Marriage and Mayhem

by Jeanne Glidewell

  “And Sheila,” I added.

  “What in heaven’s name is going on? Do you think there could be some potent, highly contagious virus going around?”

  “Could be. It’s certainly a possibility we should run by the medical staff tending to Bubba. I’m also wondering if something on the refreshment table is the culprit. There might be something all four of us ate, although I don’t recall having a sample of anything before the wedding.” Thinking back, I retraced my actions as well as I could. “Well, I did have a couple bites of the wedding cake this evening. Damn it! Now that I think about it, Sheila said she had a piece of it too before getting ill. That must be it. I’m sorry, Stone. I was really hungry.”

  “You certainly don’t have to apologize for being hungry, honey. I was thinking about cutting off a piece of it for myself, but changed my mind after looking at it.”

  “No doubt. After being butchered by the wedding guests, the cake now looks as if it stepped on an I.U.D. Seriously, Stone, I’m now worried there may be a whole slew of wedding guests who have fallen ill that we’re not even aware of. If it was the cake, I know there’s likely dozens of affected individuals. I’m so sorry I didn’t check―”

  “Check what, honey? How were you to know if the cake, or something on the refreshment table, wasn’t up to snuff? Relax, it’s not your fault.” Stone leaned over the tub and cradled me in his arms, his shirt soaking up the moisture from my wet skin. He finally released me and said, “Let’s get you dried off and tucked into bed. I know you are as worn out and on edge as I am. I’m just relieved you’re all right now.”

  Stone helped me out of the tub and handed me a towel. Standing behind me, he wrapped his arms around my towel-clad body and kissed the back of my neck. Tender moments like this made me realize how lucky I was to have found such a loving man to spend the rest of my life with.

  I thought back to that silly promise I’d made to him not to get involved in any more murder cases. Why my gut was telling me that foul play had been involved in Bubba’s condition, I can’t begin to tell you. But the feeling was there, and it was doing a number on my gut. Or was it that damned cake? Now I found myself actually hoping it was the wedding cake. It’s awful, I thought, but not nearly as awful as being the result of foul play. How many wedding guests ate a slice after I foolishly shouted, “Let them eat cake!”?

  I needed to make some phone calls in the morning. I hated the thought that our guests may have contracted food poisoning at the wedding. That’s not a very thoughtful way to show appreciation for their presence at the wedding and the nice gifts they’d brought for the bride and groom. I had to remind myself it wasn’t my fault. I had no validated reason to believe the cake was contaminated.

  The very possibility horrified me, but I needed to step up to the plate and call a few people. Hazel and Orpha came to mind. I knew for a fact they’d both gobbled down big forkfuls of the cake while criticizing its appearance. Not that their criticism wasn’t right on target.

  “Should we have the cake tested?” Stone asked.

  “Huh?”

  “Like you, I wonder if it might be the common denominator in everyone’s sudden illness.”

  “I can hardly show up at a crime lab and ask them to test the cake as possible evidence,” I replied without thinking.

  “Crime lab?” Stone was clearly puzzled by my remark. “I was thinking we could take a sample to the hospital, and they might be able to see if it’s tainted somehow. You know, like with salmonella, for example. Salmonella is occasionally found in eggs, which is a common ingredient in cake. Either way, that cake needs to go. Want me to call Reverend Bob over to give it last rites?”

  “Wouldn’t hurt.” I chuckled, hoping he’d forgotten my earlier outburst. No such luck.

  “What were you talking about when you mentioned taking the cake to a crime lab?” Stone asked.

  “Oh, nothing. I was just babbling.” I knew my voice would give me away if my demeanor, which was like that of a cornered prison escapee, hadn’t already done the trick.

  “Lexie, are you harboring some hare-brained idea that someone deliberately tried to hurt Bubba?” Stone asked. “And maybe Raven?”

  “Don’t forget Sheila. And me, perhaps.” After my remarks, Stone gazed at me in silence. “That’s just it, Stone. I don’t believe in coincidences. As you said earlier, I think there must be a common denominator in all of this. Mine, fortunately, was short-lived. As was Sheila’s. Even Raven wasn’t affected to the degree Bubba was. And, yes, the common thread might be something as innocent as food poisoning. Or, even heat stroke. But what if it wasn’t so innocent? What if there’s a devil’s pitchfork in the knife rack?”

  “Huh?” Stone asked. “A what in the what?”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Not really. But I seriously doubt that―”

  “What if there’s something nefarious at play, and more and more victims are affected?” I cut Stone off, not wanting to be lectured about how ridiculous my suspicions were. Unfortunately, I’d only delayed the inevitable.

  “I know how your mind works, Lexie.” Stone spoke matter-of-factly, as if he were addressing a wayward child. “You automatically assume the worst, and―”

  “No, I don’t. I’m not assuming anything. I’m merely pointing out a viable potentiality.”

  Stone ignored my rebuttal. “I’ll admit there’s always the possibility of something unscrupulous having occurred. It’s just as possible that the sun will collide with the moon tomorrow.”

  “You don’t have to be sarcastic. I’m just worried and trying not to overlook anything. You know my motto has always been ‘leave no stone unturned’.” I felt as if I was defending myself in an interrogation room. “I have a right to be concerned about―”

  “I’m concerned, too, Lexie. I don’t want to rule out anything at this point, either, but let’s not go there quite yet. I don’t want to see you putting your life in danger, as you have an unhealthy habit of doing when you butt into matters of this sort.”

  “Hey!” I responded angrily because I was getting miffed now. It was the “butt into” part that really put a bucket of gravel in my craw. “That’s not fair. I’ve never ‘butted into’ a case. Furthermore, the police have found my help very instrumental in solving a number of murder cases, and you know it.”

  “And your ‘help’ almost got you killed every single time!” Stone’s voice rose and his amicable mood vanished like a mirage on the Sahara Desert. “Why do you think the doctor put me on blood pressure medicine?”

  “Because you pour enough salt on your food to melt an inch-thick layer of ice off the Brooklyn Bridge. That’s why!” I shouted.

  If I hadn’t felt a little light-headed and sick to my stomach, I would have stomped out of the room for effect. Instead, I plopped down on the edge of the bed. A tear rolled unchecked down my cheek. Stone never could stand to see me cry, and he caved in like a Florida sinkhole every single time. When he noticed the tear, he sat beside me and put his arms around me.

  “I’m sorry, honey. I was out of line, and I apologize. You’ve been remarkably effective at solving homicide cases.” Stone spoke soothingly as he caressed my back. I could tell his blood pressure was settling back down to a non-life-threatening level. “In fact, if this turns out to be an intentional assault on my godson, I promise I’ll give you my blessing to butt―I mean look―into it.”

  Those were words I’d never thought I’d hear my husband utter, and they nearly pushed me once again to the brink of passing out. I prayed his remark would turn out to be a moot point, because I wasn’t sure I had another murder investigation in me. Though his earlier comment had ticked me off, he wasn’t entirely wrong that I’d nearly gotten killed in every one of my quests to hunt down a killer. When I commit myself to something, I commit wholeheartedly. It’s just my nature.

  “Will you forgive me, honey?” Stone asked softly.

  “How could I not? I love you more than life itself. I’m
sorry, too.” I kissed him as he pulled me into his embrace. “I hate it when we fight.”

  Stone agreed, and with a suggestive wink, he added, “But I love it when we make up.”

  “Rain check?” I asked. “I wouldn’t want to upchuck a chunk of contaminated cake on you.”

  “Absolutely.” He gave an understanding smile, pulled back the covers, and tucked me into bed. He kissed my forehead and said with a chuckle, “And I wouldn’t want to fall asleep on you, my dear. I’ll be lucky if I don’t fall asleep standing up in the shower.”

  “Perhaps you should wait to shower until morning.”

  “I would if I didn’t feel like I’d spent the afternoon sifting through a trash dumpster. I’ll make it a quickie.”

  Stone walked into the bathroom for his short shower. A cold one? I wondered in amusement. I didn’t wonder for long, however, for I was nearly asleep when he climbed into bed beside me a few minutes later, in search of some much-needed rest.

  Little did I know at the time I’d soon be repeating Stone’s words to him, demanding he stand by his promise and give me his blessing to look into the situation regarding Bubba’s current condition.

  Twenty-Five

  I struggled to stay asleep that night, unable to wrap my head around the fact that Bubba’s life hung in the balance. I woke up on several occasions with my nightshirt clinging to my skin from excess perspiration. Just before daylight, I heard Stone ask in a sleepy voice, “You okay, honey? You’re flopping like a goldfish that’s jumped out of its bowl.”

  “Sorry. Just restless, I guess.”

  “Why don’t you take some melatonin so you can get some shut-eye?”

  Hours later, after I’d finally been able to fall asleep, I felt a warm hand on my shoulder, shaking me gently. I opened my eyes to see Stone looking down at me with obvious concern. I smiled at him, and asked, “Good morning. What time is it?”

  “Almost ten.”

  “Oh, no. I really overslept.”

  “I’m sure you needed the rest. Don’t worry. Everything’s been taken care of. Rapella whipped up some pancakes, eggs, and bacon for everyone.”

  “Bless her heart. I’m so glad she and Rip are here. When did you get up?”

  “Six-thirty. I’ve already been to the hospital and back. Bubba’s condition had not changed, and there were no indications it’d change any time soon. Andy is just now on his way back to the ranch. He was worried about Wendy being alone out there in the middle of nowhere.”

  “Good. I know Andy’s distraught, but he needs some rest, too. There’s not much either one of you can do to help Bubba, especially if either of you become incapacitated due to sleep deprivation.”

  “That’s basically what I told Andy when he insisted on staying overnight at the hospital. He stayed anyway.”

  “Glad you were finally able to persuade him to go home for a spell. So there have been no new updates from the medical staff whatsoever?”

  “Unfortunately, no. But Sam’s due in this afternoon. Hopefully, she’ll have something to share about her brother’s medical history that will prove to be useful.”

  “They finally got in touch with her?” I asked.

  “Yes. Thank goodness!”

  “Where had she been?”

  “New Hampshire.” Stone responded as if his answer would make perfect sense to me. It didn’t. Why would the girl up and travel to New Hampshire without telling anyone? Stone might as well have said Samantha suddenly decided to take a shuttle up to the space station.

  “What was Sam doing in New Hampshire?”

  “She made an unplanned trip there to care for an elderly aunt who’d fallen and broken a hip. You see, her best friend was concerned for Sam’s well-being, so she used the key she’d been given to enter Sam’s apartment. She searched for a clue as to where Sam might have gone, and when she found nothing, she became alarmed. She then notified the police, who finally tracked Sam at her aunt’s place. It seems Sam and Bubba’s aunt lives out in the middle of nowhere and Sam can’t get a signal on her phone. The elderly aunt doesn’t even have Internet service, according to Sam, which she said was like camping out on the moon.”

  “That’d be rough, but I’m just thankful she’s alive.” I exhaled dramatically. My emotional reaction was not lost on my husband. “I mean, I couldn’t imagine having something horrible happen to both siblings at the same time.”

  “Uh, yeah.” He appeared dubious. I’m sure finding Sam dead had never crossed Stone’s mind. I hoped he hadn’t read more into my response than just relief that the young lady had been located. Unfortunately, in an attempt to explain my reaction, I’d only made Stone’s skepticism amplify. “Why would you ever think she wouldn’t be found alive?”

  “You know I don’t believe in coincidences, and I was afraid that both Samantha and Bub―” I stopped suddenly. I had no desire to argue with Stone two days in a row. When I’d mentioned to Stone the previous evening that I suspected Sam’s absence may have been associated with Bubba’s sudden collapse at the wedding, my comment irritated him. Therefore, I’d been reluctant to revisit my suspicions with him—or anyone else, for that matter. Well, other than with Sheila, that is. It was physically impossible for me not to share my every thought and feeling with my best friend. She had chewed the suggestion over for a minute or two and then agreed with me the situation was too absurd to rule out foul play.

  “Yes. Go on.”

  “It’s just that Samantha and Bubba―” I began, only to once again stop short of finishing my thought.

  “Samantha and Bubba what?” Stone asked, clearly growing impatient.

  “Um, well, I―” I struggled to come up with a response, hoping that if I stalled long enough, Stone would drop the subject. But he was persistent.

  “What were you about to say about Samantha and Bubba?”

  “Nothing. Other than I hope her elderly aunt’s all right, but Bubba needs her more than the aunt does right now.”

  Stone gave me a look of doubt. I guess he knew me too well, which was not always a good thing. As my eyes grew misty, Stone relented. Rather than continue to push me, he pulled me into a hug, “Sam will arrive at the airport a little after two today. A Lyft driver will take her straight to the hospital.”

  “That’s great news.”

  Stone nodded. “I just hope she can help the medical staff determine what happened to Bubba.”

  “Yeah, me too.” I picked my eyeglasses up off my night stand and put them on. “I need to get up, get dressed, and fix myself some toast.”

  “Fine, just don’t burn down the inn in the process.” Stone laughed, kissed me on the forehead, and stood up to leave. As he walked toward the bedroom door, he added, “The last piece of bread you toasted cost us over fifteen-hundred dollars in smoke damage repairs.”

  I threw my pillow, which hit the back of the door as it closed behind Stone. I could hear him chuckling all the way down the staircase.

  Samantha Slippknott-Sloppenbanger was a beauty. She would put most super models to shame; tall like her brother, and slender, with wavy, strawberry-blond hair that hung almost to her waistline. After giving her a few minutes to weep at Bubba’s bedside, the medical staff pulled her aside to gather his medical history.

  Sam reiterated to the doctors nearly everything Andy had already told them. Bubba had been mildly asthmatic as a teenager, had been diagnosed as a borderline diabetic, and was allergic to peanuts. The only new information she had to relate was that her older brother had recently developed an acute allergy to sulfur.

  “That is valuable information, ma’am,” the medical staff assured Samantha. “Being allergic to sulfur doesn’t necessarily mean Bubba is allergic to sulfa, otherwise known as sulfite sensitivity. Sulfa is found in many medications, including the antibiotic we’ve been giving your brother via his IV. So, just in case he’s allergic to sulfa as well as sulfur, we will suspend the infusion so we aren’t inadvertently worsening the problem. Allergies to sulfa, sulfur, and/
or sulfite are surprisingly common.”

  We all hung around the ICU, waiting to hear if Bubba improved after the antibiotic drip had been discontinued. When Bubba’s second night in the ICU drew to a close, he remained comatose, and his condition status was changed from serious to critical.

  “The next twenty-four hours will be vital,” Dr. Schnuck told us. Sam, Andy, Wendy, Stone, and I listened to the physician while holding our breaths. “If he makes it through the night, there’s a slight chance Mr. Slippknott might pull through this.”

  “That doesn’t sound very optimistic, doc,” Andy said with a catch in his voice. Stone put his arm around his nephew’s shoulders. I noticed tears running down Sam’s cheeks, and I reached over to embrace her, as well.

  “Sorry, folks,” the doctor replied. “I wish I could give you a more positive diagnosis. We’d hoped suspending the antibiotic would prove beneficial, but so far it hasn’t.”

  We huddled together and said a prayer on Bubba’s behalf before we departed the hospital that evening. There wasn’t a dry eye among us as we walked toward the exit. Sam sat in the back seat, directly behind me, and sniffled all the way home to the inn. I handed her the last few tissues in the box of Kleenex I’d found in the console. I needed to remember to put a new box in Stone’s truck, as I had a bad feeling we might all need them before this ordeal was over.

  Twenty-Six

  Although I found it difficult to fathom that the cake Chena provided was tainted in any way, either intentionally or accidentally, I decided to call Hazel and Orpha on Monday morning for confirmation. Both octogenarians were members of our church. They were known to gossip and occasionally stir up trouble amongst the Bible study group, but they could both be counted on when the chips were down.

  Orpha asked about Bubba and expressed concern for his well-being. She told me she had skipped lunch prior to the wedding ceremony and admitted to not only enjoying a first piece of the wedding cake, but another piece, as well. She assured me she’d only partaken in the second helping so as not to offend the bride and groom. “It did kind of look as if it was baked in some kid’s Easy Bake Oven, you know.”