“I sure do,” Jesse winks.
Courtney giggles, but the minute her eyes lock on Sam, it’s like the rest of us don’t exist.
“Sam!” she exclaims, model-walking over to us. I’m not kidding. The way she glides across the room reminds me of a model on the catwalk; her steps pointed and deliberate, her thick auburn hair dancing behind her. “It’s good to see you again.”
“Yeah, you too,” he replies through a mouthful of cookie.
“I love the new album. I think it’s your best yet.”
“Thanks. We like it too.”
“You’re so great,” Courtney giggles and taps him on the shoulder. He glances down at his arm, almost like he’s checking to make sure her touch didn’t leave a mark. Courtney doesn’t seem to notice. “Hey, um... I’m sorry, what’s your name again?” she asks me.
“Mel,” I reply.
“Oh right! You’re the one who’s dating Oliver!”
“Yeah, except we’re not dating.”
“You’re not?”
“No.”
“You mean you hang out with him all the time, you obviously like each other, and you haven’t hooked up with him yet?” She sounds perplexed and for some reason, disappointed.
Sam, meanwhile, sends a curiously amused smirk my way.
“We don’t like each other. Not like that. We’re just friends,” I tell Courtney.
“Well, it definitely didn’t look that way in the pictures that Tara showed me. What, are you leading him on?”
Me leading Oliver on. The thought is so ludicrous on so many levels.
“No. We were talking. Sometimes friends talk.”
“Well, I think you’d be really cute together,” Courtney insists.
“Oliver’s British. He’d be cute with anyone,” Sam comments. The man makes a valid argument.
“Well, whatever. Listen Mel, would you take a picture of me and Sam?” Courtney asks. “You don’t mind, do you, Sam?”
“No, not at all.”
I oblige, even though I’m know Courtney will probably use the image for her own interests of fame and self-promotion. Oh well. Maybe it will help deter the Chloe Conley rumors.
In other parts of the room, Joni is sticking close to Josh and Oliver while Jesse third-wheels it again with Tara and Cory. Tara, strangely enough, keeps looking over at Courtney and fidgeting, almost like she’s annoyed. Watching Tara’s odd body language, I begin to wonder if maybe she didn’t bring Courtney for Sam this time, but for Jesse. If that’s the case, then either Courtney didn’t get the memo or she simply doesn’t care, because she still only has eyes for Sam. In all fairness, I do too, but come on. A set-up with Jesse Scott is a pretty sweet deal. I’d have a huge crush on Jesse if he wasn’t Sam’s friend and Joni’s ex.
I’ve never admitted it to anyone, but I did have a dream once that Jesse and I were making out in the back of the tour bus. It was totally innocent (sort of), but I still couldn’t look him or Joni in the eye for about a week.
“Why is she here?” The loud and rather aggressive voice snaps me out of my admittedly pleasant memories of that dream and back to the hotel room, where I find myself the center of unwanted attention.
“Baby, calm down. You know she’s a friend.” Cory tries to soothe the savage beast, but to no avail. I seem to recall him telling me something along the lines of Tara really is sorry about everything that happened. Either she’s forgotten that she’s sorry or Cory is completely full of it.
Don’t ask me why, but I’m thinking it’s the latter.
“Why would you still her want her hanging around after what she said about me?” Tara demands.
“Wait, is she the one who - ”
“Yes!” Tara answers before Courtney can even finish asking the question. Am I the one who what?
“Oh my God. I thought you were nice.” Courtney is suddenly looking at me like she’s just unmasked me, like one of the villains onScooby Doo.
“Hey, she is nice. She’s a good person,” Sam argues, stepping up to my defense.
“Didn’t you hear about what she said to Tara?” Courtney asks.
“Yeah, but I also know that your friend was running around and spreading lies about her personal life.”
Wow. In all the years we’ve been friends, I’ve never heard Sam talk like that to anyone. It’s so brave. So chivalrous.
So romantic.
“I didn’t appreciate that either, for the record,” Oliver speaks up.
“So that’s it. She mouths off to me like a prepubescent brat and you’re just going to act like it never happened?”
I’ve got to be honest with you, while I don’t like being yelled at, I’m kind of impressed that she knows the word prepubescent.
“No, no, we sat her down and had a long discussion about it,” Jesse assures her.
“Yeah. Sam gave her a spanking and everything,” Josh remarks with a suggestive and mischievous grin.
At this moment, I’m thankful I don’t have any food or drink in my mouth, because I would undoubtedly be choking on it. I cannotbelieve Josh just said that. In front of the entire group. In front of Tara. In front ofSam. Who, incidentally, doesn’t look even the least bit fazed by Josh’s inappropriate insinuation.
Tara and Courtney, however, are suddenly zeroing in on Sam and me. I wait for them to throw out a new accusation, but before either can speak, Sam says, “Mel and I are not together.”
I can’t tell you why, but his words cut through me like a knife. Even though it’s the truth and that he has no reason to say otherwise, hearing him actually speak those words, for some reason, shatters even the fantasy I have of him possibly loving me back one day. Maybe it’s not the words themselves, but the way he says it, with absolute assurance. No one could misinterpret them if they tried.
“But you like her, don’t you?” Tara says, narrowing her eyes.
“Not like that. She’s my friend. That’s all we’ve ever been, and all we’re going to be.”
Another blade to the heart. I hope I don’t look as devastated as I feel, because if I do, then every person in this room is going to know that I’m in love with Sam Morneau. Even worse, they’re going to pity me because now we all know for certain that he doesn’t love me back. I want to get out of here, but I know that if I bolt, that will reveal the truth about me even faster than the pitiful look on my face.
“Besides,” Sam continues. “There’s someone else.”
And with that, my heart officially breaks.
⋯
Sam won’t tell us who she is, but I have a feeling I already know. Of all the girls he’s been linked to in the past few weeks, there’s only one with whom he’s had any sort of real human contact. Incidentally, she also happens to be the one the rest of his band mates can’t stand. Chloe Conley. If Sam were to ever admit out loud that he had feelings for her, Josh, Jesse, Oliver, and even Cory would surely give him all sorts of hell.
I knew this would happen eventually, but why did it have to happen tonight?
Granted, this isn’t the first time Sam has expressed interest in another girl. After all, he’s had two girlfriends before, and one was even kind of a celebrity, but not a celebrity like Chloe Conley. She’s on the A-List. She’s talented, she’s famous, and everyone (with the exception of Cory, apparently) loves her music. She also happens to be unbelievably beautiful. Her long, perfect hair is lighter than mine, like the color of milk chocolate mixed with honey and her eyes are an amazing shade of hazel-gray. I didn’t even know that color existed. She’s tall and slender and the worst part is I’m pretty sure she’s all natural. She’s flawless all on her own. She’s exactly the kind of girl Samshouldbe dating. They’re in the same league.
I mean, really. How have I deluded myself this long into thinking I actually had a chance with him? Yeah, he’s my best friend and yes, we have a lot of history, and in a lot of ways, he’s still the same guy he always was. But he’s also different. I guess we all are in some respects, but he and the guys... their w
hole worlds changed the minute their first album hit the charts. It only makes sense that they would evolve too.
Sometimes I wonder what would have happened to us if The Kind of September hadn’t happened. Would Sam and I be together? Would we have gone to the same college? Would we even still be friends? I think we would. I like to think that our friendship matters enough to endure. But who knows? All I know is that in spite of all the downfalls, I still think The Kind of September was supposed to happen. I think this experience has made all of us happier, and hopefully a lot of fans happier, than any of us could have ever imagined. And no matter what happens, I think I’m always going to be thankful for what all this experience has brought us.
Even if that experience also comes with watching Sam fall in love with another girl. I can’t wish that none of this had ever happened, not for my sake, and certainly not for their sake. They have too many wonderful things going for them. I hope that I do too. Even if that means I’m never going to have Sam all to myself.
Though I guess in this world of renown and beauty and shining stars, I never was anyway.
“Are you okay?” Oliver asks me once we get a minute alone. Cory, Jesse, Tara, and Courtney are all out on the balcony, taking pictures of the scenery and Sam, Josh, and Joni are huddled in a corner on their respective phones and tablets. They each probably have about three social media sites going at once.
“Did you know?” I ask him.
“No. He’s never said a word. But that’s like him, you know? He doesn’t like to talk about his personal life.”
“I know.” It is like him. It’s totally like him. Even when he was dating his previous girlfriends, he wasn’t keen on sharing any of the details. For which, I’ve got to be honest, I’m thankful. No girl wants to listen to the guy they love talk about his romantic exploits with a person who isn’t her.
“Do you think it’s Chloe?” Oliver asks me.
“I can’t imagine who else it would be,” I reply.
“Well, maybe she doesn’t feel the same way.”
It’s nice that he’s trying, but honestly, is there a girl alive whowouldn’tdate Sam Morneau? I kind of doubt it. Besides, her people already tried to hook her up with one member of the group. Clearly it’s something she wants or she would have told them not to do it again.
“Thanks, Oliver,” I say. And I mean it. It’s nice having someone who knows how I feel and who, I’m pretty sure, is rooting for me. At least, I’d like to think so. I’m definitely rooting for him and Joni.
As the hours pass, Sam doesn’t mention his mystery girl, but I can tell that he’s feeling awkward having confessed. I try my best to act like there’s absolutely nothing bothering me or wrenching my heart or crushing my soul, but I don’t know if I’m doing a very good job. Thankfully, everyone is more focused on the countdown to midnight and the release to notice.
When midnight finally does arrive, there’s a lot of cheering, hugging, and clinking of crystal glasses full of champagne. The guys take a group picture and tweet it out to all their fans. I want to enjoy myself, but by this point, I’m completely drained, both physically and emotionally. All I want to do is go back to my own room and crawl into bed like the sad, pathetic blob that I am.
Of course, when I do get into bed, I’ll have to wipe away all the Cheeto crumbs that Sam so graciously left on my pillow. Seriously, how rude was that? He had the nerve to leave a mess on my bed even though hedoesn’thave feelings for me? That might seem like odd logic, but when it comes to guys, nothing makes sense. The male brain, I’m convinced, is the greatest mystery of life, the true final frontier.
Before I leave, I give each of the guys a hug, saving Sam for last out of habit. He holds me longer than the rest of his bandmates, long enough for me to breathe in his familiar scent. For some reason, the smell brings tears to my eyes. I almost feel like I’m saying goodbye to him, which is ridiculous because I’ll see him again in just a few hours. It’s like saying goodbye to a dream that was never mine in the first place.
Love is the worst.
CHAPTER 17
“Heaven’s eyes are wide tonight
And I can see you
I can see you
This starship’s sailing across the sky
And I can see you
I can see you
Oh won’t you come with me
Across a never-ending sea...”
Song: “Starship Sailing”
Artist: The Kind of September
From the Album:17 Times Over
Today is going to be a long day. Not only because it’s the day of the bigMeet Me on the Midwayrelease celebration onGood Morning America and the guys have events scheduled literally from dawn until dusk, but because despite being totally exhausted last night, I barely slept. That’s because my stupid mind wouldn’t shut up about Sam and Chloe. I wonder if she’s texted him any more. I wonder if he’s called her. I wonder if they’ve made plans to see each other over the holidays. We’ll be back in California in just a few days. She’s probably waiting for him.
Of all the gossip and all the rumors and all the speculations, why did this have to be the time they were actually right?
Furthermore, someone (and by someone I mean Tara and Courtney) let it slip on a number of social media sites that Sam confirmed his relationship with Chloe. So now, instead of focusing on the new album and favorite songs and their upcoming tour, fans and reporters all across the globe are obsessing over Sam and Chloe, or as the fans are calling them, Mornley. Sam and Chloe’s first names don’t go all that well together, you see, so fans have resorted to combining their last names, Morneau and Conley. Thus, Mornley.
I have to admit though, some of the Twitter posts are pretty creative.
It’s official. Sam is dating Chloe Conley. My heart hurts. #Mourning4Mornley
Seriously? Sam could have anyone. ANYONE. Why Chloe the CON-ley?
Mornley sounds like something you’d name a troll. #SamAndChloe #CanThisNotBeAThing
I wonder if Sam knew what he was getting himself into last night. I want to check on him, to make sure he’s okay, but I know he and the rest of the guys are already in the dressing room, getting primped for the show. They’ll be performing three songs off the new album this morning, followed by a reception, and then they’re off to a series of interviews.
And then, just when it seems like it will never end, that’s it. Today is our last day in New York for a while. Good thing, too. It has been snowing non-stop for the last few days, and the constant clouds are doing nothing for my bitter mood. Thankfully tomorrow, we’re back on a plane to sunny Los Angeles, where the guys will at least have one day off before diving back into interviews and appearances on a few more talk shows. Only after all that’s over will they finally get a real break before the tour kicks off after the beginning of the year. And they need a break. Not just from working, from everything. From this whole world of fame and photographs and false rumors. And, as it turns out, true rumors. They need some time to just be themselves.
But for now, the stage awaits.
⋯
I can’t tell you where I was or what I was doing the moment I realized that the guys had made it, like really made it. I think at first, we were all too afraid to believe it. Like, maybe it was all just a fluke. Maybe what seemed to be a big deal at the time really wasn’t that big a deal in the grand scheme of things and in just a few weeks, it would all be over. But their fanbase has only grown. It’s extraordinary.
Now, seeing the way they’ve filled up Times Square to watch their favorite band perform onGood Morning Americaabsolutely takes my breath away.
Watching the guys run out on stage to the wild screams and cheers of their adoring audience, I actually feel myself begin to tear up. I’m so, so proud of them and I’m so caught up in the moment that I almost forget I’m supposed to be working.
I have the telephoto lens today. I’m supposed to be taking up-close pictures of the guys, as well as intimate shots of the sta
ge and scenery. I love my job. It’s wonderful and I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but I also love watching them perform. Sometimes, I wish I could just sit and enjoy the show like everyone else.
All the guys look and sound amazing, and they are clearly having the time of their lives. I try my hardest not to focus too much on Sam, knowing that if I do, I’ll probably make some kind of a scene, but it’s difficult. He looks so good in his dark jeans and tan button-down shirt. Curse him for looking so good and for being such an attractive person in general. Especially when he dances around the stage and runs his fingers through his hair and does all of that other sexy musician stuff.
It’s really quite irritating.
However, his antics do provide a very welcome distraction from the frigid temperatures out here. It’s freezing. Thankfully, there isn’t any precipitation, but the skies are thick with gray clouds and the wind chill has got to be in the teens. I’m telling you I cannot feel my ears, my nose, or my fingers.
I may be fascinated by the idea of snow and the Aurora Borealis, but when it all comes down to it, my poor California body just isn’t cut out for this whole winter business.
Still, the show is amazing, and the fans are nothing short of wildly enthusiastic. I think it shows real dedication on their part, to brave the inclement weather to come out and happily support their favorite band. I know the guys appreciate it. They’re always so nervous that instances of extreme weather will discourage fans from coming out to see them, but that’s never been the case. If there is anything that can be said about The Kind of September’s fans, it’s that they are loyal. Loyal and incredibly supportive. It’s like having a huge extended family. They don’t only brave the crazy weather, they are happy to do so. I think that really says a lot about the guys, to have fans who love them that much.
After the show, we’re off to the reception. The guys only have about thirty minutes to eat and mingle before their afternoon of, yes, more interviews and appearances, but at least I get a little bit of time with them. I haven’t actually seen them all day.
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