Letters From The Ledge

by Meyers, Lynda

Brendan swallowed hard. The word ‘father’ brought a fresh wave of confusion and it was all just too much to take. He could see the back of Sarah’s building and thought about the triangle it created. And here he thought he was all alone out there each night, but really people were watching him–had an emotional stake in his decisions. Tess, Sarah, the adoption piece, and now this…“Nate?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Is this a business meeting or are we just two guys hanging out?”

  “As far as I’m concerned, we’re just hanging out.”

  “Good.” At that Brendan pulled out his bag and fished out part of a joint, then proceeded to light it. He took a decent sized drag off of it and held his breath for a minute, willing the shakes to a halt and threatening them with more chemicals if they didn’t. After he released a long, slow breath he finally spoke again. “He’s not my father.”

  Brendan watched for Nate’s reaction out of the corner of his eye. If he was shocked he wasn’t showing it. Nate stayed very cool, which was to his credit in Brendan’s book. He just shook his head in answer to the earlier question. “He was still inside at the time.”

  “That figures. He’s afraid of heights too.” Brendan turned his head and offered Nate a hit, but Nate just smiled and shook his head.

  “If he’s afraid of heights, then why does he live in the penthouse?”

  Brendan took another drag off the joint and tried to speak while holding his breath. “Did you ever see Nacho Libre?”

  Nate laughed and tried to impersonate Jack Black impersonating a Spanish monk. “Eets dee best?”

  “Right.” Brendan smiled shakily. “Not bad, by the way.”

  “You should hear my Monty Python.”

  “Some other time.”

  “Right. Sorry.”

  “So what do you do when you work for him?”

  “He wants me to help him with website development, a little advertising, maybe some marketing. We’ll take some actual photos of his offices and design some great graphics, maybe a new logo, then morph them together to form an appealing package for the web.”

  Brendan’s mouth turned down in disgust. “You sound like a commercial.”

  “Thanks. I try. Seriously though? Most of the older companies are too set in their ways to have any kind of a hip or trendy web presence, and yet that’s what the up and coming customer base is looking for. The good ‘ole boys are starting to realize that if they want to be competitive it’s not all golf games and scotch. That’s where we come in–working with them to update their image and moving them along into the millennium with the rest of the computer-savvy world.”

  “Sounds great.”

  “I’m not complaining.”

  “And your girlfriend?”

  “Believe it or not, she works for him too. Temporarily at least. She’s an accountant and her firm is handling some of his business. That’s why we were meeting them for drinks the night I found the airplane.”

  Brendan rolled his eyes. “Small world.”

  “I’ll say.”

  “So what do you mean by ‘temporarily’? Like a temp agency?”

  “No. She actually works for a top accounting firm, and got handpicked for this job, to do some consulting.”

  “Now that I can believe.” Brendan snorted.

  “Why do you say it like that?”

  Brendan turned his head. “I’m sure she’s a good accountant, but make no mistake. My father always has the youngest, prettiest girls working for him. Most of them don’t last very long, but he never seems to have trouble finding replacements.” Brendan looked at him with unflinching sincerity. “Just tell her to be careful.”

  Nate’s jaw hardened and his one hand clenched into a fist. His shirtsleeves were rolled up to the elbow and Brendan noticed for the first time how strong he was. “It’s no wonder you’ve got forearms that look like steel beams.”

  Nate looked at his arms. “What are you talking about?”

  “You might want to carry around a tennis ball. At least then people will think you’re doing that for exercise.”

  Nate watched himself clench and unclench and looked at Brendan with a sort of stunned respect.

  Brendan inclined his head toward his apartment building. “You want to know what the draw is? Why the ledge?”

  “Yeah.” Nate nodded.

  It took a minute for Brendan to find just the right word. Finally he breathed out “Freedom.”

  “There are other ways to be free, Brendan.”

  “Prove it.”

  “I’m trying.”

  Brendan finished the joint and tossed the remains over the edge of the fire escape. “Sorry about your shirt.”

  “Pardon me?”

  Brendan smiled. “If I was you I’d change before I went back to work. Throw that one in the laundry.”

  Nate sniffed his shirt. “What about you? Don’t your parents notice?”

  “I don’t think they know the difference. They think it’s just the way I smell.” He looked away. “Not that they ever get close enough to get a good whiff.”

  It was Nate’s turn to sit still and blink. He was obviously at a loss for words.

  “I gotta go. Do you mind?”

  “If you go? No, of course not. I–have to get back to work.” Nate suddenly realized he was blocking the window and moved in ahead of Brendan.

  Once they were back inside the apartment Brendan picked the glass up off the table, poured it out and put it in the sink. “I don’t really know what to say.”

  “It’s ok. It’s a lot to process. But I thought you should know. I’m a straight up guy Brendan. I won’t pull any punches with you.”

  Brendan stood there with his hands stuffed in his pockets.

  “Unless of course, you punch me first.” Nate was trying too hard to be funny and it made Brendan laugh.

  “Yeah, well. With those forearms, it’s not very likely.”

  Nate stuck his arm out to shake Brendan’s hand. “I really am glad you called. Maybe next time we could make it a business meeting and you could bring me a portfolio.” He startled. “Actually, hold on a second!” Remember I told you I’d made a tutorial program for some of your programs?”

  “Yeah. I think I remem–” But Nate was already rifling through the drawers of a small desk. “–ber you mentioning that.”

  “Yes! Here it is!” Nate produced a set of CDs labeld with sharpies in awkward penmanship. “Just try them. Pick out a few of your best shots and use them as samples to go through the tutorials. I think it’ll really help.”

  Brendan took the CDs and thanked him.

  “When you’ve got a few good projects worked out, give me a call and we’ll get together again. Sound good?”

  “Sure. And thanks for lunch.”

  “Any time.”

  __________

  For the next two nights Brendan stayed inside and worked on the tutorials Nate had given him. He read the next letter from Tess, and adapted some of her poetry onto the screen, hiding words and pictures within his creations, somehow conveying the heart of her work through the essence of his own.

  It was easier to stay clean when he was focused on graphics. Creativity seemed to provide its own brand of high, and he found it easier to tap into innovative ideas with a clear mind. Nate had asked for a portfolio, and for the first time since–well, for the first time, anyway–he felt like he was up for the challenge.

  The tutorials helped fill in some of the gaps, but there were also some things he’d figured out on his own that were more advanced than the basics Nate had given him, and he used those techniques as well, hoping to show Nate that he was more than just a hack with a chip on his shoulder.

  By all rights the adoption thing ought to be occupying more of his thoughts, but he pushed that into a deep corner, and instead found his mind focused on Sarah. He would sit and stare in the direction of her building, wondering if she was out there somewhere, wondering about him. Tess was gone, but Sarah was real and warm and
he relived the dream about kissing her over and over until he thought he would go crazy. He’d let the chance slip by with Tess. He wasn’t going to let that happen twice.

  __________

  “Sarah!”

  Brendan snuck up and slipped his hand around the adjacent locker, effectively pinning her between it and the open door. She spun in the enclosed space and looked up to find Brendan staring back at her.

  He leaned over a bit and put his face that much closer to hers. He watched her eyes flicker and her mouth twitch and he liked that it made her uncomfortable. “Hi.”

  He caught himself looking at her lips and tried instead to focus on her hair. “You look beautiful today.” He picked up a lock of her hair. “I think I like this color the best so far.” His proximity didn’t change.

  “Are you coming on to me?” She squinted up at him.

  His eyes were focused intently on her face as he nodded. “I think so.”

  “I’m not sure how I feel about that.”

  A warm flush tinged her cheeks pink and he could feel the extra heat coming off her skin. Her words were saying one thing but her body was saying another.

  “How ‘bout we grab lunch and you can keep thinking about it while we eat?” With every reason in the world to be miserable he was happy–and he had no idea why.

  She looked up at him. “Do you promise to smile at me at least once while we’re eating?”

  “What is this fixation with smiling? Are we going to need to get you some therapy?” Brendan leaned his face farther in, as if he was going to kiss her. She sucked in her breath, just as he bypassed her face and whispered in her ear. “If you say yes I promise I’ll smile immediately.”

  Pulling back ever so slightly he watched her face for an answer.

  “If I say yes, it might just mean that I’m hungry.”

  “True, but you could, in fact, satisfy that need with or without me.”

  “Ok. Where and when?”

  “We’re out at noon today, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  You like bagels with schmear?”

  “Yes.”

  “Ok, then I’ll meet you here at noon.”

  Sarah just nodded.

  Brendan leaned his face back in toward her ear. “By the way, you smell amazing.” The first bell rang and he left her standing there without looking back.

  “So, what’s going on with you and that loser?”

  Sarah turned to see her friend Marcus leaning up against a bank of lockers to her right. “What’s it to you?”

  “I just think you ought to be careful. Guys like that are–”

  “Guys like that are what, Marcus?”

  “Oh, I don’t know.” He picked at one of his fingers before looking up. “But if it’s a thrill you’re looking for, why don’t you just let me take you out?”

  “Oh, I don’t know.” Sarah gathered up her books and slammed her locker closed. “I guess I just prefer someone who walks what he talks.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “It means, genius, that he is what he says he is. He doesn’t pretend and he’s not a poser. When he says something, he actually means it.”

  Marcus started shaking his head. “You’re crazy! He sits in class stoned most of the day, he has no friends–what, you think he’s going to take you to Coney Island for some cotton candy and a stroll on the boardwalk? He’s a screw up, and he’s going to drag you down with him.”

  “You don’t even know him, Marcus.”

  “You’re asking for trouble, Sarah. It’s written all over your face.” He left her standing there and joined the throng of people trying to navigate the narrow halls to their next class. The second bell rang before she realized she was late and it was the second time this week.

  __________

  All through detention, which started at noon, Sarah sat wondering what Brendan would think about her ditching him. When the hour was up she slipped out of the detention hall mostly unnoticed by Mrs. Barnes, and leaned her back up against the wall, blowing her breath out all at once. “Now what?”

  “Well, you could join me for one of these wonderful bagels, if you like.”

  She whipped her head around and saw Brendan standing there, smiling.

  “You seem to get a little thrill from surprising me.”

  He put his free hand up in the air. “Guilty as charged.”

  Her face flushed. “How’d you know where to find me?”

  “I was waiting near your locker and some girl came up to me and said you’d gotten detention for being late to third hour. I figured buying lunch was the least I could do. After all, I was probably the one who made you late in the first place.”

  “You–” She walked over toward the large paper bag he was holding. “Are forgiven. And I’m starving. She tried to peek in the bag. “Now let’s see how well you did guessing what I like.”

  When she opened the bag there were about eight different bagels staring back at her. “How hungry did you think I was?”

  “I didn’t know what you liked, so I just bought one of each.”

  “Mmm.” She picked out a blueberry and started munching. “I like a man who hedges his bets.”

  He looked from her face to the bagel and back again.

  “What?”

  “Nothing.” He shook his head. “I just figured you as more of the ‘onion’ type is all.”

  “Did you bring schmear?”

  He held up another bag. “Right here.”

  “Let me guess. One of each?”

  Brendan just stood there grinning.

  “So, where should we eat?”

  “I’ve got just the place. Follow me.”

  They walked to the back of the school and out a door she’d never seen. It opened onto a paved courtyard that held a couple of dumpsters and some heavy equipment.

  “What is this place?”

  “Mostly the janitors use this area. They store a lot of the maintenance equipment through that door over there. But if you’ll just climb these stairs over here, there’s a surprise waiting for you.”

  She wore a skeptic look. “A surprise?”

  “Just trust me, and get up there!”

  She climbed tentatively while he waited below. The courtyard flanked the brick wall that formed part of the perimeter of the school’s grounds. Another concrete wall butted up to the back of it making a flat area about four feet wide, on top of which Brendan had spread a blanket and had a couple of sodas waiting.

  She stood at the top with her hands on her hips. “Genius.”

  He winked. “Disappointed?”

  “Not a bit.”

  “Cool.”

  They each took a seat on the blanket and hung their feet over the wall.

  “How high up do you think we are?”

  Brendan looked down. “Not far. Maybe about fifteen feet.”

  They spread cream cheese on their bagels and ate in silence for a while.

  “I have a confession to make.”

  He raised his eyebrows. “Do tell.”

  She tried to stifle a laugh. “Onion bagels are my favorite.”

  Brendan cocked his head to one side. “Really?”

  She nodded in earnest.

  “So, why’d you pick the blueberry?”

  “Bad breath.”

  He raised his eyebrows once again.

  “Onion bagels give you really bad breath.”

  “And that would matter–why?”

  “Well, you got so close to my face earlier I figured I’d better err on the side of caution.”

  “That’s very encouraging news.”

  “Encouraging?”

  “Well, yeah. I mean, if you were looking to push me away” he leaned in close again “you would have definitely chosen differently.”

  He took hold of her chin with the thumb and forefinger of his right hand and dipped his face until his lips were nearly touching hers, then he waited there.

  “You smell like app
les.” He smiled. “And blueberries.”

  Sarah’s eyes filled with wonder. “You’re nothing like I imagined.”

  His breath was warm on her face. “What did you imagine?”

  “Not this.”

  His mouth curved up slightly at the corners. “I have my moments.”

  “Apparently.”

  “So, have you decided yet?”

  She swallowed down the last of the bagel that was in her mouth. “Decided what?”

  “How you feel about me coming on to you.”

  Sarah smiled down at her bagel. “The idea is growing on me.”

  “How would you feel about me kissing you?”

  When their eyes met, suddenly she couldn’t hear any of the voices in her head telling her this was a rotten idea. She couldn’t come up with one stinking reason she shouldn’t just give in to her feelings for him. Marcus’s comment hung momentarily in her brain, interrupting an otherwise perfect landscape of rationalization.

  She sat there debating the pros and cons and still he stayed the course. He could’ve kissed her right then and she’d have let him, but instead he asked permission. Not only that, but he waited for it. She’d never known another guy like him. The same eyes she’d seen overflow with hatred and sarcasm were laid open, and all her resolve melted into oblivion.

  She looked at his mouth and imagined it for a moment. “…Also growing on me.”

  His eyebrows lifted ever so slightly in one last attempt at approval and her smile said it all. He pulled her mouth into his and a surge of adrenaline put a match to every nerve ending from north to south. Her body ignited. He pulled away but then drew her right back in and reversed the polarization, causing all that adrenaline to come seeping out onto the bricks below. When he pulled away the second time she could feel him trembling.

  Brendan touched his forehead to hers. “Wow. I had no idea.”

  “About what?”

  “That a kiss could be so amazing.”

  Sarah was dumbfounded. That couldn’t have been his first kiss. It was impossible.

  “I’m sure I’m a lot less experienced in that department than most of the girls you’ve met.”

  His eyes were warm and soft and honest. “I wouldn’t know.” He cupped her cheek and neck in one hand. “Your heart’s beating a mile a minute. Are you scared?”

  She shook her head. “Not scared. Just waiting.”