Lost Without You (The Lost Series Book 2)

by Tracie Douglas

  The sound of ringing disappears a second later, replaced with the sound of a guttural scream, “You fucking bitch!”

  The sound of a gunshot fills my ears, and I listen to the bullet bounce off the trees somewhere behind me. It doesn’t matter, though. I keep running.

  “Do you think you can hide from me, Angel? I know these woods like the back of my hand,” he yells. The sounds of his feet hitting the ground tells me he’s once again in pursuit. I throw a quick glance over my shoulder but don’t see him. “I will find you and you will pay for this little game you’ve insisted on playing. There’s nowhere for you to go. Nowhere for you to hide. “

  My chest burns, my feet ache, my body begs for me to stop, but I can’t stop. I can’t let up. If I do, that’ll be the end of it. I’ll never see my family, my friends...Kingston, again. I notice a break in the trees ahead of me and push harder for it.

  “There you are, Angel,” I hear him call out to me, but I keep moving. “I told you we’d find you.”

  Another gunshot rings out from behind me, but this time, I feel the bullet splinter a tree I run past; fragments from the tree hit my bare arm. I flinch, throwing another look over my shoulder, and see him pointing the gun at me, ready to fire again. I veer left, dodging between trees, trying to make myself a hard target to hit. Which seems to work as he fires off another shot and misses, hitting another tree.

  “Smart thinking with the phone, but we’re smarter than that.” Another shot fires, another miss. “You can’t run forever, Missy. If you stop now and take your punishment like a good girl, we promise not to bleed you out.”

  With the break in the tree line only feet away, I push myself harder for it, knowing once I get beyond the tree line, I’m going to be an easy target. It’s a chance I have to take. Dodging between the last two trees, I step across the break line and find a paved road. Elation hits me as I turn left and keep running.

  I know he isn’t far behind, but I can’t stop. My feet hit the pavement and a new wave of pain shoots up my legs, but like before, I ignore it. Adrenaline rushes through my veins, quickly numbing me to the new sensation. I keep my eyes on the road ahead of me.

  “Stop, Missy, we really don’t want to shoot you. It will ruin our plans.” His words mean nothing to me. I’d rather he shoots me than stop. The gun rings out again, and the bullet hits the concrete ahead of me. My heart nearly stops in my chest, and I prepare myself for the next one to hit its target.

  Just up ahead in the distance, a large dark object turns the bend. It’s moving quickly, and the closer it gets, the more I realize what kind of vehicle it is. A black truck.

  “Fuck,” Tommy swears from behind me. He sees the truck, too. His window of opportunity is quickly closing.

  I cry out as the truck is finally close enough for me to make out two shapes through the windshield. My lungs burn, dragging in desperate breath after desperate breath, but seeing Kingston behind the wheel keeps me in motion. Even as another shot fires from behind me.

  I feel a burn hit my right arm as the bullet grazes me then hits the concrete in front of me. He doesn’t hesitate to fire another round this time, not with the cavalry so close to us. I hear it buzz past my head, barely missing me.

  Kingston slams on the brakes ahead of me and jumps out of the truck, moving at breakneck speed toward me. I hear more gunfire, this time from in front of me, and recognize Hudson standing just behind the passenger door, his gun pointed behind me.

  “Queenie, get down!” Kingston yells, but I slam into him instead. He wraps his arms around me and twists our bodies to shield me from the bullets flying past us. We hit the ground hard, but he takes the brunt of it, holding onto me like our lives depend on it.

  I peek over his shoulder as Hudson fires off another series of rounds. Nolan’s body flinches from the impact of them making contact. He stumbles forward, falling to his knees, dropping the gun in his hand. He looks directly at me, and I watch as the darkness flickers out of his eyes. He falls forward to the ground, and a sob tears from my chest.

  Chapter Forty-Three

  Letting Go

  Missy

  I struggle out of Kingston’s arms and stand. It’s not easy considering how tightly he is holding me, but I land an elbow to his middle and he lets me go instantly. I limp toward Nolan, but Kingston recovers quickly and is on me instantly.

  “No, I have to go to him,” I cry loudly, tears falling down my cheeks, as he lifts me up off the ground and turns toward the truck and safety. I hear the sound of wheels squealing to a stop behind me, but I can’t take my eyes off the man lying in the middle of the road, gasping for breath.

  “It’s not safe.”

  “He’s back. He’s not them anymore,” I argue, but Kingston doesn’t understand. I struggle to break free, but his arms only tighten around me.” Please, Kingston, let me go to him. It’s safe. I promise it’s safe.”

  “No,” he barks.

  “Fuck you, let me go. Now,” I demand, kicking and flailing my limbs. Hudson approaches Nolan with his gun still drawn and aimed. “Hudson, please.”

  “Kingston,” he shouts after kicking Nolan’s gun away and holstering his own. “It’s clear.”

  “No, she isn’t going near that fucker again,” Kingston yells back.

  “Let me down right now, Kingston Cole. If you don’t let me help him, I’ll never forgive you.”

  He drops me onto my feet in front of him and grips my shoulders, bringing his face to mine. His eyes are hard, filled with fear, worry, and relief.

  “Queenie, he tried to kill you. How can you want to help him still?”

  “Tommy was trying to kill me.” My eyes flicker past him, and I try to push him back, but he won’t move. “That is not Tommy. That is Nolan, and it was Nolan who saved me. And it’s Nolan who’s lying in the road dying.” His brow puckers in confusion, but I don’t have time to explain myself right now. “I know you don’t understand, but you have to trust me.”

  His eyes soften a little as my words sink in. He loosens his hold on me, but he doesn’t let me go right away. He lifts me into his arms again and turns, carrying me to Nolan. Relief fills my chest, but the adrenaline of the moment still pumps heavily through my veins. Kingston sets me gently down beside him, and I move into action, kneeling beside his body.

  Rolling him over, I begin to assess the situation. He’s been shot three times. Once in the chest and twice in the abdomen. I place a hand over his chest wound, pressing down on it to staunch the blood flow, and grab his other, pulling it close to my chest.

  “Kingston, Hudson, get down here and help me.”

  They both kneel, each placing a hand on his other wounds.

  “Nolan...”

  “M-Missy...” he gasps, and blood spills from between his lips. “I was...scared...a bullet hit...you.”

  “I’m okay,” I say, reassuring him. “You saved me.”

  “No...you...saved...me,” he struggles to get out.

  “Don’t talk, save your strength. Help is on the way. Hold on, Nolan. We’ll get you help, I promise. Please, just hold on.”

  “No... need you...safe,” he gurgles.

  “I’m safe, Nolan. I promise.”

  “P-please, Missy...l-let me stop...b-breathing...”

  I slowly nod in understanding, his earlier words resonating with me. I lean forward and place a kiss on his forehead, squeezing my eyes tightly because I know I have to let him go. Even though every cell in my body is fighting my choice to heed his request. This is the way it has to be. Not for me. For him. I’m not Jerry and Tommy’s only victim. Nolan was their first, and their terror stole away the life he was destined to have.

  “Okay.” I remove my hand pressed against his wound, slowing the blood. Kingston and Hudson follow suit, both releasing their hold on his other wounds. Nolan’s eyes flicker next to me, and I feel Kingston’s body move closer to me.

  “They’ll never hurt you again, Nolan. They’ll never hurt anyone,” Kingston’s says s
oftly, and I watch Nolan respond with his eyes. A renewed peace takes hold of his body and he slowly relaxes, taking one last gurgled breath. He tightens his old on my hand one last time before succumbing to his death.

  A loud and painful wail emits from somewhere deep inside of me, and I feel Kingston’s arms wrap around me from behind, pulling me into the safety of his body. The stress, the worry, and the fear from the last two days overloads me, but it is this moment, his death, that unravels me.

  Chapter Forty-Four

  Life after the Fact

  Kingston

  Three Weeks Later

  “Good night, babies.” Missy kisses Layla and Oliver each on the top of their head, squeezing them tight one more time. She lets them go and leans back into her spot on the couch. “Sleep sweet.”

  Oliver leans over and kisses Missy carefully on the cheek before turning around and running down the hallway to his bedroom.

  “Don’t worry, Dad, I’ll tuck him in. Good night, Missy,” Layla whispers, dazzling us with a megawatt smile. Layla disappears behind her brother, and I watch her go from my spot next to Missy, admiration for my girl seeping into my heart. Layla has been a rock for us the last few weeks, proving just how much strength she has inside her as we’ve all adjusted to life after Nolan.

  While my children haven’t been deeply affected by the events, Missy, on the other hand, struggles with it all. Much more than she is comfortable admitting. But I understand what she is feeling and make a point to stand beside her through it all.

  After she explained to me what happened to Nolan, I understood why she was so adamant about saving his life that day. At first, I thought she was cracked out of her mind and somehow responding to him in an unhealthy way. Now, I realize how sick he was and believed Nolan himself meant no harm to Missy. Despite the cuts and bruises covering her body, I had to believe her. It wasn’t Nolan who wanted to hurt Missy. It was the personas controlling his body.

  She struggled with guilt over his death. Guilt that she didn’t see the signs of his psychological disorder sooner. Guilt that she wasn’t able to save him from the monsters that tortured them both. Guilt that she had to let him go, despite everything in her body that told her to save him.

  It wasn’t until the morning she met with Nolan’s mother that she was able to begin putting the events behind her. Nolan’s mother thanked Missy for saving her son again. Thanking her this time for saving him from the demons that have plagued his life for the last few years. She always knew something was different about her son when he came back from the brink of death, but she, too, had been blind to the disorder that consumed his life.

  She hasn’t talked about what happened when she was with Nolan and the other personas, but I know not push her for it. It will only hurt her more. She has to be ready to talk about it.

  “What are you thinking about?” Missy asks, moving closer and snuggling against me. I lift my arm, tucking her in closer to my side. My heart swells with love over the simple gesture. We haven’t had sex since everything happened, but I’m okay with it. She needs time to heal, and we’ve been sharing more and more small intimate moments like this one unfolding now.

  “Just about how lucky I am.” I squeeze her and place a kiss on top of her head. She lifts her legs and places her feet next to mine on the coffee table. This is how we’ve spent every evening the last few weeks, snuggled up next to each other on the couch. Each night, it gets a little farther, but I don’t push her for more than she’s willing to give me. “What are you thinking about?”

  “Work.” Her voice is soft, filled with a new tenderness.

  “You ready to go back?”

  “I don’t know,” she sighs. Her hand finds mine, lacing our fingers together. “I think I might look for something less stressful. Something with better hours, so I can be home more with the kids.”

  “If that’s what you want, but I know you love your job.”

  “Yes, but I love you and the kids more. Besides, I’ve really enjoyed my time with them the last few weeks.” She sighs again, like she has more she wants to say but is waiting for me to push a little more for it. She’s officially moved in with us, closing up her house and keeping it available for any of the guys who come into town and need a place to crash. Most of them already have their own places in town, but I know the real reason she holds onto the house is because she hopes Tennessee will one day return.

  “You don’t have to work, Queenie, if that’s what you want. I can take care of you,” I fish, not sure of what she might be getting at. She knows I make enough money to give us a comfortable life, but I know how much of a worker she is, and she’d never be comfortable not contributing someway.

  “As if I’d let you turn me into some kind of kept woman,” she scoffs.

  “That’s not what I meant. Besides, you’d never be good at a role like that. You don’t follow orders all that well.” I chuckle, teasing her. She elbows me in the ribs before laughing lightly about it.

  “You’re right. I prefer disobeying you, which has turned out to be more fun than naught. Especially when my punishments include you, me, and a lot of naked time.”

  “See, now, that’s a role that suits you,” I purr, moving quickly to lift her and lay her out on the couch, pinning her underneath me. She responds by arching into me and wrapping her arms around my neck.

  Her green eyes stare up at me with unashamed love, and it gives me joy, proving you can go to hell and come back whole with the right person beside you. I lean down to kiss her, but she pushes against the cushions behind her, moving out of my path.

  Missy

  The moments, the flashbacks are fewer and fewer as time goes by, but in moments like these, when I let my guard down, they hit me. At first, I didn’t think what happened with Jerry and Tommy affected me that much. I was dead wrong.

  The first time I felt like something was wrong happened after the shock of everything finally wore off. I was the only one home. I told Kingston to go into work that day and saw the kids off to school. When I walked back into the house, I began to panic. I went around the house checking all the window and the locks. When I felt safe enough, I spent the day tearing the house apart, searching for anything that meant he had been watching me here, too. I didn’t find anything, but it was too late. The damage was done.

  It wasn’t until Kingston walked in the door with the kids that I felt safe. He took one look at the house and enveloped me in his arms, promising he’d already searched the house for any sign of cameras being there. He also assured me that my house had been thoroughly checked and secured, too. He knew what was happening with me without a single word uttered from my lips.

  I took a leave of absence from work, because everywhere I turned, I saw Nolan. The idea that he had been in the hallways stalking me had me worked into another frenzy. There was no way I was going to be able to deal with work and home at the same time. It’s a good thing I had a lot of vacation time saved up.

  “What’s wrong?” he asks, looking down at me, concern in his eyes. I push up at his chest again, and he moves, lifting himself up and away from me.

  “It’s nothing...”

  “Flashback?” I look over at him like he is crazy and somehow read my mind. “You went through something pretty traumatic, Queenie.”

  “How can you be this understanding all the time?”

  “Because I love you.” I shake my head, unable to wrap my thoughts around what he is saying to me. In some way, I think he understands what is happening in my head. I’ve kept everything bottled up the last few weeks; it’s left me feeling tight and wound up. He’s been here for me, just enough that I don’t feel pressured to confront what happened, even though I know I have to. I look into his eyes, feeling like everything can be alright again if I just let him in.

  “Sometimes I get triggered. A word. A moment. An emotion. Anything, really. It sends me back to there, to a moment with them, and I feel like I’m suffocating.” I bring my knees to my chest and wrap my a
rms around them. “It’s not happening as much lately, but I still feel like I need to keep a constant guard up so it doesn’t.”

  “What are your flashbacks about?”

  “Memories. Feelings. Things he put me through. Sometimes, when I first wake up, I think I’m back in the cabin, on the morning I woke up and found him plastered to my back, both of us naked.” I watch his body tense as I say the words. He wasn’t present when I told the police about everything that happened. I didn’t want him there, because I didn’t want him to know all of this. Not then, but now, maybe he’ll understand why I haven’t been myself lately. “It was a scare tactic and the first time I came face-to-face with Tommy.”

  “Did he...”

  “No, he didn’t. He didn’t want me that way. Tommy was bloodthirsty. He wanted to hurt me, but Jerry wouldn’t let him,” I explain quickly, cutting him off from finishing his question. I squeeze my eyes tight and hope he’ll be able to handle the next part of my story, because I need to get it out. “Jerry wanted me that way, but when I caught onto what was happening and began pushing Tommy, he came out of hiding and took it upon himself to punish me for my bravery. He pinned me against the wall and nearly choked the life out of me. After I passed out, he beat me to bring me back to consciousness.”

  “Fuck,” he whispers, flexing his hands, trying to keep his emotions in check. Seeing him react this way, knowing he only wants to protect me, I spill the rest of what happened easily from my lips, and for the first time since being held against my will, I feel free.

  “Why didn’t you tell me this before?”

  “I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want it to affect things between us.”

  “It would never do that. I won’t allow it.”

  “Neither will I, but I know you’ve noticed the lack of—”

  “I’ve said it once and I will say it again, you are what matters most to me. Not the sex.” He tilts his head to the side, studying me and my reaction to his words. I can’t help relaxing, because there is truth in them. He’s said it to me once before and never gave me a reason to doubt them. I won’t start now. “When I kiss you, does it hurt?”