This Is Now

by Maggie Gilbert

‘Jessica Carter you are under arrest for break and enter.’ He went on with a bunch of other stuff, but my brain went into shut-down at the word ‘arrest’. I’d been taken in before for questioning, sure, but about my brothers. I’d never been arrested. I’d never had handcuffs put on, and I couldn’t believe how much they hurt, digging into the bones of my wrists.

  This still didn’t make any sense. I hadn’t done anything. As far as I knew even my brothers hadn’t pulled off anything major lately.

  But as the detectives hauled me out of the café, my face flaming and streaked with helpless, humiliated furious tears, I did what my brothers had taught me. I shut my mouth and didn’t open it again, until, after a seemingly endless trip in the back of the cop car to the local station, they presented me to the Custody Officer and I had a chance to demand my phone call.

  And after I’d rung Brian and told him where I was, I shut my mouth again, and stayed that way. I didn’t give answers. I didn’t respond when they offered me coffee or asked if I needed the bathroom. And even though I badly wanted to, I didn’t open it even to ask the questions I so desperately wanted answers to.

  So much for thinking my life was shit and couldn’t get any worse. I guess I should have been more worried about the gods that messed with your whole future, rather than the ones who made waitresses drop plates or the coffee machine break down.

  Brian was there within an hour, and he had Allan Talbot, the lawyer, with him. Allan had successfully got my brothers out of trouble more times than I could count, so my relief at seeing Brian was nothing comparing to seeing who was with him. When I’d called Brian and told him I’d been arrested he’d strung together a torrent of filthy language worse than ever I’d heard from him, words I was going to have to look up online, even. Then he asked me about three questions, reminded me not to say anything and said he’d take care of it.

  I now took back every single mean thought I’d ever had about him. Obviously both my brothers meant it totally seriously, all that stuff about how I was their responsibility just because I was their sister.

  After that unbelievably long hour, it then seemed like only a couple of minutes before I was sitting with Allan as he explained to me what exactly I had been arrested for. I had to get him to repeat it, not because I didn’t understand, but because it just seemed totally unreal.

  ‘What the fuck is a cello?’ Brian asked, bewildered.

  Allan glanced at him. ‘A musical instrument.’

  ‘What, like a guitar?’

  I could have sworn I saw Allan’s mouth twitch, which might have been funny considering he was usually so poker-faced, but I couldn’t find any humour in this.

  ‘Sort of. But it’s a rare expensive one.’

  ‘It’s priceless,’ I said, my brain still struggling to comprehend that 1) someone had broken into Sebastien’s house and stolen his cello, amongst other things, and 2) that the police thought that someone was me.

  ‘Literally? Are you sure about that?’ Allan’s interest sharpened so quickly that I sat back in my chair. He was really a little scary when he did that. Glad he was on my side.

  ‘Yes, it’s a Stradivarius cello, one of only a few that doesn’t belong to a Museum. Sebastien told me it’s insured for about two million dollars.’

  ‘He told you that?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘When?’

  ‘I dunno exactly, ages ago.’

  ‘Huh.’ Allan opened a manila folder and flicked through sheets of paper. A page slid sideways and I tilted my head to read it, and couldn’t hide the horrified gasp that escaped me.

  ‘Bastards!’

  ‘What’s that?’ Allan tilted his head to look at what I was looking at.

  ‘Whoever did this trashed the house. Motherfuckers. That’s a Darry Ackles, how could someone do that?’ Again, I couldn’t control the tears that welled up in my eyes, and I wiped them angrily away with the back of my hand. I would not cry, it would make me look scared and weak. I was scared, though, was for sure.

  ‘What the fuck is a darihackles? You talk some weird shit.’ Brian looked at me as if wondering what planet I’d come from, and then glanced grim-faced at Allan. ‘It’s bad that the dude told her it was worth millions isn’t it?’

  ‘Actually, no. There is no way anyone could hope to fence that instrument. It’s unique. Priceless in your terms, Brian, essentially means worthless.’

  ‘Then why steal it?’

  Allan looked at me. ‘Exactly.’

  ‘So, Jessica, you didn’t break into your boyfriend’s house —’

  ‘Ex-boyfriend,’ I said. ‘We had a fight.’

  ‘Yes, of course,’ Allan said smoothly and I saw he’d known that. I realised he assumed I’d done it, too, and I tried not be bitter about that. I was a Carter, after all, so I guess it had been a reasonable assumption.

  ‘I didn’t do this.’

  ‘I can see that,’ Allan said, and I collapsed against the back of my chair in relief.

  ‘But you have to convince the police about that, not me.’

  ‘I don’t know why they think I did it.’

  ‘The police don’t seem to have a straight answer on that,’ Allan said drily. ‘But the thinking is that you either planned this whole thing and only hooked up with Sebastien Bell to get your brothers access to the house, or that this is a crime of passion and opportunity because he dumped you. Your friendly detective out there is leaning towards both being true.’

  ‘That’d be right. Prick.’ Brian grunted.

  ‘I can point out that thieves would normally target the obvious goods like the entertainment system. I assume it was a large, expensive system in a house like that. Did you ever see it, Jessica?’

  ‘Sure, they have a massive flat screen TV and the surround sound system is super, custom built, some fancy brand. They’re musicians, so I guess how it sounds matters to them.’

  ‘Was. The thieves, and I use that term very loosely, apparently didn’t think so, as they smashed it and a number of other expensive items.’

  Brian snorted. ‘Amateurs.’

  ‘Not helpful, Brian,’ Allan reprimanded my brother mildly, and Brian shrugged and scuffled his feet on the cold lino floor. ‘Sorry.’

  Allan looked at me and I hastily stopped goggling at my brother to return his gaze. ‘While obvious to anyone without an agenda that thieves would by preference take common high ticket items they could turn over quickly for a profit, and I can and will make this point very loudly out there, I can hardly use it as a defence.’

  ‘Will I go to jail?’

  ‘I hope not,’ Allan said, and my stomach curdled. That wasn’t exactly the answer I was looking for.

  Allan touched the back of my hand lightly.

  ‘There’s no use telling you pretty lies, OK? They didn’t have to arrest you to bring you in for questioning, so either they have some pretty compelling evidence or they’ve done this to try to spook you into giving your brothers up. I’m betting that detective out there with his hard-on every time the name Carter crops up thinks you are all in on this. And he thinks you’re the weak link.’

  Brian and I shared another look, remembering the time I slipped up and almost got Troy locked away. But I was younger then, and more easily intimidated.

  ‘I won’t. I mean, I’m not. I won’t tell them anything.’ I held my hands out, helplessly. ‘It’s so stupid, there’s nothing to tell them anyway. I don’t know anything about this.’

  ‘You can tell me if you do,’ Allan said. ‘I can use it to help you.’

  I shook my head. ‘No, I really have no clue.’

  ‘Brian?’

  ‘Nope. Haven’t heard a whisper. I made a few calls, nothing.’

  ‘Right. Let’s have a look at what we’ve got here. We’ll start with going over your movements today, Jessica.’

  ‘Jess,’ I said.

  Allan smiled, and for the first time looked like an actual ordinary guy. I smiled back, I couldn’t help it, he had that
kind of face.

  ‘OK, Jess. You were home all day until you went to work, is that right?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And your shift starts at 5.30?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Hmm, that doesn’t help us. Who else was home today?’

  ‘I think Mum was there for a while, but I left at lunchtime, so I don’t know for sure.’

  ‘You left at lunchtime? I thought you were at home all day?’

  Heat flooded my face, as though I’d been caught lying, as though I’d done something bad. I so wasn’t cut out for this.

  ‘Sorry, I got called into work early. One of the girls had to go home sick, she gets these awful migraines.’

  ‘Jess, I actually don’t care about your co-workers, I care about keeping you out of jail. You have to tell me everything in great detail, with great specificity, do you understand what that means?’

  ‘Yes, I’m not stupid.’

  ‘I know you’re not stupid, honey, but you’re also blatantly obviously not used to being a suspect. And while that is quite an amazing feat, considering, it’s not particularly helpful. Now, let’s start over. You were at home this morning until what time?’

  Allan took me over it almost minute by minute, asking me the weirdest questions, like, was there anyone with me when I got the call, how long did it take me to have my shower, how did I get to work, and did I have any receipts and did I delete my texts. When I told him I used a swipe pass on the bus and I only deleted texts when my phone was full he sat for long moment, his face completely unreadable again, while my heart thudded sickly in my chest. Then Allan looked at me, looked at Brian, and then back at me.

  ‘For fuck’s sakes,’ he said, and flung his pen down on his notepad. It bounced off and rolled across the table, until Brian shoved his elbow out to stop it. ‘Wait here,’ Allan added, and pushing his chair back with such force the legs screeched on the floor, making me jump, he got up and went out of the little office they’d put us in, slamming the door behind me.

  I looked at Brian.

  ‘Is that a bad sign or a good sign?’

  Brian, fiddling with the cigarette pack in his top pocket and eyeing the no smoking sign, shrugged.

  ‘We’ll find out.’

  ‘That’s helpful,’ I said thickly, choked up on tears again. I snuffled them back, not wanting to look like a wuss in front of my brother.

  Brian stared at me.

  ‘Half the time, people give themselves up to the cops because the cops know how to be patient, and everyone else hadn’t learnt that yet. Let Allan go do his thing. If he can’t sort this no one can.’

  Again, that didn’t make me feel any better about my prospects. Sitting there across the table from my nicotine-craving fidgeting brother, there was just no good place I could go in my own thoughts. If I wasn’t freaking out about being here, I was feeling sorry for myself about losing Sebastien, and now on top of that, I had the sick knowledge that he was going to really hate me because he’d think I’d broken into his house. He already knew I’d lied to him, and now he was going to think I’d doubly betrayed him, and stolen from him and trashed his house.

  With only such miserable thoughts and my silent brother for company, patience while I waited to find out my fate wasn’t exactly going to come easy.

  Chapter 25

  The next day, I got off the bus and started walking up the street to the café, paying a lot more attention to everything along the familiar route, now I knew I was free to enjoy it. And even better, likely to stay that way.

  I didn’t understand all the details, but basically I’d been unarrested and all charges dropped. Turns out I was making lattes when the break-in occurred at the Bells. The security company had records that showed when the alarm had been turned off, and a bunch of other stuff like some kids going past after school and seeing the front door open.

  When Allan was explaining everything, I’d mentioned I didn’t know the alarm code, and he’d given me that intense stare again. ‘Sounds more and more like your boyfriend’s done an insurance job,’ he’d said, but I’d shaken my head. Sebastien loved that cello. There’s no way he’d be involved. Allan had basically patted me on the head and told me I was naïve, and I’d let him get away with that. In some ways, after all, it was true. Despite how closely I was connected to people who viewed ownership of things in fairly flexible terms if they happened to want it, or thought they could get money for it, I really hadn’t had that much to do with the police. I didn’t want to repeat the experience ever again. Ever.

  And Allan had got me out of there, so I could take it from him. Who’d have thought that the knight riding to my rescue would turn out to be my brother, with a sharp lawyer in tow? Last night, Allan had been muttering about over-enthusiastic detectives who didn’t check things before going off half-cocked and that he’d be making sure my arrest record was expunged and might even go after them on wrongful arrest charges. I just nodded a lot. By that time I was utterly shattered, my whole body aching, so fatigued I was having trouble not to slur my words, as though I was drunk. I’d do whatever Allan told me, but I didn’t have anything left to spend on worrying about it.

  I wasn’t in jail. That seemed like a miracle, and I was taking it as a sign not to give up. If the universe could throw me a lifeline like that, despite the crappy things I’d done, maybe I shouldn’t quit on myself, either.

  Maybe what I should do was dip into my savings for some tutoring. That help Sebastien had given me with my maths had really made a difference, and I could definitely do with the same kind of help in a couple of other subjects.

  And I surely owed Sebastien an apology. About twenty apologies. I just needed to find the guts to face him. But not yet, he’d still be too pissed and there’d be no way he’d even listen.

  I pushed open the door of the café and went in, my heart speeding up anxiously. My last shift had a rather awkward ending, to say the least.

  ‘Jess! Are you OK?’ Simone swarmed me in a hug. ‘I heard what happened, so awful, but I guess it’s all sorted now, just a misunderstanding?’

  ‘Yes, sure, it’s all fine now,’ I said, wondering why she was practically yelling. There weren’t that many customers in yet, but still. ‘And hey, how are you? How’s your head?’

  ‘Oh I’m OK,’ Simone said, but she didn’t look it, the skin all tight around her eyes, dark circles underneath. She looked like she was hungover, or someone had punched her a few times.

  ‘Why aren’t you at home sleeping?’

  ‘Well, I, ah, they called me in,’ Simone said, and her eyes slid away from mine. My heart rate bumped up another notch. I hoped I wasn’t in trouble. Of course I hadn’t expected everything to go on like nothing happened, I knew I’d have some explaining to do, but the way Simone was acting turned the pit of my stomach to ice.

  ‘Jess, come on into the office for a moment.’ Seth, the manager, popped out of the storeroom. I walked reluctantly through the café and followed Seth into the tiny corner space that had the misleadingly grand title of office simply because it had an actual door and the computer was in there. Seth picked an envelope up off the desk and turned all in one motion. I didn’t have to ask what it was. I knew.

  ‘I’m sorry Jess. You’re a really good worker, but the bosses heard about what happened yesterday and they won’t have that. I’m afraid they’re letting you go.’

  ‘Firing me, you mean,’ I said hoarsely.

  Seth nodded and pressed the envelope into my hand. ‘Yes, that’s what it is. I tried to talk them out of it.’

  ‘Did you?’

  ‘Yes, of course. Like I said you’re a good worker, and I knew it had to be a mistake. If you were a thief I’d have known about it long before this. Plenty of opportunities here.’

  ‘I guess,’ I said. I looked down at the yellow envelope in my hand, but my eyes were too blurry to make out the writing. My lips were numb.

  ‘There’s everything owing to you in there. Today’s shift too
.’

  ‘So I can work today?’

  Seth shook his head regretfully. ‘No. But I couldn’t get hold of you on the mobile, so I included today’s pay.’

  I knew there hadn’t been any missed calls on my phone. I checked it obsessively, still pathetically hopeful that Sebastien might call me. So I knew Seth hadn’t tried to call me. He was just being nice. My head was tight with bottled up tears but I didn’t want to cry. I’d done enough of that. It was time to put the big girl panties on.

  ‘Thanks Seth. You shouldn’t have, but I can use the money, so, yeah. Thanks.’

  ‘You’re welcome. I’m sorry to see you go. I was planning on offering you more hours, and now I’ll have to start looking for someone else. You’ll be tough to replace.’

  I blinked furiously and nodded, and found a smile, but when Seth pulled me in for an unexpected hug, I came very close to losing it. Big time. I didn’t want to repay Seth by dribbling snot and tears all over him, so I kept it together, and thanked him again.

  But I was so close to losing control that after I grabbed the few items I kept out the back, I just kept going, and left out through the back door into the alley. I knew if I had to endure more farewell hugs I would end up howling like the dogs in our street on a full moon, and I couldn’t do that. I wouldn’t.

  As I made my way back to the bus stop I had trouble believing what had just happened. The last few days had been like a rollercoaster in some hell amusement park from a Stephen King novel.

  I may not have been loving my life, obviously, or I wouldn’t still be trying to find ways of changing it, but it had at least plodded along on a predictable path.

  In less than forty eight hours I’d lost two guys I cared about, been arrested and been fired. I tried not to let my dazed brain fret over what to do next. I didn’t have the energy to try to figure it out just then, and I didn’t want to even start thinking about looking for another job.

  But I guessed I wouldn’t be hiring a tutor after all. I needed to save my money now that I wasn’t working. I should go get the paper or go to the library to get online and look on SEEK. But I was just too tired. I’d let myself have a pass just this one day. Tomorrow, I could start the job hunt.