Trident gives me a look as if I’ve lost my mind, and perhaps I have. I haven’t had a clear thought since I picked her up in the woods, carefully cradling her broken body against mine. I think a part of me is in disbelief. I’m in one of my dreams that I have every night. This one just so happens to bring her home to me. It can’t be real, but it feels like reality. I’m so confused. There is no way the only woman I have ever loved is in my life again.
When she wakes up, she might not feel the same for me as she used to. I’ve changed. I’m not a child anymore. I’ve seen horrible things. I’ve done terrible things. My body is scarred with hundreds of wounds from battle. My soul has hardened. I’m not as innocent as I used to be. Goddess, I’m not innocent at all. I’m not the man women love. I’m the man they fear.
I’ve taken all my anger, frustration, and thirst for revenge for what happened to Lilith into every fight I’ve ever been in. It’s probably why I’m Einarr’s best. I wield a sword like no other. And when I win, and I always win, I get any woman I want. Sometimes more than one. But that life tires me. Leaves me exhausted and unfulfilled. I do not wish to be the kind of man who arrogantly just fucks women and leaves them behind.
I wouldn’t be this man if Lilith didn’t disappear. I know that I would have spent these last twelve years with her. She is the kind of woman who changes the fate of a man, and she would have changed mine.
I can’t change who I have been or what I have done. I can be there for her now, love her now, care for her now, only her. And maybe she will see that somewhere, underneath the armor and cold heart, the innocent boy she kissed in the meadow is still there. He’s just under all the other bullshit life has thrown at him.
Maybe.
I plop back down in the chair next to her bed, lay my forehead against my palms, and scoff. There’s no way in hell that boy is still there. He is gone.
“Wulf?”
“Fucking, hell. What?” I snap. I just want to be left alone with her. Is that so much to ask for?
“You want to rethink how you greet me, Wulf?”
Damn it. I’m a fool. “Lord Grimkael. I’m sorry. I didn’t notice it was you. Apologies.” I drop to a knee and bow my head. I’ve always been the kind to react first, think later. If the Lord punishes me, I won’t be surprised. I’d take it like the man I am.
He puts his hand on my shoulder and pats the heavy armor. “Get up, Wulf. I’m a reasonable man.” He sits down next to me in the empty seat and laces his hands together across his stomach, staring at the prone body in the bed.
I can’t block his view of Lilith, not without getting punished or my attempt being conveyed as a challenge. I may be an ass, but I’m not stupid. Lord Grimkael can make my life a living hell if I fucked up enough with him.
“Einarr tells me you know this girl.”
The question is within the statement. He wants me to tell him what I know. Begrudgingly, I comply. I stand from my kneeling position and sit in the chair that I’ve warmed for the last two days and take her hand in mine.
“Her name is Lilith Black. We grew up together. She was my closest friend. I’ve known her since we were just children. She went missing twelve years ago when she was fifteen. I searched for her for five years and never found a thing. This was when the Jackals were still underground. I didn’t know they existed. I finally accepted she was dead.”
I rub my thumb across her withering hand, noticing her protruding blue veins. I can count the bones in her hands from her thin, translucent skin tugging across them.
“You love her,” he states in a low gruff.
“Aye, what of it?” I ask, feeling defensive. Lord or not, if he orders me to choose between her or this kingdom, I shall choose her. It shall always be her and we shall run like we should have done all those years ago.
“Stand down. I’m just making an observation. I want to know the girl. Does she have any enemies besides the Jackals?”
My stomach twists when I think of the one enemy she will have one day. I hold that inside and decide not to tell Lord Grimkael that information. “No. I do know her mother killed herself seven years ago. The loss of her daughter and her husband was too much for her to bear.”
“What happened to her husband?”
“He was beheaded a few weeks before Lilith was taken.” I wait to see if he asks for any other information. Not that I can give him any besides a confession.
“Einarr tells me you are choosing to stay here. I want to let you know that we will be gearing up for war. We have recruited many new men and must immediately shore up our defenses. Everyone is needed.”
“What? Why didn’t anyone tell me this?” I roar, anger coursing through my veins that no one came to me. I am a warrior. I should have been there when they made that decision. That’s who I am. It’s what I do.
“You were not at the last battle when you took Lilith back to the castle. When the Jackals fled, they said they would be back. I do not know if that means tomorrow or months from now. I need you to be ready. Whether she is awake or not, you will fight.”
“Aye, of course I will, Lord Grimkael.” I nod, knowing I have to pick and choose my battles, metaphorically speaking.
“Also, the Jackal Queen has escaped.”
Ice replaces the blood in my veins, making my entire body run cold. “What? How? That’s impossible. She was in the tunnels. No one can get down there.”
“It must have been a Jackal. It’s bad news. It means they got what they wanted. That’s why they fled. They are going to regroup and grow and come at us hard. We need all the men we can get.”
“That’s why Warlord was in such a pissed off mood,” I grumble. Einarr’s job just got a lot harder. He will have to go to surrounding towns that Lord Grimkael still rules over and recruit men sixteen years old and up.
Warriors used to come from a line of warriors, born and bred for battle. Times are different now. We need every man we can if we want to win against the Jackals. I think Trident and I may be some of the last of the ‘warrior bloodline’, not that it matters. If someone can swing a sword, they can fight.
“Aye, you caught on to that, did ye?” Lord Grim sighs. “He is such a pain in the ass when he is moody.” He stands, pushing himself up from the chair. It creaks from the weight of him, threatening to give out. He looks down at the seat and kicks it.
“We need stronger stuff. Built for Vikings. Not fucking babies,” he growls and walks away. “Good luck with your lady, Wulf. I’ll be in touch.” The ruler disappears out the door, leaving me alone with Lilith once again.
I run my fingers up and down Lilith’s arm and sigh. “It’s hectic around here right now, but I promise I’ll protect you when you wake up. I swear it, Lilith.”
I settle back down into my chair and keep talking. Maybe if I do, she might hear me. She might wake up.
“You know, I remember the day you were taken. I’ll never forget it. I think about it every day, sometimes dream about it. It fucking haunts me. It’s my worst nightmare, but on the same day, that day… That day brought the best thing in the world, and that was your lips on mine. I waited so long for that. Goddess, I was ready to tell you how much I loved you. I wanted us to run away together, but fear held me back. And then you were gone. I heard your scream.”
I choke up when I remember how loud, broken, and frightened it was, still clear in my mind all these years later. “My life ended that day. I became a different man. I looked for you. I thought I’d get to you in time because I didn’t think I was so far behind the Jackals. You were just out of sight, and I could catch up. But damn it, you disappeared. It was like you never existed. But I knew you did. My life darkened that day. My soul as black as sin. If you wake up, you might not like what you see, but I’m begging you to wake up to see if you do. Because I love what I see, Lilith. You’re still the most beautiful woman I’ve ever laid eyes on. You are still my Angel, and you always shall be. Just wake up.”
But she doesn’t. As the night wears on, she
’s still as a stone. I get up and lay down in the bed next to her, keeping my hand with hers because nothing will ever separate us again.
Chapter Two
Beowulf
It’s been another three days, and she still hasn’t stirred.
“Wulf, you need to go get some decent sleep and bathe, for goodness’ sake. You smell like a pub, and not the good kind.”
I yawn, cracking my neck to the left and right. “There’s a good kind?”
Leiva blushes and swipes her hand on her apron as she gets the basin ready for Lilith’s bath. “You know what I mean, Wulf. Go. If she wakes, I’ll tell you.” She gestures her hands at me to get on, but I don’t move.
“I’m not moving, Leiva. I must see her wake up.”
Leiva is young but wise beyond her years. She places her hand on my arm and pats it, reassuringly like a mother would. “Wulf, you must consider the possibility that Lilith may not wake up.”
“I’ll never, for one moment, think of that as an option, Leiva. Lilith is strong. She’ll find her way back to me.”
“Be strong and smell decent for her then, when she wakes up. I must give the girl a bath, and I find it rude and intruding if you are here, no matter your feelings for her. You don’t deserve to see her lady bits just yet. Out with you, you big brute. Out!”
Leiva shoos me, and this time, I’m not sure how she manages, but she gets me out the door, slamming it in my face and locking it.
“Leiva! You mad bat! Let me back in.” I pound on the sturdy wood, but all I hear is her humming. She’s ignoring me. Wonderful.
“Wow. Never thought you’d managed to get yourself kicked out of the medical wing. Leiva is so nice. How do you even make her angry? She is the most soothing person I know,” Trident chuckles, leaning against the wall.
“Shut up,” I grunt. “I must bathe, apparently.” I walk by him to go to the kitchen, and Trident coughs, fanning in front of his nose.
“Good goddess, Wulf. You reek. How long has it been?”
My stomach rumbles when I see a large turkey in the middle of the table. I love this part of the castle. Food is always on the table. All day and night for anyone who is hungry. We never have to starve again. It is marvellous. I tear off a giant turkey leg, the skin perfect and crispy, and juices explode in my mouth as I bite into it. I groan. Damn it, Leiva was right. I needed to eat and bathe. I hate being wrong.
“I don’t know, four… five days?” I mumble through a mouthful of food. I walk around the table, tear off the other leg, and make my way through the kitchen again to get upstairs. I’ll eat the second leg in the bath.
“Why have you waited so long?” Trident grabs me by the arms to stop me from going up the steps.
I slow my chewing and point a half-eaten turkey leg at him. “Don’t fucking touch me. You know how I feel about that. Not that it’s any of your business, but my best fucking friend from when I was sixteen showed up half dead. Excuse me if my attention wasn’t on bathing. Fuck off, Trident.” I yank my arm from his hold and stomp my way up the stairs, tearing into the piece of meat like a wild animal.
“Wulf, come on. I’m sorry.”
I pay him no mind. I’m in a pissed off mood now. Does no one understand my loyalty to my friend, the woman I love? Why must I explain everything? Isn’t it written all over my face? I’m tired, I’m worried, I’m freaking the fuck out and playing scenarios in my head of what will happen when Lilith wakes up. I need everyone to leave me alone, give me space, and just let me be with Lilith, who I haven’t seen in twelve years.
I place one of the turkey legs in my mouth and bite down so I can open the door to where the bath is. When I step inside the room, the window is already open. I toss the bare bone of the other leg out the window for the dogs.
I pump the well, letting the water fill the basin, and then light the fire underneath to get it warm. I don’t bother waiting for it to heat, I just undress and sink into the cold water. My skin pebbles, reacting to the lower temperature, but it doesn’t stop me from tearing into the turkey meat.
I lift my feet and place them on the end of the basin, grunting and shifting around to get comfortable. Damn thing is too small for a man my size. I sit in silence, leaning my head back, and think about how I got here.
If the Vikings were still all those hundreds of miles away, near the sea, I may not have ever seen Lilith again. If it wasn’t for Lord Grimkael, who used to be my warlord, meeting Lady Sassa, a part of my heart would still be missing.
Traveling to this kingdom, I must admit, was something I doubted. I thought we would be unwelcomed, but we settled right in with the village, and after the King’s death and Sassa’s coronation as Queen, things have been running smoother than I thought. Minus the Jackal problem.
I toss the other turkey leg out the window, not even almost full, and start to bathe. Leiva is right. I must look good for Lilith when she wakes, and that means I can’t smell like I’ve killed anything within the last week. I take the handmade soap and scrub my body. I lather my hair and dip under the warming water, making sure to get all the suds out.
Knowing Lilith can’t wait any longer, I step out of the bath and grab a towel to dry myself off. Once I’m done, I wrap the towel around my waist and open the door to walk across the hallway to get to my room for fresh clothes. Since I won’t be training for the next few days, I sidestep the armor I dropped to the floor and grab a cotton shirt, undergarments, and pants. I run my fingers through my damp hair. Just in case she wakes up, I want her to like what she sees.
One thought that has crossed my mind a time or two is, what if she doesn’t recognize me? I don’t look the same. I’ve grown into my big body, gotten taller, I have a short beard, which I didn’t have at sixteen, and my hair is long. My eyes are the same. Still a crystal-clear blue. She always said, when I looked at her, the blue of my irises pierced her soul, they were so sharp. She loved them. Sometimes, I’d just catch her staring at me, giving me shit about my long lashes and how men shouldn’t have them because they don’t appreciate them like women do.
I told her I didn’t have girly fucking lashes. I have manly lashes. The kind that has seen war and blood. And nothing I ever said after that made her laugh as hard as that did. My heart clenches at the memory of her laugh. It’s musical. I used to want to sing along to it. When she wakes up, I’ll carry her to the lavender field so she can feel the sun on her skin like she loves and make her laugh once again.
Hope blooms in my chest at the thought of my future changing with her. “Right, you big brute. When she wakes up. You should smile. Let’s see the damn thing,” I mutter to myself as I stare in the mirror. It’s been years since I’ve grinned. I take a deep breath and lift my lips until my teeth show. “Oh, shite!” I stumble back, tripping over my feet and land on my arse. Not many things scare me…
But that did. That was just unnatural. Warriors should never smile.
I get up, brush myself off, and place my hands against the wooden dresser that holds my clothes for the time being and look at myself again. “Let’s try this again. You are one scary mother fucker when you smile, Wulf.” I’m going mad. I’m talking to myself to figure out how to crack a fucking grin.
“What the fuck are you doing?” Trident asks, humor in his voice as he stands in the middle of the doorway.
I hang my head, not wanting the embarrassment on my face to be seen. “Nothing. Fuck off, Trident. Don’t you know how to knock? For fuck’s sake,” I growl, pushing off the dresser and strolling over to the bed to grab my sword. I never go anywhere without it.
“Come on, Wulf. I’m your friend. I’m here to help you.”
“Swear you won’t laugh, or I’ll kill you, friend or not,” I warn, debating if I really want to trust him with this… predicament.
He crosses an X over his heart. “Swear to the good goddess.”
I rub my eyes with my fingers. “I’m practicing my smile for when Lilith wakes up, and I don’t think I know how to smile.”
“Ah, that’s a load of horse shite, I’ve seen you smile...” His words fade when he realizes he has not seen me show any amount of happiness. “Right, so you’ve never smiled. But it’s a natural thing. You can’t really be bad at it.”
“Truly?” Why am I having this humiliating conversation again?
“Aye. Smile. Think of Lilith; I don’t know, awake and talking. Give me your best ‘I’m so fucking happy you’re alive’ grin.’
I turn to face him, and my muscles twitch when I curl my lips into something sort of like a grin.
“Oh, goddess,” Trident takes a step back and runs his hands through his hair, horrified. “Right. It seems you haven’t done this in a while, aye?”
“The only person to make me smile is unconscious right now, so aye, you could say it’s been a while,” I grumble, yanking on my socks with frustration. I can kill three men at once, but bloody hell, I can’t manage to tilt my lips up?
“It’s fine. We can practice. We need you to look like you haven’t gone half mad and killed half the country, is all.”
“Is that it? Great. Forget it. And don’t tell anyone about this.” I stomp by him, but he grabs my arm again, a habit he seems to be making.
“Listen, you don’t confide in people. I know that, but I can see how much you aren’t holding up. This is important to you, so it’s important to me. I shall never tell a soul, I swear it, Wulf.”
I nod. “Thank you, Trident. I must go see her now. I don’t want to waste any time not being around her.” I start to stride down the hall, but his voice stops me.
“Word of advice?” he raises his voice a bit, and it echoes throughout the hall.
I peek over my shoulder and lift a brow, waiting for him to say what he needs to say.
“Don’t force it. A smile will happen naturally.”
It will happen naturally.
Beowulf's Claim (Viking Warriors Book 3) Page 2