Chrono Inquisitor (Gods Be Damned)

by Rien Reigns

  “Wait-”

  Too late. A video image of my boss, Frank, appeared. I’d meant to have the communication be audio only.

  ‹“Afternoon sleepy head,”› Frank said with a little wave.

  I did my best to avoid looking at the screen. I wasn’t nearly inebriated enough yet to deal face to face with so jovial a personality as Frank’s.

  “As far as I’m concerned, it’s still morning,” I said.

  ‹“Let me guess, you haven’t had your Irish coffee yet,”› Frank said with that beaming wide smile of his. I didn’t need to see Frank’s cheek muscles stretching his lips across his face. It was apparent in his voice and the imagery was already permanently embedded in my memory.

  Still not looking fully at the footage of Frank, but with as much of a deadpan face as I could muster, I held up the spiked bastard coffee in front of my face.

  ‹“Ah, then you’re just your normal Eeyoric self,”› Frank said.

  “Can I help you, or do you simply insist on making my life more miserable by the minute?” I asked.

  ‹“Maybe I can help you. How would you feel about staying at the #2 resort on the continent? All expenses paid, of course.”›

  “Are you offering me a vacation? I thought you had an assignment for me. What’s the catch?”

  ‹“Can’t get one past you. It is an assignment. But if you want, you can think of it as working vacation. And as a bonus, once you’ve completed the assignment, I’ve been authorized to extend your stay an extra two months.”›

  I harrumphed and rolled my eyes. “What in Kalichi would I do with two months off? I’d kill myself from boredom within a week.”

  ‹“Well, Mr. Overdramatic, I don’t know, maybe you could relax, get a life maybe.”›

  “Had one of those once. Didn’t work out so well, or did you forget?” I said, bringing the enhanced coffee to my lips, working on increasing my intoxication, caring not to reflect on the past.

  ‹“Fine, don’t take the time off. Instead, I’ll just double your bounties for two months. How does that sound?”›

  “Sounds like a new watch,” I said, raising my left wrist for the camera to see, finally looking at it myself. I pulled back my sleeve and flashed my pride and joy - A Rolex GMT Master II 16710 series F with a “Pepsi” bezel. It’d been my great-grandfather’s. Not so coincidentally, my relic wristwatch concealed my Chrono. Last time I checked it said I had another hundred years to live if I continued dying at the same rate. I guess I was right on schedule for that mid-life crisis.

  ‹“See, you do have an interest other than reaping. Wish I had remembered that ten minutes ago when I was debating with Henry whether or not you’re still human and not some sadistic automaton.”›

  I gave Frank a ‘fuck you, aren’t you funny’ smile.

  On the display, Frank, in a show of theatrics, threw up his arms to shield his eyes. ‹“No wonder the others call you Grim. Even your smile sends a chill over my grave.”›

  Rex Jester, step aside. Frank the funny man is on the rise.

  I found myself slightly smiling. I shook my head, trying to shake away the infection of happiness. “All right, enough bantering. What’s the assignment?”

  Frank frowned, but only for a brief moment before he chuckled and his smile returned. ‹“I just can’t do it.”› He proceeded to play around at trying to force his smile down into a frown with his fingers. It only made him laugh even more. The man was older than me and yet he acted like he was an obnoxious kid.

  I reached into compartment 22, my most used, removed the flask, took a swig, and filled my coffee cup back up to the brim.

  Why yes, I’ll take a hint of coffee with my whiskey.

  I stirred it, took a big gulp, and signaled my anxious attendant for a filler. I no longer cared that it wasn’t true coffee. The alcohol compensated.

  Frank finally managed to control himself and said with all seriousness, ‹“You know, I recall you used to have a sense of humor. You also used to be a lot more fun. Is everything all right?”›

  I sighed. “Everything’s fine. It’s just been a rough morning. What’s the assignment?”

  ‹“Well, hopefully this will brighten your mood. There’s chatter on the streets of a new hack and procedure which makes it harder to detect a corrupted Chrono. Does the name Julius Beit ring any bells?”›

  “Should it?”

  ‹“Well, he is a prominent man in the Republic of Texas, and since you used to live there, I just thought you might have heard of him.”› He dismissed the notion with a wave of his hand. ‹“Anyway, we’ve received word that Mr. Beit may be behind this new aversion to order. Your assignment is to investigate him. After all, we can’t allow chaos to infest our pristinely controlled society which we all love so dearly, now can we?”› Frank added a wink with that last bit.

  I remained stoic and sipped my whiskey.

  Frank sighed, pulled out a bottle of wine, poured himself a glass, and took a long drink.

  Looks like I’m not the only one with issues, I thought.

  ‹“For years you’ve been hounding me about taking down E3. Well here’s your chance. There’s reason to believe Beit is involved with the E3 movement. I’m going to be honest with you.”› Frank poured himself another glass. ‹“Initial inquiries show this guy to be cleaner than the Pope. As a matter of fact, he’s the President’s little pet apparently. If it weren’t for the source of the pointing finger, I wouldn’t even bother taking this to the next level.”›

  “Sounds to me that getting the skinny on this guy is worth more than a measly two months off.”

  Frank gave me an inquiring look. ‹“I thought you didn’t want the time off?”›

  “I don’t. That’s why you’re going to offer me five times my normal bounty instead.”

  ‹“What makes you think you’re worth that kind of money?”›

  I smiled. “You know I am. Besides, you’ve already started the investigation by your own admission. Now you’re calling in the big guns. I assume you already made a few calls and have other Inquisitors on the case, or once you’re done with me, you’re going to make some.”

  ‹“Well aren’t you the clever one? Since you took so long answering my tickle, I’ve already got one Inquisitor assigned to the case, and I’ve been authorized to include at least four more. So, are you in?”›

  “Per chance, is Inquisitor Noble one of them?”

  There was a slight hesitation before Frank said, ‹“I won’t lie and say I don’t have him in mind, but I’m not sure he’d be willing to be pulled away from the case he’s working on. Why do you ask?”›

  “I just figured that with five reapers competing for the same prize, some are going to naturally partner up to try and claim my bounty. I’ve worked with Noble before, I know he’s gunning to unseat me as leading Inquisitor, and I know his methods. I’ll take any advantage I can get. If I know who my competition is, all the better.”

  ‹“So I take it that’s a yes. You’re up for the challenge.”›

  Just then the waiter arrived with my order of food. The waiter was astute enough to notice I was on a call and that if I wanted anything else I’d signal. He placed the plate in front of me and departed.

  I picked up my knife and fork and watched as the girls in the booth next to me got up and left.

  Damn. I’d been in such a bad mood when I’d taken my seat, I hadn’t noticed just how attractive they were. I hadn’t even tried to flirt with any of them. Fuck. Frank was right to be concerned.

  Looking at the meal before me, my emotional state declined even more. I stabbed at the food unenthusiastically, and was reminded of my little brother’s face the first time our mother had forced us to eat Brussels sprouts.

  Only geezers like me and Frank even knew what a Brussels sprout was anymore, which was a shame. Oh, what I would have given to taste again my mother’s roasted Brussels sprouts with chopped toasted pecans, sprinkled with an assortment of cheeses. If it were poss
ible, I would have paid a good portion of that five times bounty for just another plate of that meal. Hell, I would have paid a pretty price just for some healthy naturally grown greens, and not the shit grown in labs to feed the masses. That shit which was presented before me.

  My stomach growled, but not with hunger. No, it was an outright auditory protest to what was presented before me. My tongue and salivary glands joined in the dissent. Together the three managed to temporarily override my brains command for nourishment.

  What was I thinking when I ordered. I hated this shit.

  Dreading the taste, texture, and indigestion, I turned my attention back to Frank. “You know me. I’ll take any task you throw my way. Authorize the temporary pay increase and I’ll start as soon as I finish this detestable shit they pass off as food.”

  Frank’s smile grew bigger than ever. ‹“It’s already done. Shall I send Kali the info on the case now, that way you can begin boning up while you eat?”›

  Should be distracting enough to choke down this refuse.

  “Sometimes I think you know me better than Sam ever did,” I said. “I think I should’ve married you instead.”

  ‹“I’m touched.”› Frank placed a hand over his heart while wiping away a fake tear with the other. The fake tear hand then transitioned into a finger waggle, as if he were lovingly scolding me, much like he did with one of his prized yorkies. ‹“But you should know by now, I don’t mix business with pleasure.”›

  I gave a little shrug. “Oh well, probably wouldn’t have worked out anyway. Besides, it would seem reaping is my one true calling. Well, that and watchmaking.” I was hit with a rampaging rhino of epiphanies. “By the deities. I think I just figured out my problem. I’ve already got two loves in my life, there’s simply no room for another.”

  ‹“With an attitude like that, you’ll never find love again.”›

  “Yeah, maybe that’s a good thing. Look where love left me.”

  ‹“All right, I see where this is heading. Oh, hey, I notice that you’re conducting a random audit. Are you going to be done with that soon? I need you in Texas asap.”›

  “Oh, that. Don’t worry about it. I’ll be on my way to Texas within the hour.”

  ‹“Great. Everything’s been transferred. I’ll leave you to your meal before it gets too cold and turns to flavored rubber.”›

  Frank blew me a kiss and ended the call.

  I took a bite, chewed as much as I could, swallowed, and hurriedly washed it down with a drink straight from my flask. Immediately I got a notification from Kali that because I was now officially on duty, the alcohol would be converted by the mytes back into water.

  I argued with her that I’d only just then been assigned to the case, and that I was not in fact on duty. After a couple of minutes of us bickering back and forth, I finally convinced her to let me have an hour before she began detox procedures.

  My cube resumed its namesake shape and the table display returned to the newsfeed. Wanting to get the torture of consumption over with as soon as possible, I decided I’d review the case later. Possessing no desire to keep reading, I powered down the cube, quickly shoveled the contents of the plate into my mouth, and drowned it all down with what was left in my flask.

  Speaking of tastes, at least in Texas I’d be able to get a real steak.

  My tongue could already taste that mouthwatering delicacy, though it only lasted a second before the realization that it was a false sense arose and it vanished.

  My belly full, but my flask empty, not to mention my taste buds left wanting more, I decided I needed a frou frou flavored adult beverage for dessert in order to help lighten up my mood and clear my head.

  I thus concluded to make my way to an establishment of enlightened spirits. I tipped my waiter handsomely, having totally forgotten about the coffee that was on its way.

  ‹Shall I cease with the audit now?› Kali asked as I stood up.

  “You didn’t happen to find any anomalies, did you?”

  ‹In so short an amount of time. Yeah, right.›

  There was that attitude of hers.

  I was seriously going to have to do something about that.

  “Cease and desist,” I said.

  I didn’t know it then, but at the time, things were not what I thought they were. Forces unknown were conspiring against me. It wasn’t till some time later when I learned that the following is what happened as soon as Frank and I got done talking.

  “Are you happy?” Frank said, with only a slight tremor in his voice. “He took the assignment. I told you he wasn’t E3.”

  Frank was still in his office, sitting at his desk. The office was big. He was after all an important man within the company, running the entire North American division of Inquisitors. But the space seemed a whole lot smaller than usual. That was because there were four men in the room as well. They’d been there during the entire conversation between Frank and myself, hiding on the other side of the camera.

  “Yes, he did take the assignment,” said one of the men. “But we noted some…oddities, during your conversation.”

  His voice wasn’t natural. It was enhanced. Clean and crisp. Robotic. But that’s because he was. The man was completely encased in unblemished, shiny white, cybernetic armor. It put him at 198 cm (6’6”) tall, and made him nearly twice as big as most men. With his augmented limbs he was at least five times as strong.

  Frank had never seen the true face behind the metal mask. Neither had I. Very few people had. Rumors said he’d lost his jaw, and half his face was horribly disfigured. It’d happened before cellular regeneration and reconstruction technology showed enough promise. He’d opted to go the cyborg route, and replaced his damaged self with metal.

  “Such as?” Frank said, and poured himself some more wine.

  “For starters, there was a delay in his accepting the case,” the man said.

  “Plus he asked for considerably more than what you offered,” said the cyborg in dark red armor. He was a couple centimeters taller, and bigger than the man in white.

  “Don’t forget his inquiry into whether Inquisitor Noble was also assigned,” said the cyborg in black armor. He was several centimeters shorter than the other two, and not nearly as bulky. If they were all large cats, white would be a lion, red a tiger, and black a cheetah. “The fact you’ve requested we look into that one, does not bode well for Inquisitor Yan’s innocence.”

  Frank gulped down the alcohol and looked at the last of them. The one wearing the pale, greenish-yellow armor. Compared to the others he was child sized. It was like he wasn’t wearing any armor. Like his body itself was the metal encasing. Frank wondered if the man, if he even was a man anymore, would end his vow of silence at that moment.

  He didn’t.

  He just stood there, unmoving. His facemask didn’t even have eyes, so you couldn’t tell where he was looking. There was just this feeling like he was weighing your soul when his head was turned your direction. It made you want to run away. To keep running, and never look back.

  “I’m sure there’s a reasonable explanation for all those actions,” Frank said, trying to defend me. His friend. His charge. “He said he was having a bad day. He was distracted, that’s all. And as for those other matters, he takes his job seriously. He’s the best in this division for a reason.” Frank said that last bit with complete confidence.

  “Yes,” the cyborg in white said. “Thank you for bringing that up. It would seem Inquisitor Yan caused quite a stir this morning. We received several reports from the local authorities in regards to his behavior. Quite inexcusable. Even though Inquisitors are granted considerable luxuries and leeway in regards to most laws, they are supposed to be discreet. We have footage that he brandished his badge in public, and for what, just to be able to sit in a booth rather than at a solitary counter.”

  “Okay,” Frank said. “It was stupid of him, but that still doesn’t mean he’s E3.”

  The white armored cyborg nodded. �
��True, but behavior like his is becoming a problem amongst Inquisitors. Mr. Richards isn’t happy. Several countries have already expressed concerns about Inquisitors becoming more powerful than local authorities. We have enough problems dealing with groups like Human Purity and E3. The last thing we need is countries to start turning against us. If Inquisitor Yan weren’t already under investigation, his actions today would warrant one.”

  Damn it, Trav, what the hell have you gotten yourself into, Frank thought.

  “I still don’t understand,” Frank said. “Why have me assign Travis to Mr. Beit? If they are working together, won’t it give Travis the chance to warn him?”

  “If he does, we’ll know about it, and he’ll seal both their fates.”

  “There is a problem with your plan though,” Frank said.

  “And what would that be Mr. Grenadier?”

  “You’ve had me send Travis to a place where personal matters might conflict with his job.”

  The cyborg in white smiled, which was disturbing. “We are fully aware of the matter.”

  4: Shady My Ass

  Exiting the diner, I was once again struck by the sun. Someday I’d remember to properly deflect its blows. I paused, closed my eyes, reached into compartment 19, and pulled out my aɪ-ware. My custom pair of polarized photochromic computer lenses, a more mobile visual interface, as opposed to the cube. I put them on.

  With my digital eyes activated and the sun knocked down a few shades to match my own disposition, I looked around, not having been in this part of the city before today.

  I wasn’t impressed.

  These old cities should just be torn down and harvested for resources. They were such a fucking eyesore. Gods, they couldn’t even keep up with fresh coats of paint. Or patch the cracks in the façades. Why the hell didn’t the people just move to DenverMega already? They’d have been better off, and this shithole city could have returned to mother nature.

  I was glad my new assignment was taking me away from this gods forsaken place. Question was, where was I going?