Finding Forever

by Christina C Jones

  — Tori —

  My legs felt a little weak. I resumed my place on the couch, with my mind racing back and forth over what had just happened.

  “Hey… everything okay?” I looked up to see Des approaching, with the same smirk she’d been wearing since she walked in with Maya, but moving a little slower than usual in her post-partum state.

  I swallowed back the tears that were beginning to form. “Yeah,” I said as she sat down beside me. “What are you doing up?”

  “I need to nurse Madi, girl my boobs feel like they’re about to pop. Nobody mentioned this part to me!” I laughed as I handed over the baby, who latched contentedly onto Des’s breast to nurse. Once they were settled, Des looked back at me. “So, I’m gonna ask again… is everything okay?”

  I lifted an eyebrow. “Yes, Des. Madison is perfectly fine.”

  “I’m not talking about Madison, I’m talking about you.” She pointed at something on the wall, and as soon as I saw the lenses built into the mobile that hung over Madison’s crib, I remembered Drew bragging about how he had modified the baby monitor to capture the whole room.

  “You two should really be more careful if you’re gonna sneak around, and keep that shit out of my baby’s room, please! You’re lucky I was watching, and intercepted Maya. You almost got caught sucking each other’s faces off.”

  Shit.

  I pushed a hand through my hair, pressing my fingers into my scalp as I tried to figure out what to say. Should I apologize for not telling her? Should I pretend that was the first time it happened?

  “Tell me everything.”

  Okay. Decision made.

  Des sat quietly, not making a single interruption as I, for the second time in a week, told someone the entire story of Avery and I, including where I was with my feelings now. Guilt. “Des, the last thing I want to do is mess things up for Avery and Maya. They’ve been going strong for like four months now, and I don’t want to get in the way of him being happy.”

  “I don’t know that he is. Not really, you know? I mean… I think Maya is a little loopy or something, because that girl has been in a pissy mood since they got here! I feel bad for Avery, because I know he’s trying to make it work, so I’m sure he’s biting his tongue on some stuff. He wants this so bad. I kinda thought he was overcompensating for something, and diving into the thing with Maya really fast, but I couldn’t pinpoint why….” She resumed her smug little smile. “ Now, I suspect he was trying to get over you. Quite a few things make a lot more sense now.” She motioned for the bassinet , so I got and pushed it to her, watching as she gently laid baby Madi back to sleep, then gestured for me to follow her out of the room.

  In the kitchen, we set ourselves up at the bar, but this time I made the tea, since she was still in recovery. “Des… I’m sorry for not telling you about Avery and me. There never seemed to be a right time.”

  She shrugged. “After the talk we had after our little blow up in Chicago, I can say with certainty that if I were in your shoes, I probably wouldn’t have told me either, so no need to apologize. I just want to know what you’re going to do now.”

  “What? I’m not gonna do anything, what do you mean?”

  Des lifted an eyebrow, glaring at me over the rim of her cup as she took a sip. “You’re not gonna pursue him, try to get him back?”

  “Hell no, Des. I told you, I’m not interfering with their relationship, not intentionally. If it’s meant for us to be together… we’ll find our way back to each other.”

  “Well… can I go ahead and put in my vote to say I hope you do? Seeing the way you talked about him, and knowing you, Tori… I don’t think I could handpick a better person for my brother.”

  A few minutes later, I left Des in the kitchen to finish her tea while I went to the guest room, and threw myself across the bed. What the hell had I gotten myself into now? Kissing Avery certainly wasn’t part of the plan to get over him. After two months of not seeing him, not speaking to him, not talking about him, his presence in the room had sent me into a tizzy, and the kiss? My goodness, I was still tingling.

  Is this what I should expect every time he was around? Just a few days ago, when I was telling Renee about it, I’d thought I was making progress… However, here I was realizing that I wasn’t getting over Avery at all.

  Two weeks passed before I returned home to Dallas, and although I had a good time, and was more than happy to help Des, I was thrilled to see my house again. There was a fancy, unfamiliar car in my driveway, but I didn’t think much of it, assuming it belonged to one of Mel’s friends as I made my way to the front door with my luggage.

  “Gatinha bonita, you’re home.”

  I froze as that familiar, annoyingly sexy voice called out to me from the flashy car. Now it made sense. “Rafi,” I said, turning to face my ex-husband. “I’m no longer your pretty kitty… please, call me Victoria.”

  “Not even Tori?” he asked, his handsome face spreading into a grin.

  “If you must.”

  I had been wondering when he was going to make an appearance, and of course, he picked an inopportune time. I was exhausted, and all I wanted to do was take a hot shower and climb into my bed before I had to start looking for a place, so I could pack and move out within the time frame I had given the young couple who purchased my house.

  There was a short, awkward lull as I waited for him to state his business, but he didn’t seem inclined, so finally, I broke the silence. “Did you need something, Rafael?”

  He shook his head, giving me another dazzling smile. “I wanted to see you, minha querida.” I cringed at yet another unwanted term of endearment, but allowed him to continue. “You don’t respond to my emails, you change your personal cell number so I can’t call… and I assume your lawyer hasn’t been passing along my requests for a meeting, a call… something?”

  “She knows better,” I replied, smiling. “Although, I’m going to have to talk to her about a restraining order, since you don’t seem to get the message that I don’t have anything to say to you. Why are you talking to my lawyer, Rafi?”

  A little of his bravado faded, but he stood tall. “I told you, I wanted to see you. I… I miss you, my love.”

  I lifted an eyebrow. “I know you’re not about to ask me about getting back together?”

  “No. No, really. I really did just want to see you, and see if you were okay. See for myself. I feel badly about the way things ended for us.”

  A snort of laughter had escaped me before I could think about catching it. “You feel ba— you know what? I’m not going to go there. You wanted to see me, Rafi, you’ve seen me. I look great, I feel great, and I am great. Now, goodbye.”

  “That’s it? After that big ass check, I can’t get a few minutes of your time?”

  “I didn’t tell you to get married without a prenup, belo. After you exposed me to God knows what with your sleeping around, a hefty divorce settlement was the least you could give.”

  He lifted his shoulders, then dropped them in defeat. “You can’t tell me what’s going on in your life? You’re not running your business anymore, you’re selling the house,” he said, nodding toward the newly place “sold!” sign in the yard. What’s going on?”

  “I’m starting over. I’m going from scratch, and starting a new life… and it doesn’t include you. I hope you’re able to find some happiness of your own, Rafi. I have.”

  I didn’t wait for a response from him before I continued up to my door, unlocked it, and went inside. He only sat in my driveway for a few minutes before he pulled away, and I was able to breathe a sigh of relief. No. Not relief. Contentment. I was glad to be at home.

  I realized, quite suddenly, that while I was still very much wrapped up in Avery, who I’d never ever formally had a relationship with, the most feeling I could manage for the man I’d been married to was anger that he’d been holding me from getting inside so I could take off my bra.

  — 11 —

  — Avery —
>
  Two weeks after I kissed Tori in the nursery, I got off a plane, and went to Coral with the intention of meeting Maya for lunch. It was time for us to have that talk, and not that deep down, I was hoping it would mean the end of… whatever we were doing, at this point. Honestly, I couldn’t say why I was still trying with Maya. Yeah, it started great, but something — I have no idea what — shifted for her, and suddenly everything I did was either wrong, or not good enough. Like that night at her house, she would throw out some ridiculous assessment of what I was doing, then when she got a reaction, back off, and be ready to make up. Maybe that was how she rolled, and she was used to men sticking around in spite of that, but I wasn’t one of those guys. After a month of dealing with her hot and cold, I realized I was passively waiting on the relationship to come to its inevitable end, and wasn’t doing either of us any favors.

  When I agreed to do this whole matchmaking thing, it was with the goal in mind of finding someone I could settle down with, possibly forever. I wanted it to work with somebody, and that’s why I hadn’t pulled the trigger. The thought of going back to what I was doing before, bouncing from woman to woman, never keeping the same one longer than a few weeks… it didn’t appeal to me. So even after seeing and touching Tori, and coming to the conclusion I wasn’t nearly as over her as I thought, I still held on to the remnants of my relationship with Maya. I couldn’t let it fail, because where would I be then? Back at square one.

  I knew— unequivocally— that I wanted to be with Tori. However, she was happy where she was, and still working on unpacking her baggage. Besides, how many times did she need to tell me she was off-limits for a relationship before I believed it? I didn’t want to end a relationship with someone who wanted the same thing in pursuit of someone who insisted that for her, it wasn’t possible. Nevertheless,… I didn’t know if I could see myself with Maya for the next damned week, let alone forever. Not with the relationship in flux. We were going to decide on a certain set of expectations, stick to those, and move forward… or not.

  It was an odd time of day for Coral, so the front of the house was empty as the workers prepared for the next wave of customers. As always, I headed straight for the back to find Maya, and the thought popped in my head that maybe it wasn’t a good idea for us to have that conversation while she was at work. My head would probably be messed up for the rest of that day afterwards, and I was sure her experience would be similar. I had decided I could still treat her to lunch when I turned the corner and saw her leaning against the cold steel table of the wine room, giggling pretty damn hard at something the wine steward — Scott — was saying into her ear. They were looking very familiar with each other, and she seemed comfortable with the hand he had firmly planted on her ass as they continued their flirtation.

  I… didn’t give a shit. Not that much. The indifference is what sealed the deal for me. The strongest feeling I could pull up was gratitude that I’d felt too guilty to sleep with her after kissing Tori, so at the very least, I hadn’t recently shared with this guy, and that I’d had enough presence of mind to always use protection with her, even when she insisted it wasn’t necessary. That apathy let me know whatever existed between Maya and I had been kept long past its expiration date, and leaving aside what may or may not happen with Tori, I was walking out of this restaurant a single man.

  I cleared my throat, and tried not to laugh as Maya and Scott sprang apart. It was comical to see them standing there, trying to look like they weren’t caught in the middle of something inappropriate.

  “Avery… you’re back a day early.” Maya smoothed a hand over the front of her dress, keeping her eyes trained on me to avoid looking at Scott.

  I nodded, still keeping a slight frown on my face. “I am. Scott, my man, why don’t you give me a moment alone with Maya?”

  He glanced first at Maya for instruction.

  “Scott.” His eyes went wider. “I said give me a minute with Maya.” There wasn’t any hesitation the second time. As I stepped out of the way to allow him through, I caught a whiff of a familiar scent. My jaw tightened, and anger pricked my skin as I remembered where I’d smelled it before.

  “That night I showed up at your house… I asked if you were using new perfume. I guess I don’t have to ask the name of it now.”

  Maya held up her hands. “Avery, hold on a second, its no—”

  “Maya… don’t. Just don’t. When I got to your house, your ‘mom’ had just left, you didn’t have on any clothes, and your ‘moms’’ scent was all over you. I’m not stupid, Maya. Are you going to try to tell me there was a legitimate reason for you to be naked and smelling like that motherfucker at your house? No wonder you picked a fight, and were in such a hurry to get in the shower. Why didn’t you break up with me if it’s like that?”

  So much for indifference.

  “It wasn’t like that, Avery,” she huffed. “I went to him for comfort, because you were never around, and I knew it was because you were screwing around. Don’t try to act as if you’re all innocent, I know what the flowers, gifts, and all of that shit was about. You were trying to alleviate your guilt, and keep me under your little spell, but guess what? I’m not stupid either.”

  My face twisted into a scowl. “What the hell are you talking about? Guilt? I hadn’t done shit to feel guilty about! I was buying you nice things because I liked you, sending you flowers so you would know I was thinking about you, and because I felt bad for being so busy! So you know what, yeah, maybe it was guilt, but it didn’t have shit to do with me messing around.”

  “Yeah. Sure, Avery,” she said, rolling her eyes. “From day one, you were never giving it your all. Yeah, sure, you spent money on me, and threw me a little bit of your time, but I could tell you were holding back, so I held back too, thinking maybe we needed to give it a little longer. But here we are in month four, and do you even feel any more strongly about me than you did in month two?”

  She stopped, waiting for me to answer, but… I couldn’t. Had we arrived at a plateau at some point without me realizing it?

  “Yeah, exactly,” Maya said, crossing her arms as she continued. “Emotionally, you were giving me whatever is left over from whoever the hell it is you really want to be with.”

  “I was not cheating on you!”

  “Maybe not, Avery! Nevertheless, your attention certainly wasn’t undivided, no matter how much crap you bought for me to try to convince yourself otherwise. So yeah, I had a chance to make up for what you weren’t giving, and I took it. And I don’t feel bad.”

  I shook my head. “So instead of talking to me about this shit, you decided to cheat? Were you sleeping with us at the same time?”

  “We always use protection, so why does it matter?” she shrugged. “Besides, it’s not like you would have told the truth anyway. That night at the garage, when Nick walked in on us? I overheard you two talking, but there were little parts I missed. Still, I heard enough to know it wasn’t ‘just business stuff’, which is what you said. You were talking about another woman, and I knew something was off, but I thought it was insecurity. Even Tori reminded me I shouldn’t let my old st—” She stopped, narrowing her eyes and tilting her head to the side as if she’d realized something. “Tori. That’s who you were talking about. Tori. The way you reacted when she sent us those flowers, how uncomfortable those meetings after our dates were, how completely confused you seemed when she introduced us… the awkward little scene I walked in on, with you hugging her at your sister’s house… you’re in love with her aren’t you?”

  I scoffed. “Maya, that’s ridiculous.”

  “Uh-uh,” she laughed. “You look like a deer caught in headlights, I’m spot on. What the hell is wrong with you? Both of you? Hiring someone you’re in love with as your matchmaker?”

  “When I hired her, I wasn’t—”

  “Awww,” Maya said, interrupting with a sneer on her face. “You fell in love with the pretty matchmaker in the process? That is the silliest, corniest, rom
ance novel bullshit I’ve ever heard. I cannot believe you and that girl wasted my damned time! Get your ass out of my restaurant, okay?”

  “Maya…”

  “Bye Avery.”

  I raised my hand to my forehead, rubbing my temple with my thumb. Why was I fighting this? This was exactly what I wanted, and there wasn’t anything more to say. I turned to head out of the door, and as I was turning the corner Maya called out to me.

  “Avery!”

  “Yeah?” I stopped, and turned to see what she wanted.

  She put her hand on her hip as she pressed her lips together, struggling with what she wanted to say. “If you’re going to try to pursue Tori… good luck to you. And that’s not some passive-aggressive thing. I mean that.”

  “Uh.. Thanks.” I gave her a little nod, then turned.

  “And…” she said, causing me to stop in my tracks again. “Tell that bitch I want my money back.”

  — & —

  “Alright man, you gonna tell me what’s going on with you, or what?” Brandon leaned back in his bar chair, eyeing me across the table as he took a swig from his scotch. We shared similar tastes, in sports, food, liquor, and women, and he and I had become friends after he and his company worked as consultants on several smaller acquisition deals for Ignition. Naturally, when it was time to do the big deal, I called him. We’d been at the bar for hours, relaxing — or attempting to— after settling the last negotiations of our deal. This was something we always did, usually with Nick in tow.