by Lisa Cassidy
“I want to be here for you.”
“You are.”
“No, I’m not.” He sighed and stepped away from her. “I haven’t been since you got back.”
“Cayr…”
“Is it because I couldn’t convince my father not to send you?”
“It wasn’t your fault. Truly it wasn’t. The year is passed, it’s over. I’m back to stay. I still love you. We can be enough for each other.” If she told herself that enough times, surely she’d believe it again. Surely it would be true again.
“I love you too.”
He kissed her then. She wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him closer. They’d kissed a few times since Alyx had returned, but this seemed different, deeper somehow. She shifted closer to him, not wanting the moment to ever end. This hadn’t changed, the warmth and pleasure that coursed through her at Cayr’s touch, the way it made her feel like she was the most precious thing in the world to him.
Cayr’s hand found its way under her shirt and he caressed her stomach. She sighed, kissing a path down his jaw, then returning to his mouth. Cayr’s exploratory hand was moving higher when with a sudden bang, the front door opened. Alyx’s father stood there, looking grim.
“Good evening, Lord Egalion,” Cayr said politely, turning slightly away from Alyx.
“Prince Cayr,” Garan said tersely. “Goodnight.”
Cayr took the hint. “Yes, goodnight sir. I’ll see you tomorrow, Alyx.”
With that he was gone, striding back to the stables and his horse.
“Inside, Alyx,” Garan said.
Sensing her father was not in a mood to be trifled with, she went inside without a word, heading for his lit study.
“What do you think you’re doing?”
She turned as her father came in, shutting the door behind him and crossing to the fireplace to stoke the flames crackling inside.
“What do you mean?”
“You’ve been back almost three weeks, and all you’ve done is cavort about with your friends having fun. Do you even know what you’re doing with that young man? He is the prince of Rionn, and I think it’s time you grew up and realised that.”
“I’m not cavorting with Cayr,” she said indignantly. “He’s been my best friend since we were children. I’m going to marry him one day.”
“How do you know that?”
“He told me before I left that his father would approve a betrothal between us.”
“Things have changed since then. You cannot count on something Cayr told you a year ago.” Garan held up a hand as Alyx went to interrupt. “You may have chosen not to return to DarkSkull Hall, and though I am glad about that, I will not have my only daughter do nothing with her life apart from engage in frivolity and fun.”
“Papa, I don’t…”
“You are seventeen years old and it is time you thought about what you are going to do with your life. Just because you are rich and have a powerful father does not mean I’ll allow you to waste it.”
“I’ve only been home a short time,” Alyx said, losing her temper. “After the worst months of my life. My friends are leaving soon to go back there. Excuse me if I want to have a little fun before they go!”
“They are not suitable friends for you.”
Alyx felt rage explode inside her at her father’s words, unexpected and powerful. After everything they’d done for her in the past year, her father called them unsuitable.
“Why?” Her voice was as cold as ice.
“You know that as well as I do,” he said. “I’ve been hearing talk, it’s not seemly. You should be spending time with those of your own rank and standing.”
“They are my friends. I will not stop spending time with them just because they aren’t rich snobs like you!” she shouted.
“Don’t you dare take that tone with me, young lady!” he said coldly. “You know that’s not what I mean. Your friends are no less worthwhile than either of us, but they come from a different world, and you have very different futures.”
“You have no idea, no conception of the past year of my life,” she yelled, unable to hold her temper.
“You’re being dramatic,” he said. “You can’t keep throwing veiled references at me about how bad DarkSkull was and expect me to treat you like you’re fragile. If it was that horrible, then you need to tell me about what happened and allow me to help you.”
“I shouldn’t need to tell you anything. You know all about what it’s like at DarkSkull,” she said, knowing she sounded petulant but unable to help it. The anger still roped through her, all the emotion she’d been denying since coming home bursting out of her. She felt heat in her forearms and glanced down. Her hands were glowing with her silver-green mage light, sparked by her anger.
Her father saw the same thing, and something shifted in his eyes at the visible proof of her mage power.
“Would you like to tell me what you mean by that?”
“Only that my mother was a mage, and you’ve had experience of DarkSkull before. How could you not? You knew, and you sent me there anyway.”
“Yes, I have been to DarkSkull before, and yes your mother told me some stories about her training there. I knew you would find it confronting and difficult, but you’ve been living in a bubble in Rionn, my girl, and you needed to learn that there was life outside this court!”
Alyx stared at him, too angry to keep talking. It was an effort to restrain herself from exploding energy balls into the roof. Her father was staring at her hands as if transfixed.
“Do I have a brother?”
Her words rang through the room, clear and loud and bristling with anger. Her father took a step back as if physically struck, his breath expelling in a gasp.
“Aly-girl, how...”
The truth was written in his face and faltering voice. Alyx’s heart lurched in her chest, and her anger drained as rapidly as it had come. Clawing despair filled the void it left.
“You’ve lied to me my whole life?” she whispered. “Why would you do that? And my mother... when did she really die, Papa?”
Garan’s eyes turned dark with unnamed emotion as he regarded her. “When you were seven years old.”
“I see.” Tears pricked her eyes and for a moment she couldn’t say anything further.
“Alyx, talk to me. How did you learn about this?”
She took a deep breath, forcing the words out. “The Lord of Widow Falls was at DarkSkull.”
Confusion flitted across his face. “And he told you that you have a brother?”
“The Lord of Widow Falls… his name is Ladan.”
Her father sucked in a breath and tears glittered in his eyes. “You met him?”
“Yes,” she said. “He didn’t tell me who he was for a long time, but he was so protective of me, right from the beginning. He is stiff and cold and hard. He has no people skills, but he’s a fine warrior and he’s loyal.”
“You got to know him?”
“As much as he would allow,” she said. “He doesn’t let people get close.”
“I see.” Her father’s words were calm, but intense emotion flickered in his eyes.
“He told me that my mother didn’t die; instead she left with him, to separate us, to keep us safe.” She swallowed. “How could you keep that from me?”
A long silence fell. Alyx had exhausted her store of emotional strength, and simply could not push any further.
“You were five,” Garan said. “And Ladan nine. Word came, several reports, from the Mage Council. Mages were being killed, hunted down, the powerful ones.”
“So you did know about the missing mages when you sent me there,” she whispered. Each word he spoke was compounding her sense of betrayal.
“I loved your mother, and I loved you and Ladan. We didn’t know what was best to keep you safe. We thought if we separated you, if your mother took Ladan into hiding, at least one of you might survive if…”
“Survive what? I don’t understand. Ladan
said you were a Taliath. Why did you never tell me?” Alyx felt tears welling in her eyes, and the questions burst out of her like a flood.
“I gave up being a Taliath when I came here to be senior advisor to my best friend,” Garan said. “Your mother was never truly happy with me, even though I loved her. She was a good person. She stayed true to me, even when… even when I wasn’t enough for her.”
“The Lord of Widow Falls? How did that….?”
Emotion contorted his face. “I thought separating you and Ladan would help protect you, but I… I never heard from her again. I didn’t know where she went, where Ladan was. Then I heard she’d died, but no word on your brother. I looked everywhere for him, Alyx. I tried so hard.”
“You could have told me this last year, when you sent me to DarkSkull.” Her voice cracked. “It would have made things different.”
“I was trying to keep you safe by not telling you. The fewer people who knew about your lineage the better.” Garan leaned forward to take her hands. “Nobody can know what I am. I left all that behind me for your safety, and that of Rionn.”
“That’s not good enough.” Alyx summoned the strength to remove her hands from his and step away. “I’m seventeen years old. I could have handled the truth. You kept from me that I have a brother, a brother who loves me. Even worse, you kept me from him.”
“Alyx, I—
“Was my mother one of the missing mages, or did something else happen to her?”
“I don’t know,” he said helplessly.
She stared at him another moment, but it was clear he had nothing more to give. He looked older than she’d ever seen him, old and tired. “I’m going to bed.”
Alyx went up to her room and closed the door before leaning a hand on it for support. Her chest felt tight, too tight, and she took several deep breaths to try and calm herself.
Her father, the one she’d adored her whole life, the centre of her world, had lied to her. About who she was, about everything.
It was like he’d suddenly become a stranger to her. Who was he?
Who was she?
Chapter 34
Astor was awake and answered the mansion door himself despite the early hour when Alyx knocked.
“You knew about my parents,” she said without preamble.
Astor nodded slowly. “Come in, child. Share breakfast with me. It’s no good to be upset on an empty stomach.”
Alyx’s godfather waited until a maid served them steaming tea and porridge in his parlour before speaking again.
“You’ve spoken to your father? Be honest with me.”
“We fought last night. He told me everything after I told him I met a young man at DarkSkull named Ladan.” The bitterness was clear in her voice, but Astor merely nodded.
“I see. I knew about your mother, what she was. I was her master when she studied at DarkSkull.”
“You were?” Alyx’s eyes widened.
“Yes, and before you blame me for hiding this truth from you, it was your parents’ choice to tell you or not. I had no right.”
“I don’t believe any of this.” Alyx sank into a chair.
“She was powerful, your mother. There was little in the way of mage power I could teach her. She was a good student, though, focused and happy to learn.” Astor looked at her. “She loved you very much.”
“She left me.”
“As your father left Ladan. For your protection.”
“Because he wasn’t enough for her.”
“Ah.” Astor sat back. “Yes, your mother, despite how good a person she was, found it hard to connect with people. But the reason she stayed with your father so long was because she liked and respected him, and because of how much she loved her children. She didn’t leave until it became clear that her leaving would protect one or the both of you.”
“Why didn’t he tell me?”
“Your father loves you more than anything else in the world. His priority is always your safety. He felt he was protecting you by keeping these secrets.”
“Right. And if Lord-Mage Casovar had never come to Rionn, I would have gone my whole life not knowing I had a brother,” Alyx said bitterly.
Astor sighed. “He didn’t make the decision lightly, Alyx.”
“Do you know what happened to my mother?”
“No child, I don’t. I’m sorry.”
Alyx’s thoughts wandered—they were such a scrambled mess she could barely make head or tail of anything. Eventually her glance fell on Astor’s mage staff, resting on a pile of books. “Astor, why did you become a mage? Why go through the hell that is DarkSkull Hall?”
“It’s simple really.” He smiled at her. “I wanted the power.”
She nodded slowly and stood. “I have no interest in that kind of power.”
“Maybe not now.” He murmured, his gaze turning inward. “But all of us do eventually.”
Cayr decided three days before the ball that they would drag Dashan from his quarters at the barracks to spend the night with them. It had been another hot day, and the plan for the evening was to go swimming down in the king’s private cove.
Alyx rolled her eyes at Cayr’s insistence on including Dashan, but held her tongue. She could tell that Cayr had been feeling his friend’s absence, and she herself had only seen him the once since returning from DarkSkull.
The ceremonial guards posted at the entrance saluted Cayr sharply, and gave Tarrick a nod of welcome. Alyx couldn’t remember the last time she’d been in the Blue Guard barracks; it had been years ago, possibly when Dashan first joined and finished his basic training.
“Commander?” Cayr halted a passing officer, correctly reading the stripes on the arm of his jacket.
“Your Highness?” The officer saluted sharply on recognizing Cayr.
“I’m looking for Dash, have you seen him?”
“I believe Lieutenant Caverlock is down in the mess, Your Highness.”
“Thank you, Commander.”
Tarrick led them back downstairs and across a drill yard to the mess. He seemed to know his way around, and not a few passing Bluecoats called out a friendly greeting. They paused at the entrance to the mess, allowing their eyes to adjust to the dimmer interior. The sun was just going down over the compound walls.
It was well past dinnertime and the mess was relatively empty, aside from a large group of off-duty soldiers playing cards around a large table in the far corner. Judging by the raucous laughter and the empty jugs of ale on the table, the players were well on their way to being drunk.
Knowing if he simply walked up to the table his appearance would likely ruin the fun of those playing, Cayr hovered by the door until he caught Dashan’s attention. Once Dashan finally saw them, Cayr smiled and waved him over.
Dashan rose unsteadily to his feet and came towards them.
“I’m going to wait outside,” Alyx said after one look at Dashan, turning and walking back out into the fresh evening air. As the sun set, the air had cooled nicely.
Taking her lead, Tarrick and the twins followed. They could hear voices just inside the door and then Dashan and Cayr followed them outside. Dashan stumbled, leaning on the doorpost for support.
“Swimming might actually be good for you right now,” Cayr was saying. “The cold water might help.”
“Might help with what?” Though he was clearly drunk, Dashan’s words were surprisingly clear.
“You’re drunk, Dash.”
“Yes, that’s right, I am.”
Alyx turned to Dawn, knowing from experience how this was about to unfold and wanting to protect their friends from seeing it. “I think you three should go and wait outside the barracks.”
Dawn looked between them. “You’ve dealt with this before.”
“Please go.”
Alyx waited until Tarrick and the twins left, then walked over to where Dashan and Cayr stood. Inwardly, she sighed. This was the last thing she wanted to deal with.
“Hello, Dash.”
> “Lady Egalion.” He beamed at her. “Fancy a game of cards?”
“We’re going swimming actually,” she said. “Cayr, let’s just leave him here.”
“No. Dashan, please, come swimming with us.”
“I think I’d rather not.”
“Come on, this isn’t good for you.”
“And who are you to judge what’s good for me?” Dashan asked, shrugging off Cayr’s hand on his arm.
“Cayr’s your friend,” Alyx said softly.
Dashan turned to her, and the intensity of pain in his eyes was so strong she almost took a step back. The flash of emotion was gone so fast she thought she must have imagined it.
“You finally came to visit, Alyx,” he mumbled. “Or are you only here because Cayr is?”
“It’s not like you’ve gone out of your way to come and visit me, either,” she told him, still unsettled by what she’d seen in his eyes.
He laughed, stumbled again. “Of course, it’s me who has to come see you. It’s not like you actually want to see me enough to make an effort, right?”
Alyx rubbed a hand over her eyes. He was right, of course. Once again she’d been so caught up in herself she hadn’t bothered to check on him. Her mood darkened.
“Dash, come on. Alyx is your friend. You know that,” Cayr said.
“Yes, I suppose she is. Tonight, though, I want to play cards. Good bye, Cayr, Alyx.”
With that, Dashan turned and made his way back inside. Alyx stared after him, then turned to Cayr.
“When are you going to tell me what’s going on?”
Cayr turned and began walking across the drill yard to the entrance. “I don’t know what you mean.”
“Something is wrong with him, even I can see that.” She pulled on his arm to make him stop. “Something is wrong with you, too. I’ve known since I got back, and I should have pushed harder before, but I am now. What is wrong?”
“We’ve both seen Dash drunk before, it’s nothing new.”
“I’ve barely seen him since I got back. You used to spend most of your time together. Did you fight?”
“No, we didn’t fight.”
“Then what is it?”