Insight

by Deborah Raney

  “That was nice of him.”

  He frowned. “I’m parked about two blocks away. Why don’t you wait here?”

  “That’s okay,” she said. “I could use the exercise.”

  They started down the sidewalk, their frosty breaths mingling in the January air. “Here,” he said, reaching for her package. “Let me carry that for you… A painting?”

  She nodded and her mouth quirked into an odd smile. “It was an entry in the exhibition. The one my cow painting got honorable mention in.”

  Uh-oh. He’d walked right smack into that one. It was on the tip of his tongue to feign ignorance, but he thought better of it. Instead he tugged on her coat sleeve and stopped her, gently spinning her to face him on the sidewalk. “Olivia, I can explain…”

  “I’m waiting.”

  He put a hand on the small of her back and steered her out of the way as three loud-mouthed, baggy-jeaned teenagers passed them on the sidewalk in front of the parking lot.

  “The car’s right here,” he said. He clicked the remote and the lights on the rental car flashed.

  She gave him instructions to the sitter’s and they drove in silence, the city traffic matching the cacophony of his thoughts. Finally he blurted. “I bought your painting, Olivia.”

  “From who?”

  He cleared his throat. “From you, actually.”

  “What?”

  “It was in your house.”

  “I know that.” She loosened her seatbelt and swiveled in her seat to face him. “Do you think you could talk straight for just one minute?”

  He sighed and kept his eyes on the road. Might as well get this over with. “I bought your house. The painting came with it.”

  She sat, mouth gaping. “You did what?”

  “I asked your Realtor to do it anonymously if possible. Apparently that was easy since she had power of attorney.”

  “But why?”

  “I didn’t want you to have to see my name on the title… To have to deal with that knowledge. That seemed to be something you wanted to avoid.”

  “Oh, Reed… But why would you buy my house in the first place?”

  “I’ve thought about investing in rental property for a long time. When I was trying to think of some way to…to make things up to you, I realized that one of the things you were praying for was for your house to sell. It was…just something I could make happen. And,” he admitted, “That house was one of the only things keeping you here. For me to buy it made it easier for you to go. I…I think I needed to do that.”

  She listened without comment.

  “Does that make any sense at all?”

  “I think so,” she said. “But what about the painting? Why would you enter my—excuse me, your painting in the show?”

  “Because it’s good work, Liv. I know this juror, and I had a feeling you’d win. I figured you could probably use the prize money.” He grinned. “But I was hoping for a first-place award.”

  “You did all that for me?”

  “Olivia, I feel terrible about everything that’s happened. Some of it wasn’t my fault…nobody’s fault really. But some of it I brought on because I’m so miserably impatient. I had all kinds of people telling me that you needed time…to grieve, to adjust to a new life, to get through your pregnancy and get to know your baby. But I couldn’t help it. I fell in love with you.” He stared out the windshield. He’d told her that back in Hanover Falls, and the time hadn’t been right. He’d been pushing her. But now it felt proper.

  He couldn’t read her face in the dim light of the passing streetlamps. But he went on. It was high time they got everything out on the table. “I fell in love with you, Liv, and I was terrified you’d get away. As it was, I drove you away.”

  She reached to put a hand on his arm. “No, Reed. You didn’t do that. I…I think maybe God did.”

  Great. She thought it was divine intervention that took her away from him. “You want to explain that one?”

  “Turn left at this next street,” she pointed ahead. “It’s a couple miles.” She pushed her hair behind her ears and heaved a sigh. “I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. When we discovered that Derek was your donor, I…I thought it was God’s way of telling me that we weren’t supposed to be together. And in a way it was. But not for the reasons I thought. I had a lot of healing to do, Reed. When we met, the whole thing with Derek was so fresh. Not just being widowed, but coming to terms with the betrayal in my marriage. Getting used to the prospect of being a mom. Following Derek to a dinky town when I thought I was a big city girl…”

  He perked up at her phrasing. Did that mean she no longer felt that way?

  “Just so many things I was dealing with, Reed. It was too much to process…and then to have you thrown into the mix…” She smiled softly. “I’ve done some of the hard work of grieving this past couple of months…coming to terms with what I lost. It’s a long process, but I think I know myself better now. I’m starting to realize that it could have been so much worse.”

  He looked at her with a question, not understanding.

  “God gave Derek and me the gift of that last year together. It was a small glimpse of what we could have had if Derek had lived. I don’t suppose I’ll ever understand why he had to die before we had a chance to make up for lost time, but I’ve forgiven Derek—and God for taking him.”

  “I’m glad, Liv. I’m really glad.” But where do I fit into all this? he wondered. “But what about the whole transplant thing? Isn’t that—”

  She held up a hand. “I think…I think I put too much stock in that. Maybe I instinctively knew I needed to back away and I was looking for an excuse. But Reed, I’ve come to think maybe that, too, was a gift.”

  “How so?” He worked to keep the rising hope from his voice, but her next words tempered that hope.

  “It allowed me to back away from you, to go through the grieving I needed to do. To learn to stand on my own two feet—so I could take care of my son.” A slow smile blossomed on her face. “He’s so precious, Reed. I…I never knew it would be like this—” Her voice fractured.

  “I can’t wait to meet him. I’m happy for you, Liv. I really am.”

  “Oh, here.” She pointed ahead. Turn at that next light. We’re almost there.”

  Chapter 42

  Reed bent over the infant carrier on the floor in Mrs. Markham’s living room. Olivia’s heart warmed as he cooed at Jonathan, making a complete fool of himself. And endearing himself to her all over again.

  He turned to her with a gentle smile. “You did good, Liv. Really good.” He cupped a hand over the baby’s head, as though he were dispensing a blessing. “He’s awfully small.”

  “Oh, my. He’s gained four pounds since he was born.”

  “Really?” Reed went back to making faces at Jon while Olivia gathered the baby’s things from the sitter and bundled him into his snowsuit.

  Reed had insisted on taking them back to the apartment and she was grateful to avoid the train.

  The baby fussed most of the way home, so they didn’t talk much. “Do you want to come in?” Olivia asked, when they pulled into the apartment complex.

  “Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure.” And she was. She was having trouble remembering what it was that made her think she needed to get away from him so desperately back in the Falls.

  But she wasn’t the same person she’d been back then and she knew he wasn’t either.

  She fixed coffee and they sat at the kitchen table talking until late into the night, while Jon slept in the bedroom.

  “Are you happy, Liv?”

  She thought for a moment. “I’m…content. But I’ll be honest—life isn’t easy. I hate having to take the baby to the sitter every morning. I feel like I’ve missed so much already. And it terrifies me to think about bringing him up here.” She spread her arm to encompass the whole neighborhood. “I have some good neighbors, but the drugs and gangs are here too. I…I really wouldn’t ch
oose for my son to grow up here.”

  He gave her a skeptical smile. “But you did. You did choose for him to grow up here…when you left the Falls.”

  She thought about what he’d said. “I guess you’re right. I…I didn’t know what that choice meant at the time. …And I didn’t know who I was choosing it for.” She glanced toward the closed bedroom door, love for her son overwhelming her.

  “You could come back, you know.” Reed’s grin was teasing, but his eyes said he meant more, and the spark in them ignited the remembrance of what it had felt like to kiss him.

  “Come back to what?” she said, dropping her head. “My job is here now, my—” She’d started to rattle off a list, but there was nothing else to add. Her job was in Chicago. It was what she was talented at, and she liked the people she worked with. But that was all. She didn’t know anyone yet in the church she was attending. And she’d grown away from most of her friends now that she had a baby to come home to every night.

  When she thought of home now, she thought of Hanover Falls, Missouri, a tiny hick town where the sidewalks rolled up at dusk and everybody got in everybody else’s business because they truly cared.

  And she thought of the man sitting here at her kitchen table. She felt his eyes on her now and she looked up to meet their blue, blue depths.

  And all she saw there was love.

  “Come back to what?” she said again, feeling as if she’d just leaped off a cliff.

  “To me, Liv. Come back to me.”

  “Reed, I—”

  He held up a hand. “When you’re ready. When the time is right.” He pointed heavenward. “When His time is right.” A crooked smile lit his face and he reached across the table and covered her hand with his. “But when it is time, I happen to know of a great job opening. And a house for rent—dirt cheap—with wide sidewalks for tricycles, and a big back yard with room for a kitten or two…”

  Epilogue

  Two years later…

  “Ouch!” A sharp pain shot through Reed’s heel and he grabbed his foot, hopping on the other one, waiting for the pain to subside. Gritting his teeth, he looked down at the sharp-edged building block. “Jonathan!”

  The pitter patter of little bare feet preceded the tow-headed boy who backed down the three shallow steps into the studio wearing a winsome smile that made it hard for Reed to stay mad.

  “S’up Daddy?”

  “What’s up? I’ll tell you what’s up, buddy.” He scooped the sturdy little boy into his arms and blew raspberries on his round tummy. Still holding Jon, Reed knelt to pick up the offending block, and prop Jon on his knee. “Did you leave your toys in Daddy’s studio again?”

  “I sorry, Daddy.”

  How on earth were they ever going to discipline this child when God had built that smile into him?

  Olivia appeared in the doorway. “Jon, pick up your toys.”

  “I not do it.” Jonathan shook his head, his expression comically serious. “Tiger Two do it.”

  Reed thrust his tongue into his cheek to keep from smiling. He didn’t dare look at his wife, knowing one smirk from her and he’d bust out laughing. He looked instead to the window sill where a tiger-striped cat sat basking innocently in the sun. Named after the Tiger that Reed had redeemed for Olivia—and who still lived happily with the Merediths a few streets over—Tiger Two was the spitting image of his namesake. Reed set Jonathan on his feet, still kneeling in front of him. “So you’re telling me that cat”—he pointed—“left this block on the floor?”

  “Uh-huh.” Jon nodded solemnly, then pointed to the floor under an easel where another block hid. “He do dat one too.”

  Olivia lost it, but at least she had the decency to step back into the kitchen with her giggles. Or waddle back into the kitchen was more like it. Her due date was only three weeks away and despite her complaints about her figure, Reed loved the way his wife looked pregnant.

  He knew she was thrilled to be giving him a son of his own. They’d settled on his name just last night. Their son would be called Parker Reed Vincent. Reed could hardly wait to meet him, but he couldn’t imagine how he’d love this baby any more than he loved their little Jonathan. This boy had won Reed’s heart from his mother’s womb, and though he was not Reed’s flesh and blood, he felt like he’d earned the title of “Daddy” even before he’d finally convinced Olivia to marry him.

  Oh, that woman. She had turned his world upside down in a dozen wonderful ways, and brought a boatload of crazy into his quiet house—including the builders who were hammering away right now on the other end of the house, adding on a new master suite and nursery to a home that had quickly grown too small. But now it was a home. No longer just a house. Just his studio. Now this space overflowed with love and laughter and everything he’d ever longed for before he even knew what love could be.

  “Tell you what, buddy?” He set Jon on his feet. “Since Tiger Two is sleeping right now, would you be a big helper and look all around the floor for more blocks so Daddy doesn’t hurt his foot again?”

  “I kiss it.” Jon folded himself in half and bent to kiss Reed’s big toe—on the wrong foot.

  “Thank you, bud. All better now. But you still need to pick up your toys, okay?”

  “Okay!” He gave a little hop and toddled over to scoop up the block beneath the easel.

  “Don’t touch any of Daddy’s painting stuff, okay?”

  “I know.” Jon huffed and shook a pudgy finger in a comical imitation of Olivia. “I don’t touch anyfing!”

  And for a minute, Reed could imagine what this boy might sound like when he was a snarky teenager. He shook off the thought. If he could make time stop right now he would. A slow smile came. Olivia would have his head if he made time stop before this baby was born.

  He padded backwards up to the kitchen, keeping an eye on Jon in the sunken studio space below. Olivia was at the sink rinsing mixing bowls. “What are you up to, beautiful?” He came behind her, wrapping his arms around her—the only way he could get a good hug these days—and nuzzled her neck. “You smell good.”

  She laughed. “That’s eau de vanilla, silly. Or maybe eau de cinnamon? I’m trying to get some cookies in the freezer before I go to the hospital.”

  “Mmm… My favorite perfume.” He swept her hair aside and kissed the nape of her neck.

  She reached behind her, her hands still wet, and cradled his head. “I love you. Have I mentioned that before?”

  “Once or twice. Have I mentioned I love you back?”

  “I don’t think you have.” Her voice held that husky, flirty tone he loved.

  “Well, I do.” Love for Liv, for this life they had together, welled up inside of him until he wasn’t sure he could contain it all. And he didn’t dare speak.

  “We’re so blessed,” she whispered. And he knew she’d heard the emotion in his voice. “Oh!” She moved his hands to the mound of her belly. “Did you feel that?”

  Beneath his hands, their son rolled and stretched, pointy elbows or knees poking out as if to tell them he was ready to come out and play.

  “Isn’t it incredible?” Even after all these months, Olivia’s voice held awe. “Jon-jon, come here. Come quick.”

  He dropped the toys he held in each hand and scooted up the stairs on all fours. “What happen?”

  Olivia turned toward him and bent, placing his hands on her belly as she had Reed’s. “Feel that?”

  Reed felt the baby stretch again beneath his own hands. Perfect timing.

  Jon’s eyes grew big, then he scowled. “He punch me!”

  They dissolved in laughter, and Olivia turned to catch Reed’s eye with a look of pure love. “Things are fixing to get even crazier around here, babe.” Her expression was one of apology. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

  “Bring it on, baby.” He ran a finger down her nose and followed it with a kiss. “If this is crazy, bring it on.”

  Discussion Questions

  1. What do you perce
ive were the problems in Olivia and Derek Cline’s marriage? If you were a marriage counselor, what advice would you give them?

  2. Olivia did not want to move to Hanover Falls, but she agreed to do so for her husband’s sake, in spite of the fact that he’d been unfaithful to her. Do you think she made a wise decision?

  3. Olivia felt ambivalent about having a baby. But again, she chose to do so, mostly because it was what her husband wanted. Discuss Olivia’s choices in light of Paul’s teaching in Ephesians 5:21-33.

  4. Reed Vincent is going blind, and has many fears about how that will change his life. Have you ever imagined what it would be like to lose one of your senses? Which sense would you most fear losing—sight, hearing, smell, taste, or touch? How is your choice affected by your career or your gifts? (For example, a musician might fear losing the sense of hearing more than the sense of sight.) How would losing that sense change your life, and how do you think you might compensate for your loss?

  5. When Derek died, Olivia was faced with the decision to donate his organs, since he’d signed a donor card. How do you feel about organ donation? Have you discussed such a decision with your family, and have you signed a donor card? Why or why not?

  6. If your loved ones have chosen to be organ donors, would you want to know who the recipients of their organs were? How would it make you feel to receive a thank-you note from such a recipient? Would you want to meet that person? Do you think you’d feel resentful toward them, or grateful that your loved one’s death had provided the gift of life or health for another?

  7. Discuss how you might feel if you, like Reed, were an organ recipient, and were given a new lease on life because of an organ donation? How would you feel about knowing someone had to die in order that you might have a new chance at life? Would you want to learn more about the donor whose organs you received, or would you prefer for that person to remain anonymous? Why or why not?

  8. If you were in Olivia’s position, having discovered that you’d fallen in love with someone who had been a recipient of your loved one’s organs, what emotions do you think you’d feel? Do you think it would make your feelings for that person stronger, or would it be too “weird” for you to continue in a relationship with them?