has come to the point where I can no longer say sorry. It’s not enough anymore.

  I know I wronged both you and Eric. I know that I’m lucky I’m not in prison after what I did.

  But, even so, I had hoped that if I tried hard enough, at least one of you would write me back…or call me…or even send me a text – something! But all I’ve gotten is a year of silence, a year of nothing – a year of loneliness and despair.

  I can’t live like that anymore. I can’t keep hoping.

  I know that I probably deserve the hate aimed toward me. I know that. I do. Perhaps if the tables were turned, I wouldn’t want anything to do with me either. But just know, that I did want to know you. I always wanted a sister and despite everything, I liked you. I think you’re an amazing person in all that you do. I’m just sorry that I’ll never really know you as a sister or even as a friend.

  Please also know that I really do love Eric. I was never trying to take him away to hurt you. I just felt such a great connection to him that I was willing to do anything to be with him. And I’m sorry that you were hurt in the process. You probably don’t want to hear this, but he’s my soul mate. I’m sure of it.

  Without your forgiveness, I know there is no hope for his. And without him, there is no hope for me.

  I can’t live without him, Mia. I just can’t…

  I’m not writing this to try and manipulate you into forgiving me. I’m writing this to say goodbye and to explain why I chose to do what I did.

  Please assure my parents that it wasn’t their fault. I was always broken.

  I would have liked to meet you properly Mia. Perhaps we could have found our mother together. But I understand that just can’t be. So, if you do ever find her, please, don’t tell her about what I did. I’d hate to think she’d dislike me, just because I fell in love and lost my mind.

  Until the next life – goodbye, Mia.

  Your twin,

  Natalie.

  Mia refolded the paper and returned it to the envelope before looking out the window and pressing her fingers to the corners of her eyes.

  “Holy shit,” she breathed, as she blinked rapidly, trying to keep her emotions at bay.

  Cayd reached over and took her hand in his. “Talk to me, Mia - what do you want to do?”

  Shaking her head, she released her breath, her head aching from the information the letter contained.

  “What do you think I should do, Cayd?” she asked in her confusion. “And please, don’t give me a shr
ink answer. Think about what you would do in my situation.”

  Pressing his lips together in a sad smile, he answered. “I’d go to Sydney to see her. And I think I’d tell Eric that maybe he should see her too.”

  “Wouldn’t that be giving her exactly what she wants? I mean, isn’t this all just a cry for attention to try and provoke us to act?”

  “We won’t know until we go up there.”

  Mia dropped her head against the headrest as she sighed. “All right. Let’s go talk to the others. Then we’ll make a decision.”

  Pressing the handwritten note to his thigh, Eric smoothed out the crumples. When Louise had told him about the letter, he’d reacted by snatching it from her hand and scrunching it into a tight ball before retreating to his bedroom where he sat on his own, reading it over and over again as he fought the urge to break everything in sight.

  My dearest Eric,

  Every day, I wake with an ache in my chest. It’s my heart, longing to be with you. I can’t live like this anymore. I can’t live without you. This constant pain – it’s making me crazy. I need it to end. I’m so sorry Eric – for everything. I am more sorry that you will ever know. Please understand that I love you with all my heart, and all my soul.

  Until the next life, when we will finally get our chance to be together.

  Forever yours,

  Natalie

  Seeing her handwriting, and the way it portrayed her pain, made him ache along with her. He’d been taught at a young age that men don’t cry, but right now, he was struggling.

  “Fuck!” he yelled, swatting out his arm and catching his beside lamp, sending it crashing to the ground.

  Within seconds, Josh and Louise were in the room with him, trying to calm him down. With his elbows on his knees, he curled his body into itself, clutching at his head as he rocked through the pain in his heart.

  Louise’s arms went around him as she rubbed circles on his back with her hand. “Josh just spoke to her mother. She’s alive, Eric. She’s alive.”

  Relief flooded his body and the tears he’d been trying so desperately not to shed, fell from his eyes as he turned and hugged Louise.

  “It’s ok, mate,” Josh said, softly, feeling as though he had to say something instead of just standing there. “She’s going to pull through.”

  Eric pulled away from Louise and wiped a hand over his face as he sniffed and nodded. Even though he knew she was alive, Eric was still upset, and he was angry. He was hurting without her too. But he would never do something like that. He would never try and end his life just because he couldn’t be with the woman he loved.

  Eventually, there was a knock at the front door so Josh and Louise left his room to go and answer it. Moments later, he found himself face to face with Mia as she stood at the entrance to his bedroom.

  Seeing her was always hard. She and Natalie were exact replicas of each other. Most twins have something that’s different about their looks. Like, one might have softer features than the other, or there’s a freckle on the chin of one that helps you tell them apart. But with Natalie and Mia, they’re identical in every way – especially since Mia had gone and had her hair returned to its natural golden blonde colour.

  “Can we talk?” she asked, quietly closing the door behind her.

  “Is Cayd cool with you being in here?”

  Mia sighed. She didn’t know if things would ever be ok between Eric and Cayd, but she hoped that eventually they would get used to each other.

  “He trusts me.”

  “I’ll bet,” he grunted, glancing at Mia as she sat down beside him on the bed.

  “Don’t be like that. I’m trying here, Eric. Do you want to keep pushing me away and lose our friendship too? Because if you do – it’s going to make our lives really hard. Josh and Louise aren’t breaking up any time soon, and if we can’t stay friends it’s going to impact on everyone. I still care about you, Eric. All that time together. All that caring. It doesn’t just go away.”

  Eric slipped his arms around Mia, bringing her into a tight embrace, as he sighed over her shoulder. “I know, Mi. I’m sorry. I’m just a little shaken right now. I’m not trying to be a dick.”

  They pulled apart to look at each other. “I know. I got a letter too. I can’t believe she went through with it. What do you want to do about it? Do you think we should go and see her?”

  He shook his head, pressing his lips together as he shrugged his shoulders. “I don’t know what the hell to do here, Mi. I mean, she says here that she was planning to end it all. All because she can’t be with me. I just… I don’t know what to do here. Am I supposed to go to her and tell her that I’m glad she still alive and that we can give things another shot? Because I don’t think I can. I’m still so confused over everything that happened. I mean, are you willing to give her a chance? Because I don’t feel right even thinking about her after what she did to you.”

  “But you think about her all the time. Don’t you?”

  “Fuck Mi, don’t make me admit this shit. I hate it that you can read me so well.”

  She reached over and placed her hand on top of his. “You and I – we’re always going to mean a lot to each other. You know me. I know you. I can tell you’ve been hurting. And while I’m not saying that I’m giving my blessing, I am giving my understanding. I think we should go up to Sydney and talk to her. I don’t want her trying to kill herself again. Neither of us needs that on our conscience. So when we talk, if you feel like you want to spend more time with her – then that’s ok with me. I just can’t guarantee that I’ll want to spend time with her as well. This may just be a onetime meeting for me.”

  “I don’t know, Mi. I don’t know how I feel about all this.”

  “Come to Sydney. If you want to see her – fine. If you don’t, then sightsee. But I think we need to go. Even if it’s just for closure.”

  His eyes met hers, filled with doubt, and worry, and a touch of fear. But he found himself nodding. “All right. I’ll go.”

  Chapter 5

  THE FLIGHT from Melbourne to Sydney only took an hour and a half. But it was an awkward one for Mia as she sat in between both Cayd and Eric.

  First there was an overly polite discussion regarding which of them should take the window seat and which should take the aisle. It wasn’t that they were being rude to each other. They were just making a big deal about being the nicest one. It was infuriating to Mia, as she knew that it was not normal behaviour for either of them. Eventually, she interjected and told Cayd to sit against the window as Eric was the tallest and could do with the aisle seat.

  The rest of the flight was spent making small talk with both men and she was more than glad when they finally landed and could make their way to the hotel.

  “You two need to arm wrestle or something,” she commented, as soon as she had closed the door of her and Cayd’s suite.

  “Why would we want to do that?” Cayd asked incredulously.

  “I don’t know. Isn’t that what men do to get along? ‘Might makes right’ and all that.”

  Cayd placed their suitcase at the foot of the large bed and moved over to stand in front of her, his hands sliding around her waist. “Things won’t be ok until he gets over you, my love. When he moves on, he won’t have a problem with me. Until then… well, we can tolerate each other.”

  “Shut up and kiss me,” she smiled, stretching up so she could their mouths could meet. Their kiss was slow but all too brief.

  “Mmmm. As much as I would love to take you to bed right now, I think that perhaps we should call and see what time we can see Natalie.”

  Sighing, Mia nodded and dropped her forehead against his chest. “You’re right. I’ll call Sandra and Tom to let them know we’ve arrived.”

  She moved over to the luggage to remove her phone and make the call while Cayd busied himself unpacking the few items they’d brought with them.

  He watched Mia in between placing items away, admiring how well she always seemed to
conduct herself. Despite the twelve year age difference between them, she was still one of the most responsible, mature and level-headed women he had ever met – and he had met a lot.

  Before Mia, Cayd had spent many of his years as, some might say, a playboy. With his father being one of the most formidable horse trainers in the country, Cayd was invited to more than his share of high society parties. He was very popular with the women and he worked his way through more than a few of them, and was rarely seen with the same girl on his arm twice (although, there were many girls no one ever saw on his arm at all). That was, until a pregnancy scare caused him to re-evaluate his lifestyle and become more selective about where he put his member (for want of a better word).

  When Mia had come into his life, Cayd was only willing to date someone if he thought it would go somewhere. He was tired of meaningless flings with society girls. He wanted something real, and with Mia, that’s exactly what he got - a love and a life that was real and worthwhile.

  “Ok. Thanks Sandra. We’ll see you soon.” Tapping the screen on her phone, Mia dropped it on the bed and turned to Cayd, taking a deep breath before she spoke. “Well, we can go there now if we like. She’s at St Vincent’s. Sandra said that she’s out of the woods for now. But she’s not really talking to anybody.”

  “That’s understandable,” he said, knowing that if Natalie was serious about trying to end her life, then it was likely that she would be quite irate about being saved.

  “Really – you understand? I don’t understand any of this. Even in my darkest moments, I never considered ending things.” She shook her head, thinking about what Natalie had done then picked up her handbag. “Let’s just go. I’ll talk to her and see what happens from there.”

  “Mia.”

  “Yes?”

  “You’re doing the right thing.”

  They stood and looked at each other for a moment before Mia moved closer to Cayd and slid her arms around his waist, resting her head against his chest. He kissed on top of her head as she sighed.

  “I hope so. I’m worried this is just going to make her worse.”