Sisters of the Heart - 03 - Forgiven

by Shelley Shepard Gray

  “Sure. Order in a couple of sandwiches and soda when you get time, okay?”

  “Italian club?”

  “Sure,” he replied as he wandered into the sanctity of his office.

  But it didn’t feel homey at all. Instead, it felt like it often did on Fridays, when he was anxious for the weekend to begin. The room felt small and confining. Dark and claustrophobic. Utilitarian and serviceable. Its lack of window made him feel like he was working in a glorified janitor’s closet.

  What was even more vexing was the idea that he’d been happy here for quite a while. Correction—he’d been trying to make himself happy here. But perhaps that had been like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole.

  He’d just sat down when the phone rang. Instead of waiting for Zach to screen the call, he picked it up himself. “Miller.”

  “Professor, I’m worried about my internship,” Andrew Thrust said in a rush. “No one’s contacted me yet.”

  “I’ll look into it. As far as I know, they haven’t made any decisions yet. I’ll call you next week.”

  “But what if they don’t accept me? I need this in the worst way.”

  “I know. Hang in there, Andrew. What’s meant to be will happen.”

  “Oh. Um, well thanks, Professor. You’re the best.”

  He’d just hung up when the phone rang again. Now he was feeling a little bit sorry for Zach. No wonder the guy was looking so ragged. “Miller.”

  But instead of another question or demand, it was the sweetest voice ever on the other end of the line. “Samuel?”

  “Winnie. Hi.” He didn’t even try to hide the concern he was feeling. “Is everything okay?”

  “Oh. Yes. I had just heard you left this morning. I um, wondered if you made it back all right. I hope you don’t mind my calling on the telephone.”

  “No. I don’t mind at all.” Actually, her concern made him smile for the first time all day. It had been a long time since anyone had worried about him and let him know it so transparently. It had been even longer since he’d felt so pleased that someone cared. “I just walked into my office a few minutes ago. The drive was not a problem at all. Where are you? I know you can’t be calling from home.”

  “I’m actually at the Brennemans’. Mrs. Brenneman was kind enough to let me help out at the inn today. I’m helping with some mending and ironing. It’s one of the few things I can do while sitting down.”

  “I’m glad you’re not alone.” He’d been coming to realize that Winnie was so self-sufficient, it was unlikely that she’d ever make an issue of being bored or lonely. But she still would feel those things.

  “I’m glad, too. I’d like to feel helpful and not a burden for a change.” After a long pause, she chuckled. “I’m sorry, it just occurred to me that you must be terribly busy, and here I am, chattering on about nothing. I’ll let you go.”

  He hadn’t thought she was chattering at all. And, in fact, he found the pleasant way she had about speaking calmed his nerves and lifted his spirits. It put everything in perspective. Just hearing her positive approach to responsibilities made him rethink the dozen things on his to-do list. Perhaps now he wouldn’t look at them as simply burdens, but opportunities. “I’m glad you called. Perhaps when I come back to help Jonathan with the barn we’ll see each other again.”

  “Oh, yes. When will that be?”

  “In a week or two, I’m thinking. But if Eli needs more help in the fields, I might come back sooner.”

  “I’m glad. Oh! I mean, it will be nice for Eli to have that help, you know.”

  How long had it been since he was around a woman who didn’t even try to hide her feelings? “I think it will be nice, too.”

  “Well…I best get going.”

  “Thanks for calling, Winnie. I’ll visit you when I go see Eli.”

  “Yes. Well, dats gut.”

  After he hung up, Sam found himself staring at the phone, and wishing that he was sitting across from Winnie instead of just being surprised to hear her voice.

  Her words were so full of expression. She had no need to hide her emotions. It made everyone else seem too guarded.

  He hoped she really was healing as well as she said she was.

  “Professor Miller,” Zach called out, bringing back reality. “Aaron Knight is on the phone. Can you meet with him now?”

  “Sure. Tell him to come on over.” He might as well do his best to adopt Winnie’s attitude and be thankful for his work. After all, it would keep him busy until he could see her again.

  Chapter 11

  “Were we just as boisterous and noisy during our singings?” Winnie whispered to Katie as they watched the crowd of teens congregate in the front of the Brenneman’s Bed and Breakfast. “I don’t remember being so rowdy, but maybe we were.”

  Katie grinned. “Oh, we were.”

  As one boy told a joke and the rest of the assemblage roared in laughter, Winnie frowned. “Truly? I seem to recall being more circumspect.”

  “You weren’t.” Loud laughter mixed with taunts and jokes as the kids went about building a bonfire that Henry was loosely supervising. Katie leaned closer to be heard. “However, I will admit that they seem to be gettin’ louder with every passing minute.”

  “Do they seem too loud?” Anna asked as she walked over to join them. Eyes dancing, she said, “They don’t seem bad, just like they’re having fun.” As one girl visibly flirted with a brown-haired boy, Anna chuckled. “It all looks pretty tame. When I think of the things I was doing at sixteen and seventeen, I feel like cringing. I wasn’t at friends’ houses either.”

  “Where did you spend your free time?” Winnie asked. Though Anna didn’t speak about her English life too often, Winnie enjoyed hearing stories about the things she did.

  “Anywhere there weren’t watching eyes. Friends’ cars. Movie theaters, parks.” Her eyes lit up. “Shopping malls. Oh, I loved to go shopping.”

  “These kids are doing that, too, sometimes you know. Remember, most have started their rumspringa,” Katie said.

  “I betcha kids are the same, no matter where they are,” Winnie mused. “I went to plenty of these singings and all I seem to remember is feeling the need to yell and laugh and be as loud as possible. Ach, what a time we had. I’d forgotten how special it was.”

  Anna frowned. “Now, here’s something I’ve been wanting to ask, but haven’t had the nerve. If it’s called a singing, how come I don’t hear any music?”

  “Oh, Anna. Sometimes people sing, but mostly singings are just an excuse to have a good time with everyone. In the fall, there are bonfires and hay rides. Winter brings sledding and ice skating in the moonlight. Spring and summer, long walks and picnics.”

  Anna shook her head. “It sounds like fun. It’s too bad more English teens aren’t as satisfied with such wholesome pursuits.”

  “Don’t let the clothes fool you,” Winnie warned. “These teens are feeling the same things any other teens in America are…restless.”

  Katie crossed her arms over her chest. “Which brings us to our reason for being here. Who do you think is our likely smoker?”

  Winnie scanned the crowd, but to her eye, no one looked any different than they usually did. “No telling by standing here. I suppose it’s time we all went out and mingled. We’ll only learn by asking questions.”

  Anna raised a brow. “And hope someone mentions setting fire to your barn?”

  “Try not to be that obvious,” Katie said before stepping down the stairs and joining a group. Within seconds, she was chatting up a storm with all the teenagers, looking for a moment no older than the teens surrounding her.

  “Boy, she’s good,” Winnie said.

  “That’s Katie. On the outside, she looks to be the easiest person in the world to know. So sweet and merry, too. I always pity the person who assumes there’s not much more to Katie than pretty cheeks and beautiful blue eyes.”

  Winnie chuckled. “I may not have her eyes, but I’ve got crutches
and an injury to play up. And you, Anna, have the best thing of all to discuss.”

  “What’s that?”

  “The most perfect topic in the world for a crowd of teenagers who ache to be in love—a wedding!”

  Anna beamed. “That’s right! I do.”

  They mixed in with the kids. Sure enough, the girls did enjoy speaking with Anna about wedding plans.

  Before they knew it, though, everyone was also interested in her past life. A few kids asked questions about high school and college, about malls and movies and things of the outside world.

  Anna answered readily, and then to Winnie’s amazement, she started talking about how she’d tried smoking when she was a teen.

  Winnie kept a sharp eye on everyone’s reactions. But no one seemed either particularly interested or surprised by Anna’s revelations. The girls just shrugged and asked instead about rumors they’d heard of people piercing their belly buttons.

  But then, just as they were about to give up their pitiful efforts of detective work, Winnie noticed one boy looking at Caleb Miller in alarm. It took a moment to place his name. He was quiet, somewhat shorter than most others, and usually stayed in the background during gatherings. But his strawberry blond hair triggered a memory and she knew at once who he was—David Hostetler.

  All Winnie knew about the family was that there were a great many kinner—eight or nine, and that Mr. Hostetler was terribly determined to embrace only old ways. He’d always seemed strict, too. Winnie had rarely seen him laugh or make jokes like her father often did.

  Just as she decided to walk over to see why David looked so ill at ease, two boys asked for more lemonade. Moments later, David was gone.

  David walked as quickly as he’d been able to the back field. As soon as he’d felt safe, he crouched down and tried to catch his breath, but it was hard, he was shaking so badly. Katie Lundy knew. She knew.

  Otherwise, there’s no way she’d have asked the questions she did.

  “David, are you okay?” Caleb Miller asked. “You raced out of the gathering so quick—like, I thought you were gonna get sick or something.”

  “I’m fine. I just had to be by myself for a second.”

  When Caleb’s eyes widened and he backed up a step, David fumbled over his words again. “I mean, I didn’t know anyone had seen me leave. But you can stay, if you want.”

  Around them, the earth smelled fresh and new. Freshly plowed. Alive and rich. Much of the dark rows looked the same as their farm. And because he knew just how hard it was to keep things looking good, David walked toward the edge of the land. Once safely on the side, they both sat down.

  “So, what’s wrong? You look like you saw a ghost.”

  “Nothin’s wrong. I just didn’t like how Katie was staring at me.”

  A line formed between Caleb’s brows. “Like how?”

  “Like she knew something bad about me.”

  “What would she know? And who cares anyway? All we’re doing is bein’ kids.”

  “No, this was different. I think she was staring at me because she thought I did something wrong.” With a sinking feeling, he was sure everything in his life was about to fall apart. “She’s going to go make up something to my father and I’m going to get punished.”

  “You need to stop worrying and get out more.” Caleb laughed. “Why were you staring at her anyway? I thought you liked Krista.”

  “Krista wasna paying attention to me. She’s all eyes for the older boys all of a sudden.”

  “Well, if Katie was looking our way, I bet it was because she remembered how I used to follow her around like a puppy. That’s my secret,” Caleb said, tucking his chin to his chest for a moment. “I used to fancy myself in love with her.”

  “She’s old.”

  “Jah, but she’s pretty.”

  “She’s a lot older.”

  Caleb shrugged. “Not that much. Anyway, I never thought anything would happen between me and her—I’m just saying that I used to have a little crush on her.”

  Taking a chance, David murmured, “I think she knows I’ve been smoking.”

  Caleb’s eyes widened. “Truly? Why do you think that?”

  “I saw…I saw her looking at me while Anna was talking about all that.”

  “About what?”

  He could hardly say the words. “About when, you know…the barn burnt down. The fire officials said it was from someone smoking. When she looked at me, it was like Katie Lundy knew I’d been doing something I wasn’t supposed to.” He swallowed hard, wanting to also tell Caleb about how she’d doctored his hands, but didn’t dare. If Caleb knew the truth about him, he’d tell on him, for sure.

  “Well, we know you weren’t the one who started the fire, so what does it matter?”

  “I’m afraid she’s going to say something to her husband or to my parents.”

  “That’s not too bad, is it?” Caleb shrugged. “Who cares if she did think you were smoking anyway? I know even my brother Eli tried it once or twice, and he’s practically perfect. I don’t know about Samuel, but I betcha he’s done all kinds of things out there among the English.”

  “You don’t know what would happen if my father found out. He’d be really mad.”

  “Hey? Why are you so worried? You stopped smoking anyhow. I heard you tellin’ the guys how you didn’t care about smoke rings no more.” He paused, looking at him more closely. “At least, I thought you stopped. Didn’t you?”

  “Sure I stopped.” Suddenly, he knew he had to ask for a favor. “Caleb, I stopped, but I still got the cigarettes and stuff. I don’t have a safe place to throw them out. Would you mind if I gave them to you?”

  Caleb lifted a hand in protest. “I don’t want all that. What am I gonna do with them?”

  “My daed hardly lets me go anywhere. And there’re eight kids in my house. I’m never alone. Not like you.” Thinking quickly, he said, “I was hopin’ that maybe if I gave you my lighter and pack of cigarettes you could get rid of them for me.”

  Caleb bit his lip. “I don’t know…”

  “I wouldn’t ask you if there was anyone else.” Oh, he was so ashamed. “But there isn’t. Would you take them from me? I could drop them over at your house tonight.”

  “Tonight?”

  “Yeah. Sometimes I sneak out.”

  “Then you get rid of it.”

  “You can’t just toss those things in a field or something. They’ve got to be gotten rid of somewhere away from here. Like McClusky’s store.”

  “I don’t know.”

  “It’s been weeks since I had any free time to go to McClusky’s. I’ve got no one else to ask, Caleb. Please say you’ll do this.”

  A strange look fell over Caleb’s face. “Sure,” he mumbled in a rush, his eyes now darting around like he was nervous to be seen with David. Uncomfortable. “Go ahead and give them to me.”

  “When? Later on tonight?” Thinking quickly, he said, “We can leave now and I’ll give you the lighter.”

  “No. By the time the singing’s over, my brothers will be looking for me.”

  David was so eager to get those things out of his life, he pushed a little more. “Tomorrow night?”

  “Ah. Yeah, sure.” Caleb stepped away. “I’m gonna go now.” A new look shone in his eyes. Worry and trepidation. Fear.

  “I guess I’m just acting crazy.” David tried to smile, but he knew it came out sickly. He’d pushed too hard and now Caleb distrusted him. “I’ll walk back to the party.”

  Caleb’s eyes cleared. “Okay.” Bumping his shoulder in a friendly way, Caleb added, “When we get back, I dare ya to go over and talk to Krista and her friends.”

  “She won’t want to talk to me.”

  “Sure she will. If you hadn’t been so worried about Katie Lundy looking at you, you would’ve seen her interest. Come on, why don’tcha? The singing’s almost over. If we wait much longer, we’ll have to wait a whole ’nother week to make plans.”

  “You go f
irst.”

  “All right. My daed said I could start using the courting buggy. I mean to use it for courting, too.”

  Their pace quickened as they walked toward the others.

  But though his pace was strong and purposeful, David still couldn’t stop shaking. He hadn’t liked how Katie Lundy had looked at him, and worse, he was scared to death of facing the reality of what he almost did. He’d almost admitted to Caleb that he’d been in her barn.

  Caleb nudged him. “Come on, don’t keep standing over here by the tree, looking like you’re trying to hold it up. There’re too many pretty girls over here to talk to. Let’s go see if they want to go walking with us.”

  “I’ll be there in a minute.”

  Suddenly Caleb looked worried. “Some are looking at us. Come on, David, I don’t wanna go over there by myself.”

  “I mean it, go ahead.”

  “I hope you figure things out soon,” he said over his shoulder in obvious disgust. “I’m going. If Krista goes out walkin’ with me, don’t be mad.”

  “I won’t.”

  Caleb didn’t wait another moment. Sure enough, he sauntered over to the girls, all full of smiles. Before long, one of them was walking by his side, gazing at him in happiness.

  Caleb had it so easy. He was good-looking and strong, and a whole year older. His family laughed, and he even had a brother who was smart, so smart he became a professor or something.

  David Hostetler was none of those things. His body didn’t seem to want to grow. He was flustered around girls.

  He hated his life at home.

  All he had was the ability to make smoke rings.

  And now he couldn’t ever tell another person about it.

  “You’re looking mighty dreamy-eyed, Anna,” Irene Brenneman said when she found her on the porch two evenings later.

  Anna started. “I’m sorry. My mind went wandering.”

  “Thinking about the wedding?”

  “Yes. And the fact that my parents will be coming to visit for two days.”

  To her surprise, Irene joined her on the top step, moving the bowl of sugar snap peas Anna was shelling. “I’m looking forward to getting to know your parents better, Anna. Each time they’ve visited, I’ve come to see a lot of them in you.”