Finding Forever

by Christina C Jones

  Desiree grabbed my hand, squeezing it between her own. “Tori, it’s been two weeks since my wedding, and we’ve barely talked. We used to talk every day, and that doesn’t happen anymore. I mean, I understand you being mad about the thing with Avery, but it seems like this distance started before then. What’s up with that?”

  I sighed, averting my eyes away. I didn’t feel like getting into this with her. Des and I had been friends since college, and we’d been like sisters. We experienced heartaches and triumphs together, had many of the same successes, but what brought us closest together was learning from our similar mistakes, especially in love. Before, we could laugh about it after we cried, but once Des met Drew, something shifted, and she became incredibly judgmental of everything I did. Especially with Rafael. Yes, she had been right, but she was still supposed to be my friend. I could handle her criticism, delivered in love, but hypocrisy? Hell no. So instead of cursing out the friend I loved, I simply took a step back, and remained insular so she wouldn’t hurt herself coming up with ways to chastise.

  “It’s nothing, Des. I just haven’t been feeling great. And you just got back from your honeymoon last week.”

  She scowled. “So you’re lying to me now?”

  “What?”

  “Tori… are you really not going to mention that you got divorced?”

  Ohh, screw you Avery.

  I sucked my teeth, annoyed at myself all over again for divulging that information to her stupid brother. “Honestly, I hadn’t planned on it, because I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Des crossed her arms over her chest as she flopped back in her chair. “So you talked to Avery of all people about it but you can’t talk to me?”

  “I’m sorry, Des, but you just got married! Why would I want to bring down your wedding bliss with my crappy news, to hear you say ‘I told you so’? If it makes you feel any better, I regret ever breathing the same air as your brother.”

  “We’re friends, Tori, have been for years. You didn’t have to suffer in silence, but I did tell you not to marry that man. And I know I’ve already said this, but I’m so sorry about my asshole brother.”

  I shrugged. “It’s not your fault. I’m sure you didn’t know that was gonna happen.”

  “Well, I knew he had this ‘thing’ about matchmakers, online dating, stuff like that, but I didn’t know he was gonna go all crazy and be mean to you like that. Ever since he broke up with Natalie, he’s been a mess. It was about two years ago, but they were together for three years. I didn’t know her that well, but he told me he was gonna marry her, but then some stuff happened between them, and it messed him up.”

  Twirling a tendril of hair around my finger, I tried to fight the sudden surge of sympathy I felt for Avery. Two years was a long time to stew over heartbreak, but due to nature of Matched, I had a lot of experience with the fragility of the male ego. And their emotions? Jeez. It was a complete misconception that men didn’t get their feelings hurt, couldn’t be heartbroken, or any of that. An emotionally wounded man could be just as volatile as a woman could. If he had kept his feelings bottled up after being hurt, and internalized them, it wasn’t all that surprising that he was still working through it.

  “That’s too bad,” I said, settling on a neutral response as I tucked the strand of hair behind my ear.

  “It is, but it’s not an excuse. He did apologize, didn’t he?”

  I nodded, thinking about the gorgeous bouquet of yellow orchids that had been delivered to my office, along with a handwritten apology, both of which I’d wanted to chuck into the trash, but for some reason, couldn’t bring myself to. I had plenty of anger about the way Avery had disparaged me and my business, but in the midst of that was a confusing amount of hurt. It wasn’t as if we actually meant anything to each other. We were two people who met at a wedding and had a one-night stand. There was nothing special, nothing life-alteringly different about that.

  So why couldn’t I get him off my mind? For one, I was off the whole ‘love’ thing. It wasn’t happening, wasn’t for me. Second, Avery wasn’t a one-woman man, which was indisputable. Nevertheless, he’d definitely done a heck of a job of making me feel like I was the only one in the world during our time together. Maybe that was the problem. The divorce, and the events leading up to it had left me feeling vulnerable, and susceptible to Avery’s well-rehearsed act.

  But could anyone act that well?

  I was confused about most of the things I was feeling, but I could say with certainty the intense connection we’d shared that night wasn’t something that could be faked. And that was… terrifying. The whole purpose of spending the night with Avery had been to free my mind, so I could move forward from my divorce openly, honestly, and happily single. However, that’s not what was happening. Instead of feeling fierce, and free… if I didn’t know better, I would swear I was heart broken, and not over my cheating husband.

  “So you’re gonna sit here and ignore me?”

  My head popped up when I realized Des was talking to me, and if her raised eyebrow was any indication, she had been for a while. “I’m sorry, Des. I wasn’t ignoring you, I zoned out. Can you repeat what you said?”

  “I said, enough about my idiot brother, I want to know what happened between you and Rafael. Why didn’t you tell me?”

  Groaning, I leaned back in my chair, trying to think of a way to avoid turning this into an argument. “Come on, Des, you know how you are. You would have gone into full on super-protective-friend mode, and you wouldn’t have been able to focus on your wedding. I wasn’t about to do that to you. Besides, I’m fine. My marriage was over well before I signed those documents… hell, before it began. Like you said, you told me Rafael wasn’t going to do right, and I should have believed you. But I’m okay.”

  “So, are you gonna start dating again?” Des asked, not looking convinced.

  I lifted my head to grimace. “Absolutely not. I’m done for sure this time. No exceptions, no special circumstances, I’m done. I’ve gotta accept my fate.”

  “Your fate?”

  “Mmhmm. I think I’m just one of those women that are meant to be single, and there’s nothing wrong with that. I like helping people meet their match, so I’m going to live vicariously through you guys, and avoid the headache.”

  “Don’t say that.”

  “Why not?” I shrugged, throwing my hands up in defeat. “It’s the truth.”

  “It’s not. You deserve love like anybody else.”

  “Can we talk about something else, Des? How was the honeymoon?”

  “Don’t you ‘how was the honeymoon’ me. I want to know how on earth you ended up telling Avery about the divorce before you told me.”

  I blew out a heavy breath before I lied. “We ended up talking at the reception, and I was a little emotional, so it came out. It wasn’t a big deal. I had just signed the papers before I left for the Maldives, so it was still fresh, and I needed to vent. Obviously I chose the wrong person for that, since he couldn’t keep his mouth shut.”

  “Well, at least somebody told me. I can’t belie— ”

  “Again, how was your honeymoon?”

  Desiree paused for a second to roll her eyes before answering. “The honeymoon was beautiful, but the wedding isn’t the most exciting thing that’s happened this month.” She stopped, sitting back in her chair with a teasing smile.

  “Oh, come on Des, spill the beans. What are you talking about?” I urged, resting my elbows on the desk. I was happy for the change of subject.

  “Well,” Desiree started, crossing her legs in a dramatic flair. “The day we got back from the honeymoon, I didn’t feel well. I figured it was jet lag or something, so I didn’t think anything of it. Well, then I realized my cycle was super late, but I hadn’t noticed because I was so busy with the wedding, and—”

  “So you’re… pregnant?”

  “Ugh, can I finish my damn story please?” Des bit down on her lip, trying unsuccessfully to stop a grin from
spreading across her face before she gave an excited nod of her head. “Ten weeks!” she exclaimed, wiggling her fingers in the air. “I left the doctor right before I got on the plane! I was already coming to check on you, so it worked out perfectly. You’re the first person I’ve told, not even Drew yet.”

  “Des, oh my God! You’re gonna have a baby!” I quickly came around the desk to pull my friend into a hug. “I am so happy for you honey,” I said, frantically wiping away my sudden tears. “When are you telling Drew?”

  “I want to tell him person. As soon as I leave you, I’m going to swing by Avery’s and tell him, and then I’m back on a plane to Chicago so I can try to beat my husband home and put out some balloons or something. He’s gonna be so happy!”

  I was sure he would. Before he knew Des, Drew had shared with me that he was anxious to be a father, and I knew for a fact Des would make an excellent mother. Hell, she was certainly good at trying to mother me. I was thrilled for them, but that didn’t keep a nagging feeling of jealousy from creeping into my thoughts. This outpouring of excitement over a baby was something I would never experience with someone else. To be fair, I wasn’t sure I wanted kids, but it would have been nice to have the option. Even if I went the route of donor sperm, and artificial insemination, I would never have the happy moment Des and Drew would share later over the news that they would be parents.

  I cleared my throat before I planted another smiled on my face. “That’s sweet, Des. I bet he’s gonn— wait a minute, did you just say you were ‘swinging by’ to see Avery? What, he’s visiting his office in Dallas?”

  Des’ lips parted in a little gasp as she averted her eyes to look down at her shoes. “Well… about that… Avery lives here in Dallas.”

  What?

  I took a step back, suddenly feeling like the wind had been knocked out of me. Avery was right here in the same city, and all he’d sent were stupid freaking flowers, and a note that didn’t acknowledge the fact we’d slept together instead of coming in person to apologize? Closing my eyes, I shook my head a little, realizing just how stupid it was that I couldn’t get him off my mind when he obviously thought very little of me. Note to self: you’re not one of those girls that can separate emotion from sex. Clearly.

  “Tori, I never mentioned it because I know how Avery is. I didn’t say anything because I didn’t want you asking to meet him, and him trying to do you like he does other women.”

  Too late for that.

  I shook my head. “It’s not a big deal Des, I’m just surprised. So all of your random pop-ups were to see both of us?”

  Desiree nodded. “But Avery travels a ton anyway, so he’s all over the place. Whenever he needs to regroup, and get his bearings back, he comes here to Dallas.”

  With a tight smiled, I nodded. “Gotcha.” I glanced at the clock, noting the time before I turned back to my friend. “You probably should get going if you want to be back in Chicago in time to set up a surprise for Drew about the baby.”

  “I know,” Des said, poking out her bottom lip. “I hate I don’t have time to stick around today, but we’ve gotta get together soon. And no more avoiding me, ok? It makes me worry about you, and I don’t like that.”

  I placed my hand over my heart. “No more avoidance, I swear.”

  I walked with Des down to the ground floor of the building to hail a cab, giving her a hug and kiss goodbye before she closed the door. When she was gone, I trudged back up to my office, suddenly drained. Feeling like a fool was tiresome, but I fully recognized this was entirely my fault. I knew Avery wasn’t worth a damn, had been told so by his sister, and yet I still… this was stupid. But, it’s not as if I was a stranger to that.

  When I walked into the reception area, there was a new client waiting for me, so I didn’t have time to wallow in my mess. I approached her, with my hand extended and a bright smile.

  “Hi! I’m Tori Kennedy. Let’s get you matched!”

  — Avery—

  I cringed at the sound of the persistent ringing of my doorbell, knowing it had to be Des. She was one of few people who knew exactly where I lived, and she was the only one who wouldn’t take the hint to go away after the first few unanswered rings.

  I spent my weekend doing two of my favorite pastimes, drinking and screwing in an effort to cleanse a certain someone from my palette. It hadn’t worked, and the only things I accomplished were a pounding head, a sore dick, and an exhausted body. Groaning, I pulled myself out of bed and yanked on shorts and a tee shirt to answer the door.

  “You don’t have one of your floozies in there, do you?”

  I laughed at my sister’s version of a greeting. “Hello to you too, Des. And no, you know I don’t bring women to my apartment,” I said as I opened the door to allow her inside. This was my private getaway space, reserved only for my friends, my family, and myself. It wasn’t a place for sexual escapades.

  “If you say so. I should be upset with you, again.” She gave me a dry smile as she pushed past me.

  “What did I do now?”

  “I just left Tori’s office.”

  Shit.

  There it was again, that tight feeling that erupted in my chest whenever I thought about her. “And?” I asked, feigning nonchalance.

  She rounded on me, placing a hand on her hip. “What do you mean, ‘and’? You hurt her feelings, Avery.”

  “And I apologized. What more should I do?”

  “Go to counseling? Get help?” she suggested as she dropped onto the sofa.

  I chuckled as I took a seat beside her on the couch. “Yeah right, sis. Let me guess, she thinks I need anger management or something?”

  “She thinks you need to go jump off a cliff. The counseling is my own suggestion… it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while.”

  “Is that right?”

  Des nodded. “It is. You’ve been like a completely different person ever since whatever happened between you and Natalie.”

  Was it that obvious? I had purposely changed my stance on relationships, and how I interacted with women, but I hadn’t intended for that to rub off onto my sister’s perception of me.

  “What are you talking about, Des?”

  “Well, you weren’t always this guy. After dad died, you went off to college, then came back and took over the garage, and all of a sudden you were like… the neighborhood casanova or something. And I still haven’t forgotten how you did my friend. She and I have never been the same since then!” I bit my tongue to keep from telling her that girl was never her friend, she was using her to get to me. Not to mention, that shit happened more than ten years ago! “But then, you settled down. You met Natalie, and went back to being the sweetest guy I knew. You were fun. You weren’t a pushover or anything, you were genuinely nice, laid back, and you stuck to one sweet girl, then… the breakup happened, and you changed again. Now you’re always moody, and you never hang out with me anymore. You just work and pick up women, and when you’re not doing that, it seems like I never see you. I want the old Avery back.”

  I shrugged. “People change, and their priorities change.”

  “So are you saying I’m not a priority anymore?”

  Shit.

  I pulled my sister into a hug. “Of course you’re a priority, Des. I didn’t mean it like that, I’m saying my business takes up a lot of my time. Ignition isn’t a local thing anymore, it’s growing, and that takes a lot of attention and focus. You didn’t come all the way to Dallas to lecture me, did you?”

  “No,” she said, grinning as she rolled her eyes. “I came to see Tori, and make sure she was okay.”

  My mouth went dry. I didn’t want to think about Tori being hurt this long over what I said. “Is she?”

  “She will be. I think the divorce is taking more of a toll on her than she wants to admit, and she was spouting off some nonsense about being through with love. And she’s still upset about your little stunt. You were mean to her, Avery, after she confided in you.”


  “I told you I apologized, Des. I sent her flowers, and a note.”

  Desiree shook her head. “I thought you knew women better than that. You should have apologized in person, fool. Especially since she now knows you live right here in Dallas. Sending flowers was lazy, and after the way you spoke to her — with no reason, might I add— I would think you be willing to do a little extra.”

  “I just didn’t think about it.”

  That was a lie. I’d actually agonized about it, then decided it was best not to see her. How would she have reacted? Would she have given me another black eye, cried? Worse, would she have been completely indifferent, or pretended to be, to not give me the satisfaction of seeing she cared? If she cared.

  Why the hell does it matter if she cared?

  “Oh, I know. I bet if you had slept with her you would have thought about it, but it’s good you haven’t. I can’t imagine how hurt my feelings would be if someone I had been intimate with did to me what you did to her. I would probably have you kick his ass. So… lucky you that I hid her from you for so long, right?”

  “Uh, yeah,” I managed to choke out. “Lucky me.”

  “Anyway, I have to head out so I don’t miss my flight back to Chicago, but I have news before I do!” She turned to me with an excited smile.

  “What is it, Des? Something big happen with the boutique?”

  She shook her head. “Nope, it’s better than that! You’re gonna be an uncle!”

  My eyes went wide. “Stop playing.”

  “I’m not!”

  A grin spread over my face as I pulled my sister into another hug. I wasn’t convinced parenthood would ever appeal to me, but being an uncle? I could get with that. “Congratulations, sis! How far along?”

  “Ten weeks. So, two and a half months.”

  I cocked my head to the side while mentally calculated that timing. “I’m about to text Drew and threaten his life for getting my baby sister pregnant before he married her.”

  “Whatever Avery,” Des said, laughing as she gave me a playful punch in the arm. “Don’t you dare text Drew yet, he doesn’t know. He had meetings all day today, and was already at his office when I found out, so I’m not telling him until he gets home tonight.”