Matthias waited for her at the end of the gangway. She dropped her gaze to the floor and fought the burn in her eyes. Josiah hadn’t come. Matthias had been sent instead. He may not want her, but he wouldn’t let her go either.
“Princess.”
“Matthias.” She glanced at his eyes and then bowed her head once more. The impersonal mask concealed his thoughts. He would tell her nothing.
Matthias switched his attention to the suited man who had been standing beside him. “Be sure Princess Cahri’s bags are returned to the palace.”
“Yes, sir.” The man stared at Cahri for a moment then issued orders to those around him.
Matthias took her elbow and led her away from the staring airport personnel. She offered no resistance, but couldn’t hold back the tears which trickled down her face. So close to freedom from at least some of the pain.
He opened a door and led her through several stark, white corridors. She didn’t know where he led her, nor did she care. Trying to leave had been foolish. Had Josiah not sent Matthias, the king would have sent someone to retrieve her from wherever she went.
Matthias stopped and released her arm and stepped back. Cahri gazed at him and he nodded once. She swiveled back to the front, eyes closed, and waited, for what she didn’t know.
Help me, Lord. It was all she could pray.
Her chest tightened when she inhaled a familiar scent. She opened her eyes. Black tennis shoes, black jeans, white oxford shirt, untucked. The face of the man she loved. Her husband.
Cahri swiveled away from Josiah. Her gaze sought Matthias’s, but the guard had left. She sighed and walked toward the door.
“Will you leave me, wife?”
She stopped. His words angered her, but she answered him with a soft voice. “You left me a long time ago.”
“I’m sorry, Cahri.”
“It’s too late for apologies. They might have worked two weeks ago, even last week, but today it’s too late.” She placed her hand on the doorknob.
“I love you.”
“No, you don’t.”
His hands on her shoulders startled her and sent a shiver down her spine. “Look at me, please.”
She shifted around but didn’t look up.
He fingered the tendrils of hair beside her cheeks. “I’ve missed you.”
A snort of derision was her response.
He lifted her chin, but she closed her eyes. She wouldn’t let him see how much his touch affected her, or how much his rejection hurt.
“I need you.”
“Yeah, well, I can tell you from experience we don’t always get the things we need. You haven’t needed me for over a month. Why should I believe you need me now?” She broke away from his hold and went to look out the window. Her muscles tensed as his footsteps grew closer.
He touched her arm, trying to turn her around again. She resisted.
“I am still your husband. Turn around.”
She snorted again. After yanking her arm free from his grip, she stepped away and faced him. “What do you want from me?”
He stepped forward and she stepped back. They moved around the upholstered chairs step by step. Then before she could make another move, he took several quick steps and grabbed her arms.
Cahri resisted the demands his lips made of hers. His touch on her arms gentled, as did the pressure of his mouth. She moved her head away, but he nibbled her ear then placed gentle kisses down her neck. Nimble fingers undid the tight bun at the back of her head. He ran his fingers through her hair and she was lost.
His lips found hers again, and she responded to his demands. Her hands followed the muscles in his arms then entangled themselves in his hair, pulling him closer as she made demands of her own. Desire flooded her body.
He broke the kiss.
The spell was broken, and she leaned away from him, ashamed he could distract her with such ease.
“No.” He pulled her back around and kissed her with passion again until she felt herself relax in his arms.
He broke the kiss.
“Stop.”
“No.” His lips found hers and demanded more. She struggled, but he held firm. Her resolve crumbled.
He broke the kiss.
She pulled his head back down and touched her lips to his. When he didn’t respond, she used her teeth to nibble his lips apart. He groaned and tightened his hold on her, never releasing her mouth. His kiss felt desperate somehow.
She broke the kiss, and instead of moving away, gazed into his eyes.
Josiah brought one hand up to caress her cheek. “I’m so sorry, Cahri. I do love you, but I was so ashamed I hadn’t been able to protect you. Every time I saw you I remembered how I’d failed. I felt like less than a man and couldn’t face the thought of you thinking of me that way too.”
Cahri closed her eyes and rested her forehead against Josiah’s chest. “I have never thought of you as less than a man. You couldn’t have stopped Waseem. I know it, and so do you. I never blamed you for his attack on me. He was evil.” She shuddered. “I thought you didn’t want me, couldn’t love me, because of what happened.”
“Oh, my love. It was never you. Never. I needed time.”
Cahri pushed away from him. “I needed you. Did you even consider my feelings?” She walked back to the window. “A little part inside me died every day because you didn’t come. I tried to convince myself I hadn’t done anything wrong, that it wasn’t my fault.”
“Cahri.” Josiah’s whispered word caressed her soul, but she stiffened her spine.
“After weeks of waiting, I gave up the hope that you would come, that you could still love me after what happened. I decided if I had to live without you, I may as well do it some place where I didn’t have to pretend I was fine. Somewhere I wouldn’t have to sleep in the bed I’d shared with you. A place where everything I saw wouldn’t remind me of all I had lost. But then, maybe I never had it. Maybe I was delusional to think a handsome prince could love me.”
“But I do love you.”
She wanted to believe him, wanted it with all her heart.
“Come home with me.”
“Why?”
“Because I need you. Because I want you. Because I love you.”
Cahri sighed. “I don’t believe you, but I will do as you say.” She walked to the door. Catching sight of herself in a mirror, she shuddered at the sight of her hair hanging down past her shoulders. No use fixing it now.
Matthias stood outside the door.
“Take me back to my prison, Matthias.”
He stared down at her. “Josiah promised to let you choose if you wanted to stay or leave.”
Cahri shrugged. “I’ve had but one choice since the day Anaya knocked on my door. One choice to live. One choice to stay in Belikara. Today my one choice is to obey God by staying with my husband. For better or for worse.” She took Matthias’s arm and began walking down the corridor. “Maybe one day I’ll have the for better part.”
****
Josiah watched Cahri take Matthias’s arm and start walking after speaking to him in whispers. Whispers he’d heard.
How could she think of their home as a prison?
Chapter Thirty-Three
The ride back to the palace was a nightmare for Cahri. Matthias insisted he would follow them in the car she’d driven to the airport. He found the skycap she described and retrieved the keys. After returning her hat to her, he sat behind the wheel, waiting for Josiah to lead them home in his car.
Josiah acted as if nothing unusual had happened. She couldn’t. Her answers to his questions came out stilted, if she answered at all. He gave up and an awkward silence descended.
As soon as the car stopped in the car barn, she jumped out and ran into the palace. Being in his presence caused her heart to skitter around in her chest, and she needed a break. A long break. She weaved through the many hallways and found her way to the gallery.
She sat in front of the portrait of Josiah’s great-grandmo
ther. “How did you manage? Did he love you? Did you love him?”
Cahri lay down on the backless bench and stared at the picture, praying for some semblance of peace. Praying for her marriage. Praying someday soon she wouldn’t feel like crying all the time.
The door opened, and Cahri rose from her position. Josiah entered. Her heart raced.
“I knew you’d be here.”
She shrugged, wishing she’d gone somewhere else.
“We have to talk.” Josiah sat beside her on the bench.
“There’s nothing to say.”
“We can’t work this out if you don’t talk to me.”
“You’re right. But I’ve been waiting to talk to you for over a month. I needed to talk to you. I needed you to hold me. I needed to know you still loved me, that you didn’t blame me for what Waseem had done, that you didn’t think it was my fault. But what I needed didn’t matter then, and I expect it doesn’t matter now. It’s been and remains all about what you need.” She stood and walked to the window, pushing aside the heavy drapes. “Well, it can’t be all about you anymore. I need time. Maybe a lot, maybe a little. I don’t know. You can’t expect me to come back here and pretend the last month hasn’t happened. Even now the servants look at me with pity. ‘The neglected princess.’” She swiped at the tears on her cheeks.
“What do you want me to do?”
“Leave me alone.”
“No.” The force in the one word hit Cahri like a hammer. Josiah continued. “I plan to fight for our marriage, for our love. I know you love me. You said so in your note. I know I hurt you. Forgive me, Cahri. Again.” His footsteps echoed behind her. His hands rested on her shoulders. “I can’t promise not to hurt you again because I will, but it won’t be because I want to. I can promise to try harder.”
Cahri slumped next to him. She did love him. A lot. More than a lot. Her body still responded to his touch. He twisted her around and pulled her close. She rested her cheek against his chest and felt the beating of his heart. She wrapped her arms around his waist. Her tears wet his shirt. His tears dripped onto her cheek.
They stood there for a long time, not moving, not talking, just holding tightly to one another.
“I love you, Cahri.”
****
They’d been back at the palace for two days. Two torturous days. After a month of near-silence with no one to talk to, Cahri needed time away from Josiah. He was smothering her.
He'd told her he needed to get some work done in his office, so she took the opportunity to walk. Somewhere. Anywhere. She was to meet him for lunch but had a precious few hours to herself. Since her almost-escape, she’d told Matthias she didn’t need a guard anymore. He acquiesced but not without a little disagreement.
She had yet to venture toward the stables, so she headed in that direction, praying for her marriage. Conversation between them came hard. She loved him with all her heart, but trusting him again frightened her. As much as she wanted their marriage to work, fear held her in its grasp and wouldn’t let go. Fear of him, and fear of herself.
Could she give herself to her husband after Waseem’s attack? Would she always remember his plans? She shivered. And his touch?
At the stables, she approached a regal-looking golden horse. She reached her hand out—
“Don’t touch Copper, miss.”
She swung around, frightened by the voice behind her. A man she’d never seen took a step closer. She backed up.
“Stop.” His command ratcheted up her fear. What would he do? Was he like Waseem?
“I won’t hurt you, Princess, but Copper might. He doesn’t take well to strangers. Please don’t get any closer to him.” He took a step back. Cahri released the breath she hadn’t known she was holding.
“I’m Jerome, the barn manager. I apologize for frightening you. I didn’t want you to get hurt.” He took a tentative step closer.
“Thank you, Jerome.” She bit her lip. Should she explain her reaction? No. If he worked on the grounds, he knew. She stepped forward, attempting to alleviate the man’s worried face. “I apologize for overreacting.”
He nodded.
She twisted back to face the horse. “He’s beautiful.”
“Yes, but temperamental.”
She reached a hand out toward his muzzle, watching his eyes and ears for signs of aggression. The horse snuffled her hand. Jerome handed her a carrot. She laid it in her hand, and Copper lipped it out, silky lips touching her palm. As he nibbled on the carrot, she rubbed his forehead and scratched around his ears. When the carrot was gone, he snuffled her shirt, looking for more. She giggled, rested her forehead against his, and willed him to know how much she appreciated his acceptance.
She sighed and stepped away. Opening her mouth to thank Jerome, she found him gone. Copper snorted behind her, and she swiveled back around to lavish more attention on the beautiful stallion. After a few minutes he moved away, and she went down the aisle to look at the other horses.
A pure white horse on the end caught her attention. She went to look at him. His coat shined, and even in the shade he reflected the light. He stood tall and erect, reminding her of a soldier standing at attention. Had his tail not flipped away a few flies, she might have thought him to be a statue. She stood there for several minutes, but he never moved. It amazed her.
Looking at her watch, she gasped at the time that had elapsed while she'd admired the horses. She would have to hurry to get cleaned up in time for lunch with Josiah. A meal she both dreaded and anticipated.
****
Josiah jumped when Anaya stormed into his office without knocking.
“What have you done?”
He stared into the angry face of his sister, trying to figure out what he’d done. “I don’t know. What are you talking about?”
“I just got home. I found a long letter in my room from your wife, telling me good-bye and she would miss me. Where is she?”
“I don’t know.” Josiah squelched a smile.
“What do you mean you don’t know?” Anaya’s yell echoed in the room. She plopped down in one of the chairs facing his desk and dropped her head into her hands. “What have you done, Josiah?”
“I hurt her, Anaya, and she couldn’t stand the uncertainty anymore. She got on a flight to France.”
Anaya groaned. “Why didn’t you stop her?”
“I did.” Josiah smiled then. “She’s around here somewhere, I just don’t know where at the moment.” He glanced at his watch. “We’re meeting for lunch in about fifteen minutes, if you want to join us.”
Anaya picked up a book from the floor, inspected it, and threw it at him.
“Ouch.” He rubbed the spot on his head where the book had struck a glancing blow.
“You deserve it for whatever you did.”
“I agree. And far worse.” He couldn’t look at his sister any more. “What I don’t deserve is my wife. She’s a better person than I’ll ever be.”
Anaya asked more questions, and he told her about the last month.
“She never said a word to me when we talked on the phone. She sounded sad, but I couldn’t get her to talk about it. She kept changing the subject. Now I know why.” She shook her head at him. “I should do more than hit you with a book.”
“I know. Trust me, I know.”
“Come here, big brother, give me a hug. You look like you could use one.”
Josiah walked around his desk and put his arms around his sister as she put her arms around him.
“Josiah, I’m ready — oh… Oh!” Cahri’s voice changed from excitement to shock to hurt in seconds.
Josiah released Anaya and pivoted to see Cahri lifting her long skirt to start running. “Cahri, no. Anaya’s home.”
Cahri’s hand went to her face, and he knew she wiped away tears. The situation had resembled something inappropriate, and her heart had yet to trust him again.
Josiah walked up behind her and wrapped his arms around her. “I love you, Cahri. There w
ill never be room for anyone else in my heart.”
She relaxed against his chest. He kissed her cheek.
“Come. Welcome Anaya home.” He grabbed her hand and pulled her into the room. “Can you believe she threw a book at me?”
Cahri giggled and went to hug Anaya. They held on to each other for more than a minute. He waited.
“All right, ladies. Enough hugging, unless you’re hugging me.”
They both giggled and then grabbed his arms and pulled him into the hug. He wrapped his arms around them and squeezed as tightly as he could. They grunted, glanced at each other, and grinned.
Uh-oh. Trouble.
Four hands started tickling him. He tried to escape, but their arms had him trapped. He dropped to the floor, and they sat on him to keep him still. He laughed until tears ran from his eyes.
The next thing he knew, Cahri was kissing him, hard. He opened his eyes, but Anaya was gone and the door closed.
Flipping her over, he pinned her to the floor. “What are you doing?” His breath came out in gasps, from the combination of the tickling and the kiss.
She gazed up at him with a twinkle in her eye. “Marking my territory. Staking my claim. Kissing my husband.” Her hands slipped behind his head and grabbed his hair, pulling him down.
“Ou… ummph.” His mind swirled with her kisses, and her soft body beneath his. She moved, and before he realized what she was doing, he was on his back again. He chuckled, breaking their kiss.
“What’s so funny?” Her whisper caressed his ear. Goosebumps prickled his arms.
“You.”
“Oh?” She nibbled his ear and nipped at his neck then moved to his chin before she claimed his mouth again.
He groaned.
“Am I funny now?” Her kisses, her touch, her smell sent his desire into overdrive.
He broke the kiss. “Cahri.”
“Hmm?” Her lips found his ear again.
“We’re not going to make it to lunch, if you don’t stop.”
One Choice Page 23