Sisters of the Heart - 03 - Forgiven

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  The barn’s destruction made him feel loss similar to when his father passed away, after his long battle with cancer.

  Picking up a charred board, Katie examined the dark shadows marking the wood before easily breaking it in half. Blackened splinters sprinkled the ground and her skirts right before she loosened her grip and let the pieces fall to the ground. “I also see reminders of how I used to feel.” She turned to him, her vibrant blue eyes seeking his. “If it was an Amish teen who did this, then he or she must be feeling fairly terrible. I, personally, felt guilt for years for the lies I once told to both my English friends and my family.”

  “What are you sayin’? That you would have liked to have been caught?”

  “I’m not certain.” She shrugged. “But I do know that while we can break the past and try our best to toss it from our life, it’s not always that easy.” With a small smile, Katie opened her hands, revealing black stains on her fingertips. “Even after pushing away the damage, we’re still marked.”

  “Yes, but your hands can be washed.”

  “It’s not as easy to remove tough stains as one might think, Jonathan.” Stepping toward him again, Katie murmured, “For both your sake and the teen’s I am glad you are not going to simply drop what happened.”

  “And if we don’t find anything right away?”

  “I don’t want to go against the elders’ wishes, but maybe it wouldn’t be a bad thing to do a little guessing and questioning on your own. It’s your right, after all. This was your property.”

  “I don’t want to go against the Bishop.”

  “I wouldn’t want you to. But I don’t want to see you miserable either. I think it might be a mistake to assume that just because there is fresh wood in this place that the past can be erased.”

  “I’ll think on that.” There was so much to think about, his head was spinning.

  “In the meantime, perhaps it is time to come inside? There’re two girls who would love to spend some time with you.”

  He took her hand again and held it firmly as they walked away from the burned remains. Away from the doubts to the certainty of all that he had…a wife and two lovely daughters. A home and a place to go home to. That, indeed, gave him comfort.

  Chapter 6

  “So, tomorrow is the big day, right?” Sam asked when he entered Winnie’s hospital room. For once, he actually looked like he was coming from his job at the college. He held a thick leather satchel in his right hand and had on a blazer.

  “Yes. I am going home tomorrow. I am terribly anxious to leave.” Gesturing toward his fancy jacket, she said, “I guess you’ve been at work?”

  “Yep.” He made a face. “I had one meeting after the other. First with the department chair, then with a couple of prospective students who wanted to know more about the agriculture program. That’s why I couldn’t stay too long yesterday. I had a lot to prepare for.”

  “I understood.” She’d needed that time to herself anyway. She’d spent hours thinking about their relationship, struggling to remind herself that there was little between them other than a matter of convenience for a short time. Sam lived and worked near the hospital. She, Winnie, had just happened to be nearby for a time. After tomorrow, their friendship would fade away again, just like it had years before.

  That wasn’t a bad thing. No, it was just how things were.

  “I know you are a busy man.”

  “I hope you believed me when I said I had a lot of work to do. I really couldn’t get out of it.”

  She didn’t appreciate his tone. “I’m not a child, Samuel. Nor backward.” He winced but she couldn’t help but let him hear the displeasure in her voice. “I might not have gone to work in a college, but I still can understand responsibilities.”

  “I didn’t mean to act as if you didn’t.”

  Now she felt self-conscious. “I’m sorry. Sometimes my tongue runs away with me.”

  “Can we call a truce? I brought you something.” He held up a flat plastic box.

  Winnie played along. “Now what might that be?”

  He smiled broadly. “It’s a movie. Singin’ in the Rain.”

  “Singin’ in the Rain? I’ve never heard of such a thing. Most times we try to dodge the rain, not sing in it.”

  Looking almost boyish, Samuel popped open the box, then pulled out a silver disc. “You, Winnie Lundy, are in for a treat. People say that Singin’ in the Rain is the best musical of all time.”

  She wasn’t even sure what exactly a musical was. But still, seeing a movie was indeed a treat, and one she would likely be grateful for in the years to come. “Plug it in, then.”

  He chuckled. “Say, play the movie, Samuel.”

  She obediently complied. “Play, Samuel.”

  Just as he inserted the disc into the player, Nurse Brenda came in with a bowl of popcorn. “Here’s your movie treat,” she said, beaming.

  “Oh, danke! I do love popcorn!”

  “Have a good time, you two,” the nurse said as she walked back out the door.

  Holding the bowl in her lap, Winnie smiled. “That was nice of her.”

  “It was. I asked her to pop up some in the microwave for us. Can’t watch a movie without that.”

  Winnie couldn’t help but stare at the contents in the bowl with a new distrust. “I’ve never had microwave popcorn. Is it safe?”

  Humor filled his hazel eyes. “As safe as watching a movie, Winnie.”

  And with that, he pressed play, sat in the chair next to her, and grabbed a handful of popcorn just as a tall man in funny old-fashioned clothes started talking about being a movie star.

  Winnie couldn’t help it, she was enchanted. She’d only seen a few other movies, and those had been with an English friend back when she was eight. Never had she seen a movie with such singing and dancing!

  She found herself munching the popcorn and sharing smile after smile with Sam, laughing at the blonde’s voice. Every so often, she’d ask Samuel a question about the movie’s plot or characters. He answered each one like they weren’t silly at all.

  And when their hands touched while grabbing a handful of popcorn, Winnie pretended not to notice how much even such a simple touch affected her.

  All she knew, was that long after Gene Kelly and Debbie Reynolds looked into each other’s eyes and kissed, long after Sam had put the movie back in the case and departed, long after the smell of popcorn was replaced by the scent of antiseptic…she still remembered exactly what it had felt like to be completely happy in Samuel Miller’s company.

  “I am very grateful for all of your help these last few days,” Winnie said to Brenda the following morning. “I have much appreciated all you’ve done for me.”

  “It was no bother.”

  “I’m sure it was. When I first got here, I was in sad shape.”

  “You certainly are doing much better now, I’m pleased to say.” Brenda briskly moved around the room in her squeaky sparkling white tennis shoes, picking up cards and rearranging items quickly and efficiently. “I’ve liked getting to know you and learning more about your kind. You’re my first Amish patient, you know.”

  Winnie would have taken a bit of exception to Brenda’s phrasing of “her kind” except that now she knew Brenda well enough to understand what she meant. During the five years that she’d worked at the hospital, Brenda had told her about patients from many different countries that visited. She loved learning about different cultures and traditions.

  As Brenda watched Winnie carefully smooth her dress’s fabric around her waist, she frowned. “Don’t these pins that hold your dress together ever stick you?”

  Winnie chuckled at the question. “Not yet. You learn as a young girl to fasten them carefully.”

  “Your hair looks all neat and tidy.”

  “I’m glad of that. It’s felt like a mess of tangles.”

  “It’s pretty. Why, it’s the silkiest hair I’ve ever braided. Long, too.”

  “I told you we don�
��t cut our hair.”

  “Well, you look fetching now that it’s neat and tidy under your kapp.”

  “Brenda, you sound almost Amish!”

  “Danke!”

  “Oh, Brenda, I will miss you.” Impulsively, Winnie hugged her nurse, who looked at first taken aback by the burst of emotion, then a little teary-eyed.

  “Don’t forget to take care of yourself, you hear? The burns are out of the danger zone, but the skin will be tender.” Waving a finger, she added, “And go easy on that foot. There’s a big difference between sitting around here and hopping around at home.”

  “I don’t think I could get much done, even if I wanted to.” Gingerly, she got into the wheelchair the orderly held for her. Brenda was about to hand over her bag full of belongings when Sam and Eli bolted through the door.

  “Are we late, Win?” Eli asked, his face red and splotchy.

  “Almost. What took you two so long?”

  Sam held up a hand. “Don’t let him lay a bit of this blame on me. I was at his house early this morning but he wasn’t ready.”

  “Cow has colic.”

  Brenda wrinkled her nose. “You’re talking about a real cow, right? Like one that says ‘moo’?”

  Instead of looking abashed, Eli seemed anxious to share his story. “Oh, you bet. She’s better now, but it was touch and go for a time.”

  “She’s a stubborn heifer, that’s for sure.” Sam chuckled. “She’s worse than a child about taking her medicine.”

  Eli grimaced. “Far worse. She kept stomping her hooves and bellowing every time Caleb ventured near.” Sharing a look with his brother, he added, “Though now that I think about it, I don’t think Caleb was too sad about that.”

  “He wouldn’t be,” Sam stated. “He’s a master of dodging chores.”

  “Like you would know,” Eli retorted.

  Winnie held a hand up in protest. “Stop, you two! You’re here now, so that’s all that matters.”

  “That’s right,” Brenda added with a grin. “All that matters is you’re here for Winnie’s big departure.”

  “Jah, and I’m ready, too.”

  To her surprise, Sam crouched right down next to her, bringing with him a sharp, clean, heady scent that she couldn’t ignore. “You look ready. It’s good we didn’t wait a moment longer.”

  She had no desire to look anywhere but at him. Feeling like a teenager, especially with Brenda watching with interest, she fought off the flutter of nerves that were threatening her composure. “Yes. I would have flown the coop and you two would have had to search the countryside for me.”

  “I don’t think you would’ve gotten very far, hopping on one foot.” Eli frowned at his brother. “Get up, Samuel. You’re blocking everyone’s way.”

  Slowly, Sam stood up. Then, their procession started forward. The orderly pushing her, Brenda walking by her side, Eli now holding her belongings…and Samuel keeping everyone company.

  Funny how he seemed to be the only person she was aware of.

  Winnie looked from Eli to Sam and tried to pretend that one of them didn’t affect her like Sam did. But the truth was that every time Sam Miller was in her presence, there seemed to not be enough air in the room. Her breath ran short, and her pulse raced a bit more than usual.

  Brenda winked her way. “Sam and Eli, I best remind you both that Winnie here needs to be treated like a lady of leisure.”

  “I’ll make sure of it,” Sam said.

  “What’s a lady of leisure?” Eli muttered.

  “A woman who sits around a lot,” Sam explained.

  “Ah.”

  As the orderly and Brenda bantered back and forth, Winnie met Sam’s gaze. “Thanks for driving me home today.”

  “It’s no problem. I am sorry I’m late.”

  “You’re not. I just got released.”

  Eli grunted. “There’s a lot of traffic today, Win. It’s going to be quite a while before we’re back home again.”

  She looked Sam’s way as they continued their way down the hall, its pungent antiseptic scent almost making her eyes water. “I hope we won’t ruin your whole day?”

  “You won’t. I decided to take a few days off from school. I have some vacation days coming.”

  Eli looked at his older brother fondly. “He’s going to help with the plowing and planting.”

  “Really?” Winnie looked from one brother to the other. Since she’d known the Millers, she’d never known Eli to ever ask for help or for Sam to come out and assist. “Is that the only reason?”

  “Eli also explained how Jonathan and Henry sometimes lend a hand, but there won’t be time with the Lundy barn needing to be rebuilt. And, well, Jonathan also told me that you’ve got a follow-up appointment in a few days’ time. When Katie said she was going to hire a sitter and a driver to accompany you, I thought I’d just stay out your way and take you then.”

  “That’s mighty nice of you. A most generous use of your vacation.”

  “It’s what I want to do.” He sighed. “Plus, well, Caleb’s been around less than usual. It’s starting to be that no one can count on him for anything. Eli told me that last night Caleb went out and didn’t show up until almost midnight. I’m beginning to really regret my parents’ long trip north, especially since it’s during Caleb’s rumspringa. He doesn’t always want to listen to his brothers.”

  “That will pass soon, I imagine.”

  Winnie felt a bubble burst inside of her. For a moment, there, she’d been sure Sam was staying nearby to see her. But, surely, his reasons were far better. After all, he’d left their community. She needed to remember that.

  Chapter 7

  “And then, of course, McClusky told everyone to behave themselves in his store. That caused a commotion, I tell ya,” Eli continued as Sam drove the three of them along the narrow, hilly lanes that made up the Amish community. After checking Winnie out from the hospital, they’d gone through a drive-thru for burgers, then started for the Lundy farm. And along the way, Eli had become a chatterbox, relaying neighborhood news with the exuberance of a gossipy maiden aunt.

  “You know how McClusky is,” Eli said, continuing. “Not much happens around here that he doesn’t know about.”

  “Uh-huh.” As Sam slowly curved the steering wheel right onto an unmarked street, he tried to remember who McClusky even was. But there was no use asking Eli to clarify things. Ever since they’d left the city and driven southwest toward the Amish communities, he’d become determined to fill Sam in on every momentous—and not so momentous—occasion that had happened over the last six months.

  There’d been quite a lot of occasions. Sam appreciated the update. Truly, he cared about the people in this area very much but, nevertheless, felt removed, as if the people Eli were speaking of were characters in a story.

  And though he’d been the one to leave, Sam felt uncomfortable about it. And a little guilty. He wasn’t part of the Amish community anymore. This place was based on close family ties and sacrifices. Their parents both worked hard to see all their children’s physical and emotional needs met. He felt selfish to have only thought of himself over the past couple of years.

  “Don’t forget to turn left at the Johnsons’ place,” Eli cautioned. “It’s the house with the three flowering pear trees, Samuel.”

  Quickly Sam tapped the breaks and veered left. When Eli started up again about the day the trees were planted, Sam peeked in the rearview mirror.

  Winnie was still sleeping. Her head listed to one side, her lips slightly parted. She looked peaceful.

  For much of the drive, she’d dozed off and on. Sam couldn’t help but glance her way every now and then. During his visits to her bedside, the two of them had begun to converse enough that he felt more comfortable with her than with any other woman of his acquaintance.

  Winnie wasn’t afraid to have opinions. She was smart, too, and he appreciated that. During their visits, she’d entertained him with stories about her friends and her new job at
the antique shop. But unlike Eli’s annoying chatter, Sam had been charmed. He enjoyed seeing the community through her eyes.

  Likewise, she seemed to enjoy hearing stories of his job and students, so much so that he wondered if she secretly wanted to continue her education.

  He fought a yawn as Eli prattled on. Oh, he enjoyed hearing about the community. And, he dearly loved his older brother. But sometimes Eli simply forgot that his life was far different. It was like Eli assumed Sam could step back into the community as if he’d never left. It wasn’t quite so easy. He’d changed. He was different—and in some ways maybe not for the better.

  Instead of the lifelong friends and relatives in Eli’s world, like Jonathan Lundy and Henry Brenneman, Sam’s circle of friends was far more wide and varied. Though he got along with them fine, some of their beliefs challenged all the things he’d held dear.

  In addition, while much of Eli’s activities revolved around the family’s needs, Sam’s focus remained steadily on himself and his work. He spent hours a day working on research grants, student curriculums, and developing new and innovative methods for growing. Some were fascinating and challenged his brain in all the ways he’d hoped they would back when he dreamed of learning everything he possibly could. Other problems felt so insurmountable that he longed for dull, everyday conversations like the ones he was having.

  None felt as personal as Eli’s struggles with Caleb.

  So why was his mind drifting?

  As he downshifted and passed a black buggy, he found himself looking for the driver the same as Eli, just in case they found a familiar face.

  Maybe he hadn’t changed as much as he thought.

  Ten minutes later, they pulled onto the Lundys’ driveway. When Sam saw the destruction of the barn, his mouth went dry. Next to the pretty white-board house, the blackness of the building was startling.

  He turned away from the damage just as Katie and her girls came out to greet them.