by Lisa Cassidy
“We missed you,” Dawn said, linking her arm through Alyx’s as they headed for the door.
“I promise to keep visiting, if you promise me one thing in return.”
“What’s that?”
“You never talk to me about Lord Ragarn and his mistress.”
“Who’s Lord Ragarn?” Tarrick asked.
Alyx laughed, and felt lighter than she had in days. “Finn, talk to me about the Tregayan-Rionnan trade policy.”
“Really?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Please.”
“Do not get him started,” Dawn complained. “Did you learn nothing at DarkSkull?”
They had a wonderful day. Tarrick and the twins quickly lost their awkwardness with Cayr at his warm, open personality, and soon they were all laughing and messing about like old friends. The seas were calm as they sailed the short distance out to Roban Island, and they spent their time swimming and lazing in the sun.
Dawn flopped down beside Alyx on the sand at one point, tired out from a water fight with her brother.
“How have you been, Alyx?”
“I’ve been good. It’s lovely to be back home.” Alyx turned on her side to face Dawn. “What about you and Finn?”
“It’s been great to be home,” Dawn said, “It’s going to be tough back at DarkSkull without you.”
Alyx grinned. “No, it won’t. Just think, you won’t have to listen to me constantly whine about how I want to go home, or how wonderful Cayr is.”
“He is pretty wonderful,” Dawn said with a smile. “I can’t believe how well he is treating us, and all just because we are your friends.”
Alyx was surprised. “You really think of us as friends?”
“Of course,” Dawn looked surprised that Alyx had even asked. “Of course, Alyx. We, all of us, we’re friends, no matter how different we are or how much we annoy each other.”
Alyx smiled, reaching out to take Dawn’s hand. “I like that idea.”
“Have you spoken to your father?”
“No.”
“Alyx!”
“I know,” she said. “But coming home was so wonderful, I didn’t want to ruin it.”
“It won’t last,” Dawn said gently. “I know the questions must be burning inside of you.”
“I just want the misery to stop,” Alyx mumbled. “And it did for a while after I came home. I thought if I just kept it all buried, I could be happy again.”
“But not anymore?”
“I had a nightmare last night for the first time.”
Dawn wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “I thought you looked pale earlier. You need to talk to your father. He might have answers that will help drive the nightmares away.”
“I know.”
As night fell, they returned to the city, and Alyx and Cayr accepted the A’ndreas family’s invitation to dinner.
“Dash came to visit us last week,” Dawn told Alyx over dinner.
“Really?”
“He wanted to see how we were settling back in.”
“He hasn’t come to visit me.” Alyx looked at Cayr indignantly.
Cayr smiled. “I think he thought I was taking care of that.”
“That’s what he said,” Tarrick agreed.
“Oh, he did, did he?”
“He told me I could come and train with the Blue Guard in their drill every morning while I’m here,” Tarrick said, his usual reserve vanishing into a smile.
This was a generous offer, and Alyx was surprised. The Blue Guard were the most elite and prestigious military unit in Rionn. Dashan had only gained entry because of his father’s status as an advisor to the King, and not even regular Rionnan Army were allowed to train with the Blue Guard.
“Dawn, would you mind if I came to visit again?” Alyx asked quietly as the boys discussed the Blue Guard.
“Of course!” Dawn said. “You’re welcome anytime. We miss you.”
“I’ve missed you too,” Alyx said, and meant it.
After dinner, Cayr and Alyx rode out of the city in comfortable silence. He dropped Alyx at her front door with a long kiss and plans to meet the following day.
Alyx stepped into a dim, quiet house. She glanced down the hall, but there was no light coming from her father’s study, and the house felt empty. He’d made it clear he wanted to talk to her, and she knew Dawn had been right. It was time she talked to him. Alyx resolved to make an effort to find him the following day.
Chapter 33
Her nightmare didn’t return that night, and after searching fruitlessly for her father the next morning, Alyx spent the afternoon shopping with Mira and Lissa. Cayr was busy with his father most of the day, but he and Jaran joined them for dinner that night at Lissa’s home.
Alyx struggled in the girls’ company during the afternoon, finding Lissa’s fascination with Jenna Casovar’s style rather annoying. At one point she’d raised the treaty signing with Shivasa that Dashan had told her about, asking if either of the girls had been there.
Mira had laughed in surprise. “No way. That thing went on for hours, and it was mostly only the older lords in attendance.”
“And who wants to be in the same room as that Shiven ambassador anyway?” Lissa had given a polite shudder.
“What’s wrong with him?” Alyx asked. “He doesn’t look that much different to us.”
“Yes, but those eyes.” Mira made a face. “And he’s Shiven.”
“So?”
Lissa and Mira had both looked at Alyx in puzzlement then, unable to understand her question. Alyx had been genuinely taken back, but not wanting to cause waves, had changed the subject. She was relieved when the boys joined them later and she could relax in Cayr’s company.
The following day, Alyx woke to a note from her father at the breakfast table. Kingdom business had once again called him over to the palace early, but he still wanted to talk. He’d try to be home early for dinner.
Alyx hesitated only a moment before going to saddle up Tingo and ride down to the city to visit Tarrick and the twins.
“You know, Lord-Mage Casovar came to visit the day after we arrived home,” Dawn told Alyx as the boys lingered to watch the ceremonial change of the Blue Guard outside the barracks. They’d left the twins’ home to take a companionable stroll together.
“I suppose that’s not surprising,” Alyx said. “How did it go?”
“He didn’t stay long. He just asked a few questions about what we’d learned at DarkSkull and encouraged us to apply ourselves when we went back.”
“Did he mention me?”
“Not once,” Dawn said. “Which I thought was odd. He also seemed quite taken aback by Tarrick.”
“I didn’t like him much.” Tarrick wandered over, hands in pockets. “He’s too polite and formal.”
“He’s a lord, that’s why,” Finn told him.
Alyx was reluctant to part from them and suggested a late lunch together. Conversation flowed easily, and Alyx took them to a place she’d been before. The food was delicious and their brightly coloured drinks were hugely popular.
“Are you doing anything tomorrow?” Alyx asked as they finished the meal.
“I think Tarrick has sparring with the Blue Guard early, but other than that, no,” Finn said.
“Would you like to go on a ride? There are some lovely trails through the forest at the back of my father’s property, and I think I’ve convinced him to allow me to ride Tingo without supervision.”
“That sounds wonderful.” Dawn beamed.
“It’s been a struggle to keep the horses properly exercised.” Tarrick nodded. “It would be good to give them a good run.”
“It’s a plan, then,” Finn said.
“All right.” Alyx smiled, pleased.
“Alyx, do you think I should try the blue or the green drink next? Which is better?” Dawn asked.
“The green is perfect after a big meal.”
“We’re staying, then?” Finn asked. “Because I really want
to try the green one too.”
“Alyx, if you need to be going, that’s fine,” Tarrick said.
“No, I don’t have anywhere to be,” she said. “And I’d love a green too.”
“Four greens it is.” He flashed his smile and rose to go and place the order.
It was a revelation to Alyx to discover how enjoyable it was to spend time with Tarrick and the twins outside of DarkSkull Hall. Away from that place, their conversations didn’t centre around lessons or Galien, but surprisingly they found plenty of other things to talk about.
Unlike with her court friends, they talked about anything and everything, and they had a lot more life experience to share. Beyond that, Alyx trusted them to a level she hadn’t ever needed or wanted to with her peers; after what they’d supported each other through at DarkSkull, she supposed it was inevitable.
Cayr came to visit her just after she’d returned home, carrying apologies from her father that he would be working late at the palace.
“Mira is organizing another picnic at the pools tomorrow. Want to go?”
“Actually, I made plans to go riding with Tarrick and the twins.”
“That’s all right,” he said easily. “You don’t mind if I join you?”
“Don’t feel like you have to spend so much time with me, Cayr.” She smiled. “I know you’ve been working with your father a lot more. You need to learn as much from him as you can.”
“There’s plenty of time for that.” He dismissed her with a shrug and a smile. “Besides, it’s summer and the weather is great. I’ll get back to it once the twins leave and things are back to normal.”
It was unlike Cayr to be so cavalier about his future duties, and Alyx was taken aback, but didn’t push the issue. She was so glad to have him around so much, she didn’t want to say anything to ruin it.
Alyx and Dawn reclined on the plush sofa in the A’ndreas living room the next day, whiling away the hot summer afternoon. After they’d returned from their ride, the boys, including Cayr, had headed out to the back garden to spar. Dashan was with them too, though this was the first time Alyx had seen him since returning home.
A hot, sluggish breeze came through the open windows, barely moving the curtains.
“Papa has been at the palace almost constantly,” Alyx said. “There hasn’t been any opportunity to talk to him, and I haven’t had the nightmare again, so...”
“It’s only been three days, Alyx.”
“I know.” Alyx’s resolve firmed. “I’ll go over to the palace this afternoon and ask him to come home early so we can talk.”
“Good.”
Moments later the young men made an appearance, clattering loudly down the hall.
“Phew, it’s hot out there,” Finn was exclaiming as they came into the lounge.
“It certainly is,” Tarrick agreed equably. “I could use one of those cold lemonades your mother makes.”
“Agreed!”
Both Finn and Tarrick vanished down the hall in search of lemonade, with Cayr following at a more sedate pace.
“Alyx, can I speak to you for a second?” Dashan interrupted the brief silence that fell and waved her out into the hall.
“What is it?” she asked once they were away from the room.
“I’ve got to head back to barracks. I just wanted to let you know about Tarrick before I left,” Dashan said, pulling his uniform jacket on over his shirt. “He’s doing really well training with us. I think he’s a natural.”
“And you needed to drag me out here to tell me that?”
He gave her his roguish grin. “I couldn’t resist an excuse to spend a moment alone with the ravishing Lady Egalion.”
“Dash, can you ever be serious?” She glared at him.
“I don’t know, can you ever just relax and have fun for a second?” he retorted.
“Leave now, before I use my mage powers and blast you to pieces,” she warned.
“I’m trembling in my boots,” he said mock-fearfully, then winked. “I’ll see you later, Lady Egalion.”
When Alyx returned to the room, Finn was handing out glasses of cold lemonade. Alyx forgot all about Dashan’s weirdness as she became involved in a silly but excitable debate over whether hot weather was good or bad, and whether lemonade could be drunk at all times of the year or only in hot weather.
“Sailing tomorrow?” Cayr asked sometime later, once all the lemonade had been drunk.
“We can’t,” Dawn said. “Lord-Mage Casovar sent a missive. He wants to see us.”
“You don’t have to go. Dashan’s let us have his boat again, so we can go to Roban Island.”
“Excellent!” Finn said eagerly. “You sure we won’t get into trouble from Lord Casovar?”
Cayr shrugged. “I’m his prince, I can overrule his summons. Besides, you’ve already met with him, right? I’m sure it’s nothing important.”
Alyx gave Cayr a questioning glance at this; he was being uncharacteristically careless about offending one of his father’s most important advisors, but he smiled back at her, unconcerned. The disquiet in the back of her mind deepened, but she pushed it determinedly away.
“Dashan was telling me about the royal ball coming up in a week,” Tarrick said. “Training was extra fierce this morning in preparation for it.”
Cayr nodded. “Yes, it’s in honour of my father’s birthday. You’ve gone and ruined my surprise though, because I’ve invited you all along. Your invitations should arrive today.”
“Really?” Dawn asked in excitement.
“There’s nothing to get all that excited about.” Alyx tried not to let her unease at Cayr’s words show. “You’ve got to get dressed up, and there’s dancing and music and lots of food. It’s all a bore, really.”
Finn snorted. “I lost count of the number of times you went on about how exciting balls and dancing were at DarkSkull, Alyx.”
“I can’t wait! Finn, you’ll need Father to get you something to wear. Alyx, you’ll come shopping with me to buy a dress, won’t you?” Dawn asked excitedly.
“Of course, I need one myself.”
“All right.” Finn rose. “Roban Island tomorrow it is.”
Alyx waited until she was alone with Cayr before talking to him about the ball. He was walking her home, his hand warm and slightly damp in hers.
“Are you sure about these invitations?” she asked.
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?”
“They’re not nobles. Surely I don’t need to point that out to you?”
“I thought they were your friends?”
“They are my friends, but our friendship doesn’t change the fact that I am a noble and they aren’t.”
“You’re being awfully snobby.”
“If it were up to me, in a perfect world, they would be invited.” Alyx was getting a little frustrated. “That’s not my point.”
“Then what is your point? I’m trying to do something nice for your friends.”
“Does your father know about the invitation?”
He looked away. “No, he doesn’t.”
“Cayr!”
“What? I’m the crown prince, I can invite who I like.”
“What is going on with you?”
“There is nothing going on with me.”
“Yes there is,” she said firmly, letting go of his hand. “I’ve been ignoring it, because I didn’t want to ruin things, but I know you. The day I got back, Papa told me you’d been involving yourself more in the day-to-day running of the kingdom. Yet ever since then, you’ve spent increasing amounts of time away from the palace avoiding your father. What’s going on?”
“Nothing is going on.”
“You used to talk to me about everything.”
“I’m fine.” He smiled down at her. “I just wanted to do something nice for your friends.”
“You can’t invite them to the ball. You would know that if you thought about it for a second.”
“Alyx…”
“Your father will be furious with you, and everyone there will stare at them and whisper behind their backs. You know that as well as I do.”
“Then we’ll make sure not to leave them alone,” he said stubbornly. “And as soon as it’s polite, we’ll leave and do something more fun.”
She sighed. “I don’t think it will work. Why won’t you tell me what’s really going on?”
“You’re one to talk,” he said. “You’ve barely said a word about DarkSkull since you got back; what happened to telling me everything, Alyx?”
“It’s not the same.”
“How is it not the same?” He was angry now; she saw glints of it in his blue eyes. Cayr rarely got upset with her, and she sensed now it wasn’t truly her he was angry with.
“I don’t want to talk about it because the memories are too fresh. What I went through last year… I need time to deal with it. Talking about it makes me remember and I can’t cope with that.”
“I don’t think you’re coping, Alyx, I think you’re hiding.”
“What?” Now Alyx was angry.
“You said it yourself, a friendship with Tarrick and the twins can never last. Yet you spend all your time with them. You’re using them to forget.”
“You’re half right,” she admitted softly, her anger fading as abruptly as it had come.
“Which part am I wrong about?”
Alyx took a breath, trying to verbalise what she felt. “When everything happened at DarkSkull... when it was awful… it happened to them too. They were there.”
“So having them nearby now is a comfort?”
“It’s reassuring.”
“I don’t understand.” His eyes searched hers. “What happened that was so bad?”
“DarkSkull is a lot more than just a school. I wasn’t Lady Alyx Egalion there, I was just a lowly initiate,” she said, knowing she had to give him something. “There were times when I was in danger, when I could have died.”
Cayr paled. “What?”
“Those memories still give me nightmares, and the fear and horror comes back when I start to talk about it. I want to share with you, Cayr, and I will. I’m sorry to hold back so much, I know it’s not fair.”