She froze.
“Do you want me to stop?” Her whisper was laced with pain. He felt her body shift away from his.
He held her tight. “No.”
But even as he spoke, he knew she would. He’d hurt her again. Why couldn’t he stop worrying about schedules and time and just enjoy his wife?
She sighed and dropped her head to his shoulder. Moments later, she rolled away and stood up. She moved to the small mirror he had beside his desk, and fixed her skewed hat. He watched her take a deep breath, close her eyes, and release it.
He sat up. “Cahri, come here.”
She glanced at him but lowered her eyes before moving to stand in front of him. He raised himself from the floor and tilted her chin so he could see her face. Her lips trembled. He touched his lips to hers.
“I love you.”
She nodded.
“Are you mad at me?”
A shake of the head.
“Are you disappointed?”
No answer, but she didn’t need to answer. Her eyes told him all he needed to know.
“Soon, my wife. Soon I will make you mine, but not on the floor of my office like rebellious teenagers.”
She nodded again, but this time her eyes shined with tears which did not fall.
“Do you know how much I want you?”
“No. I returned two days ago, and you haven’t even tried to kiss me. You’ve not touched me…” She sniffed. “You’ve not touched me, at least until a few minutes ago, unless I’ve had a nightmare.”
“Did you want me to touch you, hold you? Would it have helped alleviate your fears?”
Her eyes widened. He rubbed his thumbs against her cheeks then rested his forehead against hers.
“I love you, and while you think I ignored you for the last month, I didn’t. I watched you. It killed me to see how much you hurt.”
She started to speak, but he touched her lips with his fingers.
“I know. I should have been there. My pride wouldn’t let me, but then you were gone, and my pride didn’t matter anymore. You have been my wife for almost two months and yet not. We will have our formal wedding in a few weeks. Afterward, I will make you mine in all ways. Until then, I want you to trust me again and work on not being afraid.”
“I don’t know how.” Her body shook as she cried in his arms. He held her close, rubbing her back and wishing he knew what to do to help her.
Chapter Thirty-Four
The wedding was a few days away. Cahri’s nerves tightened every time someone brought it up. No one would tell her the plan. According to tradition, the royal bride just showed up. Everyone else took care of the details. She didn’t like not knowing the schedule of events. It made her tense and nervous.
Anaya took her shopping to distract her. Cahri hated shopping, but she did need to get away. They walked through several shops with Matthias trailing behind. Cahri giggled at his stalwart face every time she glanced in his direction. He made a face at her once when no one else was looking. He was one of the few men on the palace grounds she could relax around. Even Josiah still made her nervous.
Several hours later they returned to the palace. Cahri had found a number of things she liked, and Anaya had talked her into a black satin negligee for the honeymoon.
They had stayed gone for most of the day, and Cahri missed Josiah. She threw the bags she carried on the bed. Stormy hissed his objection at being woken from his nap. She scratched his neck and back, and he purred. One final pat and she moved away.
A quick look at the clock told her she had a half-hour before meeting the family for dinner. Time enough to shower and change. She needed to get clean after shopping. She cringed to think about how many other people had touched the clothes she’d touched, how many germs she might have collected on her skin.
The shower felt so refreshing she stayed in for a long time, and when she came out, Josiah stood by the balcony door. He directed his gaze at her and she heard him inhale, and then exhale. She hadn’t expected to see him before dinner. For the last week, he’d been busy right up until time to eat. Clad in a towel with her tangled, wet hair dripping down her back, she stood still, unsure of what to do.
“Beautiful.”
She stepped back, self-conscious. He had seen her unclothed once before, and she preferred not to remember that night.
“Am I late for dinner?” Her nerves caused her voice to squeak. She winced at how lame the question sounded.
He hesitated. “No. I thought I would come up and walk you down today. I missed you at lunch. Well, I missed you all day, but more so at lunch.”
She pulled open a dresser drawer and searched for an outfit. Her mind, however, stayed on her husband’s position in the room. His steps echoed in her head, even though he made little noise. She stiffened when she could feel the heat of his skin. A finger traced the scars she knew remained red and grotesque on her back.
She trembled.
He stopped.
“Am I scaring you?” His whispered words caressed her.
She sighed. “A little.”
“I don’t want you to be scared by my touch. I won’t hurt you.”
“I know. That doesn’t mean I’m not frightened. I… you…” She quit speaking. Her words kept getting jumbled in her head. His gentle touch distracted her. He tugged on the towel. She held her breath and tightened her grip so it wouldn’t fall to the floor.
Her back was exposed, and he traced every single mark. “I’m sorry I couldn’t protect you from this.”
She faced him. “It’s not your fault. Waseem did it, and while his execution doesn’t take away the fact that it happened, it helps me to know he won’t be coming back.”
Josiah walked away from her toward the windows.
“Don’t. Please.” She stood rooted to the spot, hoping, praying he wouldn’t shut her out again.
He spun around. “Ah, Cahri. Come here.”
Putting one foot in front of the other, she moved to stand in front of him. He pulled her into a hug, and she wrapped her arms around him. She felt his head move and then his chest expand with a sigh. “It’s time for dinner. Hurry and get dressed. My parents want to make an announcement of some sort tonight, so we need to be there.”
Cahri stepped back and the towel fell to the floor. A gasp escaped her lips, and heat flooded her cheeks. She’d forgotten. She bent down to pick it up.
“Leave it.”
Her husband’s tone allowed for no argument. She stood back up. Frightened by the intensity of his gaze, she whirled away to get dressed.
He didn’t move, but she could feel his gaze follow her movements. After selecting an outfit and putting it on, she went to the bathroom and combed out her hair and pinned it up.
When she returned to the room, Josiah hadn’t moved.
“Josiah?”
“Hmm?”
“Are you ready to go?”
“Yes.” He stepped closer to her and cupped her cheek in his palm. “It’s a good thing the wedding is just a few days away, wife. Your beauty is driving me crazy.”
****
After dinner, they returned to the room and Josiah sat in the upholstered chair. He could still see his wife’s body, his first look not marred by someone else’s evil. He needed a distraction.
“Show me what you bought.”
Cahri blushed.
He chuckled. “Does the blush mean you bought something I might like?”
Cahri studied the bags on the bed. She took out several pieces — pants and shirts. The pink on her face deepened.
So there is something in there for me. He grinned.
“Model them for me.”
She stared at him, gauging his seriousness. She must have decided he was serious because she grabbed a couple different things and headed to the bathroom. He smirked at her modesty, since before dinner—
He shook his head. Those thoughts would make sleeping next to her tonight harder. He should have let her get dressed before his
desire to see her body overtook him. He had felt her fear, but he wanted to show her he wouldn’t hurt her despite her vulnerability. He’d succeeded in controlling himself, but not by much.
Her entrance from the bathroom interrupted his musings. Good thing. Much more thinking about earlier would send him into the bathroom after her.
He considered the teal shirt and black trousers she wore. The teal worked well with her coloring, and he liked the lacy trim. He shifted his gaze to her movements. Her hands fiddled with the hem of the shirt, and she shifted her weight from foot to foot. Her eyes peered everywhere but at him. Why was she nervous?
He decided not to mention his observation but focus on the clothes. “I like it.”
Her lips formed a smile.
“More?”
She spun around on tiptoe and skipped back to the bathroom. A few minutes later she came out with a navy blue top and long red skirt with large white flowers. He focused on the bright skirt and blinked. She twirled, and he knew she liked the outfit. Even if he thought the material a bit outrageous, he wouldn’t say so. “Nice.”
She stopped and stared at him. “What don’t you like?”
He gulped. How did she know?
“The truth, Josiah.”
He groaned, then stood and walked over to where she stood. “You’re beautiful.”
“Stop stalling.”
“The… skirt is a little bright, don’t you think?” He scrutinized her actions.
She glanced down then went to the full-length mirror on the closet door.
“I didn’t think about how bright it was in the store. The dressing rooms were dim.” She twisted back and forth in front of the mirror. “It is a bit bright, isn’t it?” She shrugged. “No big deal. I’ll just send it back.”
He could tell, however, it disappointed her.
“You don’t have to, if you like it. It’s not hideous. I could get used to it.”
Laughing, she turned around and came back to stand in front of him. “Thanks for being honest.”
He pulled her close and dropped a kiss on her forehead. “I will always strive to be honest with you, my love.” He unpinned her hair. His favorite shampoo scent wafted to his nose. Burying his nose in her hair, he took a deep breath. “Mmm… You smell good.”
She giggled. He loved to make her smile. He lifted his head and stared at her. She raised her chin. Ignoring her offering never crossed his mind. He lowered his head and claimed her lips. When he broke the kiss, neither of them spoke for a moment. So sweet.
Cahri stepped away from him. “Go, sit back down. There’s one more.”
He eyed her and allowed his lips to curve upward, knowing there was more than one, but she wouldn’t show him what was in the other bag. At least not tonight.
She returned and modeled a modest, dark gray dress. It reached her ankles, but hugged her curves enough to give a hint of what was beneath. A lighter gray swirl shimmered in the light.
“Beautiful.”
“Anaya talked me into this one. She said it would be good for formal dinners.”
“She was right.” He gazed at her loveliness. His heart murmured a prayer of gratitude to God for giving him such a beautiful woman as his bride. Not just beautiful on the outside, but on the inside as well. “You did a good job today. Did you have fun?”
She returned to the bathroom to change, but spoke through the door. “I hate shopping, but somehow Anaya made it fun. She succeeded in getting my mind off the wedding, at least for a little while.”
He could almost hear her blushing.
She came out with all the clothes draped over her arm. “Do you have any scissors to cut the tags off?”
“No, but I have this.” He stood and reached into his pocket for the knife he carried. Walking next to her, he flipped it open. He heard her gasp, and she backed away from him. “Cahri?”
Fear radiated off her in waves. Her eyes were wide, and her face had lost all color. She stared at his knife. Why was she scared of his knife?
“Cahri. Talk to me, sweetheart. What’s going on?”
“Please don’t hurt me. I’ll be good. I promise.” Her pleading broke his heart. Then it dawned on him. Waseem. Matthias had given him a report about Cahri’s abduction and all that had been done to her. Josiah had chosen not to read it at the time. He wished he had now. He would make a point to do so tonight, after she slept.
Closing the knife, he laid it on the bed before heading for her, one slow step at a time.
“Cahri.” He made his voice stern to get her attention on his face and away from the knife. It didn’t work. “I won’t hurt you.”
She kept backing away until she bumped into the wall.
He stopped.
Softening his voice, he called to her again. “Sweetheart, I love you. I won’t hurt you. Come here. Let me hold you.” Her eyes moved to his. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
She slumped against the wall, breaking eye contact. He moved closer but didn’t touch her. The vulnerability and insecurity in her eyes struck him. He wanted to wipe the fear away. He held out his hand and waited for her to take it. The next physical contact they had must be her choice.
A trembling hand touched his. He closed his fingers around hers. She stood away from the wall and took the one step necessary to be close to him. He wrapped his arms around her quivering body. He held her until the shaking stopped.
“Come on. Let’s get the tags off your new clothes.”
Her glance went to the knife.
“You can use it, okay?”
She nodded.
A distraction was needed. He walked to the other side of the bed. “Anything left in these bags?”
Cahri squealed and jumped on the bed, snatching one and holding it in front of her chest.
“Is there something in that bag for me?”
She nodded.
“Can I see it?”
A vigorous shake of her head. A twinkle appeared in her eyes. “Soon.”
Just what he had hoped to accomplish. He advanced on her a little, wiggling his eyebrows. “Are you sure I can’t see it now?”
“I’m sure.”
“When can I see it? Is it something for me or something for you to wear for me?”
She blushed.
A grin lifted the corners of his mouth. He liked making her blush, and it was so easy.
“I’m not telling.”
A deeper shade of pink colored her face. “Oh, but you already did, my beautiful blushing bride.”
“Shhh.” She hastened into the closet and came back out a few seconds later without the bag. The temptation to go search filled him, but he controlled it by reminding himself again they would have their formal wedding in a few days. He would see whatever she had hidden then.
Two more days.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Cahri groaned when she turned over and realized it was only thirty minutes past the last time she’d glanced at the time. Five o’clock in the morning. Too early, even for her. She flipped back over and closed her eyes, but it was useless. She wouldn’t be getting anymore sleep. After months of waiting, she’d officially be Princess Cahri of Belikara in a little over twelve hours.
The king had insisted that Josiah return to the guest room, and without him next to her, she’d tossed and turned, looking at the clock at least once every hour.
A knock at the door surprised her. She sat up. “Come.”
Josiah tip-toed into the room. “I knew you’d be awake. I couldn’t sleep without you.”
“Nor I, without you.”
He snuggled in the bed with her, and rubbed her hair.
“Today you will be my wife officially. At long last we get to take a wedding trip. I haven’t asked you where you wanted to go.”
“Anywhere with you is where I want to be.”
Josiah pulled her closer and relaxed next to her. She took a deep breath, glad for the security she felt in her husband’s arms.
Over two hours late
r, Cahri woke.
“Josiah, wake up. You have to leave before we get in trouble.”
“You’re my wife,” he murmured.
“Josiah, it’s past seven.”
He jolted to a sitting position. “I have to go.”
She turned over on her back and looked at his handsome face. He pressed a kiss to her lips.
“Don’t forget to pack that other thing you bought.” The glimmer in his eyes sent heat to her cheeks. He smiled. “See you later, my love.”
****
Cahri stood outside the chapel door. The voices of hundreds of people whispering filled the corridor. She bit her lip. In a few moments, the doors would open and she would present herself to the man she loved.
If only her parents could have been here. Her mother would have fussed over her hair and makeup, and her dad would have walked her down the aisle. A tear threatened to fall. She shook her head, and chose to believe they were smiling down on her from heaven.
The doors opened. Rows and rows of people stood between her and Josiah. She couldn’t even see him. The minister nodded and she started her trek down the aisle. She kept her gaze focused on where he would appear. Half-way down, she caught her first glimpse of him. Dark pants and vest, a white dress shirt, and a green tie that matched the roses on her dress and hat.
She almost stopped just so she could stare at him longer. God had blessed her far beyond her wildest expectations.
****
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the bride.”
Josiah touched his wife's face and bent down and caressed her lips with his. She tilted her head to accept a deeper kiss. His desire flared to life, but he forced himself to clamp it back down. Tonight she would be his, at long last. This beautiful, wonderful woman would be his.
The minister spoke again breaking the spell she cast upon him with her eyes and her touch. Josiah faced the audience, Cahri’s hand in his. “It is my honor and privilege to present the Prince and Princess of Belikara.”
****
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